Splitting rental car costs with mom on vaca

[goodstarr]

Thanks everyone for all of your advice. I didn't realize that a lot more background/info was needed to receive a fair answer. I totally understand the posts where people said that they always pay for their mothers. It seems as if they have a wonderful, loving relationship and they look forward to these opportunities to pay their mothers back for her hard work and love. Unfortunately, not everyone has that same life. Let me start off by saying that I do love my mother, yet I never felt that my mother loved me. There are 5 children and 4 of us feel the same way. We were all unwanted and raised to know it. We all have our issues as adult from being raised in this type of household but we try to make the best out of it. My mother is a very hard person to get along with but I try my best to spend some time with her, although we usually end up in an argument for some reason or another. All my siblings feel the same way (except my brother who hardly ever talks to or sees her). It is very hard to please her so nothing is good enough for her (even our lives!) But I still try to "honor thy mother and father". My father is deceased and my mother has been alienating the rest of her family for over 40 years. That said, a lot of my family lives in GA that she and I want to visit. She HATES to fly but wants to go and has said many times that if we decide to drive down, she wants to go. I couldn't possibly go there without taking her so this trip serves us both. She has more than enough money to split the cost of the car (and yes, my income is a little limited right now or I would fly there) It will be a real challenge being in a car with her for 12-14 hours. We are staying at relatives houses so no hotel costs. As for paying my mother back for a lifetime of caring, well, my father supported us financially and no one emotionally. You have to remember that just because you're a mother, that doesn't make you a good person. Mothers have been thieves, murderers, and child molesters too. Kind of sad to think that not everyone has a mom like yours, huh?

 

[sharbear]

I'm sorry Goodstarr for the way you had to grow up. I hope that you learned from her example and try to be a better parent to your children. I don't know how you change your Mom and I expect that you will end up paying for the rental car because your Mom isn't a very nice person, but I think that she should pay 1/2. The problem is not what should she pay but getting her to pay. Good luck.

Okay now I want to address splitting a bill versus everybody receiving their own bill. I used to go to lunch with a friend who had a different idea of tipping than I had. She would always pay less and then stiff the waitress. The only way for me to insure that the waitress had a fair tip was to go back to the table and leave enough tip for all of us. It drove me nuts. I wanted the waitress to know that I wasn't a cheapskate, but I also did not want to pay twice as much (or more!) for my meal.

I go to lunch once a week with a group of friends. We always ask for seperate checks. I am sorry but it doesn't take the waitress that much longer to make seperate checks and it's easier for us because many of us like to pay with our credit cards. All of us are very generous tipper, most give AT LEAST 20%. I would much rather have a seperate check and give my server a generous tip on the amount that I ate than split the bill and have her receive a less than generous tip.

I know that servers are busy but I really don't see the big deal about seperate checks. At most places everything is computorized now and it takes a minute to break everything down.

 

[Tinkbell]

I've had a rough relationship with my dad. However, as an adult, if he were riding in my rental car, I wouldn't be estimating how much he owes me to ride as a passenger .

 

[goodstarr]

Thanks again everyone. I guess I never thought of DM as only a passenger in the car, I see this as a joint vacation. When she said that she wanted to go, she also said that she would "help " pay for the trip. I was just wondering how to divide up the costs. We've done this trip before 6 years ago ( when we took a joint trip for a wedding) and I remember it being some disagreement on the cost. I guess splitting the costs is part "the money" and part the "the principal" for me. Since mom and I don't have the "warm and fuzzies" like some families, I kind of view this as if a group of friends were going on vaca together and would split the costs. Once again, thanks for the all advice.

 

[Mskanga]

Originally posted by IloveDMB

And what sort of separating does one have to do for a person who eats alone? Divide the bill by 1?

I didn't mean separating the bill of a single person, I meant you separate the bill as if it was for a single person. But the problem also starts if the customers let you know from the beginning if they want separate bills, if they do there should not be a problem.
Truthfully, I do not like the idea of having gratuities tacked into a bill , and do you know why? because sometimes the service really stinks, and yet I'm forced to pay for something I'm not happy with. It hasn't happened that many times ,but it has happened.
But I don't understand one thing....how can you stiff a waitress for leaving say $10.00 on a $100 meal charge? To me stiffing them would be not paying for the meal.
I always thought that tips / gratuities were based on the quality of service received, at least it is in mine. If your service stinks, sorry to say but you get nothing, but if the service is good , the tip is at least 20% of the bill or sometimes more.

