Some advice for a mom...

[KAMKIM]

My youngest DD5 is going to kindergarten next Tuesday. She will most likely be our last child (although if DH had his way she wouldn't ) anyways, I just wonder some times where did the years go? Doesn't seem all that long ago I was wondering how on earth am I going to take care of 2 kids and how could I possibly love another child as much as our oldest DD - about a minute after giving birth I knew.


I dont want to wake up some day and realize my baby is going to college and have regrets (although I'm sure we all do as parents regardless of how hard we try)

So as I am sending my baby to kindergarten I started wondering how many of you are sending your babies to college, or watching them get married this year? Any advice for a young mom with 2 young kids...what did you do as a mother that you will never forget and dont regret, or what did you do that you do regret? anything you wish you did more of? less?

 

[Feralpeg]

My daughter is 21 years old and in the first semester of her senior year of college. Already, she is talking about moving somewhere else to start her new life as an adult and a teacher. It breaks my heart.

It really doesn't seem that long ago that I took her to enroll for kindergarten. Now, here she is...a beautiful young woman ready to start her own life, without her mom. Oh, she loves me. There is no doubt and we will never go a day without speaking, but I don't want her to move away. It has been hard enough having her gone away to college.

But, it is not about me. I don't begrudge her a moment of the excitement she is feeling. I remember being her age and how I couldn't wait to be on my own.

To answer your question, OP, spend every minute you can making memories. When the time comes and you are trying to decide whether to spend your time with the kids or complete some household task, pick the kids! Never let them leave the house without telling them that you love them. Let them grow and be their own person, but make sure you are beside them on that journey. They can grow and still appreciate your input.

The time will go by very quickly. Unfortunately, I never figured out how to slow it down.

 

[powellrj]

I have 3 and my oldest is 26, my middle one is 18 and my youngest is 13.

With my oldest I have seen him go to war and get married and this year I sent my middle DS to college. I still have my youngest at home for a few more years, but she is already making plans for her future.

My mom gave me some really good advice many years ago. She said when I went to school for the first time all she wanted to do was cry. She dropped me off and my brother turned to her and said, I don't want to cry, because it will make sissy sad and we can't make her sad on her first day. What words of wisdom from a 4 year old. She learned and taught me that it wasn't about me being sad, it was about finding the joy in your child finding their way.

We have had some real set-backs. DS was wounded in the war and middle DS had a health scare this week, but to see them grow into adults is a special feeling. You need to see what you have helped them become instead of what you are losing.

Since DS got married, we now have a wonderful DDIL that we would never have had if he hadn't grown-up and gotten married.

 

[lisajl]

I agree with Feralpeg! Make those memories while you can.
Our DD is 23, still in college. She is still living at home, too.
It is so nice to hear her talk about our memories of vacations and silly things we have done over the years.
Our DSs are 15 and 12. We have a few years left with them, but it is soooo hard to let go.
Hold on tight right now, remember the little things. Those are the precious memories. They will remember too. That is what will sustain me when they do leave.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My oldest dd is in college this yr. as a Freshman. My other dd is a 7th grader.

The only regret is not starting a savings account for college. You need about 80,000 per kid.

 

[Pakey]

Our grandson started kindergarten this year.

Time does not go by any slower as your children get older. My list of regrets is long and painful but at the top of the list is that I worked so hard at my career when I should have worked harder at parenting. Yes, we have vacation memories, yada yada, but I wish I had taken more time in the day to day life to enjoy them. I didn't always fully listen to their stories. I didn't always give my full attention to watching the Goonies for the 8 billionth time, etc. Also, I didn't have them spend enough time with extended family (grandparents, cousins, etc).

 

[dare2dream]

School started here on Monday and I remarked to DH that we sent the last of our three to school for the last time 7 years ago. While all three were at home I worked full time and helped with Girl Scouts, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, Band Boosters, Church activities, etc, the list went on and on. Some nights when I had to be two or three places at the same time I eagerly looked forward to the 'empty nest'. There was a time when all three were in different schools. Some days it seemed the taxi service would run forever.

