Spouse class reunion

[kacaju]

Do you go if you didn't go to the same school? I went with my dh 5 years ago to his 25th class reunion and while I will not say I had a horrible time, I also would not say it was fun either.

So he went golfing with a few of his old HS friends last week and comes home all excited that he found out the committee is planning a 30th reunion in the fall.

I told him I would not be going this time. He does not understand why I would not want to go. He asked, didn't you have fun 5 years ago... umm... no, I was bored.


Now, until 5 years ago, he never saw any of his HS friends, so it is not like we have always hung out with them. If he feels he wants to stay in touch with them good for him, I just don't feel the need to be a part of it.

His college friends...that is another story, that crowd we have hung out with since he graduated. We all went to each others weddings, hung out before kids, and continued to hang out after we all had kids.

His HS, I have not seen nor heard from any of them in 5 years. He only hears from them around this time of year for this golf outing.

Now, I will say I have no desire to attend MY HS reunions, so I would never *make him* come to mine.

So what do you do??

 

[Disney Ella]

I went to DH's 15th reunion and I had the same reaction as you. I didn't know any of the people, know the stories or the histories. DH would introduce me and I would talk to the people for a few minutes, but then the conversation would always turn to old times, which I knew nothing about. DH hasn't mentioned going to another reunion, but if he did, I would suggest he go alone. That way, he could really catch up with his classmates without worrying about me.

 

[kelleigh1]

We didn't go to his reunion, mainly because he wasn't all that interested and because we live in a different state. But we did go to my 20th last year (we live in that state), and he was a bit bored, but honestly, I blame him for that.

He pretty much sat at the table the whole time while everyone else was standing around chatting. He knows a couple of people that I went to school with - not well, but he knows them enough to chat with them. He just didn't make the effort. Later he admitted that he was really tired and wasn't feeling all that well.

Just last weekend, however, there was a get together at the home of one of my high school classmates. Her brother was in town (he now lives across the country) and because so many of us have found each other on facebook, she decided to have a party. My husband really enjoyed himself there even though there were only 2 people at the party that he'd met previously.

It sounds to me like you don't like reunions - your own or his. It's just not your thing, so it won't be easy for you to have fun. I think it takes some effort on your part to enjoy yourself, but I also think you need to have the right personality. Not everyone is comfortable making small talk with strangers.

 

[4greatboys]

I went to my husbands 20th and met one of my best friends there. She didn't attend that HS either so we ended up chatting quite a bit and became great friends.

 

[MushyMushy]

I hate to be the voice of dissension, but I would go for him. I'm sure he loves you and wants to show you off to his former friends and/or show them off to you. If he has expressed an interest in having you there by his side, why not suck it up for a couple of hours? Maybe try talking to other spouses who didn't go to school there? Reunions only come around every 5 years and who knows, you might make a friend in all this.

At my 20th, my husband and other spouses ended up having a decent evening sitting at the table while us classmates mingled. It's not like we left them sitting by themselves all night, but my husband is good at making friends and entertaining himself. He has a reunion coming up and I'll probably do the same thing. I'm a whole lot quieter and more shy than him, but I can manage on my own in a crowd of strangers.

 

[luvmy3]

I went to my dh's 10th but I did not go to his 20th. I really had no desire to go with him so he and a bunch of his former friends could talk about the good old days. The friends of his that I do know and I see all the time weren't going to be there so no reason for me to be.

 

[SpecialK]

Absolutely not - not my reunion and there's no reason for me to be there.

 

[olena]

DH has no inclination to attend his reunions...so far. That could change, I guess. I could care less about mine, but I wouldn't mind going with him to his.

He wasn't supposed to survive to adulthood and the news of this made his high school social life pretty awkward. I'd love for him to back and surprise them all.

 

[malibuconlee]

The only reunion we've gone to was DH's 10 year. He went to a different school about 20 miles away from the town I grew up in. I knew a few of the people from his small graduating class (50ish?) from the bar scene while we were dating.

Had a good time on the Friday night informal bar hopping gathering, Saturday at the planned event was a bit less exciting. I did make friends with the wife of a classmate who knew no one and we kept each other company for parts of the reunion when our spouses were off talking and catching up.

My graduating class is a hot mess. I havent' been to a reunion because for the 5 year I found out about it 3 weeks in advance and I was in California at the time (grew up in Iowa). The 10 year I lived in South Dakota and they changed the date 3 different times - once not even telling the girl who was spearheading the event and putting down all the deposits!! And the 15 year last year didn't happen because she was pregnant with her first child and told others she had started planning but couldn't take charge this time and of course no one else stepped up. NOt that I could have gone last year either because I gave birth weeks after she did.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I hate to be the voice of dissension, but I would go for him. I'm sure he loves you and wants to show you off to his former friends and/or show them off to you. If he has expressed an interest in having you there by his side, why not suck it up for a couple of hours? Maybe try talking to other spouses who didn't go to school there? Reunions only come around every 5 years and who knows, you might make a friend in all this.

At my 20th, my husband and other spouses ended up having a decent evening sitting at the table while us classmates mingled. It's not like we left them sitting by themselves all night, but my husband is good at making friends and entertaining himself. He has a reunion coming up and I'll probably do the same thing. I'm a whole lot quieter and more shy than him, but I can manage on my own in a crowd of strangers.

I have to agree here. If your DH asked you to go then he wants you there and that should be enough reason to go - at least for a little while.

Believe me I hate going to functions where I don't know anyone but I suck it up and go anyway for DH. He is expected to attend several social events a year for work (Army) and as his wife I am also expected to be there (even though honestly I would rather pull my toenails out than go).

I feel for you but think of your poor DH having to explain to every single person he sees at the reunion why his wonderful wife isn't there by his side.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I think reunions are more fun if you attend with friends. However, if my spouse WANTED me to be there then I'd go. It's one night. You'll survive it. It's what married people do for each other.

 

[luvmy3]

OP, does your spouse know that you did not enjoy the last one? I would normally agree with the other posters about doing something for your spouse, but if he knows that you did not enjoy yourself, especially if you were left to fend for yourself while he was catching up, then I say you shouldn't go. It was only 5 years ago, everyone met you then why do they need to *meet* you again?

 

[Orange County Girl]

I wouldn't want to go either, but I would put a smile on my face, put on a cute dress, and go to make my husband happy. It's just one evening.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

Dh has never been invited to his reunions but wouldn't want to go anyway.

Dh went to one of my 10 year reunions (I went to 3 high schools) because we made it part of a larger vacation and the whole family went. He did know some of the people too as he lived on the same base and his brother was in my class.

He did not go to my "local school" reunion. He didn't know anyone, had no desire to go, and I was happier chatting it up not worried about if he was ready to leave already.

 

[kacaju]

thanks everyone... To try to answer some questions.

No, he really didn't know I was bored at the last one because I did mingle and talk to poeple there. It wasn't like I sat at the table with a grumpy face on, and of course I would never have told him...boy that was boring since he did have a good time.

It is simply the fact I just did it 5 years ago *for him*. If I had known back then they were talking about this becoming a *5 year thnig* I would have said something sooner. I figured I had a good 20 years before the issue of another reunion would come up!! LOL!!

Of course if he REALLY wants me to be there I would go. After my first reaction when he mentioned the reunion, i don't think he will be expecting me to be there.