Stepmom

[crashbb]

Yes, in some manner, I don't understand why she does not discuss this with her current husband, since it is there house and money and not my husbands, her ex.

Because he is your husband's son.

I see no problem with what she is doing. Why shouldn't your husband pay for half of his son's ring? Why shouldn't your husband be involved in a discussion about where/how his son should live?

 

[GinnyEmma]

I would also guess she is talking to her husband also.

 

[angel5809]

Eh, I don't really have a problem with that. My ex and I will sometimes discuss who is paying for what even though our dd is 20. She's in college and we're both helping to support her. Why do you have a problem with her talking with her kid's father about expenses?

I'd be more freaked out about the possibility of a huge menagerie moving in with me.

Well I guess the problem is my husband, her ex has been the one to help him out with college expenses and she has not, she has not, she always told him she does not have the money. This college ring cost between 500 and 1300 dollars. This is not a necessity. He just paid 3400 for a motorcycle that he wanted and does not even know how to ride it. He has a truck to drive. And to answer who ever, my husband is involved with his son's life. She did tell my husband that she had the money to buy it, but was hesitant because of the cost, and when he questioned the amount it would cost she choked! She never wants to pay for anything buy herself!!

 

[Hannathy]

I think the young man's mom is doing the right thing talking to dad. The boy is still in college. Not like he's married with children.

When you said adult children I thought you meant the son was like 30 and when he talked to his mom she had to call your DH and confer!

But for heavens sake he is only in college! His parents should still be involved in his life, to a certain extent.
A college ring is something a lot of guys want and is a usual expense, not required but a lot of families do. So I would guess she wanted your DH's feelings on it and would he contribute toward it before she made her decision.

He is your DH's son no matter how old he is and she is his Mother.

I would be more upset if my DH didn't want anything to do with his son that would send me packing, not a normal amount of involvement.

 

[tlbwriter]

When it comes to financial support, then obviously she and the father need to work together. Are there other things she's calling your husband about that don't require his input? Like, is she trying to get him to talk his son out of moving in with her?

 

[crashbb]

Well I guess the problem is my husband, her ex has been the one to help him out with college expenses and she has not, she has not, she always told him she does not have the money. This college ring cost between 500 and 1300 dollars. This is not a necessity. He just paid 3400 for a motorcycle that he wanted and does not even know how to ride it. He has a truck to drive. And to answer who ever, my husband is involved with his son's life. She did tell my husband that she had the money to buy it, but was hesitant because of the cost, and when he questioned the amount it would cost she choked! She never wants to pay for anything buy herself!!

If your husband doesn't want to pay for the ring (or part thereof) then he can say so. It still doesn't make his ex-wife wrong for calling to discuss it with him. She can then choose to either pay for it all herself, pay for none of it, or share the cost with their son.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Or they can both let the son know it is not going to happen. (the ring.). There isnt any reason she should have to pay by herself fir their kid.0

 

[DisneyChula]

Well I guess the problem is my husband, her ex has been the one to help him out with college expenses and she has not, she has not, she always told him she does not have the money. This college ring cost between 500 and 1300 dollars. This is not a necessity. He just paid 3400 for a motorcycle that he wanted and does not even know how to ride it. He has a truck to drive. And to answer who ever, my husband is involved with his son's life. She did tell my husband that she had the money to buy it, but was hesitant because of the cost, and when he questioned the amount it would cost she choked! She never wants to pay for anything buy herself!!

It is their child...just because it didn't work out and they both moved on does not mean one or the other assumes all or nothing when it comes financial responsibility.

 

[angel5809]

When it comes to financial support, then obviously she and the father need to work together. Are there other things she's calling your husband about that don't require his input? Like, is she trying to get him to talk his son out of moving in with her?

Yes, she said she did not have room and she said she does not like animals. She wanted to know why he could not move in with us or my husbands mom. He has a grandmother that is his birth dads mother that he sees every time he is in town and this son is 25.

