Sticky Cousin situation please help need advice.

[Mickeyistheman]

This might be a bit long and I have asked about this topic before.

But this is a new Year and I don't want to have this on my mind.

My cousin and her boyfriend have now been together for 5 years, this coming May 2008 will be 6. She has NEVER been faithful to him. He is younger than her and is madly in love with her spends thousands and thousands ( I am being serious) on her. He pays a majority of her bills, when she can't pay them and they do not live together.

We had a group of friends and most new about what my cousin did, but never said anything because my cousin pretty much said that if they ever broke up, we could not be friends with him because it wouldn't be right and we had to choose wisely.

So back in April my cousin and I had a falling out. She wanted me to sell Mary Kay and I really had no desire to sell it. I don't use it and really didn't have the time. Could I have used extra cash yes but it wasn't profitable for me. She got mad when I stopped selling it and going to the meetings.

I went away for work and before I left everything was fine. I come back and after a week I don't get a return phone call? Odd to me since we speak several times a day. I also called her boyfriend, because he and I are friends as well. When she goes out to cheat, I am with him...keeping him occupied so he won't go to her apartment.

I got sick and tired and told her that I don't want to lie to him anymore, its wrong and its not fair. She threated me and said she would make my life hell if I ever told him. So I didn't I left it alone.

I just feel that I need closure on this subject. So much was said about me and none of it was true. If her boyfriend knew any iota of what she has done, he would leave her.

I have nothing to lose, no one else from the Group is speaking to me, because my cousin lied to them and told them that because I didn't want to drink like they do I didn't want to hang around, which of course is not true and I can't even imagine what she told her boyfriend to make him not even return my phone call and he was also very rude to my mother as well.

Help me so I don't have to think about it anymore and have it on my mind.
Just to give you an idea of what he spends on her. One Christmas he spent over $7000 while on Christmas Eve, she spent it with her ex but made sure he was out in time for him to come over with all of her presents. Her parents know as well and they don't care.

 

[Darcy03231]

I'd mind my own business and stay out of it. I would make my own friends that have nothing to do with her and keep my life completely separate from hers. If your "friends" beleived her without talking to you about it then they really weren't your friends were they?

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Normally I'd say MYOB, but in this case I think the guy deserves to know. You also have to let him know your role in this (running interference to protect your cousin).

 

[WDSearcher]

Well, it kind of sounds like you helped enable some of this by keeping the boyfriend occupied while she was cheating on him and by lying for her. You should have stood up to her a long time ago. But now? I would think about the worst case scenario, and let that be your guide.

She's going to "make your life hell." You mean ... worse than it is now? What else can she do? Obviously, the rest of the people in "The Group" weren't your friends to start with or they wouldn't have let her sway them away without at least looking for your side of the story.

I get that you feel badly for the boyfriend, but what's happening to him is not your fault or your problem. He's an adult, she's his girlfriend, and it's up to him to deal with that. The only one you're responsible for here is you. I would walk away from all of them and let them come back to you once they've all figured out that she's been using and manipulating them all this time. And for goodness sake, stop being so scared of your cousin! Make other friends and let it go. The best way to make her shut up is to prove to her that your life is one life she does not control. Up until now, she's apparently always gotten her way. Maybe now is the time to strike out on your own and prove to her that she's not the center of the universe.

Seriously ... what is the worst that can happen?

JMO

Good luck

 

[Crankyshank]

I would stay out of it. Sounds to me like telling him would create a lot of drama and stress and there's a chance he might not believe you. Instead, just distance yourself from your cousin and live your life.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

What a situation! Well, I would stay out of it, too. I'm sorry if you lose your relationship with your cousin, but ask yourself, how good was it really if she threatens you?

 

[Luv2Scrap]

here's another thought.... if you really want him to know but don't want to be the one to tell him, can you anonomously get some evidence to him? sounds like lots of people know what's going on, so how would she know for sure it was you? just wait a little while until things die down, and then put a plan into action behind the scenes.....

 

[JR6ooo4]

If you want him as a friend tell him. Leave a message stating that you hope he is not forming an opinion of you based on heresay. (the cousin's lies/stories, whatever she said about you)

But a friend would not have covered up the cheating. You have work to do to get back to "friend" status.

