Sounds stupid, but its upsetting me.

[nutterbutter2010]

So today I was on - you guessed it - Facebook, and I see a reply from my sister to her SIL (one of my FB friends). My sister had always told me that her kids didn't want her to get a FB acct, so she wouldn't.... So anway I see that shes on there, and is friends with our brother and his wife, and shes been on FB for at least 2 weeks... she KNOWS I have an acct, yet she buddies them, and not me??

A little background - a week or two before Thanksgiving, she had a major family drama - sister had been in contact with her bio-dad, and it really upset our parents (theres a thread about it somewhere on here). Our father had raised her since she was about 6, and was hurt by it. He said a few things to her, and she decided that she no longer wanted to speak with our parents again.... As a result, she was not there for turkey day, will not be around on Christmas, and is not going on our huge family vacation in 19 days.

So anyway, I'm upset about this because I'm thinking that shes not "friending me" because of it?? Because I didn't call her to talk about it when it all happened? I have to say, I wanted to call her, but my DH, my brother and his wife told me not to get involved. After all, it really had nothing to do with me. Plus, I was upset with her (though I never told her) about something she had done just before that. Plus, I've sent her holiday cards, and holiday pictures of my kids. Shes done nothing to try and make contact with me.


So do you think I'm being silly getting upset about this, or do you think its valid?




Oh, and to add, my brother is the one who ratted her out to my parents about having a relationship with the bio-dad. He didn't know he was "ratting her out" but thats how it all came into light.

 

[Carnie]

If she's causing all this drama and negtivity, why does it matter?

Perhaps she is waiting for you to send the Friend request? Go ahead, if she doesn't accept it, then you know she's actually upset about something, and you can get on with your day without worrying about it.

 

[nutterbutter2010]

If she's causing all this drama and negtivity, why does it matter?

Perhaps she is waiting for you to send the Friend request? Go ahead, if she doesn't accept it, then you know she's actually upset about something, and you can get on with your day without worrying about it.

I was thinking about that, but I really don't want to stir the pot. Plus, she had always told me that she would never have a FB acct, so why would I be looking for her, KWIM? The only reason I know shes on there now is because she commented on a mutual friends comment.

 

[akhenaten]

I was thinking about that, but I really don't want to stir the pot. Plus, she had always told me that she would never have a FB acct, so why would I be looking for her, KWIM? The only reason I know shes on there now is because she commented on a mutual friends comment.

I don't think that would be stirring a pot...
that is a normal way to come across someone on facebook.... to see they are friends with a friend... or notice a post....
if you know she is on and do not try and friend her then I think you are the one reading too much into it and perhaps creating a situation...or perpetuating one...

Just send a friend request saying welcome to facebook!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

As I told my family

I-95 goes in both directions, telephones and cellphones have inbound AND outbound capabilities....


Facebook doesn't require you to wait for an invitation to invite someone to be your friend.

Sitting and being upset over not getting an invite is silly given that you are capable of doing the same action.

Now if she rejects you--well then you'd have a point. Right now--you got nothing that you can't fix yourself.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I was thinking about that, but I really don't want to stir the pot. Plus, she had always told me that she would never have a FB acct, so why would I be looking for her, KWIM? The only reason I know shes on there now is because she commented on a mutual friends comment.

She would have to know that once she posts on someones wall she is visible. I have found various people that way. I wasn't hunting them down. When I noticed they were on, I invited them.

No biggy.

It is not stirring the pot unless you try to make something of it.

I also would NEVER have a FB account. My DH swore up and down he would never have one and made fun of me for 2-3 weeks. Then he got one. Things change, it isn't all that big of a deal.

Just invite with no comment and let her take it from there.

 

[nutterbutter2010]

I don't think that would be stirring a pot...that is a normal way to come across someone on facebook.... to see they are friends with a friend... or notice a post....
if you know she is on and do not try and friend her then I think you are the one reading too much into it and perhaps creating a situation...or perpetuating one...

Just send a friend request saying welcome to facebook!!

Well then obviously you don't know my family!!!

Maybe its just me, but I would think, that seeing that I've been on FB for some time now, and she knows that, and she also knows that she told me she would never GET a FB acct, that if she wanted to be buddies, she would be the one to do it.

Maybe I am reading to much into it..... I hope thats all it.

 

[nutterbutter2010]

As I told my family

I-95 goes in both directions, telephones and cellphones have inbound AND outbound capabilities....


Facebook doesn't require you to wait for an invitation to invite someone to be your friend.

Sitting and being upset over not getting an invite is silly given that you are capable of doing the same action.

Now if she rejects you--well then you'd have a point. Right now--you got nothing that you can't fix yourself.

Thats what I'm scared will happen.... I KNOW I did nothing wrong, but to her... you never know.... Maybe because I didn't run to her side when it all happened shes mad. I don't know.

 

[momrek06]

I agree with the other posters. Send DSis a friend request ALONG with a note that says "Good to see you on FB"....period. I would not let it worry you that she said she would never have a FB acct. She obviously changed her mind. I mean if she is not coming to any of the holidays and not going on vacation with you all....at least this is way to have some kind of relationship with her. I say go for it. Then you both can chat it up on FB! Let us know how it works out.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

I would just leave the whole thing alone. If and when she decides to "friend" you, then she will.


As for the bio-dad stuff, well it is her decision to either forge ahead with a relationship or speak to him to get closure. I understand your dad getting upset but she has to come to terms with those relationships on her own.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Thats what I'm scared will happen.... I KNOW I did nothing wrong, but to her... you never know.... Maybe because I didn't run to her side when it all happened shes mad. I don't know.

