Spending money...

[wvjules]

you need to read the whole thread...

i was gonna give all 3 kids the same amount... but everyone shot that down saying a 1.5 year old shouldn't have the same as the others.. some hoopla about that not being fair/equal...

I assume your new to this thread so i will ask you:

If your children were going to Disney with their dad (your X), Would you send them with some money to pick something (souvenir) out for your self, your new husband and the children you and your husband now have?

I've changed my answer. I would ABSOUTELY give MY children spending money if they were going on vacation with YOU.

Now if I were taking my step-children on vacation with me I would not expect their mother to send them with any spending money. I would also not expect them to spend their souviner money (that I gave them) on their siblings at home. I, out of the generousity of my heart, would buy the souviners for the children left behind (and *gasp* the mother) and let the girls that are with me spend their souviner money on themselves.

 

[jujube]

What the heck are you talking about? He doesn't need a court order to deposit more money. All he has to do is...umm...deposit more money! It isn't rocket science.

Apparently, it's all rocket science.

Any real man who wanted to help his kids would up their support when he could. My ex started paying $300/month in 1976 but by 1980, he was paying $750 month because his income had risen. It was not his goal in life to see how little he could pay to support his son.

BTW, if your husband doubts one of the kids is his, maybe he hasn't heard of a DNA test?

 

[luvmy2babies]

She has another husband and still gets that much in food stamps.

Yeah, be careful here. My husband was paying way more than that (years ago), but his ex collected benefits for a while. He found out she was getting benefits when he got a call from Social Services asking why he was not paying child support. Apparently she had said she didn’t get any. I guess she didn’t think they would try to get it from him. He was able to produce proof that he was paying her and when he did they cut her off. She was fortunate not to be charged with fraud.

Some people would rather pay a lower amount in child support and pay for the extras for the children. My husband did this. I would think your husband is providing extras to be able to only pay that amount of money. That's very little for one child these days, must less two.

I know some people who go back to court every time the parent paying support gets a raise and I was surprised my husband's ex never took him back to court. She was happy not to go back and get it changed as his career progressed because on top of what he paid, he bought all their clothes and shoes, paid for extracurricular activities, and once they were old enough set up accounts for them where he occasionally deposited extra money. He also provide health and life insurance for them.

OP, a friendly word of caution you can take how you like. There's no such thing as total anonymity. I have heard of people having posts like this used against them in litigation. I really think you're putting too much of your family's business out there.

 

[crashbb]

Apparently, it's all rocket science.

Any real man who wanted to help his kids would up their support when he could. My ex started paying $300/month in 1976 but by 1980, he was paying $750 month because his income had risen. It was not his goal in life to see how little he could pay to support his son.

BTW, if your husband doubts one of the kids is his, maybe he hasn't heard of a DNA test?

Yup. And the crap about "she doesn't know he knows" (which I assume means that she doesn't know that he knows that she is on food stamps) - He's paying her pennies to support his two children. He knows that he is not paying her enough to properly support his children. A reasonable father (heck a reasonable human) would support his children adequately. Knowing or not knowing about food stamps is just a red herring.

I feel very badly for these two girls - no adult in their life (certainly neither the OP nor her husband) actually want to do what is best for them. They (the adults) would rather keep score and "win" against the other adults.

 

[Alesia]

and what #post was that...

It started with post #14.

Then there was post # 23

And # 28

And # 32

Up until this point, I was still giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming that writing just isn't your strong suit and you were having a difficult time getting your point across, But it only got worse from there. Finally we got to post #116:

oh i can't use the words step-children, but I can only be labled as a step-mom...

yay that's fair....

and, honestly, I don't know what to say. I just really don't...

 

[Alesia]

But what does he want? Doesn't he want to adequately support his own kids?

Apparently, he'd rather help his ex defraud the government.

 

[Nancyg56]

Okay- I get the picture now. Stacey- let me explain what is going on between your DH and his ex. They are scamming the State of Ma. Yup, the reason she agreed to $75 a week for the girls is because if there is no real record of his paying any child support she gets state insurance, WIC if the ages are appropriate, subsidized rent and utility assistance, free lunch in school and food stamps. She is also eligible for the Earned Income Credit if she is working.