 

[ccgirl]

Well I guess the problem is my husband, her ex has been the one to help him out with college expenses and she has not, she has not, she always told him she does not have the money. This college ring cost between 500 and 1300 dollars. This is not a necessity. He just paid 3400 for a motorcycle that he wanted and does not even know how to ride it. He has a truck to drive. And to answer who ever, my husband is involved with his son's life. She did tell my husband that she had the money to buy it, but was hesitant because of the cost, and when he questioned the amount it would cost she choked! She never wants to pay for anything buy herself!!

Guess what...there are two parents. They can discuss it. If your DH does not want to pay and is not legally obligated to pay he doesn't have to and can discuss this with his ex-wife, his son's mother. That is his problem, not yours.

Yes, in some manner, I don't understand why she does not discuss this with her current husband, since it is there house and money and not my husbands, her ex.

Because her current husband is not her son's father. Your DH is and always will be. You say it is their house and money and not your husband's but that is where you are wrong. It is still HIS SON! I believe you said the son was in college? What is the child support arrangement? Most continue throughout college.

I think it is important to remind yourself that the son was there before you were. The dad doesn't just end his obligations because he is married to you now.

 

[FredinFL]

Yes, in some manner, I don't understand why she does not discuss this with her current husband, since it is there house and money and not my husbands, her ex.

I'll second that because it's not current husband's kid. She could discuss it with the current husband, thusly"

Mom : He wants a class ring.
Stepdad: They are pretty expensive, see if Ex-hubby will chip in some money for it.

Mom: He wants to move in with the GF and menegarie.
Stepdad: Hell no.
Mom: But what am I supposed to tell him?
Stepdad: I don't know, he's not MY kid. Ask Ex-hubby.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ok, this is the first time that I have ever done this, but I need some input from someone. My husbands ex seems to feel that when there adult son goes to her and talks to her about certain things, that she has to turn around and get advice from him, even though she is remarried. I don't feel that she should be doing this. My husband in return feels like he should take it upon his self and talk with there son about these things for her. Is there anyone out there that can give me some advice about how to handle this?

Basically, this time it's about there son telling his mom that he wants her to buy him a college class ring and when he graduates, he wants him, girlfriend, 2 dogs, 2 cats and a snake to move in with her. He has not mentioned this to his dad, but his mom has took it upon herself to discuss this with his dad her ex, my husband, and she wants my ex to pay for half the ring.

Yes, in some manner, I don't understand why she does not discuss this with her current husband, since it is there house and money and not my husbands, her ex.

Well I guess the problem is my husband, her ex has been the one to help him out with college expenses and she has not, she has not, she always told him she does not have the money. This college ring cost between 500 and 1300 dollars. This is not a necessity. He just paid 3400 for a motorcycle that he wanted and does not even know how to ride it. He has a truck to drive. And to answer who ever, my husband is involved with his son's life. She did tell my husband that she had the money to buy it, but was hesitant because of the cost, and when he questioned the amount it would cost she choked! She never wants to pay for anything buy herself!!

1) It is OK for the ex to call and discuss son.

2) It is OK for your DH to either contribute money for the class ring, or to tell son he has to earn the money himself.

3) My advice to you is to stay out of it. Yes, it is annoying.

My oldest dd is a college sophomore. There are no ex's or stuff like that involved and it is still annoying, trust me.

If my dd wants a college ring, she is going to have to pay for it herself.

 

[angel5809]

Me either. They are his parents and always will be. Stay out of it because your husband obviously is going to deal with it. It's his child, his choice. You can always state your opinion but it seems like it's not a winning situation for you. I think the young man's mom is doing the right thing talking to dad. The boy is still in college. Not like he's married with children.

No he is not married yet, but he is living with his girlfriend and there 2 dogs, 2 cats and a snake. He is buying things that he does not need, so it boils down to what is more important to him. When he got his HS ring he only wore it for a short while. He is bad about losing things. He has had more cell phones because he loses them or drops them in water. He graduates this august. I have 2 adult children from my previous marriage and they are 27, when they discuss things to me I dont call my ex and talk to him about it. They do have a relationship with there dad as well. They both graduated from college and we both help them out with what we can, but it is our own business in what we each do. I dont think he wants to ask his dad since he knows that his dad is the one that has always helped him out in the past financially and not his mom, she just thinks that her ex needs to always be responsible for this.