Until then, you just don't know.


I have an irrational family. I friended my sister on F/B after she hadn't spoken to me in a while. She sent me an invite months ago--but I never got an account until late summer.

I have since unfriended her and she wasn't too happy about that. (kind of in a "how dare you when you do such and such" sort of way.)

I tried, it didn't work out and it is much more peaceful to not have to worry that your posts will require a translator for an irrational person to read them correctly.

 

[akhenaten]

Well then obviously you don't know my family!!!

Maybe its just me, but I would think, that seeing that I've been on FB for some time now, and she knows that, and she also knows that she told me she would never GET a FB acct, that if she wanted to be buddies, she would be the one to do it.

Maybe I am reading to much into it..... I hope thats all it.

LOL true..... My DH family had a blow up over a holiday gift giving game...

so i know its not easy....

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

I have since unfriended her and she wasn't too happy about that. (kind of in a "how dare you when you do such and such" sort of way.)

which is why, in my opinion, Nutterbutter should not friend her sister. It's already a tense relationship so this would make it even more awkward.

 

[AshleyW]

LOL true..... My DH family had a blow up over a holiday gift giving game...

so i know its not easy....

My dad's side of the family spends Christmas Eve at my grandma's house every year. We eat lunch, open presents, have a few spiked eggnogs, and then.. we all play trivial pursuit. Now, everyone in my family is very smart.. we're just smart at different things. and we all take our trivial pursuit very seriously. and let me tell you.. every year.. (no joke, i mean every year) someone ends up in tears. My dad and grandma were even not on speaking terms for awhile thanks to one nasty round of playing. And for some sick, twisted reason.. we still play, every year.

 

[akhenaten]

My dad's side of the family spends Christmas Eve at my grandma's house every year. We eat lunch, open presents, have a few spiked eggnogs, and then.. we all play trivial pursuit. Now, everyone in my family is very smart.. we're just smart at different things. and we all take our trivial pursuit very seriously. and let me tell you.. every year.. (no joke, i mean every year) someone ends up in tears. My dad and grandma were even not on speaking terms for awhile thanks to one nasty round of playing. And for some sick, twisted reason.. we still play, every year.

Oh wow.... LOL ....maybe the spiked eggnogs help...
I must drink more around DH family... LOL

Good luck this year!!!

 

[momrek06]

which is why, in my opinion, Nutterbutter should not friend her sister. It's already a tense relationship so this would make it even more awkward.

That is why I suggested NB2010, send a message with her friend request. She can tell her DSis that they can have a "drama-free" relationship on FB!!! I really think she should not lose contact w/her sister.
If her DSis knows anything about FB, when DSis posted on NB2010's SIL's FB page....DSis should figure NB2010 would see it.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

My dad's side of the family spends Christmas Eve at my grandma's house every year. We eat lunch, open presents, have a few spiked eggnogs, and then.. we all play trivial pursuit. Now, everyone in my family is very smart.. we're just smart at different things. and we all take our trivial pursuit very seriously. and let me tell you.. every year.. (no joke, i mean every year) someone ends up in tears. My dad and grandma were even not on speaking terms for awhile thanks to one nasty round of playing. And for some sick, twisted reason.. we still play, every year.

Oh the joys of families and holidays. LOL

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

which is why, in my opinion, Nutterbutter should not friend her sister. It's already a tense relationship so this would make it even more awkward.

That's her choice.

However she is upset by an unknown at this point. She's presuming things that she cannot verify.

As in assuming her sis' is avoiding her deliberately. I know there are people on facebook that I cannot friend b/c of how their settings are set up. I can't click on them or anything. One friend, I posted a message in an exchange we were having on facebook. I couldn't friend her on my own without her sending me a message. I believe it is a particular security setting.

I'm all for drama-free, but this will only add to the drama IMHO.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

That is why I suggested NB2010, send a message with her friend request. She can tell her DSis that they can have a "drama-free" relationship on FB!!! I really think she should not lose contact w/her sister.
If her DSis knows anything about FB, when DSis posted on NB2010's SIL's FB page....DSis should figure NB2010 would see it.

So since NB2010 is friends with SIL, and Sis is friends with SIL, NB2010 can see everything that posted on SIL Face book even if NB2010 is not friends with those other people?
(I don't have FB, so I don't get all the in's and out's of it)

NB2010, how is your relationship with Sis since the revelation of the bio-dad relationship? Would you have a drama-free zone on FB? Would the fact that she can see comments made by other people on your page affect your relationship? (If my above question is correct)

not reading and running. DS13 needs the computer to finish homework. Will be back later, I'm interested in the whole FB aspect of it all.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

So since NB2010 is friends with SIL, and Sis is friends with SIL, NB2010 can see everything that posted on SIL Face book even if NB2010 is not friends with those other people?
(I don't have FB, so I don't get all the in's and out's of it)

.

Yes--but I get confused with all the rest of privacy settings.

I can see comments that folks I am not friends with leave on my friends' walls all of the time.

And the flip side is true. NB's sis will see NB's posts on her SIL wall as well. Which is why this whole upsettedness over not friending each other is silly. They'll both know each other is on FB and a whole new set of irrational family rumours will begin as to the what's and why's they are not friending each other.

At least if NB issues and invite and it is either not accepted or rejected, she at least knows that she will not share the blame.

FB is really just one big ol' soap opera--I swear!