He gets off easy. He pays a pittance towards their upkeep and he is not responsible for health insurance or real child support. She is not hiding anything.......they are hiding their real income.

Now here comes the fun part. There may come a time when the department of welfare decides that the children need to have been fathered by someone so in order for the ex to continue to collect she will have to provide a name. Guess who? Or she will run out of time under the welfare to work program and will decide to go after your ex for support. I have seen this happen and there is one little function included in that pesky little calculator. It has a back button. There is no statute of limitations concerning back support. The State gets their share and the mom gets some too.

Now here is one more little life lesson you can choose to take or toss out: Be nice to the lady who holds your financial future in her hot little hands. She may not think the little rice krispy treat you hold over her head is enough anymore and presto bingo.........you and your DH are selling DVC in order to pay all that back money he skipped out on and no one is going to count his 300 a month. You are correct about that. There is no court order for it.

 

[Alesia]

Okay- I get the picture now. Stacey- let me explain what is going on between your DH and his ex. They are scamming the State of Ma. Yup, the reason she agreed to $75 a week for the girls is because if there is no real record of his paying any child support she gets state insurance, WIC if the ages are appropriate, subsidized rent and utility assistance, free lunch in school and food stamps. She is also eligible for the Earned Income Credit if she is working.

He gets off easy. He pays a pittance towards their upkeep and he is not responsible for health insurance or real child support. She is not hiding anything.......they are hiding their real income.

Now here comes the fun part. There may come a time when the department of welfare decides that the children need to have been fathered by someone so in order for the ex to continue to collect she will have to provide a name. Guess who? Or she will run out of time under the welfare to work program and will decide to go after your ex for support. I have seen this happen and there is one little function included in that pesky little calculator. It has a back button. There is no statute of limitations concerning back support. The State gets their share and the mom gets some too.

Now here is one more little life lesson you can choose to take or toss out: Be nice to the lady who holds your financial future in her hot little hands. She may not think the little rice krispy treat you hold over her head is enough anymore and presto bingo.........you and your DH are selling DVC in order to pay all that back money he skipped out on and no one is going to count his 300 a month. You are correct about that. There is no court order for it.

If she listens to any piece of advice in this thread, I hope it's this one.

 

[STAYC18]

Now back on topic. I have just decided that they will spend their money on what ever they choose, and thats that, when its gone, its gone. If they are able to get themselves and who ever they want something that's great too. It's our vacation and its about our family, not anyone elses.

thank you all

p.s. How was my grammar on this one.

 

[STAYC18]

Okay- I get the picture now. Stacey- let me explain what is going on between your DH and his ex. They are scamming the State of Ma. Yup, the reason she agreed to $75 a week for the girls is because if there is no real record of his paying any child support she gets state insurance, WIC if the ages are appropriate, subsidized rent and utility assistance, free lunch in school and food stamps. She is also eligible for the Earned Income Credit if she is working.

He gets off easy. He pays a pittance towards their upkeep and he is not responsible for health insurance or real child support. She is not hiding anything.......they are hiding their real income.

Now here comes the fun part. There may come a time when the department of welfare decides that the children need to have been fathered by someone so in order for the ex to continue to collect she will have to provide a name. Guess who? Or she will run out of time under the welfare to work program and will decide to go after your ex for support. I have seen this happen and there is one little function included in that pesky little calculator. It has a back button. There is no statute of limitations concerning back support. The State gets their share and the mom gets some too.

Now here is one more little life lesson you can choose to take or toss out: Be nice to the lady who holds your financial future in her hot little hands. She may not think the little rice krispy treat you hold over her head is enough anymore and presto bingo.........you and your DH are selling DVC in order to pay all that back money he skipped out on and no one is going to count his 300 a month. You are correct about that. There is no court order for it.

thank you... one more thing, its my DVC and its paid for... bring on the next 75 years...

 

[Kidanikiki]

Now back on topic. I have just decided that they will spend their money on what ever they choose, and thats that, when its gone, its gone. If they are able to get themselves and who ever they want something that's great too. It's our vacation and its about our family, not anyone elses.

thank you all

p.s. How was my grammar on this one.

Actually, you should have used a question mark at the end of "how was my grammar on this one.".

 

[Nancyg56]

If she listens to any piece of advice in this thread, I hope it's this one.

