Sorta OT...Bridal Shower on Mother's Day

[LadyBeBop]

My nephew/godson is getting married in August. It's a family tradition for the godmother to throw the family bridal shower.

My nephew and his fiance live about 500 miles away. As a result, they rarely get home. The wedding will be around here however.

Yesterday, his mother (my sister) informed me that my nephew and his fiance will only be home once between now and the wedding....for a short weekend to attend a friend's wedding. They arrive Friday for the rehearsal dinner, and leave Sunday night. So the only time we could have a shower is Sunday afternoon...Mother's Day.

Is Mother's Day too special of a day to have a shower? Can you think of any other suggestions? Also, doesn't she have to come into town for flowers and gown/tuxedo fittings?

As always, many thanks.

 

[pixiewings71]

Flowers can be done via email/phone, or maybe the flowers are being done by a family member, that makes it even easier. As for the dress/tuxes, the bride will get her dress where she lives, then she will be able to do the final fitting where it's easiest for her, which will be where she bought the dress. The tuxes, for most weddings now people can walk into a Men's Wearhouse and rent tuxes there, the measurements are taken and then they can be sent to a MW where the wedding is taking place so the guy's don't need to transport tuxes at all until they pick them up for the ceremony itself. I know this because DD23 is getting married in August, we bought her dress Valentine's weekend in Idaho (where she lives) but most of the guys in the wedding are out here in CA (where I live) so that's how they are doing the tuxes. For the bridesmaids, I have 3 Jr Bridesmaids dresses in my closet right now, we found them in Idaho but the Boise store only had one in the size my DD11 needed in the right color (discontinued color from fall, but it's exactly what DD23 wanted) so when I got back home I called 2 DB stores near me and they each store had 1 of the other sizes I needed. Her other 2 BMs will be in a different color of blue in a different style of dress. Oh and she's doing her own flowers.

If Mother's Day is the only day you can do the shower then do it that day, if people can't (or don't want to) come then they will let you know.

 

[Deb & Bill]

When I got married, I lived in Texas and my aunts wanted to have a shower for me in Illinois. I was unable to get back home for the shower. So they brought the gifts unwrapped and wrapped them all at the shower. So everyone got to see the gifts ahead of time. They had a grand party without me. I got a great box of gifts.

The bridal party could be there via a computer camera (Skype) if they weren't able to be there with you should you decide not to have a party on that one weekend.

 

[poohfriend77]

My first thought was that I wouldn't want to go to a shower on Mother's Day, unless it was for a close family member.

Is the couple actually in the wedding they'll be attending that weekend? If not, maybe you could do a brunch shower at 10 a.m., and they could still go the wedding at 2 p.m. or whatever. It would be a busy day for the bride-to-be, but it might work.

Otherwise, keep asking if they'll be back for last-minute fittings/planning. Good luck!

 

[clh2]

If Mother's Day is the only day you can do the shower then do it that day, if people can't (or don't want to) come then they will let you know.

I agree. To the OP - it sounds like you don't have a lot of options as far as dates go so I would try to work with this one.

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

I'd just do an in absentia shower for the couple, thats what Im having done for me as I can't make it to California.

 

[Cruise]

My first thought was that I wouldn't want to go to a shower on Mother's Day, unless it was for a close family member.

This. I would more than likely already have plans to do something that afternoon with my mother so I wouldn't attend. Knowing my mother, she'd accept an invitation from her own children for Mother's Day before accepting an invitation to a bridal shower - so she wouldn't attend either.

I'll be blunt here though I may get flamed for it... Honestly, I'd kinda raise an eyebrow at getting an invitation for a shower on a day that's usually spent with immediate family. Let's face it - we can be honest enough to admit that, in reality, showers are about giving/getting gifts for the couple - but there's always that "fine gleam" of having it be about visiting with the new bride and giving your well wishes in person. To have it on a day when a lot of people won't be able to attend (but will, of course, still be expected to give a present) would kind of irritate me and just look like a grab for gifts. Just my $.02.

