Sticky situation help long post

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

My friend ( i use that term loosely) decided to forgo a birthday party for her dd my dd's best friend and instead go to the American Girl Place for dinner. She asked us to come along (in front of my dd) I agreed knowing I would need train fare, some spending money and my 2 girls have gift certs for AMerican Girl. I thought it would be fun. I get a message on the machine tonight that its $35.00 per person for dinner at the American Girl Cafe, she is doing the birthday pkg. I really did not intend on spending well over 100.00 for a late lunch that my girls probably
will not even eat. I already bught the girl a $40.00 GC for the store, I really am not cheap but I honestly thought this was an invitation. Would it be realy tacky if I agree to go, but tell her I can't afford dinner and that I will take my dds for pizza or some other cheaper option. I feel bad but I just cannot justify that kind of money for lunch. Any suggestions?

 

[momof2inPA]

Yes, I think that you can tell her it's out of your price range and you will see her there but have lunch somewhere else.

I personally think that if she invited you to attend a birthday lunch, she should pay for your daughter as her daughter's guest. But if she just mentioned they were going and that they would not mind you tagging along, then it's all up to you to decide what you want to spend there.

Maybe it would be better to just call off the meeting and see the little girl at home or school.

 

[chager]

WOW!! I can't believe she would expect you to pay to attend the girl's birthday dinner. I would just politely say you can't afford to pay that much money. I'm not familiar with this place but I'm thinking that is way expensive.
I know if I decided to purchase a birthday package it would be up to me to pay for the number of children coming. If a parent wanted to attend I may ask for them to cover their portion, but most likely I would just cover it too. A couple years ago my son was invited to attend a party at a local movie theater. We were not expected to pay anything. The birthday boys' parents bought all the tickets and extras. I offered popcorn money, but they refused it. They took 8 boys and paid for it all!
Actually I don't know too amny people that could afford to pay that much per person for a dinner. I'm not sure how old your children are but I'm guessing not teens since you said they most likely wouldn't eat much offered anyway. I would never pay that much for my 9yr old knowing he wouldn't eat it. I wish you luck in resolving this issue.

 

[Mishetta]

Wow! That's expensive!! My DH & I don't even spend that on us for dinner!! Just politely tell her that you didn't expect it to cost that much & you know your kids wouldn't eat that much so even though you'd love to meet them there, you'll be dining elsewhere.

Heck, for that amount of money (especially for kids), I'd be expecting Enrique Iglesias to sing to them in person!

"Me-Shay-Ta"

 

[kadaten]

Tacky, yes. Unheard of? Unfortunately not. I recently received an invitation to a shower (for someone I barely know, by the way) that stated "lunch will be $12.95 per person". Now, I thought it a little out of place to invite me to a shower for someone I barely know (we sit at the same table in a parenting group), but I guess I can understand because she has very few friends. But to be told to bring a gift (the only purpose of a shower) and have to pay my own way? I politely declined the invitation. (Oh, and this was a shower for her 3rd baby....all the same sex. So there was nothing she needed...) Growing up we were always taught you only had showers for your first baby, but I think that's a little restrictive. I completely see having a shower for your 2nd if it's a different sex (although I did not have one because we had everything we could need and I didn't feel right asking folks to buy things I didn't need). We were also taught that you always bring a present to parties, but should never expect guests to pay their own way. If only more people were brought up with good manners....

 

[mom2boys]

I would have to tell them that you didn't realize it was that expensive. We don't have American Girl Place around here - what are you getting for $35.

I agree with those who have said that party guests should not be expected to pay their own way. If the parents can't afford to pay for guests, then the AG thing should be a family thing. $40 GC is extremely generous in my book. But to have to pay $35 a head for a meal is outrageous.
Around here, parties are free to the guests - the birthday parents pay. Typically the kids around here have parties at laser tag, movies, ice skating rink, or bowling alley. They do have them at home too - one child with an Oct birthday has awesome halloween themed parties at home. Sleep overs are big too.

DS1 just attended a bowling party last weekend. The parents paid for the bowling/pizza/couple of video game token package for the kids - it's $15-$20 per head . On the way home DS2 announces - "hey he didn't give goodie bags" I made it clear that it was an honor to be invited to a party & that he had been provided with an afternoon of friends & fun and rattled off all that was included in the birthday package. I also made it clear that a goodie bag was not something to be expected. Oh - each gift also received a certificate for a free game of bowling.

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

You know it really is a tough position to be in. Our husbands are very close friends and our kids get on really well. But her and I have a very "forced" relationship, and this didn't surprise me. If my girls weren't so excited to go to the American Girl Place I would just bag the whole thing. But I thinkt the kids would have fun exploring together all the dolls and such. With that being said, I will not be doing the lunch! I just left her a message saying it was not in our budget. And I wasn't lying

Also I agree I would never invite someone to a party and present them with a bill I always have nice parties f or my kids, and would never dream of such a thing...weird