Son wants to take friend.... help!

[dixielander]

Hi,
We're leaving Friday for our Disney trip, driving from Buffalo NY. We are staying at Sheraton Vistana Resort, which we have stayed at many times before.
My 16 y old son came up to me last night, and asked how much money the Disney tickets are. I said, "why?". He asked if his friend, (girl- NOT girlfriend), could go with us, if she pays for her ticket and food.

Now I feel like I am in a dilemma. We would have the room for her to sleep, she would share a double bed with my daughter, who is 11 years old, and wouldn't mind at all.

It's alot of responsibility to take someone else's child, isn't it?? I feel like I'm going to lose either way, if I say no. Maybe it would make the trip alot happier for my son, I just don't know.

Any advice out there from families that have taken kid's friends with them???

 

[Fall1]

Would your DD feel left out if your son brought his friend? If yes, then I would try to explain that to him and hope he understands. If no, then I guess it's up to you.

 

[dixielander]

That is a big concern... the way it stands, it will be my husband and myself, my son (16) and daughter (11). It is our first family trip away without our oldest son, who is now in college.

If my son brings this friend, I would make it known ahead of time, that they are NOT going to be "splitting away" from us at the parks. This is a "family trip", and we'll be sticking together. Not saying that they couldn't go off and see an attraction that we didn't want, for example, riding the Rock-n-Roll coaster several times in a row! I'd be happy to let them do something like that if they wanted, but not splitting up for the day. I doubt very much he'd ever ask to do that anyway.

Very good point, I think that is the main reason my husband will say NO WAY!

 

[tink1969]

Let's face it, most 16 year olds don't really want to hang with parents....not cool. If he has someone to chum with, he won't be moping around as much. (assuming he would be otherwise)

I brought my niece with us who is two years older than my oldest daughter.
My brother paid her way and I was responsible for her. But she was 13 years old at the time so she wasn't really any trouble at all.

If you don't think the girl-friend will be any trouble, then I would let her join. Does your 11 year old daughter like her? Your DD will probably like having her along too!

 

[dixielander]

I think my daughter WOULD like having her with us, as she has no sister, she really likes having another girl around.

I just wish I knew this girl better, she has been to our home, and our son has been out with his family, but I just don't know her well. She seems polite enough. She and my son have been close lately after my son's girlfriend "dumped" him a couple weeks ago, (for another guy). Anyway, she seems nice, they are actually going to the prom together in May, as friends.

I'd have to make it clear though, from the beginning, how we "roll" on vacation. We like to get up EARLY, have breakfast at the condo, then be at the parks at opening. No sleeping in on our trips! We usually head back to the condo for the afternoons, then back to the parks around dinner time.
She's never been to Disney, so that would be kind of exciting for us too, to have a "newbie" with us!

 

[Mrs. Charming]

At first, I was like, no way Jose. But, it doesn't sound like a horrible idea at this point. I think the key factors are the girl getting along with your DD, and maybe letting all 3 kids go off together, even if it's in the same park as you and your DH. Talk to the girl's mom about it, see how that goes. She might not even allow it, and this might be a moot point.

 

[ShannonMB]

I'm usually pretty stingy with my family time, but I do see how the trip could be a lot more fun for the kids with your son's friend going along. She probably won't be much trouble, and she might actually be really fun to have along (esp the newbie aspect!). I know I would have a good time taking someone that age who had NEVER been!

Sounds like you better talk to DH about it, though, if you think he'll have strong opinions!

Have a GREAT trip!

 

[scrappingizlife]

I don't think I would have a problem with it. As long as they understand that they are to be with you at the parks, maybe let them go off for half a day or something. There will be no, we're staying behind to go the pool..etc. Maybe the three kids can go off together and you and DH can have some adult Disney time.

 

[Hannathy]

I would take her! It will be a lot of fun for all the kids and especially her if she has never been. It sounds like she knows she will have to pay for her tickets and her food (although I usually pay for a meal or two when we take someone) so it really won't add much to your costs.

I say take her and have fun, I remember the trips as a kid that we took friends on as some of the best family trips of my life. And not to use this as blackmail but do you want your son to remember this trip as the worst, the one Mom wouldn't let his friend come for no good reason? Soon he will be old enough to not go on trips and could decide to do just that.

 

[TSRE]

I think I would say take her. As long as the ground rules are clear and she agrees to them, I think it could add to your trip, not take away from it. Plus, as a kid who only ever went on vacations with my friends' families (my family NEVER vacationed), I was always very grateful to be along and on my best behavior. Hopefully she would be, too. I still vividly remember every trip I took with other families, and it was a great chance to see how a family could function differently than my own. You might be doing her a bigger favor than you realize!

 

[froggy5657]

If the kid he wants to take is a good kid (polite, etc.) then they won't be a hassle.

If your daughter will feel left out, then don't take her

If this is a family trip, where you are all going to go on rides together, then don't take her

If you don't mind the two of them going to the parks by themselves, then sure take her

 

[VanessainWonderland]

I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone else's child.

