Some WDW trips not for family?

[kaytieeldr]

Looks like we're pretty much on the same page. Pretty sad when kids don't get to participate in the planning. I love asking my DD where she might like to eat when we are at the 180 day counting mark. Often, her answers surprise me and we go places I never would have expected. It's also great when she mentions one of my favorites as that reinforces what I have planned all these years. But if she ever said: "Let's do Carousel of Progress first and do Space Mountain later in the day", I'd have to pull rank!

I have little to no sympathy when the kids have no input in planning the family vacation. We never did, and my parents were wonderful, considerate people.

Other than visiting my grandparents, we went on a grand total of two family vacations. The last one was when I was ten; everybody else was younger.

As an adult, I get to pick the destination.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I have little to no sympathy when the kids have no input in planning the family vacation. We never did, and my parents were wonderful, considerate people.

Other than visiting my grandparents, we went on a grand total of two family vacations. The last one was when I was ten; everybody else was younger.

As an adult, I get to pick the destination.

And so the cycle continues. So just because your parents didn't allow you to pick vacation spots, you won't allow you children??? How is that fair?

 

[kaytieeldr]

No, I didn't say I wouldn't/won't/didn't let my kids have any say in vacations. I said my parents didn't and that we went on a grand total of two family vacations in the 27 years they had any kids under eighteen. One, really, because the left the younger kids with our grandparents for the first one.

My parents made all the decisions both times. Therefore (a) it makes complete sense to me that the adults make the decisions; and (b) they're lucky to be going anywhere on vacation.

 

[JimmyV]

No, I didn't say I wouldn't/won't/didn't let my kids have any say in vacations. I said my parents didn't and that we went on a grand total of two family vacations in the 27 years they had any kids under eighteen. One, really, because the left the younger kids with our grandparents for the first one.

My parents made all the decisions both times. Therefore (a) it makes complete sense to me that the adults make the decisions; and (b) they're lucky to be going anywhere on vacation.

So if you take your 6 year old to the cinema, she should free lucky to be there and should enjoy the PG-13 movie that you take her to instead of asking what she would like to see. And when you to a restaurant, she should feel lucky just to be there and should eat whatever you pick for her instead of asking her what she might like to eat? I don't know. In my world, offspring have opinions, wants and preferences long before they graduate from college and are ready to strike out on their own on their own dime. And those opinions and preferences are just as important when it comes to their hard-earned vacations. That's right. After a grueling school year, the kid earned a vacation every bit as I did by working at my job.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I don't think I'd call it lucky. And there's a difference between the questionable decision of taking one's child to a movie with a too-mature or too-violent theme, and taking her to any same multiple-option vacation destination once a year.

There's an Expedia study that 38% of households are going nowhere on vacation this year. Not everyone can afford one. Heck, not everybody can afford to go to the movies or out to eat. A vacation isn't a given, it's a luxury. It stinks that school is grueling for your kids. It's grueling work for a lot of kids. A lot of them have to recover at home all summer.

Parents who want to give their kids a say in the destination? Great. Parents who don't? Great. Parents who can't take their kids anywhere? Those are the ones with whom I can empathize.

 

[Nancyg56]

No, I didn't say I wouldn't/won't/didn't let my kids have any say in vacations. I said my parents didn't and that we went on a grand total of two family vacations in the 27 years they had any kids under eighteen. One, really, because the left the younger kids with our grandparents for the first one.

My parents made all the decisions both times. Therefore (a) it makes complete sense to me that the adults make the decisions; and (b) they're lucky to be going anywhere on vacation.

My parents did not have money for vacations yearly so we also had limited vacations. I was happy to go anywhere at one point. I have to say that as I got older vacationing with my parents would not have been fun.

I don't think I'd call it lucky. And there's a difference between the questionable decision of taking one's child to a movie with a too-mature or too-violent theme, and taking her to any same multiple-option vacation destination once a year.



Parents who want to give their kids a say in the destination? Great. Parents who don't? Great. Parents who can't take their kids anywhere? Those are the ones with whom I can empathize.

In this thread we are discussing parents who can afford to vacation a lot...........the OP's friend has made multiple trips to Disney. In this thread we are discussing whether or not it is appropriate to consider the children's feelings when planning a vacation destination. It is my opinion that when a family can vacation yearly and that family is never offered an option to vacation anywhere but the destination Mom wants that Mom is selfish. Just because she can does not mean she should. IMO.

I cannot tell a parent it is wrong to make vacation plans with only that parents sense of enjoyment being considered. I can say that I could never plan a vacation that suited me, only me. Not when I am taking my children. And I do not subscribe to that old adage that kids are lucky to go anywhere. It seems to me that when parents plan a family vacation there needs to be consideration for the family. otherwise it is Mom's trip with kids in tow.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Well, then in this family the definition of family vacation is indeed "mom's trip with the kids and husband in tow". Until/unless she starts abusing them - by, for example, binding & gagging them and throwing them in the trunk and forcing them to accompany the patents on the annual WDW trek - the girls are going to have to suck it up until they're old enough to stay home.

 

[chloe4ever]

Nothing at all to do with being Disney obsessed. Replace WDW with any destination and the response would be the same. The adults, being the adults, make the - all decisions for the family. What's next? The tweens (and really, if that description is accurate we're talking about 11-12) get to pick the new car? The living room furniture? The house? The city where they live?

