Spouses of med students/residents

Buckeye Princess

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Oct 24, 2008
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I was just wondering if there are any other wives out there of med students or residents. Man can it be tough! I'm a SAHM and my husband just started his 4th year. Between the long hours and him never knowing his schedule in advance, it can get frustrating. Most of his friends in his class are unmarried so I don't know anyone else in a similar situation so I thought I'd turn to the dis to see if there is anyone else to commiserate with.

Right now with match just happening for those in the class ahead of him, I'm starting to think to this time next year. It's scary!!!
 
Buckeye Princess - Look like we have a bit in common. I am originally from the big Buckeye state and actually moved to Louisville to do MY pediatric residency, chief residency and now a fellowship (almost 2 out of 3 years done by the way until I will be set free). My husband has (bless his heart) put up with all of it through college, medical school and now residency and fellowship. You WILL get through it and there is still enough time to make a trip to visit the Mouse. I have been 5 times (and working on my 6th trip) since starting medical school. Since my ticker's not working - we leave in 4 days for our next trip :dance3:

Don't worry about Match day - it actually is very exciting. We were scared at first to pick up and move from our native Ohio, but the transition has been the best thing for us.

Feel free to pick my brain (and I in turn can pick my DH's brain) for any advice.

Good luck!
 
Well, I hope to be a med student/resident soon and next year I'm getting married. DF will be working full time, but I know it'll be a long road for both of us!
 
I feel for you. My DH is a pediatrician. When we were married he worked on Wall St. After a lot of rocky jobs, he decided he wanted to go to medical school. First he had to go back to undergrad because he didn't have any of the prerequisites. Then 4 years of medical school and 3 years of residency. Our youngest DD was just born when he was accepted to medical school. It seems like a long road, but it definately pays off in the end. We now have a successful practice and are very happy. Hang in there!
 

My husband is in his last months of residency and we have 3 kids so I definitely know how miserable life can be! He was in his 2nd year of med school when our 1st was born, 2nd month of intern year when our 2nd was born (and he almost missed the birth cause he couldn't get out of his ICU rotation when I was in labor-at a different hospital-and literally made it 3 minutes before our son was out!), and the 3rd was just born in January. Life has definitely been crazy with his schedule, even this year and he's the chief resident and makes the call schedules!

I am counting down the days till June 30th when he 'graduates', which we are celebrating with one of the 12 night DCL Baltic cruises. He takes his board on 8/3 and starts his 'real' job 8/4, our son's 4th birthday. I wish he could get another day as he's never been home for anyone's birthday, but such is life.

The big highlight for us is that in the midst of all this, we are moving cross-country and have to find a house and school before we get out there. But I keep reminding myself that the end is in sight!
 
I was married to my husband throughout his med school, residency, fellowship, and now in his practice. We moved for each stage too so I always started a new job/city with the knowledge that we were only going to be there for 3 years which always sort of pulled me back from really making friends. In med school the only married friends he had were female and I felt weird hanging out with the husbands. We didn't have kids until the end of his fellowship but it was very lonely and people didn't and still don't understand the schedule. My father to this day says "but they have to give him a religious holiday off if he asks." If only it were that simple. He's missed several very important events but that's our life and it doesn't seem strange to me and the payoff has been so worth it. He's so happy with his career.
 
It gets better. I think I was not the easiest person to live with during residency. The fatigue and the long hours don't bring out the best in you. I am a pediatrician, no fellowship here, my husband had enough of medical education after residency. When residency is finished, it is so nice to not have to live your life by the month anymore and then to seek out a job where to some degree you can have control over your own schedule. We went to Disney once during residency, but the vision of it kept me going during ICU rotations.
 
I started with my husband as a MS3, went through intern year, residency, and fellowship. We're in our second year as him being an ER attending/assistant professor at the med school.

The short answer for us is, no, it doesn't get better. He still works all the time and he's still stressed all the time. However, making tons more money helps a bit. I can put the girls in care two days a week so I can get a break. Also, I'm hoping we won't have to move again.
 