Forget the cousin, Forever! Who needs family like that?

Mikeeee

 

[LisaNJ25]

hmm maybe an anonymous letter to her boyfriend or even pictures... ok...Im evil like that.


I do think he deserves to know.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

I have nothing to lose, but she is still talking about me behind my back about things that are not true.

Here is the other problem. Over the holidays it was difficult for our families because we could not be together due to this situation, not on my part but because she told her boyfriend he will not be speaking to myself or my family.

I am not scared of her, but she lies so well and I do feel bad for her boyfriend because he deserves to know, especially since she has been sleeping with so many other people. They had arguments before because he found phone #'s and text messages but she is such a great liar he believed her.

There were several times that I would purposely be at her apt. when she was brining someone back just so that she would get caught. She won't break up with him because his family is loaded, they have a very lucrative business and she knows he will do whatever she tells him.

 

[JR6ooo4]

By law if you witness a crime you must do something...

I think this falls very close to that category. Such a nice guy deserves better.

Mikeeee

 

[crzyred]

Run far, far away.

Sure tell the guy. But if he's idiot enough to continue to stick around that's his choice.

Your "friends" aren't friends if they don't even talk to you before forming judgments. As adults we know to gather information and make conclusions from that. Sure we don't always do that, but we still get information so that we know the truth.

You say you aren't scared of your cousin. Then why did you need to post here? If you aren't scared, tell him. Find a way to show him what's been happening.

If you cousin is telling lies, this just confirms my previous statement of RUN!

 

[C.Ann]

If he's that madly in love with her and so totally blind to what is going on, he's not going to believe you anyhow..

I would just walk away from the whole situation..

 

[CEDmom]

Your cousin sounds like a real prize . I bet her parents never said no to her growing up and she's treated like a princess.

Most of the time I advise people to stay out of these things but I think your cousins needs a good hard slap of reality.

I'd somehow figure out a way for her boyfriend to catch her cheating .

 

[4greatboys]

With cousins like that who needs enemies. I would tell her to take a hike. I certainly wouldnt put up with someone threatening me if I didnt do what they wanted. And honestly if she made me mad enough I would tell the BF. You need to lose her quick.

 

[momrek06]

We had a group of friends and most new about what my cousin did, but never said anything because my cousin pretty much said that if they ever broke up, we could not be friends with him because it wouldn't be right and we had to choose wisely.

I would have a GROUP meeting...call the Group together along with your cuz's BF (not cuz)....everyone knows (as you said) that cuz has been cheating on BF....let the Group tell him to his face that among all of you he is the ONLY one that does NOT know she is cheating on him and as been for awhile. I am going out on a limb here BUT if the cheating has been going on for as long as you say, I bet deep down inside that BF knows....he might not have all the details (that you can give him) but I bet he has some idea that cuz is not all that TRUE to him. While you are all together TRY TO CLEAR THE AIR with the Group. Good Luck, OP.

 

[SC Minnie]

I would put money on the fact that he already knows she is cheating. I would remove myself from this cousin and not think twice about it. She sounds toxic.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

She is a cousin by marriage not blood, so I no longer have ties or want ties to her.

But I do feel that her boyfriend needs to know. I thought about getting hard evidence before we had our "disagreement" I had gotten her cell phone that had all the text messages on it from the night before. I left it in his car. She was frantic looking for it. I was helping her look everywhere but there.

Unfortunately, she found it before he did and she deleted all of them.


Don't want to write a letter I am really past that and I think that is very highschool. This is quite serious and I think it should be done face to face so he knows that I am serious. I am just afraid that he won't talk to me.

 

[wilderness01]

Let it go. He will learn the truth evidentually. He won't believe you anyhow, so I would walk away with your head held high.

 

[C.Ann]

Don't want to write a letter I am really past that and I think that is very highschool. This is quite serious and I think it should be done face to face so he knows that I am serious. I am just afraid that he won't talk to me.

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I remember when you posted about this before and some of the things you said about what good friends you were with your cousins boyfriend..

I'm going to go way out on a limb here and ask you a question.. Do you have feelings for this guy yourself? It just seems to me that you are way more involved than you should - or need - to be..