Some things you've taught your child about lying?

[littleEinsteins4]

I have a 4 yr old DD and Ive caught her telling little white lies here and there.. the other day DD 1 started crying while they were playing in their playroom I went in and asked DD4 what happened and she said nothing (I knew she was fibbing) I asked DD1 what a happened and she said DD4 pushed her, I asked DD4 if she had pushed her and she said yes.

I explained to her that lying is not nice, and that you should always tell the truth. I told her santas watchig and he doesnt like to see lying. I also told her that no one likes to be friends with liars, its not a nice thing to be. I told her its nice to be friendly,helpful,truthful but not a liar. she said ok and we left it at that, she apologized to DD1 for pushing her.

What are some things you've told your children about lying?

ana

 

[littleEinsteins4]

giving this a bump hoping for some suggestions

ana

 

[Aidensmom]

I've told my son that he should tell the truth because:

1. Mommy always finds out anyways and then he would be in trouble for lying.

2. Mommy and Daddy can't help him with a problem he has if he doesn't tell us what it is.

3. Mommy and Daddy will always love him no matter what he has done, so it is just better to fess up than to lie and cause more trouble.

4. If you lie to people all the time, and they will eventually not believe you and when you have something important to tell them or need help, they are going to think you are lying. (Because this is a bit complicated for a five year old, I actually playacted this one with stuffed animals in kind of a "boy that cried wolf" story.

 

[littleEinsteins4]

2 and 4 are excellent I will try 4 def.....

Thanks

 

[lizdotcom99]

I explained to her that lying is not nice, and that you should always tell the truth. I told her santas watchig and he doesnt like to see lying.
ana

Somehow this just does not sit well with me! You are trying to teach your child about how wrong lying is using Santa's watching....

 

[tkd lisa]

I tell them that they get in more trouble for lying about it when I find out. I usually have a set punishment for lying that gets added to the punishment for the offense.

 

[mickeyboat]

I have used the "cry wolf" lesson for my childern as well. It is a way the little ones can learn to understand the possible consequences for lying.

Denae

 

[mamacatnv]

Telling the truth keeps you out of trouble and lying doubles the amount of trouble you are in.

My DS 17 to this day cannot lie to save his skin, DD 8 on the other hand, well it is just scary how good she can be at it

 

[Beca]

Somehow this just does not sit well with me! You are trying to teach your child about how wrong lying is using Santa's watching....

I'm right there with you on this one. But, then again...we don't do Santa in our house...or the Easter Bunny. And, we will not do the tooth fairy or any other imaginary person as well. This is for many reasons. We choose to keep religious holidays just that...religious holidays. But, we also do this because "the truth" has always been VERY important to our dd (I don't know...she's just a rules kid). If she is going to the doctor, and I think she MIGHT be getting a shot, we sit down and have a conversation about it. The other day, a package came in the mail. She asked, "What's in the package?" I said, "Your Christmas present....no, you can't open it, look at it, or even smell it...you're not going to find out until Christmas, so go find something else to do so it doesn't drive you crazy."

I think the best thing to do is lead by example, and point out those times when you would rather not tell the "hard truth" to your child as you come across them. With our dd, we explain to her that we respect her enough that we would not lie to her, and then we tell her the hard truth. Sometimes, if she hears things on the news where children have been harmed by adults, we soften the blow by just explaining that the adult did some bad things that made God very sad, and that has been enough (so far).

Now, we have had the talk about "polite lies". If someone gives you a gift, even if you don't like the gift, you tell them, "Thank you. It was really nice of you to think of me," because she struggled with, "How do I tell the truth, and not hurt their feelings? I can't say I love it if I don't...that would be a lie." In her mind, saying thank you about something you didn't really appreciate was a lie. We've definitely had to work on that one.

I think the best way to teach your kids not to lie, is not to lie to them.

 

[cheyita]

Somehow this just does not sit well with me! You are trying to teach your child about how wrong lying is using Santa's watching....

You took the words right out of my mouth. Don't get me wrong, though. Been there, done that.