Buckeye Princess - Look like we have a bit in common. I am originally from the big Buckeye state
Where in Ohio did you live? We are in Cleveland right now but I went to school in Columbus.

Well, I hope to be a med student/resident soon and next year I'm getting married. DF will be working full time, but I know it'll be a long road for both of us!
Congrats on getting married! When is the date?

I feel for you. My DH is a pediatrician. When we were married he worked on Wall St. After a lot of rocky jobs, he decided he wanted to go to medical school. First he had to go back to undergrad because he didn't have any of the prerequisites. Then 4 years of medical school and 3 years of residency. Our youngest DD was just born when he was accepted to medical school. It seems like a long road, but it definately pays off in the end. We now have a successful practice and are very happy. Hang in there!
My DH has recently decided to go into plastics. I'm already thinking about the business side of running a practice. I may pick your brain!!

My husband is in his last months of residency and we have 3 kids so I definitely know how miserable life can be! He was in his 2nd year of med school when our 1st was born, 2nd month of intern year when our 2nd was born (and he almost missed the birth cause he couldn't get out of his ICU rotation when I was in labor-at a different hospital-and literally made it 3 minutes before our son was out!), and the 3rd was just born in January. Life has definitely been crazy with his schedule, even this year and he's the chief resident and makes the call schedules!

I am counting down the days till June 30th when he 'graduates', which we are celebrating with one of the 12 night DCL Baltic cruises. He takes his board on 8/3 and starts his 'real' job 8/4, our son's 4th birthday. I wish he could get another day as he's never been home for anyone's birthday, but such is life.

The big highlight for us is that in the midst of all this, we are moving cross-country and have to find a house and school before we get out there. But I keep reminding myself that the end is in sight!
I relate on so many levels! I'm pregnant with our 2nd who is due at the end of November. He'll be doing away rotations up until a few weeks before, so if I go early, I'm on my own. We are thinking of doing a DCL Alaskan cruise between med school and residency. I wanted to do a Baltic, but then thought about the plane ride with a 2yr old and a 5 month old and decided we'd go for the shorter flight.

I was married to my husband throughout his med school, residency, fellowship, and now in his practice. We moved for each stage too so I always started a new job/city with the knowledge that we were only going to be there for 3 years which always sort of pulled me back from really making friends. In med school the only married friends he had were female and I felt weird hanging out with the husbands. We didn't have kids until the end of his fellowship but it was very lonely and people didn't and still don't understand the schedule. My father to this day says "but they have to give him a religious holiday off if he asks." If only it were that simple. He's missed several very important events but that's our life and it doesn't seem strange to me and the payoff has been so worth it. He's so happy with his career.

Totally understand about making friends. I feel lonely here often because although there are some moms I talk to at mom and me swim classes, I don't have much motivation to really put down roots. My family also does not understand the schedule. My mom complains that we don't come visit when we have a free weekend. I try to explain that it may be the only weekend we have in two months and we just really need some family time.

It gets better. I think I was not the easiest person to live with during residency. The fatigue and the long hours don't bring out the best in you. I am a pediatrician, no fellowship here, my husband had enough of medical education after residency. When residency is finished, it is so nice to not have to live your life by the month anymore and then to seek out a job where to some degree you can have control over your own schedule. We went to Disney once during residency, but the vision of it kept me going during ICU rotations.
So scheduling doesn't get any better during residency? I don't mind the long hours of med school so much as not knowing what the schedule will be. Last weekend we thought he had the weekend off. Then on Friday the attending he was with told him, "oops there is a conference tomorrow I want you to attend." Then as he was leaving the conference, "oops I have a surgery tomorrow morning you should come to." At the end of that surgery, "I have another one at a different hospital this evening. Meet me there." ARGHHH!

I started with my husband as a MS3, went through intern year, residency, and fellowship. We're in our second year as him being an ER attending/assistant professor at the med school.