Now they are all gone. All three are married, two are college graduates (hopefully youngest will graduate in '11), all gainfully employed and faithfully attending church. I even have three beautiful grandbabies. I'm in MD and they are in UT, CO, and WA. They all live way too far away and I miss them terribly.

As I look back I am grateful for all the memories. They comfort me during the many lonely nights I now endure. I can't believe how I miss those crazy times.

As stated by Feralpeg make those memories, always make time with the kids. I always encouraged my kids to take advantage of opportunities that came their way. Have them try something different that interests them or get involved in extra curriculars that are important to them. When they got involved I got involved too. It helped me know what they were doing and showed them I supported them. Get to know their friends and ALWAYS keep the lines of communication open. Start when they are small so that during those difficult teenage years they know that they can always come to you and that you always have time for them. Some of my most meaningful conversations with the kids took place in 'mom's office' which was just sitting together on my bed.

Cherish this time KAMKIM. I never believed it at the time but as you are starting to see they really do grow up fast.

 

[KAMKIM]

Oh guys are making me cry

There are so many days when these kids drive me crazy, sleepless nights, fighting, expenses, nagging etc....but I always try to remember during those times that there will come a day when I wished I had a little one still asking me to lay in their bed in the middle of the night.

I miss smelling their bald heads as a newborn....rocking them to sleep every night even though everyone told me not to....I miss the feeling that I was the only one that could get them to stop crying as babies....now they both want their daddy

I wish so much I could slow it down, but I know my role...to be with them along their way and letting them know I am always their soft place to fall. It just breaks my heart.

 

[KAMKIM]

Just wondering was there ever a point in raising your kids that you felt you absolutely were doing the best job possible or did you always second guess yourself?

I had my oldest DD8 at 19 and DH was 20 motherhood was a smack in the face to put it lightly, I went from irresponsible teenager to MOM real quick. I have to pat myself on the back and say I think I surprised people with how well I took on that role and how seriously I took it. I think I even surprised myself because lord knows I was terrified that I would not live up to what this little person deserved....fast forward 8 years and I manage a full time job, a house, 2 kids, managed to finish college, the girls activities, girl scouts and last but not least DH...but I still am questioning whether or not I am living up to what they deserve...how do I know? Will I ever know?

 

[Pakey]

I was finished with college before I tried motherhood. And youngest is 28 and I still have no clue as to whether or not I did as well as they deserved. I would redo many things if I could go back but I believe I did the best at the time with the knowledge that I had at that time. There were times, especially during the teen years, where I felt I was the worst parent on the planet but now I've come to grips with reality feel I did alright. Just don't ask me to go through the teen years again.

 

[dare2dream]

I had DD29 at 21, DS27 at 23, and last DS23 at 27. When my kids were in high school they always were amazed at how young I was compared to their friends parents. There are advantages to having kids while you are young. I am often glad I had them when I was young so I had the energy to keep up with them. Of course now I can be a hip cool grandma and enjoy the empty nest because I am only 50!

As the kids were growing up I was always concerned about the teenager years. When the time came it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. Having them know home was a safe place for them and that they could always talk to their parents really helped.

From one mom to another keep up the great work KAMKIM. Parenthood is a tough job because the rewards sometimes seem few and far between. Some days are H*** and others are just a slice of heaven. Hang in there and don't forget to make time for DH. As you know it's important to be flexible and remember that everything will not always be perfect. Things that work in some families may not work for you. All kids are different, even those raised in the same home. Just do your best to love the ones you have as individuals.

The reward is when your children become happy adults making positive contributions to society. In the meantime just enjoy the small victories, they did well with a project, they were kind to someone else, they made the right choice, they helped with the dishes, or whatever. Your example and care are helping them become the leaders they will be tomorrow. For now they may not say thanks too much but someday they will look back and appreciate all you and DH have done for them.

 

[KAMKIM]

I had DD29 at 21, DS27 at 23, and last DS23 at 27. When my kids were in high school they always were amazed at how young I was compared to their friends parents. There are advantages to having kids while you are young. I am often glad I had them when I was young so I had the energy to keep up with them. Of course now I can be a hip cool grandma and enjoy the empty nest because I am only 50!

