Spin-Off of Invitation Thread - Destination Weddings

[ronandannette]

So, in the invitation thread, destination weddings (weddings that are taking place at some foreign vacation location) were mentioned several times as invitations that are often declined. Personally, I’ve never attended one, although we’ve been invited to quite a few over the years. Luckily never by anyone extremely close and certainly none we felt obligated to attend.

Did you (or one of your children) have a destination wedding and if so, who did you invite? Did you really expect all your guests to attend? If some declined, were you disappointed? I’ve got no quarrel with people planning whatever kind of wedding they want but I do think it’s a rather unreasonable ask of most guests to put that kind of time and money in.

Thoughts and experiences?

 

[pryncess527]

My husband and I had a DW in Italy back before DWs had really become a thing. It was, in part, an effort to avoid the huge guest list that would have come from a wedding in our hometown

We only invited 40 people and 38 came. One of the guests was a travel agent and was able to get exceptional flights for most guests. We covered all food, lodging and ground transportation for the entire week and arranged a few local tours, a wine tasting, etc.

So, given all that, I did kind of expect everyone invited would want to attend. The 2 who did not attend had a medical event that kept them from flying, which was regrettable, but not something we could have planned for. I certainly would not have been upset with anyone who couldn’t. I discussed the plans with a few critical people before we committed to our location

We also did not expect gifts (and most didn’t give one, which was absolutely okay. Couldn’t even tell you who)

 

[Moliphino]

I haven't been to any that would really qualify as a destination wedding, some were just annoyingly far to travel for (way up in Maine and NH) or I had to travel, but it was fairly local for the bride and groom.

I agree with your thoughts on it. It's fine to have a destination wedding, but you have to be OK with a lot of guests not being able to make it.

 

[PezRuth]

This was 17 years ago. Kinda. I am from Ohio originally; family/family friends still in that area. My husband is from Maine. We were living in Mass at the time. We had the official wedding in Maine as it was easier (financially) for my family/friends to travel to Maine. And honestly it was prettier. Probably about 25 people traveled from out of state. We then did a Reception in Ohio a month later for people who did not attend. About 80 people were invited to that.

 

[ronandannette]

My husband and I had a DW in Italy back before DWs had really become a thing. It was, in part, an effort to avoid the huge guest list that would have come from a wedding in our hometown

We only invited 40 people and 38 came. One of the guests was a travel agent and was able to get exceptional flights for most guests. We covered all food, lodging and ground transportation for the entire week and arranged a few local tours, a wine tasting, etc.

So, given all that, I did kind of expect everyone invited would want to attend. The 2 who did not attend had a medical event that kept them from flying, which was regrettable, but not something we could have planned for. I certainly would not have been upset with anyone who couldn’t. I discussed the plans with a few critical people before we committed to our location

We also did not expect gifts (and most didn’t give one, which was absolutely okay. Couldn’t even tell you who)

Sounds lovely, what you did, and like you gave the guests a gift, instead of vice-versa. Although this being the DIS, should I assume it was a “cover your plate” (and week-long vacation expense) kind of event? (I kid, I kid. You don’t have to answer that.)

 

[sheilafri]

The one “destination wedding” I attended was in Colorado and I could drive to it. It was for my nephew. I just turned it into a mini-vacation. I felt good that I was able to rent a house to accommodate my parents, my son & DIL, and sister & BIL rather than have them pay to stay at the resort where the wedding took place. Don‘t know whether nephew didn’t like that or not but since the marriage lasted less than a year, I don’t really care.

 

[ronandannette]

This was 17 years ago. Kinda. I am from Ohio originally; family/family friends still in that area. My husband is from Maine. We were living in Mass at the time. We had the official wedding in Maine as it was easier (financially) for my family/friends to travel to Maine. And honestly it was prettier. Probably about 25 people traveled from out of state. We then did a Reception in Ohio a month later for people who did not attend. About 80 people were invited to that.

I was thinking more of the kind that are being held at a tropical resort and require a week of vacation time. I’d imagine your scenario is actually pretty common these days because people rarely marry their hometown sweethearts.

My own wedding was in a city 500 miles away from my hometown and I didn’t expect anyone (except immediate family) to travel. My parents also threw a local party there a few weeks later (no gifts requested, if anybody wonders).

 

[SC Minnie]

DH's youngest brother had a destination wedding in Mexico about 10 years ago. We went and it was a large expense for us. BIL was in his late 40's and a first wedding for him. All of the siblings (there were 5 living at the time) came with their families except for 1 brother.

DD's boyfriend was a groomsman in a destination wedding in February in Mexico. It was a stretch for them to afford the flights and the resort. It was for a good friend or they would have declined.

 

[CdnCarrie]

We have been invited to couple but declined. Relatives but not close ones.

Too me its not just the money it's the time off work. Some people get very few holidays and to expect them to use a week to attend seems a bit selfish.

 

[pryncess527]

Sounds lovely, what you did, and like you gave the guests a gift, instead of vice-versa. Although this being the DIS, should I assume it was a “cover your plate” (and week-long vacation expense) kind of event? (I kid, I kid. You don’t have to answer that.)

