Son's math teacher and homework notebook

[DizBelle]

I'll be realistic....

If your DS is unable and you are unwilling to help him become able, perhaps another educational avenue is warranted.

 

[Dancind]

I have no concrete suggestions, just . I know if that had come up when my DD was in mid school I would have gone into a panic too.

For those that think this is a great opportunity for Jack to learn organizational skills, I need to say something. The term "aspergers" pretty much means a lack of executive functioning for most kids that have it. There are rare exceptions, but for most there is no "learning" out of it. It's there for life.

My DD is 19 and has actually learned to use a planner. It took several years, and it still isn't consistent. Her backpack, car, papers, room are not organized but she does use a planner (sometimes)!

 

[Mermaid02]

I'll be realistic....

If your DS is unable and you are unwilling to help him become able, perhaps another educational avenue is warranted.

That was nasty.

 

[DizBelle]

That was nasty.

I wasn't being nasty. I was only restating what you've already said. You've made it pretty clear that you aren't interested in dealing with this part of your DS's class.

 

[phorsenuf]

He is 13 and he has Asperger's and organization is very difficult, mostly because of his inability to throw away even the smallest of things.

I'll be realistic....

If your DS is unable and you are unwilling to help him become able, perhaps another educational avenue is warranted.

I get what she's saying and I don't think she was being nasty. The point is, this is something your son needs to learn to do. If he wants to succeed in school going forward then learning organizational skills will help him. If you insist on doing these things for him, or try to get him out of it then how are you helping him in his education?

I would think you would want him to do this. To help him learn what things are important to keep and what isn't. I understand he has a disability but should that really prevent him from learning important things? It seems as if you are wanting to keep him mainstreamed in school and I think that is what the poster above was referring to.

 

[Mermaid02]

I wasn't being nasty. I was only restating what you've already said. You've made it pretty clear that you aren't interested in dealing with this part of your DS's class.

Oh, thanks for the clarification.

 

[Mermaid02]

I get what she's saying and I don't think she was being nasty. The point is, this is something your son needs to learn to do. If he wants to succeed in school going forward then learning organizational skills will help him. If you insist on doing these things for him, or try to get him out of it then how are you helping him in his education?

I would think you would want him to do this. To help him learn what things are important to keep and what isn't. I understand he has a disability but should that really prevent him from learning important things? It seems as if you are wanting to keep him mainstreamed in school and I think that is what the poster above was referring to.

I do see what you mean and I certainly DO NOT want to do this for him- but honestly I'm not sure if this is something he can be taught. We have struggled since day 1 with organization. He loses binders and textbooks- let alone a single sheet of paper.

I know many think Asperger's is the diagnosis du jour, but trust me it's real. Thirty years ago my son would have just been considered the "weird kid" by kids and adults. He has an IQ of 138 and the teachers admit if they tested him orally he would pass everything with flying colors (he's a sponge) but ask him to write it down and he's done.

It's frustrating to say the least. He has lots of potential but it's hard to tap into.

 

[SeaShelley]

I'll be realistic....

If your DS is unable and you are unwilling to help him become able, perhaps another educational avenue is warranted.

I'm curious - what other educational avenues are you suggesting? The OP in no way indicated that she was unwilling to help her son become able. She was expressing her frustration.

Your comment was not realistic, it was rude.

And to the poster who insinuated that the OP was looking to take the easy way out - you don't have a clue! Truly an ignorant comment.

 

[phorsenuf]

I know many think Asperger's is the diagnosis du jour, but trust me it's real. Thirty years ago my son would have just been considered the "weird kid" by kids and adults. He has an IQ of 138 and the teachers admit if they tested him orally he would pass everything with flying colors (he's a sponge) but ask him to write it down and he's done.

Very interesting. My son is the same way. Had a coding-encoding problem. Ask him a question and have him write it down, forget it. Ask him orally and he'd be concise and detailed. Has a very high IQ. They called him gifted-learning disabled. Is he Aspergers? Who knows. Probably could find a Dr to say that. I chose not to go that route though because with hard work and determination he wanted to prove people wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you pushed for some type of diagnoses or it's not real in your son, but I do believe some people push labels on their children when they are not really warranted.

 

[DizBelle]

I'm curious - what other educational avenues are you suggesting? The OP in no way indicated that she was unwilling to help her son become able. She was expressing her frustration.

Your comment was not realistic, it was rude.

And to the poster who insinuated that the OP was looking to take the easy way out - you don't have a clue! Truly an ignorant comment.

Private school and home school are two alternatives.

I certainly appreciate her frustration. I believe she is certainly dealing with a real thing. Nobody said parenting was easy. It's a HUGE responsibility. Sometimes you have to do whatever it takes. And, sometimes, what you have to do is not easy. Doing anything less than whatever it takes to turn her son into a functional, productive adult isn't fair to her son.

 

[disfan07]

You say that you have a rule to throw thiings out when you are done with them....well, he's not DONE with these papers until AFTER the test. So he will throw them out when he's done with them. I dont understand what the problem is

Yes, you should mention this at his 504 meeting but it should be about ways that they can accomodate him and ways tha tthe teacher can HELP him with this. It should not be about getting him out of this.

How is he going ot pass teh test if he doesn't have his papers?

It really does sound like you just dont want to have to deal with this adn it would be easier for you if you could get him out of this. Unfortunately, that's not the way it works.

 

[padams]

He is going to have to keep all of his work to study for tests, especially finals, when he gets to that point in his education. It is better to learn to keep the stuff now. How does he study for tests if you throw away his completed homework? How will he study for finals if he doesn't have all of the work from the semester (or school year)?