Unfortunately, I preached and preached to my girls about not lying. But then they've started to see where mom and dad tell little white lies. They are seeing the double-standard and hypocrisy it what mom and dad have to say. I'm sure that doesn't send a good message either.

Being a parent can really stink sometimes.

 

[CathrynRose]

I tell them I will cut their tounge out if they lie.

Ive always always pulled the "how would you feel if I lied to you?" routine, and honestly Ive got an 11 & 15 y/o who are sometimes too honest for their own good.

After being lied to, my girlfriend tought lying to her kids by pulling a "get dressed!!! We're going to a carnival!!!" the following day.

Yayyyyy! The kids shouted out as they got ready - all excited as they drove 2 hours to.....

A junkyard. her husband needed a part for his work truck.

"What?!?!? This isnt a carnival!!!!!!!"

"Yeah - it sure isnt! How's it feel to be LIED TO?!?!?!"

Still makes me laugh -

 

[mickeyboat]

I'm right there with you on this one. But, then again...we don't do Santa in our house...or the Easter Bunny. And, we will not do the tooth fairy or any other imaginary person as well. This is for many reasons. We choose to keep religious holidays just that...religious holidays. But, we also do this because "the truth" has always been VERY important to our dd (I don't know...she's just a rules kid). If she is going to the doctor, and I think she MIGHT be getting a shot, we sit down and have a conversation about it. The other day, a package came in the mail. She asked, "What's in the package?" I said, "Your Christmas present....no, you can't open it, look at it, or even smell it...you're not going to find out until Christmas, so go find something else to do so it doesn't drive you crazy."

I think the best thing to do is lead by example, and point out those times when you would rather not tell the "hard truth" to your child as you come across them. With our dd, we explain to her that we respect her enough that we would not lie to her, and then we tell her the hard truth. Sometimes, if she hears things on the news where children have been harmed by adults, we soften the blow by just explaining that the adult did some bad things that made God very sad, and that has been enough (so far).

Now, we have had the talk about "polite lies". If someone gives you a gift, even if you don't like the gift, you tell them, "Thank you. It was really nice of you to think of me," because she struggled with, "How do I tell the truth, and not hurt their feelings? I can't say I love it if I don't...that would be a lie." In her mind, saying thank you about something you didn't really appreciate was a lie. We've definitely had to work on that one.

I think the best way to teach your kids not to lie, is not to lie to them.

I a lot of ways, I agree with you. In a lot of ways I don't.

I think it is important to explain difficult things is an age-appropriate manner. if that means I don't tell the whole truth, then I don't.

Yes, it is always better in theory to lead by example, but I don't think that I respect my children any less because I further their belief in the tooth fairy. I think I am respecting their imagination and their belief in magic. I think I am respecting their childhoods, allowing them be children as long as possible.

Who knows, maybe they will end up resenting me because I played into the lie, but I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

Denae

 

[diznygirl]

I've told my son that he should tell the truth because:

1. Mommy always finds out anyways and then he would be in trouble for lying.

2. Mommy and Daddy can't help him with a problem he has if he doesn't tell us what it is.

3. Mommy and Daddy will always love him no matter what he has done, so it is just better to fess up than to lie and cause more trouble.

4. If you lie to people all the time, and they will eventually not believe you and when you have something important to tell them or need help, they are going to think you are lying. (Because this is a bit complicated for a five year old, I actually playacted this one with stuffed animals in kind of a "boy that cried wolf" story.

These are good. Of course, the most important is #1 "Mommy always knows when you are lying!"

 

[Beca]

I a lot of ways, I agree with you. In a lot of ways I don't.

I think it is important to explain difficult things is an age-appropriate manner. if that means I don't tell the whole truth, then I don't.

Yes, it is always better in theory to lead by example, but I don't think that I respect my children any less because I further their belief in the tooth fairy. I think I am respecting their imagination and their belief in magic. I think I am respecting their childhoods, allowing them be children as long as possible.

Who knows, maybe they will end up resenting me because I played into the lie, but I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

Denae

ITA!!! Parenting is REALLY hard!! I look at it like this...God gave my dd to me because he must've trusted my judgement with her. God gave your children to you for the same reason. We all have to decide what's best. If parenting was easy...there'd be a LOT more kids on this earth!!