When we were planning, it was the early days of TheKnot.com and I learned about the cover your plate expectation. That’s not a thing where I’m from and I remember being scandalized at the idea any of our guests would attempt to calculate the per head cost

It was actually WAY cheaper than it sounds. We rented an entire villa in Italy for a week that slept all 40 people for less than HALF what the venue I wanted in Georgia was going to cost for just 6 hours. Insane. All the food, wine, flowers, cake - it was all SO much cheaper than anything with the word “wedding” attached to it in the US. We didn’t blow our budget and instead of serving cheap food to 500 people who’d known us forever, we got to really spoil & enjoy quality time with a much smaller group that is more active in our lives. My bridesmaids & his grandmother formed a strange friendship after spending a week together :rofl

 

[mjkacmom]

My sister had one at an all inclusive resort, I’d say about 25 guests. They also had a reception in Chicago (where they lived, and her IL’s were nearby) and in NJ where she was from. She chose a holiday week for her wedding ($) only because our aunt was a teacher, unfortunately her husband needed surgery last minute and they couldn’t attend.

 

[Smugpugmug]

The only destination wedding I've been to (if this even counts at all) was when my uncle got married in Miami. I was living in New Jersey at the time so my family and I had to fly down for the weekend.

I said this in the original thread you're referring to but my friend recently got engaged and she wants to have a destination wedding in Egypt next year (she and her fiance do not have family there - they just love the country and have been there multiple times). They want to have the wedding in the summer so flights alone would cost $5000. Also if I go, I wouldn't be able to go on the trip I was planning since I would have to use my vacation time for this. Idk, I'm most likely not going and my other friends said the same.

 

[antmaril]

I have been invited to three destination weddings and attended two of them. My nephew got married in Las Vegas in July, 2000 and my late husband‘a brother got married on Marco Island in 2005. We attended both of these weddings and had a blast. I was invited to my cousin’s son’s wedding in Cancun, Mexico in 2019, which I declined. While I think it would have been big fun, I would have had to travel to Mexico alone and I didn’t want to do that. Everyone understood.

I was married in 1974 and a DW was almost unheard of. My son is not married, but if he wanted to have a destination wedding, I would be all for it. I love a reason to travel. His guest list would be small, so it is doable.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

There are a lot of places that qualify as destination weddings that people would decline because of the time, costs, and locations/expectations so it's a bit limiting to just say out of the country especially as large as the U.S. is for a lot of people it's quite the trek to get to a wedding across the country for example.

We went to our friends wedding last May in WDW. It was not a cheap trip, required a lot of vacation time, etc. We made it a WDW/USO trip but we know other guests who just came in for the weekend and some who couldn't make it work for a Friday early morning wedding. The wedding itself was at 6am (although it ended up starting at 6:30am because of a flat tire for the bus) in AK which required guests to go to one of the three resorts on property in order to be picked up by a bus by like 5:30am or something like that. The day after the wedding there was also a lunch at the Lava Lounge attached to Rainforest Cafe in Disney Springs.

WDW itself is a destination that often pulls weddings.

We absolutely loved the wedding and loved spending time with our DISer friends in a Disney park all together and have been dying/joking about needing another wedding (or vow renewal lol) to do it again. That said it really does take a lot to make that work for guests never mind the tons of work that goes into planning a Disney wedding.

 

[PezRuth]

And for our attendance yes we can when we can. We have gone to a friend's wedding in Ireland (they lived there) and a wedding in Puerto Vallarta. both were wonderful. I believe we will be going to one in India in the future.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

My oldest niece got married in Jamaica, and although I started saving up, I just didn't have enough time to be able to swing it financially, being on a fixed income. The trip itself was a lot of money, and so I didn't get to see her get married. Sometimes I don't think the couples who plan a destination wedding take into account the money that people will have to spend to get to the place, pay for a hotel room, etc. My niece had a block of rooms reserved at a bit of a discount, but it still wasn't enough for me to be able to afford to go.

 

[AndreaDM]

DH and I got married one year ago tomorrow in St. Thomas, so yes it was a destination wedding but it was also an elopement. No guests, not even our kids and we each only told one friend what the plan was. I told a friend because I needed her help with my dress, he told his friend because he can't keep a secret lol. It was SO nice to escape the drama, the guest lists, etc. and just go do what WE wanted to do.

 

[Kae]

My friend was going to have one. the planning had just started and then it was decided her grandmother would not be able to travel that far. So she changed it to a local wedding.

 

[Darcy03231]

DS#1 and his wife had a destination wedding in Costa Rica. About 40 people (family and friends) attended. They both wanted a smaller, intimate wedding and if they had it locally it would have been a three-ring circus. I thought it was a brilliant way to keep the numbers down without anyone being upset that they weren't invited.

From the outset they were fine with whoever did or did not attend. They both realized by having a destination wedding there would be people who were important to them that would not be able to attend.

 

[AussieFan8]

We had a Vegas wedding. For those who attended, we asked them not to bring gifts as we knew they had to spend money to get there and considered their presence to be their present. We also did not send out formal invitations as we didn't want people who couldn't attend to feel obligated to send gifts. So we just sent out a group email to family and friends saying we'd love for them to come if they could. We had about 40 people come. There were family members who I found out later were offended that we didn't send out formal invitations and therefore they chose not to come, but it was truly our intention to ensure people did not feel any obligation to be there or send a gift. I felt bad that people were offended.