I don't agree. I think if the destination was replaced, the opinions in this thread would be different.

And your examples are not even on scale with what I'm talking about. To go from asking what places/types of vacations interest your child and them having a little input to saying that leads to a kid picking where the family lives/what car they drive, etc......is absurd and not at all related.

I think that taking a child's opinion into consideration when it comes to vacation planning is very different than abdicating parental responsibility to allow little Johnny have a beer while watching Lilo and Stitch.

Yes, a parent can choose vacation destinations. Yes a parent has the final say. Yes a parent can overrule a kid's desire to vacation someplace else. What I find odd is a parent who is so obsessed with one destination (does not need to be Disney) even though the rest of the family would prefer anywhere else, Disney is the only vacation allowed. Parents get to do that but I really do not understand that mentality. My definition of family vacation is a trip that the entire family is looking forward to. I would not find any joy in dragging my family to a place just because I can. Telling the kids that they can stay home with Memere is they don't want to come just does not work for me. Just because I can does not mean I should.

And God help my DH is he ever tried t tell me that I have no say in our plans because he makes the money. I make his food......................that is paid for with his money. That would make the outcome of his dinner even more ironic

Awesome post! Completely agree!

So if the parents are obsessed with wine and took their kids along to Napa and Sonoma for winery visits, and the kids had to hang around the tasting room parking lots while the parents tasted wine all day; and they did this 15 years in a row, and the kids said one year: "This year, just ONCE, we'd like to go to Disney World", your response would be: "Shut your pie hole. We're going wine tasting"? Somehow I get the sense that if the jumping off point of this thread had been that the parents refused to go to WDW and the kids wanted to go, the collective wisdom of this board would take on a whole different perception of parental guidance and flexibility.



Apples and oranges. Of course parents make the decisions when it comes to the health, safety and upbringing of the kids. But we are talking about a vacation here. The kids aren't going to suffer or be endangered if their parents take them to the Smithsonian, or the Grand Canyon, or Yosemite, or the Outer Banks, or Cape Cod. Parents let their kids make plenty of decisions. Like what to order at a restaurant. What clothes to buy. What TV shows to watch. What activities to participate in. Parental guidance and wisdom is needed in all of these. But the dynamic is never: "I'm the parent and you have no say in the matter".

Completely agree!

I have to admit I am commenting from the conversation I had with that mom whose kids were tired of Disney. That conversation tends to influence how I respond to these threads. This parent told me her two girls would love to go anywhere else but she has no desire so they will go to Disney. It is the only vacation option these kids ever got. She saw nothing wrong with that attitude but that is how she lives her life. My way or the highway. It is why we were never friends, I could not accept that my input was never welcomed. She treats her girls this way as well. They could never go to the water parks........there are water parks at home. Never mind that they never got to go to one at home.

They were never told about the vacation ahead of time, "Get too excited." Never allowed to tour their way............Tour Guide Mike is their guide. Never got to watch a parade.............attraction lines are reduced at that time. Never could stand in character lines, they went to character meals for that. The reality was that she did not want them to "help" plan so they were woken up and told they were going on vacation. Their clothes were packed and in the car. This was their Mom's vacation and every one else was along for her ride.

I guess that is why I dislike hearing that "I pay so what I say goes. Take it or stay home." These girls would have rather stayed home by the time they were teens. Yes, there are families that are not this extreme but as posted in this thread, many of us know "that" parent who does not put one iota of thought into pleasing their children when planning a vacation. The vacation is all about that parent.

I don't know for sure but I bet if the thread was about a family that only was allowed to vacation at Atlantis and the children were begging Mom and Dad to take them to Disney but Mom was obsessed with Atlantis the responses would be a tad different.

And that mom you speak of makes me extremely sad.......

Looks like we're pretty much on the same page. Pretty sad when kids don't get to participate in the planning. I love asking my DD where she might like to eat when we are at the 180 day counting mark. Often, her answers surprise me and we go places I never would have expected. It's also great when she mentions one of my favorites as that reinforces what I have planned all these years. But if she ever said: "Let's do Carousel of Progress first and do Space Mountain later in the day", I'd have to pull rank!

It is about respecting your kids. Parents are not dictators. They are parents. And kids have amazing opinions and ideas if you let them express them and then it makes them feel amazing when they have input.

And so the cycle continues. So just because your parents didn't allow you to pick vacation spots, you won't allow you children??? How is that fair?

Exactly what I was thinking. It feels like it is sort of a "revenge" thing with this type of parent........"My mom did not value my opinion so now I get to do the same thing to my kids...........what control I now have!"

 

[Nancyg56]

Well, then in this family the definition of family vacation is indeed "mom's trip with the kids and husband in tow". Until/unless she starts abusing them - by, for example, binding & gagging them and throwing them in the trunk and forcing them to accompany the patents on the annual WDW trek - the girls are going to have to suck it up until they're old enough to stay home.

Well of course they are, they have no choice. Once again, it isnot wrong but it certainly was not right for my family/ I just cannot see any joy in that kind of mentality. Child abuse? No. Family vacation/ That depends on which person in that family you ask.