 

[angel5809]

Guess what...there are two parents. They can discuss it. If your DH does not want to pay and is not legally obligated to pay he doesn't have to and can discuss this with his ex-wife, his son's mother. That is his problem, not yours.



Because her current husband is not her son's father. Your DH is and always will be. You say it is their house and money and not your husband's but that is where you are wrong. It is still HIS SON! I believe you said the son was in college? What is the child support arrangement? Most continue throughout college.

I think it is important to remind yourself that the son was there before you were. The dad doesn't just end his obligations because he is married to you now.

He married her when the boy was 3, he never adopted him, he does not have his name, he just helped raise him. There never were any child support arrangements for him because he is not leagally his dad!!!

 

[GinnyEmma]

No he is not married yet, but he is living with his girlfriend and there 2 dogs, 2 cats and a snake. He is buying things that he does not need, so it boils down to what is more important to him. When he got his HS ring he only wore it for a short while. He is bad about losing things. He has had more cell phones because he loses them or drops them in water. He graduates this august. I have 2 adult children from my previous marriage and they are 27, when they discuss things to me I dont call my ex and talk to him about it. They do have a relationship with there dad as well. They both graduated from college and we both help them out with what we can, but it is our own business in what we each do. I dont think he wants to ask his dad since he knows that his dad is the one that has always helped him out in the past financially and not his mom, she just thinks that her ex needs to always be responsible for this.

Obviously your husband feels it is important. So your issue is with him.

 

[angel5809]

I'll second that because it's not current husband's kid. She could discuss it with the current husband, thusly"

Mom : He wants a class ring.
Stepdad: They are pretty expensive, see if Ex-hubby will chip in some money for it.

Mom: He wants to move in with the GF and menegarie.
Stepdad: Hell no.
Mom: But what am I supposed to tell him?
Stepdad: I don't know, he's not MY kid. Ask Ex-hubby.

My husband is his first stepdad! He just raised him since he was 3, real dad did not want to be part of his life.

 

[ccgirl]

No he is not married yet, but he is living with his girlfriend and there 2 dogs, 2 cats and a snake. He is buying things that he does not need, so it boils down to what is more important to him. When he got his HS ring he only wore it for a short while. He is bad about losing things. He has had more cell phones because he loses them or drops them in water. He graduates this august. I have 2 adult children from my previous marriage and they are 27, when they discuss things to me I dont call my ex and talk to him about it. They do have a relationship with there dad as well. They both graduated from college and we both help them out with what we can, but it is our own business in what we each do. I dont think he wants to ask his dad since he knows that his dad is the one that has always helped him out in the past financially and not his mom, she just thinks that her ex needs to always be responsible for this.

When your children were still in college and were still both financially responsible did you talk to their father about financial concerns then? I wasn't aware being a parent ended at a certain age?

 

[lillygator]

I know where you are coming from and get what you are saying and this is a 25 year old....I really don't think the mother should be callign your dh (the ex) regarding anything. eta- well unless they have had prior arrangements regarding who is paying what..most 25 year olds are out of college by that point. And he should be the one talking to mom and dad anyway.

 

[RadioNate]

Basically, this time it's about there son telling his mom that he wants her to buy him a college class ring and when he graduates, he wants him, girlfriend, 2 dogs, 2 cats and a snake to move in with her. He has not mentioned this to his dad, but his mom has took it upon herself to discuss this with his dad her ex, my husband, and she wants my ex to pay for half the ring.

It's called co-parenting. He is your husband's son too. And frankly your DH should absolutely pay for 1/2 of HIS child's expenses if the child needs parental support. This isn't on mom alone.

Obviously needing a college ring is completely debatable (and I wouldn't pay for one) but that is between the parents and son.

The parents should absolutely discuss their child together. Sorry deal with it.

 

[DisneyChula]

My husband is his first stepdad! He just raised him since he was 3, real dad did not want to be part of his life.

All the more reason to be proud of your husband for stepping up and being a dad when he didn't need to be and not walking away just because the marraige didn't work out. He took on this commitment and I am assuming you knew this when you married him. I will say again - if you haven't already, you need to talk to your husband about the fact that this is bothering you.