Starting a family ... eek!

[lspst8]

My DH and I just decided that we are ready (well, as ready as you can be) to have a baby. We both want children, so the issue was more a timing issue than anything. It's pretty exciting, but I'm very nervous too. I'm assuming this is normal? I hope it is.

I bought some books on getting pregnant, including Taking Charge of Your Fertility that I've seen recommended here, but I think they only made my nerves worse. First, I worry that it will take forever to get pregnant and we will have to go thru all the testing and procedures. Then I worry that I'll get pregnant this month, and that seems so soon to me. And I keep seeing stories on the news about how after you turn 30, all your eggs start rapidly aging and dying (I'm 30 ... I don't feel old, but all the fertility articles and books make me sound old!)

It probably is just the uncertainty and lack of control that gets me. I'm a planner, and I feel like there is so little I can actually plan with having a baby. (I should mention that we set up savings accounts for my maternity leave and co-pays last year, so at least I'm not worrying about money.)

I really just wanted to vent. Any reassurance would be great too
Only one of my close friends has a child, so I don't really have anyone to talk to --- and my DH and I don't want to tell anyone that we are trying, because then that is all people will ask us about. I can only imagine --- we had someone ask us about kids they day after we got back home from out Vegas wedding this summer!

 

[Gabes_mommy]

Unfortunately there really is no way to predict if you'll have an easier time conceiving or if you will struggle.

What I can tell you is "trying" NEVER worked for me. I think it stressed me out too much and that caused me to not conceive.

If I were you I would not start charting (ala TCOYF). I charted for over a year and never conceived - I ended up having to get fertility treatments to conceive DS. I thinking charting puts a lot of pressure and expectation on the conception process with all the temping, ect.

I am pregnant now and I was not trying - it just happened. I also conceived without trying 2 years ago but sadly we lost that baby.

So relax and have fun with your DH and if that doesn't work maybe think about charting in 6 months or so.

ETA - Yes, it is totally normal to be nervous. This is a life changer for sure, but it is so worth it.

 

[Sonya]

How exciting! I remember when we decided and I would look up all this stuff I never new about being pregnant. It is exciting to think "could I be"? I hope you have an easy time. And have fun trying!

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Hello!

I'm 30 and not planning on conceiving for another year yet, but I've got friends who are going to be starting this year. I'm a biologists at heart, so I take this conception thing very seriously.

First off, you're not old. You're perfectly fine. My mom was 31 when she gave birth to me. Eggs don't just start rapidly dying after age thirty. Eggs die throughout your life. Unfortunately, you have a limited number and do not replenish them like other body cells. By the time you hit 35 a portion have been eliminated. Now that still means you've got a boatload of perfectly healthy eggs, it just means the percentage of those that were unhealthy to begin with (as a result of genetic mutation) goes up with respect to the whole.

Secondly, don't worry about having a hard time conceiving until you actually do. Think of how many years you worried about getting pregnant and took steps to prevent it. You took all those precautions because you were warned about the truth of the matter, that most people don't have issues conceiving.

Thirdly, loss of control. Whoo boy, I hear you there. I'm a total planner. DH doesn't want to even know when we're trying, meanwhile I'm planning a nice long vacation for nine months prior to my optimum time for giving birth. If I don't get pregnant right away, well, at least I'll have had a nice vacation!

Anyways, I think the point is you're not alone, but worrying about isn't going to help at all. Relax. Dare I say, hakuna matata? Stop reading all the self-help books. Everyone knows the worst thing you can do when you're sick is google your symptoms, it's the same thing with pregnancy.

 

[harleyquinn]

Seems like yesterday that I could have posted the same thing. We sound so similar.

My best advice is for the next 6 months (or less if if you get preggers) just enjoy trying to get pregnant. Try your best not to think too much about everything else (since you've already covered your bases).

After 6 months then you can start thinking (not worrying!!) about tracking your fertility. TCOYF is an amazing book, and it's important to understand the ins and outs of our reporductive systems, but don't let it scare you.

This is one of the most exciting and crazy and scary times in your life. Try to just sit back and let it happen. (HA!)

Best wishes and lost of Baby Dust!!

ETA: I turn 30 next month!

One more thing...being a parent is HARD!! Nothing can prepare you for how much your life will change. So enjoy every minute before your future LO arrives. Every single minute.

 

[laurie31]

I was 29 and 31 when my DDs were born. You're a perfect age!

I can SO relate to your post! We wanted kids, knew we'd be good parents, but the uncertainity is so scary!

Also...no one warned us about the psychological impact of switching from recreational to procreational...well, you know. Wow. What was once a fun time turned into a goal-oriented activity with measurable outcomes!


When TTC DD #1, we went totally over the top. I took cough syrup, DH wore only boxers, I stood on my head afterwards. Seriously. I have no idea if the standing on your head thing has any actual value, btw, but I had friends who swore by it.

I was so excited when I finally got the positive results! It was December 20th, and I rushed out to buy Christmas gifts for my 3 week old embryo! (I got her a gender-neutral winter coat for the next season, and a gender neutral Halloween costume at 75% off, which both girls ended up wearing for their first Halloween. LOL)

My birth plan was two typed pages! (and yes, they honored it, and I was happy with both my birth experiences. Even though DD#2 ended up as a stat C-section, they were able to honor most of my wishes, and were very considerate of us.)