 

[SeaShelley]

Private school and home school are two alternatives.

I certainly appreciate her frustration. I believe she is certainly dealing with a real thing. Nobody said parenting was easy. It's a HUGE responsibility. Sometimes you have to do whatever it takes. And, sometimes, what you have to do is not easy. Doing anything less than whatever it takes to turn her son into a functional, productive adult isn't fair to her son.

Thank you for responding.

As with any online situation, we can only base our opinions on the information that is written by the poster. Trust me when I say, that you truly can't appreciate her frustration until you've walked in her shoes. I've know the OP for 32 years and can only begin to understand her daily frustrations because I do not live them every day. Yes, parenting is a demanding job even with the easiest of children, but when you're dealing with one who has multiple challenges he must face every day even the simplest of tasks can become a war.

Perhaps I'm a bit overprotective when reading comments that insinuate that my BFF is not doing everything in her power to raise a functional and productive son. She is Jack's biggest supporter and has had to fight tooth & nail to get him the services he needs in school. He's a square peg that the school wants to place into a round hole.....not gonna happen! He's a loving, smart & funny kid.....who will grow up to be a loving, even smarter and funny adult.

Okay...I'm gonna step off my soapbox now!

 

[daisyduck123]

I see nothing wrong with the teacher's requirement.

1st grade public school teacher

 

[SeaShelley]

You say that you have a rule to throw thiings out when you are done with them....well, he's not DONE with these papers until AFTER the test. So he will throw them out when he's done with them. I dont understand what the problem is

Yes, you should mention this at his 504 meeting but it should be about ways that they can accomodate him and ways tha tthe teacher can HELP him with this. It should not be about getting him out of this.

How is he going ot pass teh test if he doesn't have his papers?

It really does sound like you just dont want to have to deal with this adn it would be easier for you if you could get him out of this. Unfortunately, that's not the way it works.

You really need to re-read the posts.....

 

[NotUrsula]

With regard to executive function, while there isn't much "learning" exactly, there is the ability to fake most of the time. It's enabling them to do it that is the hard part.

In order to function as productive adults, Aspies need to learn to fake certain life skills well enough to get by. Generally this means giving the appearance of doing it well enough for as long as it takes to get through the mandatory parts of school. Once you're working you have some choice of where to work, so you learn not to accept jobs that you cannot do. However, school doesn't work that way, you don't have a choice not to go, so to get through you have to fake. How? Well, paying someone else to do some of your organization for you has been an option for a lot of people, and so has getting people who love you to do it. I know lots of Aspies who have photographic memories, and who could easily keep the entire math notebook in their heads -- some teachers can be convinced to accept the correct answers in lieu of actually examining the book. However, by far the most common way is reminder notes all over their lives. You see them in lockers, on desks, inside backpacks, in cars, in bathrooms, in kitchens, just everywhere. Things like "Shave before you go to work!", "FLUSH the toilet!" "TURN IN your homework!" "Say PLEASE! Say THANK YOU! Wait for your change!" (I've written that last one inside DS' wallet -- which works when he remembers to carry the wallet <sigh>)

 

[minniebeth]

Thank you for responding.

As with any online situation, we can only base our opinions on the information that is written by the poster. Trust me when I say, that you truly can't appreciate her frustration until you've walked in her shoes. I've know the OP for 32 years and can only begin to understand her daily frustrations because I do not live them every day. Yes, parenting is a demanding job even with the easiest of children, but when you're dealing with one who has multiple challenges he must face every day even the simplest of tasks can become a war.

Perhaps I'm a bit overprotective when reading comments that insinuate that my BFF is not doing everything in her power to raise a functional and productive son. She is Jack's biggest supporter and has had to fight tooth & nail to get him the services he needs in school. He's a square peg that the school wants to place into a round hole.....not gonna happen! He's a loving, smart & funny kid.....who will grow up to be a loving, even smarter and funny adult.

Okay...I'm gonna step off my soapbox now!

That was so kind of you to post about your friend who needs support. You are a good friend. It's true that unless you have first hand experience with learning disablilities, it's very hard to relate to. And even when you do, everyone's experiences are different.
Mermaid02, I hope that when you meet with Jack's teachers, you can work on a plan to find what works best for him. Best wishes to you!

 

[bfeller]

Haven't read the whole thread but your motto of: This goes against the motto in our home.... when you're done with it, throw it out.......well then you are not done with it because it is needed for your grade at the end of the quarter. I think being able to keep and organize your work is a great life lesson. (like keeping tax return stuff just in case you are audited)

 

[minniebeth]

I just don't get where people jump from that the op tries to get rid of scrap paper, gum wrappers, and other trash items that her DS "hoards" and her not being responsible enough to save important items for such things like tax returns. For those of you that do so on a discussion board, do you say things like that to people IRL?

Op asked if saving the math papers is something commonly done. I think she got that the answer is overwhelmingly yes. She acknowledged it and thanked everyone for their replies.

 

[design_mom]

I just don't get where people jump from that the op tries to get rid of scrap paper, gum wrappers, and other trash items that her DS "hoards" and her not being responsible enough to save important items for such things like tax returns. For those of you that do so on a discussion board, do you say things like that to people IRL?

Op asked if saving the math papers is something commonly done. I think she got that the answer is overwhelmingly yes. She acknowledged it and thanked everyone for their replies.

I agree that some posters have been unduly harsh. However, as far as hoarding issues, the OP referred to them as such in her first post:

This goes against the motto in our home.... when you're done with it, throw it out. My son has hoarding tendencies and we are really trying to nip it. He has Asperger's so this is a real concern. He is also extremely unorganized and every day is a struggle.