The short answer for us is, no, it doesn't get better. He still works all the time and he's still stressed all the time. However, making tons more money helps a bit. I can put the girls in care two days a week so I can get a break. Also, I'm hoping we won't have to move again.
How does your husband like teaching? My DH started in the MD/PhD program but decided after 1 PhD year to just get his MS and go back to the MD portion. I don't think the lab was for him and we also had our DD at that time and I think he liked the idea of getting done with everything before she hit high school. haha



Anyone have experience with away rotations? We were originally planning on 2, but after talking with his dean he's now thinking of 4. Two 4 week rotations and two 2 week rotations. THREE MONTHS while I'm very pregnant. Yikes. I'm scared. He's going into plastics and was told because it is so competitive that to get into a program he really needs to spend some time there. I'm planning on staying behind because I don't know if we can afford housing that would be adequate for him, me, and DD. Not sure what he'll do yet but I guess there are always couches of friends and friends of friends.

Anyone go along on an away rotation? How many did you/spouse do? Where did you/spouse stay? Did you get into your residency w/o doing a rotation there?

Sorry lots of questions. As you can see this is consuming my thoughts. Thanks for all of your help!
 
He likes teaching, plus it kind of gives him an "out" if he wants to leave direct care someday. It's a lot more work though; pressure to research and publish, medical school admissions committee, leading rounds for fellows and residents. He typically works 3-4 ER shifts, goes in to the office before his shifts, plus goes into the office the other 2-3 days as well. It royally sucks.

Away rotations while you're pregnant? Only if they're absolutely necessary.
 
I'm a med student's mother(he's finishing his second year). He lives on one side of the US and his long time girlfriend lives on the other. They recently sort of split up(taking a break they call it.) I'm so disappointed because I love her and thought they were great together. It's the kind of of issues you all are talking about though that is causing the trouble. I honestly don't have an answer for them. I think he doesn't want to commit yet because of all the stress and she has started a pretty good career and can't pick up and move to another state without a job. I guess they have the same issues but since they don't have the commitment of marriage they aren't working at it very hard or they aren't seeing the end. I'm praying that if its meant to be they will dive on in there and approach it the way you all are. Did any of you have similar issues during the dating relationship?
 
The tenative date is April 16th. May either push it back 2 weeks or ahead 1 week due to Easter and church availability.

I'm taking my MCAT in September! Yikes!!
 
Just FYI-I'm not a meddling mom- I just found your comments interesting. I'm not in the medical field and am just trying to make myself aware of the unique issues of my med student son. He's also very interested in teaching maybe someday.
 
You know my sister and her DH are both Dr's and even though they both have the schedule they seem to be doing fine.
My sister was the Girl Scout leader for her DD's, her DH the Boy Scout leader, they went to all school events. Now, they are both Radiologist and specifically chose that speciality to have more flexibility.
 
I forgot to say that a lot of it is dependent upon practice area. Diagnostic or interventional radiology, pediatrics, dermatology, rheumatology, allergy/immunology, any of those kinds of specialties might offer more flexibility.

Anything with a surgical component will be crappy.
 
Agree with above. Surgical residencies are tough. ED docs are supposed to have a nice lifestyle or so I thought, no beeper, fixed shifts... At least when you finish residency, you to some degree decide how much you want to work and what environment you want to be in. If you have trouble finding balance, it doesn't matter what specialty you go into.
 
Yeah, my parents are both doctors -- dad is a thoracic surgeon and mom is a general internist. I'm veering away from any surgical speciality due to the fact that its so demanding and hard on the family life. When he's on call, you never see him, and even if he isn't, he still gets calls from the ICU, ect.. Yeah its hard.

Now my mom works part time in a private practice and really enjoys it. She likes pretty much setting her own hours, and she has a nursery onsite which is helpful for those that work there.

As for myself, I've thought alot about being an ED doc. Pulmonology/Intensivist is also something I'm considering. I would assume if I did the intensivist route, you would do internal medicine???
 


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