Sometimes it's exhausting being the "bigger" person

[mom2aredhead]

Sibling/Family drama. Again. Around the holidays. Shocker.

Why oh why can't someone else "be the bigger person" for a change. This is one of the reasons my son is an only child.

Happy holidays.

 

[beckmrk04]

We always have drama in our family too. Someone isn't speaking to someone. And someone didn't call someone else and now someone is pouting about it.

One of these days I amd just going to have enough and sit out one holiday.

PEACE on Earth, INDEED!

 

[mom2aredhead]

We're going through the "I'm not coming if they're invited" thing...

I don't know why my parents thought it would be a good idea to have so many kids.

 

[tinatark]

We have a different perspective on that this year - one we wish no one else would have to deal with - 6 weeks ago my husband stood in front of his 43 year old brother's casket. He walked my 16 year old nephew in to the chapel of the funeral home to "see" his dad. My 13 and 14 year old sons had to say goodbye to their uncle. No warning, no previous health issues, he died of a sudden heart attack.

This week, we are most thankful that we have no regrets where that relationship was concerned.

Going through what we are kind of makes those little (and even the big) arguments seem pretty petty to me.

 

[tinatark]

We're going through the "I'm not coming if they're invited" thing...

I don't know why my parents thought it would be a good idea to have so many kids.

Oh yeah and we had that Monday night - met "my" side of the family for dinner - one of my cousins left when he pulled into the parking lot and saw his brother's truck - their wives/girlfriends don't get along.

 

[HelenePA]

I don't know why my parents thought it would be a good idea to have so many kids.

as a mom of four that makes me very sad to hear. i can assure you that holiday tiffs (or lack of) had nothing to do with your parents having more than one child

 

[mom2aredhead]

Going through what we are kind of makes those little (and even the big) arguments seem pretty petty to me.

So sorry for your loss.
I completely agree about the pettiness. That's why I always try to be peacemaker, "Switzerland" and "the bigger person". I guess it comes with the territory when you're the oldest. I just wish it was someone else's turn.

 

[SC Minnie]

We have a different perspective on that this year - one we wish no one else would have to deal with - 6 weeks ago my husband stood in front of his 43 year old brother's casket. He walked my 16 year old nephew in to the chapel of the funeral home to "see" his dad. My 13 and 14 year old sons had to say goodbye to their uncle. No warning, no previous health issues, he died of a sudden heart attack.

This week, we are most thankful that we have no regrets where that relationship was concerned.

Going through what we are kind of makes those little (and even the big) arguments seem pretty petty to me.

THis does put things into perspective.

I guess I am fortunate that my brother and I get along. The only 'issues' that come up are my niece and nephews come by my mom's for about 30 min and then are off somewhere else for the rest of the day. Mom wishes they would stay longer.

 

[mom2aredhead]

as a mom of four that makes me very sad to hear. i can assure you that holiday tiffs (or lack of) had nothing to do with your parents having more than one child

Sheesh - Can't a girl just vent?

 

[HelenePA]

Sheesh - Can't a girl just vent?

yes but when you say stuff like you just did its not a vent.. well it is.. on your parents for having more than one child.. doesn't sound like a holiday vent.

 

[mom2aredhead]

yes but when you say stuff like you just did its not a vent.. well it is.. on your parents for having more than one child.. doesn't sound like a holiday vent.

Unfortunately they're partly responsible because of the dynamic that they allowed to occur in our household when we were growing up. If you treat one child as "the golden child" with a completely different set of rules, expectations, and consequences that carry into adulthood, you are setting the stage for animosity and drama, especially around the holidays when there is already additional stress on everyone. Yes, it's a shame, but it's reality. Sometimes siblings, as adults, do not get along as well as their parents would have liked... I just wish everyone could be a grown up about it.

 

[Justanopinion]

We have a different perspective on that this year - one we wish no one else would have to deal with - 6 weeks ago my husband stood in front of his 43 year old brother's casket. He walked my 16 year old nephew in to the chapel of the funeral home to "see" his dad. My 13 and 14 year old sons had to say goodbye to their uncle. No warning, no previous health issues, he died of a sudden heart attack.