As the kids were growing up I was always concerned about the teenager years. When the time came it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. Having them know home was a safe place for them and that they could always talk to their parents really helped.

From one mom to another keep up the great work KAMKIM. Parenthood is a tough job because the rewards sometimes seem few and far between. Some days are H*** and others are just a slice of heaven. Hang in there and don't forget to make time for DH. As you know it's important to be flexible and remember that everything will not always be perfect. Things that work in some families may not work for you. All kids are different, even those raised in the same home. Just do your best to love the ones you have as individuals.

The reward is when your children become happy adults making positive contributions to society. In the meantime just enjoy the small victories, they did well with a project, they were kind to someone else, they made the right choice, they helped with the dishes, or whatever. Your example and care are helping them become the leaders they will be tomorrow. For now they may not say thanks too much but someday they will look back and appreciate all you and DH have done for them.

When I am at school functions it is an obvious reminder that I was a teenage mom...the other moms in the class are years older than me. I wish we were more prepared for life when DD8 came along but proud of the way we dealt with it...and I too am looking forward to being a young grandma - well...not too young

 

[Feralpeg]

I'll be the odd man out. I had DD when I was 36. I have never been married. DD was the result of artificial insemination. It was a long thought out decision that I have never regretted for a second.

Did I ever wonder if I was doing the right thing for her? Oh, just about every second of every day, but I followed my heart. Being a single parent and working full time, I had my hands full, but we made it work. I listened to her. I discussed decisions with her and let her know why I made the decision. The time we spent together was always special. It didn't matter whether it was a trip to WDW or just sitting on our couch, eating popcorn, watching a movie together. It was always special because we did it together.

I am very blessed in that she is a wonderful person. She was a wonderful child. When I hear about some of the problems people have with their kids, I just count my blessings. We are more than a parent and child. We are best friends. I hope that never changes.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

Wow - what a wonderful thread.

I am single mom to an 8 year old dd. Already I feel like time is speeding up on me. I can hardly believe that she is going into third grade.

Luckily, my work is so flexible that I can be her girl scout leader and PTA president. The time we spend together in these activities is priceless. I may get paid less but it is well worth it in my mind. I will have time when she is much older to work all I want. RIght now she only has one parent and I strive to the best for her each and every day.

I know it is all worth because she said one day to me - "Mom- I love my school because I feel like you are always there. You are always doing something so even when you are not on campus I know you are thinking of me."

 

[PinkRhombus]

Mine are still young, but I've had more than one person tell me that it is actually "quantity" of time rather than "quality time" when it comes to how much time you spend with your kids. Your kids don't care what you're doing as long as you're there doing anything with them.

My favorite thing to do is snuggle up on the couch with them and watch whatever Disney movie they've had me DVR. I usually end up napping but they're the most relaxing naps.

 

[KAMKIM]

Mine are still young, but I've had more than one person tell me that it is actually "quantity" of time rather than "quality time" when it comes to how much time you spend with your kids. Your kids don't care what you're doing as long as you're there doing anything with them.

My favorite thing to do is snuggle up on the couch with them and watch whatever Disney movie they've had me DVR. I usually end up napping but they're the most relaxing naps.

Movie night is also my favorite, there is something about changing into our jammies, grabbing a blanket and some popcorn on a cool/rainy day

 

[TIAMOMMA]

Awww, now you all got me tearing up at my desk (must.not.cry.must.not.sob.out.loud). Time never goes faster than when you have kids, I remember EVERY single detail of the day prior and the day of my first born's birth day. Now, I see a 9 year old bopping around, and don't get me started when I think about my BABY turning 7 in November.

My husband is of the mindset to have the kids live at our house forever But as much as I'll miss them I always say "Our entire job is to get them to the point that they do move out (and can do it successfully). I am of the mindset that if your kids move out, are productive and kind and WANT to call and visit then you are a success as a parent.