 

[4greatboys]

I would split the cost with her and just let her know up front how much her part witll be for the car. My mil went with us on our Sept 2002 trip and we split the room and trans from the airport with her.
While we were there sometimes she paid the bill for lunch and several times we paid for hers. She is going with us on our next trip and she will pay her airfare, then stay with us in our DVC room, when we head to Universal she will have her own room and pay for it. Also my bil/sil and their kids will be joining us our second week.
As for large parties splitting checks we do this when we go out. Our family is already 6 people so if anyone joins us the gratuity is added. They have always added each persons tip right into the bill. We like to tip according to service--we have had a couple of lousy servers because they knew they were getting a tip no matter what because the size of our party--on the flip side we had servers that deserved a little extra because they were so great.
Anyway I say split with mom.

 

[momof2inPA]

Originally posted by goodstarr
...As for paying my mother back for a lifetime of caring, well, my father supported us financially...

As a stay-at-home-mom, I hope my kids don't see it this way when they grow up.

Why don't you just ask your mom, casually how she would like to split the gas bill? Just ask without making a suggestion. Then, it's her decision, maybe she will surprise you and no argument will be needed.

As for splitting the bill, I never minded splitting it evenly with friends, but if I was on per diem for work and just ordered soup, there was always one bozo with a steak who thought the even split was the best solution.

As for the many ladies at the shore who wanted to split the bill, they probably didn't have cash. That happens a lot these days.

 

[disykat]

As for splitting at restaurants... In general we've never had problems requesting seperate checks when we order. If the restaurant doesn't do sep checks at a table, then one person pays and the others all pay them their portion. I spent 10 years single and during that time went out with lots of groups - I've never had anyone suggest doing it differently. Heck even when we ate pizza, special orders or big eaters threw more money into the pot. They just did it automatically - I've never ever had to say "hey, I didn't have a drink".

I've never seen any bunching panties over this issue - mine certainly weren't. Maybe this is another east coast/west coast issue. Any one else remember the episode of "Friends" where they had this issue? They went out to a fancy restaurant and Joey, Phoebie, and Rachael order water and soup. The rest (who all had better paying jobs) ordered full meals, drinks, and desserts and then wanted to split the bill evenly.

 

[Keli]

Ok, I've gotta hop in here with the big parties/splitting bills issue. I have always requested a seperate check when I'm dining with a large group (frequently). I see no problem with that because if my dh, dd and I sat at a table by ourselves we would be given our own ticket. I also get aggrivated at resturants adding a gratuity to large groups. And this is why: I rarely receive terrible service when it's just my family. But when I'm with a large group our wait person is often so busy that we don't get refills on drinks, our orders get messed up, if I need something not on the table (like ketchup, sour cream, whatever) I will wait forever for it and sometimes don't get it at all. I understand that they are busy but I don't see why that means that I should have the gratuity tacked onto the bill instead of basing the tip on the service I received. I have come to the point that if I receive bad service I will ask that the gratuity be taken off the bill and leave the percent I choose in cash or be altered to a lesser amount (say the standard 15%). I don't believe I should pay extra for worse service just because I enjoy dining with several friends instead of just one or two people.

 

[dzneprincess]

OP, if you are making the trip regardless of is she comes or not, I would not request partial payment for the rental vehicle. UNLESS her presence requires y'all to get a bigger vehicle. But I would hope in return, that my mother would at least fill up the tank every other turn on her dollar. If she is that hard to get along with, why are you even taking her? In my opinion, it seems she is merely along for the ride, and the expense of a rental vehicle is the same whether she tags along or not, so why bother yourself with it? Especially if it is just going to irritate you,over how much or little she pays. Try not worrying about it, and maybe she will surprise you by paying for other things along the way. If she doesn't, than lesson learned, KWIM ?

BTW where in GA are y'all coming to visit?

 

[goodstarr]

Dzneprincess,
Even though it will be a very trying 14 hours both ways with her, it will be h*** for the rest of our lives if I went and didn't include her ( since she has mentioned several times that if we ever decide to drive down that she wants to go with us-plus she is deathly afraid of planes). My oldest sister (who has been more like a mother to me) and several close nieces and nephews and their families live near the Atlanta area. I feel badly about posting my family drama but I really wanted to have a little advice before she and I decided on how to handle the costs. We leave in 2 weeks and I thought that it would be better to handle it before we're in route. Thanks again everyone for your help.

 

[dzneprincess]

Well I hope y'all have a good trip ( or as best as can be had) and I still stick to my original advice. Do not ask for money from her, it seems to me that it is more headache for you than it is worth. Everything you have posted, you are not taking the trip *for* her, but along with her, KWIM? Unless, like I stated earlier she is the reason that you HAVE to get a rental car. On our recent Halloween DCL cruise, I invited my parents along with us. We are a family of 5, and had to get to cabins to accomodate. 2 of my children would be charged at full adult fare, because of the whole double occupancy thing. So when I invited my parents, I let them pay the childs fare. It worked out great, because the cost for my family was the same, whether or not they came, and they got in on a 7 day DCL cruise for 443 each! That is all I am saying, if you left her at home, you would still have to pay X.XX amount for the rental right?

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd say split it 3 ways, between the 3 adults.