I teach, so I see lots of parents and hear of too many situations to ever bring someone else along.

I just would not feel comfortable, especially at that age!

 

[summerrluvv]

I would bring her, I think it will be fun for the kids to have someone new. I went on vacation with my friends family growing up and we all had a good time.

 

[daisyduck123]

I wouldn't allow it at this late date. If there were more time to plan it out with her parents...yes, but not less than a week til your trip. Nope.

 

[BabyFu18]

I'd say no just because of the short notice, explain to your son that there is a lot to figure out when adding a friend to the family vacation and that at this late addition you think it's best to make this trip about family but maybe he can bring a friend next time.

My parents took my BFF when I was younger, but it wasn't something they decided last minute, it was something they planned for from the beginning stages of the vacation planning. So I don't think letting your son bring a friend is a bad idea, I just think there needs to be more time to think about it and work everything out, having it be a last minute decision sounds like a bad idea to me.

 

[Hannathy]

What difference does it make that it is last minute? Nothing is going to change whether it is now or 3 weeks ago? She has the reservation that doesn't need to be changed. They are driving so no changes there? She can buy tickets at Disney. Why would anyone need more time? Nothing is changing, they are just adding another body.

They are young, kids don't need a lot of warning to get ready. Throw some clothes in a bag, grab the sunscreen, phone, charger, camera and money and bye-bye! My DD has been invited for a weekend, showered, packed and left in less than an hour!

I think you'll have a great trip and I bet your DD will like her there as much as your son. And guess what for once in your family the girls will out number the guys and that alone is reason to take her.

So I really would like an explanation as to why it is a problem to take her with a weeks notice.

 

[daisyduck123]

What difference does it make that it is last minute? Nothing is going to change whether it is now or 3 weeks ago? She has the reservation that doesn't need to be changed. They are driving so no changes there? She can buy tickets at Disney. Why would anyone need more time? Nothing is changing, they are just adding another body.

They are young, kids don't need a lot of warning to get ready. Throw some clothes in a bag, grab the sunscreen, phone, charger, camera and money and bye-bye! My DD has been invited for a weekend, showered, packed and left in less than an hour!

I think you'll have a great trip and I bet your DD will like her there as much as your son. And guess what for once in your family the girls will out number the guys and that alone is reason to take her.

So I really would like an explanation as to why it is a problem to take her with a weeks notice.

Because no doubt the girl's parents are going to have many questions & they won't have them all at once.

And FWIW, your DD throwing her stuff in a bag for a weekend with a friend hardly compares to a WDW trip. The OP is traveling from NY to FLA.

 

[summerrluvv]

What difference does it make that it is last minute? Nothing is going to change whether it is now or 3 weeks ago? She has the reservation that doesn't need to be changed. They are driving so no changes there? She can buy tickets at Disney. Why would anyone need more time? Nothing is changing, they are just adding another body.

They are young, kids don't need a lot of warning to get ready. Throw some clothes in a bag, grab the sunscreen, phone, charger, camera and money and bye-bye! My DD has been invited for a weekend, showered, packed and left in less than an hour!

I think you'll have a great trip and I bet your DD will like her there as much as your son. And guess what for once in your family the girls will out number the guys and that alone is reason to take her.

So I really would like an explanation as to why it is a problem to take her with a weeks notice.

Well said!

 

[Jill in Chicago]

No. This is a family trip. A family interacts one way when it is just the immediate family and another way if there are additional people involved. If it is just the four of you there will be lots of interaction between the four of you. If the girl comes along the interaction will most likely be between the four kids, and you and your husband.

Sometimes I think adults enjoy this. It gives them more adult time. I just do not think that a family vacation is the time for that split of adult time and kid time. I think it's best for it to be family time.

Will your son miss his friend? Yes. I would also say no phones while you are at the park together. Again, the emphasis is not on him talking to friend, but your son talking to you and his sister.

As to the posters who say a teen is no longer interested in time with their parents, that is often true. Too bad. There will be lots and lots and lots of time for him to be on his own without his parents. This is not one of those times.

My husband and I took just our younger son (oldest got to go to Ireland with his college marching band) to Disney. He was 14 at the time and we all had an absolute blast! There was so much interaction between the 3 of us. Great memories!

 

[jessica52877]

I just want to say that when I was 17 my dad let me take one of my best friends. We drove from OH to FL. He was a boy, but not a boyfriend (and was never gonna be one, LOL). We had a great time on that trip. We stayed at my uncle's who lived in Kissimmee and we were allowed to go to the mini golf place together but other then that we stayed with my father, parks and all. Of course it was just the 3 of us. My friend had never been before and probably still never would have been if we hadn't taken him.

If it would work out, then I say take her. Ours was a pretty last minute thing. Maybe decided 2 weeks out and his mother really didn't know my father well at all, but knew me very well! We were together (and at their house) alot.

Of course being a parent now there seems to be so many more things to worry about. I hope I am able to give my child the opportunity to experience something like that too.