 

[Lynn CC]

I love reading all these replies!
DH and I have one son (by choice) he graduated undergraduate school this year and we moved him to Japan 3 weeks after graduation to start Graduate School there, the plan is 3 years over there and then working/living there. He loves it so far.

That was the hardest move for all of us, we have been a very close family of 3 since we held him in our arms for the first time (DH and I said look at our little KING and that is what we treated him like to this day).

I think if you truly ENJOY being with your children then everything will happen naturaly for you. You won't even have to think about being a good parent because it will just happen as the years go by (and they do go FAST).

We have always loved our son more than words can say, and we will always be there for him even if he is on the other side of the world and he knows that.

I see so many parents that talk to their children sharply, treat them poorly, and I feel there is no hope on getting through to them to let them know just how precious children are, no matter what age they are they deserve your respect. If you treat them kindly and with love 9 times out of 10 they feel secure enough as they go through life to be the best they can be because they will respect you and themselves. They will also grow into confident adults who in our son's instance is able to travel to another country and as you are leaving him there.... he Thanks You for being the best parents in the world and the nicest! It doesn't get any better than that!

Another thing DH and I talked about from time to time over the years is how our parents treated us growing up. That can confirm exactly how you want to or don't want to treat your children and how you would like them to feel in each instance (if that makes sense)...it makes good conversation!

OP....now you went and made me tear up, I"ve got to go keep busy LOL!

to parents

 

[KAMKIM]

I love reading all these replies!
DH and I have one son (by choice) he graduated undergraduate school this year and we moved him to Japan 3 weeks after graduation to start Graduate School there, the plan is 3 years over there and then working/living there. He loves it so far.

That was the hardest move for all of us, we have been a very close family of 3 since we held him in our arms for the first time (DH and I said look at our little KING and that is what we treated him like to this day).

I think if you truly ENJOY being with your children then everything will happen naturaly for you. You won't even have to think about being a good parent because it will just happen as the years go by (and they do go FAST).

We have always loved our son more than words can say, and we will always be there for him even if he is on the other side of the world and he knows that.

I see so many parents that talk to their children sharply, treat them poorly, and I feel there is no hope on getting through to them to let them know just how precious children are, no matter what age they are they deserve your respect. If you treat them kindly and with love 9 times out of 10 they feel secure enough as they go through life to be the best they can be because they will respect you and themselves. They will also grow into confident adults who in our son's instance is able to travel to another country and as you are leaving him there.... he Thanks You for being the best parents in the world and the nicest! It doesn't get any better than that!

Another thing DH and I talked about from time to time over the years is how our parents treated us growing up. That can confirm exactly how you want to or don't want to treat your children and how you would like them to feel in each instance (if that makes sense)...it makes good conversation!

OP....now you went and made me tear up, I"ve got to go keep busy LOL!

to parents

I was crying when I started the thread, and now I'm crying thinking that someday they are going to move to Japan, thanks

I just think every school year it occurs to me - why is it going by so fast and how do I make it stop?

My DD turned 8 in April and I thought, 1 more year and we'll be half way to her adulthood

 

[KAMKIM]

Awww, now you all got me tearing up at my desk (must.not.cry.must.not.sob.out.loud). Time never goes faster than when you have kids, I remember EVERY single detail of the day prior and the day of my first born's birth day. Now, I see a 9 year old bopping around, and don't get me started when I think about my BABY turning 7 in November.

My husband is of the mindset to have the kids live at our house forever But as much as I'll miss them I always say "Our entire job is to get them to the point that they do move out (and can do it successfully). I am of the mindset that if your kids move out, are productive and kind and WANT to call and visit then you are a success as a parent.

I feel like my life stood still before I had kids and couldn't wait for life to start. Now I find myself thinking OMG I cant believe its September already.

My DH and your DH would get along great....he thinks you can just keep having babies so you never really have to totally say goodbye, he should have married Michelle Duggar

I agree, I think the day it will come full circle is when I see them holding their little ones and knowing they will be awesome moms, and second guess themselves the whole time like I did. (I am also secretly praying they each get a child JUST like them )