She won't. She does not understand that her finances are tied to her DH in one way or another. Now I understand the separate accounts, if their finances are not co-mingled the State cannot make a withdrawal that impacts her.

 

[jujube]

thank you... one more thing, its my DVC and its paid for... bring on the next 75 years...

Do you not understand that if they come after your husband for back child support, you'll have to sell DVC in order to have enough money to pay what he owes? So you can say goodbye to the next 75 years at least as far as being a DVC owner.

 

[luvmy2babies]

Now here comes the fun part. There may come a time when the department of welfare decides that the children need to have been fathered by someone so in order for the ex to continue to collect she will have to provide a name. Guess who? Or she will run out of time under the welfare to work program and will decide to go after your ex for support. I have seen this happen and there is one little function included in that pesky little calculator. It has a back button. There is no statute of limitations concerning back support. The State gets their share and the mom gets some too.

Now here is one more little life lesson you can choose to take or toss out: Be nice to the lady who holds your financial future in her hot little hands. She may not think the little rice krispy treat you hold over her head is enough anymore and presto bingo.........you and your DH are selling DVC in order to pay all that back money he skipped out on and no one is going to count his 300 a month. You are correct about that. There is no court order for it.

Or when you're saying good-bye to your tax refund for several consecutive years. That happened to some people I know, including my MIL when my FIL had some children while they were separated. She eventually divorced him.

Just be careful. It may seem like a neat little arrangement, but if one thing goes wrong, or someone pees in someone's cornflakes, it can be a mess. And you may think you can stay unaffected, by keeping your money separate, but anything like this is going to have an effect on you and all of the children. My father ended up having his wages garnished and having to pay child support through my college years.

 

[Alesia]

Now back on topic. I have just decided that they will spend their money on what ever they choose, and thats that, when its gone, its gone. If they are able to get themselves and who ever they want something that's great too. It's our vacation and its about our family, not anyone elses.

thank you all

This was my advice from the beginning. I would advise you to make sure that they understand the rules, though. They're old enough to be able to budget their own money, but only if they know that they're supposed to.

p.s. How was my grammar on this one.

Better.

thank you... one more thing, its my DVC and its paid for... bring on the next 75 years...

I hate to tell you, but that doesn't matter. You may keep your finances separate, but the government doesn't. It's joint property, even if it was fully paid off before you were married.

 

[STAYC18]

Actually, you should have used a question mark at the end of "how was my grammar on this one.".

I was gonna but took my chances with the good old period.

 

[Alesia]

Actually, you should have used a question mark at the end of "how was my grammar on this one.".

Baby steps...

 

[STAYC18]

Do you not understand that if they come after your husband for back child support, you'll have to sell DVC in order to have enough money to pay what he owes? So you can say goodbye to the next 75 years at least as far as being a DVC owner.

Well, thank you but I don't think I will have to worry about that.

 

[Nancyg56]

Now back on topic. I have just decided that they will spend their money on what ever they choose, and thats that, when its gone, its gone. If they are able to get themselves and who ever they want something that's great too. It's our vacation and its about our family, not anyone elses.

thank you all

p.s. How was my grammar on this one.

Honestly, it is still a mess. Really, it is a mess.

thank you... one more thing, its my DVC and its paid for... bring on the next 75 years...

Oh I understand that the DVC belongs to you but if your DH has to come up with a sum of money to satisfy the Court, and he will be going to Court, you and he are going to need to pay a lot of legal fees, back support, penalties and interest. It is going to be very expensive.

Now if you get fed up with the whole thing you can be the ex who is trying to squeeze money out of Mason's Dad. Or going to court to get him to pay insurance. I have no idea what your source of income is but vacations are a luxury for many if they have no income, are on State welfare benefits and use food stamps to live. Oh, you know that because this is how your DH ex id forced to live.

 

[STAYC18]

Or when you're saying good-bye to your tax refund for several consecutive years. That happened to some people I know, including my MIL when my FIL had some children while they were separated. She eventually divorced him.

Just be careful. It may seem like a neat little arrangement, but if one thing goes wrong, or someone pees in someone's cornflakes, it can be a mess. And you may think you can stay unaffected, by keeping your money separate, but anything like this is going to have an effect on you and all of the children. My father ended up having his wages garnished and having to pay child support through my college years.

I know