Maybe you can ask your sister if she's sure there isn't any other weekend they're coming into town for planning purposes - fittings, meeting with the caterers, etc. Otherwise, I'd do as another poster suggested and try to fit the shower in sometime on the Saturday. It would cut their time at their friend's wedding short, but honestly, if they're expecting gifts from people at their own shower, they really should be the ones a little inconvenienced, not the guests to the shower.

 

[LadyBeBop]

I'll be blunt here though I may get flamed for it... Honestly, I'd kinda raise an eyebrow at getting an invitation for a shower on a day that's usually spent with immediate family. Let's face it - we can be honest enough to admit that, in reality, showers are about giving/getting gifts for the couple - but there's always that "fine gleam" of having it be about visiting with the new bride and giving your well wishes in person. To have it on a day when a lot of people won't be able to attend (but will, of course, still be expected to give a present) would kind of irritate me and just look like a grab for gifts. Just my $.02.

No flames here. If it means anything, this will probably be a family shower. Meaning that there will be mothers and daughter there. The only ones there who will not have their mothers attending will probably be my sisters and me. (My mother passed away 18 years ago. I still miss her). We will invite the bride's mother. I hope she can come, but she lives five hours away.

Still, it takes time away for the sons to visit with their mothers that day. As well as the very young daughters. I love my two-year old granddaughter. However, I'm not inviting her to the shower.

Maybe you can ask your sister if she's sure there isn't any other weekend they're coming into town for planning purposes - fittings, meeting with the caterers, etc.

Will do. There has got to be another weekend before August. However, knowing my luck, it would be Memorial Day weekend. And I already have non-refundable reservations for vacation..950 miles away.

Otherwise, I'd do as another poster suggested and try to fit the shower in sometime on the Saturday. It would cut their time at their friend's wedding short, but honestly, if they're expecting gifts from people at their own shower, they really should be the ones a little inconvenienced, not the guests to the shower.

I can look into it. However, she is in the wedding as a bridesmaid.

I guess if the wedding is late enough (weddings before about 4:30 are unusual), we could have a brunch. It would mean an early day for me. I'm actually about a hour south of the rest of the family. It would be an inconvienence for my daughter who works on Saturdays though and needs the tips.

We'll see. Do you think having her attend via Skype would be tacky?

 

[cluvsdisney]

I would never plan a bridal shower for Mother's Day. It's a special day to a lot of families that have their own traditions for celebrating the day. I think my mother would sooner go to a bridal shower on Thanksgiving then mother's day.

Perhaps, you or your sister can talk to the couple about coming into town on another weekend so you make the shower for them. I am sure they are expecting one since there's a standing tradition in your family about hosts and such. If it's something they would like to enjoy, then they are going to have to make some sort of arrangements to get there.

 

[CTmommyx3]

I would not want to go to one on Mother's day
my sil had my nieces baptism on mother's day my first one being a mom and I was upset that day was special for me any my immmediate family
I think I would ask people first get a feel for if the most important people would mind before commiting.
I know last year my nephew first communion fell that weekend again i wonder why would they do that! But we went anyways

 

[Cruise]

I can look into it. However, she is in the wedding as a bridesmaid.

Ahh... that does complicate things. I thought she was just to be a guest at the friend's wedding.

We'll see. Do you think having her attend via Skype would be tacky?

Since you were quoting me, I'll go ahead and give my personal opinion on this. Again, I'm not trying to offend anyone and everyone needs to decide what is best for themselves and their situations. That being said, sorry, but yeah, I personally think that would be tacky too.

I guess the way I look at it is this - by inviting someone to a shower for a couple, you're asking them to give up an afternoon of what would likely be one of only two days per week that most people get free time. You're also asking them to spend money on a gift. Again, the thought behind the shower should be spending time with the bride and giving her your well-wishes - but we all know a gift is involved. So, knowing that, she wouldn't even show up herself? I realize that the 500 miles makes it a bit more trouble for her to make it than local guests, but then again, she's the one getting the gifts. I guess I just can't imagine asking someone to come somewhere for me, give me a gift, but not bother physically being there myself. I would be kind of embarrassed by it.

