Spinoff of the death thread....

[kimmyann]

If you were to die, would you want your spouse to remarry or not?

I personally would want my DH to be happy & if that meant to get married again then that's okay. BUT, he better mourn for awhile & she better be good to him or I'll have to haunt them.

 

[luvmy3]

Of course. For all I know he could have another 50 years left, seems wrong to not want him to move on and enjoy them with someone else.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I go back and forth on the issue. I'm a huge Dr. Laura fan and she recommends against dating and getting married when you still have minor children. The way she explains it really does make sense. Relationships have added drama and you don't want to put your kids through that. Plus, your #1 responsibility after the death of your spouse should be to your child and not to finding a replacement for their mother.

But, then I think about how important a mother is to a preteen and teenage girl. I would want my daughter to have that. But, then again, my family is very involved in my daughter's life so my mother and sister could fill that role quite nicely.


All of these are moot, though, as my husband says that he has no intention of ever dating once I'm gone.

 

[SaraJayne]

My DH has said he absolutely will not remarry if I die before him. Does that mean he loves me so much he couldn't think of loving someone else or I'm such a terrible wife he doesn't want to do it again?

I told him it was okay if he changes his mind.

For me? I don't think I'd remarry if something happened to DH.

 

[MrsDuck]

DFi said he would never remarry. I don't think I would either.

I'll be in the minority and say that I wouldn't want him to remarry. I guess I'm mean.

 

[FLCyndi]

Kids are grown, I am dead, he can do want he wants.

 

[cluvsdisney]

Yes, so I could haunt her.

Just kidding!! I hope he would be able to move and be happy. My mother never did that after my father died 21 years ago and that's a long time to be alone.

 

[AndreaDM]

I've read studies where people who are in very happy marriages tend to get remarried quickly if a spouse dies, but who knows. I would want DH to do whatever made him happy, but I've told him in no uncertain terms should DD ever call anyone else mom!!

 

[lovin'fl]

Most definitely. DH can't handle the household without me...he'd need another wife. I went on a cruise with my mom for a week in April (only time I've ever been away without DH and/or kids). I came home to all kinds of messes...not just a filthy house but all kinds of problems. I will never leave for more than a couple days again...maybe that was DH's plan. But really, for my kids' sakes, I'd want him to re-marry as long as she is good to my kids. Now, I won't re-marry...had enough after one hubby. I might have some companions along the way, but never will I tie the knot again.

 

[krcit]

Yes. Life is for the living. I would want my kids to have a 'mother figure' in their lives and DH to not be alone.

 

[LuLuO]

Yes. I would hope that he could move on and find companionship.

 

[magicgirl]

I love my husband very much and I would want him to do what made him happy.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would want him to find a nice woman and remarry.

I put the emphasis on nice woman. I'd hate for him to be lonesome and hook up with some "witch".

We have a plot in the cemetery across the street from our house though, so they'd have to move.....

 

[4nana]

Definitely ~ but he claims he can't ever imagine remarrying . As seniors we believe in living each day to the fullest and I would hope he'd find a loving companionship who dotes on him as much as I do . Far as myself, I can't let my mind even go there, as honestly can't ever imagine life without him after wonderful 48 yrs.

 

[scbelleatheart]

Nope. He can date, have a girlfreind, live-in, whatever but no marriage. We worked too hard for what we have and when I die or he does, it will belong to our children, not something to split with a second spouse.

 

[momto2girls]

Nope. He can date, have a girlfreind, live-in, whatever but no marriage. We worked too hard for what we have and when I die or he does, it will belong to our children, not something to split with a second spouse.

I tend to agree with this as well (although he would need to be sure that girlfriend wouldn't be declared a "common law" wife after some point in time). However, I feel strongly that he can do that AFTER our daughters are grown and out of the house. I believe that after the trauma of losing their mother, my girls shouldn't be further traumatized by having a new person in my role. I seriously would haunt my DH if he did that. Once they are grown and starting their own lives, he can do what he wants, although I do think he needs to protect our assets for our daughters.

As for me, I can't imagine ever even thinking of marrying again. My husband is wonderful. I don't fool myself into thinking that I could strike gold again. Financially, I would be set so I would have no financial need of another husband either.

 

[denisenh]

Yes, so I could haunt her.

Just kidding!! I hope he would be able to move and be happy. My mother never did that after my father died 21 years ago and that's a long time to be alone.

is your mother happy? A person can be married for 50 years and feel alone the whole time as well. But i agree as long as loved ones are happy, its all good.

Nope. He can date, have a girlfreind, live-in, whatever but no marriage. We worked too hard for what we have and when I die or he does, it will belong to our children, not something to split with a second spouse.

My children are beneficiaries of mine upon my death even though I am married. (My spouse is too.) Can you put something like that in your will?

I would want my husband to do whatever his heart desires after my death if I go first. Me? I would remain happily unmarried if he goes first. Once is enough.
Our kids would be fine either way.

 

[DeaverTex]

Nope. He can date, have a girlfreind, live-in, whatever but no marriage. We worked too hard for what we have and when I die or he does, it will belong to our children, not something to split with a second spouse.

This is pretty much my position. My Dad remarried, and completely rewrote his will so that everything is left to his second wife. (She's also my aunt, and was his sister-in-law by marriage, too. Confused yet?) She's supposed to "take care of things" when he dies, but she also has a mentally handicapped daughter, and a couple of grandchildren. I suspect that I know where everything will go, and I wouldn't want Tex Jr. to be cut off like that.

If Mrs. Tex wants a fancy boy, that's fine with me. (Although I might haunt him a little, just to let him know I'm keeping an eye on him.)

 

[minkydog]

Most definitely. DH can't handle the household without me...he'd need another wife. I went on a cruise with my mom for a week in April (only time I've ever been away without DH and/or kids). I came home to all kinds of messes...not just a filthy house but all kinds of problems. I will never leave for more than a couple days again...maybe that was DH's plan. But really, for my kids' sakes, I'd want him to re-marry as long as she is good to my kids. Now, I won't re-marry...had enough after one hubby. I might have some companions along the way, but never will I tie the knot again.

I feel the asame way. DH tries hard and I'm not a hugely picky housekeeper bit it drives me.crazy to come home after time away to.find.dishes everywhere, dirty towels, messy counters and no food in the house.

Like you, I thimk one marriage is enough. If DH wants to remarry after I'm gone, more power to him

 

[Buckalew11]

DH says he would not remarry but I believe he would. She'll probably make him pretty miserable because he's very independent and used to doing his own thing. I never nag him about it the way a lot of women I know do/would. He'll probably appreciate me when I'm gone, lol.

Would I want him to? No. I think that is probably seen as selfish or something and it probably is.
My mom's dad remarried 2 months after my grandmother died. He treated wife #2 far better than he ever treated my grandmother. We all resented it because he did not treat my grandmother nice--esp. when he drank too much. I think watching him with this woman colors my answer.

I'd be fine with my mom remarrying if she found a nice man to marry. The guy she's dated on and off since my dad died is a total jerk and I would not be OK with her marrying him. She, of course, is free to do what she wants but I'll have no parts of him in my life. I've tried and I give up.

I wonder how I would have been with my dad remarrying...he was more of a loner and self-sufficient so I can't even imagine him dating or remarrying if it had been him left behind.

I do not see myself remarrying, but you never know.