 

[mickeyboat]

ITA!!! Parenting is REALLY hard!! I look at it like this...God gave my dd to me because he must've trusted my judgement with her. God gave your children to you for the same reason. We all have to decide what's best. If parenting was easy...there'd be a LOT more kids on this earth!!

ITA! There really isn't one right answer, or they would have come with a manual. Isn't it nice that we can agree to disagree without biting each other's heads off?

Denae

 

[Beca]

ITA! There really isn't one right answer, or they would have come with a manual. Isn't it nice that we can agree to disagree without biting each other's heads off?

Denae

Absolutely!!!

 

[littleEinsteins4]

I'm right there with you on this one. But, then again...we don't do Santa in our house...or the Easter Bunny. And, we will not do the tooth fairy or any other imaginary person as well. This is for many reasons. We choose to keep religious holidays just that...religious holidays. But, we also do this because "the truth" has always been VERY important to our dd (I don't know...she's just a rules kid). If she is going to the doctor, and I think she MIGHT be getting a shot, we sit down and have a conversation about it. The other day, a package came in the mail. She asked, "What's in the package?" I said, "Your Christmas present....no, you can't open it, look at it, or even smell it...you're not going to find out until Christmas, so go find something else to do so it doesn't drive you crazy."

I think the best thing to do is lead by example, and point out those times when you would rather not tell the "hard truth" to your child as you come across them. With our dd, we explain to her that we respect her enough that we would not lie to her, and then we tell her the hard truth. Sometimes, if she hears things on the news where children have been harmed by adults, we soften the blow by just explaining that the adult did some bad things that made God very sad, and that has been enough (so far).

Now, we have had the talk about "polite lies". If someone gives you a gift, even if you don't like the gift, you tell them, "Thank you. It was really nice of you to think of me," because she struggled with, "How do I tell the truth, and not hurt their feelings? I can't say I love it if I don't...that would be a lie." In her mind, saying thank you about something you didn't really appreciate was a lie. We've definitely had to work on that one.

I think the best way to teach your kids not to lie, is not to lie to them.

Phew!! Ok I agree and disagree as another poster said

I caught myself with the santa thing. After the whole incident happened I replayed it in my mind and thought how the heck could i tell her santa is watching if hes not real I am telling her lying is wrong and I am lying to her. With that said i couldnt bear to tell her that santa doesnt exist at age 4 I feel like they have so much time to be disapointed with the ways of the world that I'd like them to keep beleiving. NOW if she asks me directly mom is santa real then I will tell her the truth.

I so want to do this right and I feel this is the time to mold them and I really want to do my best.

ana

 

[littleEinsteins4]

I tell them that they get in more trouble for lying about it when I find out. I usually have a set punishment for lying that gets added to the punishment for the offense.

What are some of the consequences that you would use with a 4 year old?

 

[littleEinsteins4]

You took the words right out of my mouth. Don't get me wrong, though. Been there, done that.

Unfortunately, I preached and preached to my girls about not lying. But then they've started to see where mom and dad tell little white lies. They are seeing the double-standard and hypocrisy it what mom and dad have to say. I'm sure that doesn't send a good message either.

Being a parent can really stink sometimes.

This is why I feel like i didnt do a good enough job with my lying speech. I felt like hypocrit(sp) I thought I'm giving my kid a speech about lying and I'm telling her santas watching....????? I was really shocked she told a lie i really wasnt ready.

 

[Beca]

What are some of the consequences that you would use with a 4 year old?

Now, this is just me, but I don't know how much I would truly worry about a 4 yr old lying to me. Developmentally, they just are not playing with a full deck. Yes, they are extremely bright little sponges, but a small transgression is not that big of a deal at that age. If it becomes a pattern, then you might have to take action. I would probably just explain to her that she really hurt my feelings, and that I am no longer sure that I can trust what she tells me. That alone would just about KILL my dd, and she's 4 too.

I also think the idea of telling her you were doing something REALLY cool, and then taking her somewhere NOT so cool would be a really good way to bring the point home....just make sure you have a big discussion about how it feels to be lied to.