Good luck to you! I'm sure you'll be a great mom!

 

[lspst8]

Oh good, I'm not crazy! I was pretty sure I wasn't, but I wanted to double check

One more thing...being a parent is HARD!! Nothing can prepare you for how much your life will change. So enjoy every minute before your future LO arrives. Every single minute.

My hairdresser tells me this every time I see her. She has 4 kids - the oldest is in college, and her youngest is in 2nd grade, so she knows her stuff! I told my husband we can eat out whenever we don't want to cook, because taking a baby to a restaurant looks harder than cooking at home!

Thirdly, loss of control. Whoo boy, I hear you there. I'm a total planner. DH doesn't want to even know when we're trying, meanwhile I'm planning a nice long vacation for nine months prior to my optimum time for giving birth. If I don't get pregnant right away, well, at least I'll have had a nice vacation!

I'm doing that now -- a nice long week in May in the Outer Banks!

 

[harleyquinn]

I told my husband we can eat out whenever we don't want to cook, because taking a baby to a restaurant looks harder than cooking at home!

Before yesterday I would have said:

Taking a baby to a restaurant is easy and a great way to get out of the house. They will flirt with everyone and be a joy to watch.

Yesterday we didn't actually make it to the restaurant. I won't scar you with the details! (I meant scar not scare too!)

 

[diznygirl]

Yup, loss of control. That's a biggie. As well as the need for a lot of patience. Cuz there is all that time trying to get pregnant, and then when you finally do it's another 9 months to baby (well, 10 - but who's really counting )

Anywho, good luck!!

 

[monkeybug]

My DH and I just decided that we are ready (well, as ready as you can be) to have a baby. We both want children, so the issue was more a timing issue than anything. It's pretty exciting, but I'm very nervous too. I'm assuming this is normal? I hope it is.

I bought some books on getting pregnant, including Taking Charge of Your Fertility that I've seen recommended here, but I think they only made my nerves worse. First, I worry that it will take forever to get pregnant and we will have to go thru all the testing and procedures. Then I worry that I'll get pregnant this month, and that seems so soon to me. And I keep seeing stories on the news about how after you turn 30, all your eggs start rapidly aging and dying (I'm 30 ... I don't feel old, but all the fertility articles and books make me sound old!)

It probably is just the uncertainty and lack of control that gets me. I'm a planner, and I feel like there is so little I can actually plan with having a baby. (I should mention that we set up savings accounts for my maternity leave and co-pays last year, so at least I'm not worrying about money.)

I really just wanted to vent. Any reassurance would be great too
Only one of my close friends has a child, so I don't really have anyone to talk to --- and my DH and I don't want to tell anyone that we are trying, because then that is all people will ask us about. I can only imagine --- we had someone ask us about kids they day after we got back home from out Vegas wedding this summer!

I am pregnant with my third, and I will tell you that I've had nerves and worries with each one! It's a big decision! There is so much you can't control, and it can be really overwhelming!
I was worried that it would take longer to get pregnant this time because I am now 30 (will be 31 in a few weeks), and I was in my 20's with the last two. All I have to say is I really could have saved myself a lot of worry!!
Don't worry about your fertility until it's been maybe 6 months, you will likely be just fine, and if your not they have so many options available today.
Good luck!
And keep us posted!!!!
Oh and your smart not to tell anyone, no need to put extra pressure on yourself. If you get preggers, I would wait until your about 12 weeks to share with the world.

 

[wdwfan16]

All you can do is start trying and see what Mother Nature has in store for you. Don't worry about stuff until you run into it.

 

[si-am]

Well, I'm not one who you should really listen to since I've been trying for three years with no luck.

But... I will tell you that I am 35 and according to my medical tests, my eggs are PERFECTLY fine. So don't worry about being too old.

Good luck!

 

[DMickey28]

Congrats on the decision!! That's one of the biggest steps.

I turned 28 the day before DS#1 was concieved and 31 a few weeks after this one was concieved. Age is nothing at this point. Don't worry about that.

I agree with the PP that said, enjoy the first 6 months or so of trying. If you have a reasonably 'regular' cycle just enjoy each other a bit more 10-20 days before your next cycle starts!! If after 6 months nothing is happening then start looking into TCOYF and charting. I am also a planner and when we decided to TTC#2 (which by the way was probably SCARIER than deciding to TTC#1!!) I started charting right away. It took us 8 months to concieve DS#1 and 10 months with DS#2. I honestly believe that each time it happened exactly when it was supposed to in relation to what else was going on in our lives. It was hard when going through it, more so with #2, but it was worth it!!

There is no reason to go into thinking that it will take you a long time or that you will have struggles. The internet is filled with websites to help you on this journey but keep in mind that the majority of people that seek them out have had some trials in TTC so you will get a lot more of that side of the story. There are just as many people out there that just look at their spouses and get pregnant!! My BFF was pregnant on her first try with her first DD and on her fourth try with her second DD. Same with another close girlfriend.

Good Luck and Congrats!! I remember that after the first month or two of TTC the butterflies went away and the excitment was all that remained.