This week, we are most thankful that we have no regrets where that relationship was concerned.

Going through what we are kind of makes those little (and even the big) arguments seem pretty petty to me.

Almost 3 years ago my sister quit speaking to me. She accused me of something that really was untrue and wouldn't take my phone calls for me to even explain. It was a very simple explaination. But last month when my grandmother was dying and she flew into town she all but had to depend on me for transportation and what not. I have never mentioned the argument and she didn't either. We just went on from there. We got along great. We have since both put effort into calling each other and getting along. I think she also realized how much she has missed out on my youngest DD.

A death in the family sure puts things into perspective.

 

[GothTink]

yes but when you say stuff like you just did its not a vent.. well it is.. on your parents for having more than one child.. doesn't sound like a holiday vent.

Trust me. It's a vent.

 

[mom2aredhead]

Trust me. It's a vent.

Thanks!

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

The only 'issues' that come up are my niece and nephews come by my mom's for about 30 min and then are off somewhere else for the rest of the day. Mom wishes they would stay longer.

Oh man I thought my sister and her kids were the only rude ones out there that did this. My sister lives 3 hours away and teaches school (summers off) and she barely manages to visit my elderly parents once or twice a year. Every time she shows up and spends maybe a half hour with my folks then heads off to the movies or the bookstore before she and her family go back to a hotel to stay. It makes my parents so very sad that they do this and I finally got fed up and asked my sister why they constantly do this but she just doesn't care.

This Thanksgiving marks 3 years since I have spoken to 3 my siblings. I am just tired of their treatment of my parents and their constant belittlement of me and my family. I manage to visit my parents when they are not around (not too hard to do!) and honestly my life is SO much easier by not having to deal with their drama. I choose to surround myself and my children with loving, supportive family members and friends. I honestly know that once my parents are gone that I will never see those siblings again. They will swoop in and take all they can and disappear. I can honestly say I won't miss them one bit.

This year we are spending Thanksgiving with a certain Mouse we all know and love. Works for me!

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Unfortunately they're partly responsible because of the dynamic that they allowed to occur in our household when we were growing up. If you treat one child as "the golden child" with a completely different set of rules, expectations, and consequences that carry into adulthood, you are setting the stage for animosity and drama, especially around the holidays when there is already additional stress on everyone. Yes, it's a shame, but it's reality. Sometimes siblings, as adults, do not get along as well as their parents would have liked... I just wish everyone could be a grown up about it.

Oh man another post that sounds like my family! We refer to my one sister as "the golden child" too. She is the one who treats my parents the WORST but yet they still think she is their perfect angel. Funny thing is she always accused ME of being the favorite one since I was the youngest.

I actually have a couple of friends who have "worthless siblings" too. Maybe we should all form a group and be honorary siblings and have holidays and family reunions at Disney every year.

 

[Justanopinion]

Note to self...stay away from this thread. Do not post anything else. Do not talk about favortism and who says what. You are being the bigger person already, don't start venting on here. Don't do it. Don't do it. I know you have lots to add but don't do it. Don't post about what she has done this week, just put the keyboard down and walk away!

 

[CruiserMom]

It has been my experience that whoever is the "big enough" person to be the bigger person, will always end up having to be the bigger person. Sometimes people say they are being "the bigger person", but the first time something doesn't go their way, they bail out and become selfish again.


KWIM?

 

[CruiserMom]

Oh man another post that sounds like my family! We refer to my one sister as "the golden child" too. She is the one who treats my parents the WORST but yet they still think she is their perfect angel.

Yep, we have one of those in my side of the family too, a brother who is always "too busy" or "in too much debt" to help out much with our mother. When she goes into the hospital, my sister and I take turns being up there with her, while my brother "visits" once. Not the same thing! Yet he can do no wrong!

 

[pjb0216]

I am an only child, but my DH's family makes up for it dramawise in our household! I look at my two sweet DS's and I hope it is never like this when they grow up!