While it might be breaking tradition, maybe the best thing to do is just skip the shower, invite everyone to the wedding, and be happy with the wedding gifts.

 

[EKW]

I wouldn't have any problem with a shower on Mother's Day. People who do probably won't attend. That's their choice.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I think you will loose a lot of people on that day. I have boys who would not attend a shower with me and I would want to spend mothers day with them.

 

[tigger51276]

While it might be breaking tradition, maybe the best thing to do is just skip the shower, invite everyone to the wedding, and be happy with the wedding gifts.

I have to agree with this. I think Mother's Day is not a good day. People use the day to visit their mom, grandmother, M-I-L's etc. I think that if a shower is that important to the bride and groom that they would make time to come home for a party that is being given in their honor. If it's not worth their time to come back, then they can have a table set up at the wedding for those guests who wish to give them gifts. That's just my 2 cents though.

 

[Kae]

I would go. But we normally have a BBQ on mothers Day, Because that is the only way our guys like to cook

Kae

 

[kacaju]

since the shower would mostly be for family, I would ask them now. If I was well warned that this was the best time for a shower, I would go. Of course I spend many Mother's Days at Dog Shows, so maybe I am not the right person to ask!!

 

[jennsuko]

I have to agree with this. I think Mother's Day is not a good day. People use the day to visit their mom, grandmother, M-I-L's etc. I think that if a shower is that important to the bride and groom that they would make time to come home for a party that is being given in their honor. If it's not worth their time to come back, then they can have a table set up at the wedding for those guests who wish to give them gifts. That's just my 2 cents though.

Yep - I agree with this completely.

 

[kirstenb1]

My first thought was that I wouldn't want to go to a shower on Mother's Day, unless it was for a close family member.

Is the couple actually in the wedding they'll be attending that weekend? If not, maybe you could do a brunch shower at 10 a.m., and they could still go the wedding at 2 p.m. or whatever. It would be a busy day for the bride-to-be, but it might work.

Otherwise, keep asking if they'll be back for last-minute fittings/planning. Good luck!

I like this suggestion. Is there anyway to shift it to Saturday?

 

[disneyhand]

If it was a shower on Mother's Day I wouldn't go. However under these circumstances, couldn't you just turn it into a dual purpose celebration?

You could make it a Shower/ Mother's Day gathering. Invite all the family and close friends. Some people may still not attend, but I bet more would this way, since it would include whole families. It could be a party, brunch, bbq etc.

Are you a Mom? If so, do as much as possible to get ready in advance and have the guys help on Sunday. So you can celebrate too. Maybe buy prepared food.

In my huge family, we all pitch in for the big gatherings. And if we were faced with this situation, this is what we would do. In fact the males in my family would be relieved to have someone else tell them what they were doing for Mother's Day, as they don't usually seem to plan thing.

This is also a good way for the future bride and groom to see more of the family and friends during their short trip.

 

[bumbershoot]

I'm very unusual in that ever since my mom died I don't care one little bit about Mother's Day. Even though I've become one since then. So I'd accept my hugs from my son and husband, then go on my merry way to the shower. Where I'd probably be the only guest to attend.


I think you need to talk DIRECTLY to your godson and his fiancee. The communication between go-betweens must must must end.

While it might be breaking tradition, maybe the best thing to do is just skip the shower, invite everyone to the wedding, and be happy with the wedding gifts.

Which reminds me of my brother's wedding! They had it at their alma mater in NC, while none of their families lived there. Our mom was in VA, her parents still lived in FL, other family members from all over. This was in '93ish, so no Skype, and in order to have a shower, they did it the night before the wedding, in a small ballroom in their reception hotel. It was a *little* weird, but then I despised bridal showers with a huge burning passion back then, and we weren't really raised going to normal weddings anyway (mom was a hippie so things were very casual at the weddings we went to), so others might have thought it was totally normal.

I would raise the question of them getting there a day or so earlier than expected, and letting you through the shower then, when everyone was in town.

Then again, the problem is that if they are coming home to do this, they won't have a captive audience already AT a hotel, and people might resent being asked to do something with them two days in a row.

Sigh, can't win!