Some advice for a long time lurker

[disneyfruitloop]

I know that I have absolutley no posts, but please dont think Im a troll! I have been a long time lurker and I am an absolute certified disney nut!

I need some advice, good vibes, pixie dust, or something! I am hoping that I dont bore you, but I really cant talk to anyone involved with out getting tons of opinions and no support.

I am engaged to marry the most wonderful man and his amazing 3 kids. Long story short, their mother walked out on them and him for another man and was absent from the kids lives for 14 months. She did finally come around and decide to take part in their lives, but he has sole physical custody with her getting limited visitation. She has now decided she wants her kids back, and will stop at nothing to get them...the kids are so tired of social services "drilling them" (the kids words) and uprooting their normal life.

When the ex fond out we were planning to get married, she became HIGHLY upset because she thought I was trying to replace her...not the case at all.

So fast forward to this past week. She has been threatening to "kick me a*$" and "recruiting" people to come and help her..IN FRONT OF THE KIDS! They have come home in tears telling me this (on their own...I never ask what happens over there) and fearing for my saftey. Tonight, she decides she is going to go file a FALSE police report saying that I commited assult and battery by threatening to KILL her and making lunges towards her. The only thing I said to her today was that one of the kids came home frm school early with the flu. But, she knows if she makes the claim-true or not- they will arrest first and ask questions of me later. We are also concerned that she will time this just right so that I am arrested on our wedding day. I am in tears and dont know what to do...I have talked to the magistrate, and he said if they believe her and file the warrent, I have to go and they will most likley dismiss it in court, but I will still have it on my record, it will just show dismissed. I think she is planning on using me having any kind of record to try and get the kids back.

If you have gotten this far, thank you SO much for listening and please....any spare prayers and pixie dust can only help, right?

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

So sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. The best thing you can do is keep a journal of everything everytime you or any members of the family have contact with her!

Good luck with everything.

 

[Serena]

You really need to tick her off by not responding to her threats. Don't be scared and don't change what you do.

I would however document everything. Time, date, witnesses, threats, everything you can remember. Not that you will need this information, but if you do, you'll have it.
Also, try to make sure that if you have to see her, that you have someone there with you. She'll less likely get crazy if you're not alone.

Hang in there. It sounds like these kids need you. But lock your doors, etc. She doesn't sound stable.

and don't let her mess up your happiness.

 

[MAKmom]

 

[abaldacci]

so sorry to hear things like this good luck to you and your future DH.
pixie dust to you.

 

[MagicalMom]

I don't have any advice. Just wanted to offer a hug.

 

[jemiaule]

Personally I would get a restraining order now. Based on the horrible things she has said she will do to you to the children I would think you could get one.

If social services is involved now because she is trying to get the kids back they should know as well.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

My GF has had this EXACT problem with DH#2 ex-wife. The story is practically identical to what she has gone through. Keep documents of everything - log in a journal, do not erase email/phone messages, etc. Contact DH2B's lawyer and put everything on the table. If he doesn't have one I would recommend at least looking around as you may need one. Contact social services (sounds like they are already involved so I would keep them "in the loop") and inform them of what is going on. My GF has had to make children transfers at the police station due to the ex fabricating stories and this is what the lawyers came up with. In her case, her own actions told the judge/all involved parties everything they needed to know and her claims were unfounded but documentation and keeping her head made a difference. Unfortunately, while most of the time the ex-wife gets a bum rap, sometimes they really are a nut. Good luck!

 

[momrek06]

I know that I have absolutley no posts, but please dont think Im a troll! I have been a long time lurker and I am an absolute certified disney nut!

I need some advice, good vibes, pixie dust, or something! I am hoping that I dont bore you, but I really cant talk to anyone involved with out getting tons of opinions and no support.

I am engaged to marry the most wonderful man and his amazing 3 kids. Long story short, their mother walked out on them and him for another man and was absent from the kids lives for 14 months. She did finally come around and decide to take part in their lives, but he has sole physical custody with her getting limited visitation. She has now decided she wants her kids back, and will stop at nothing to get them...the kids are so tired of social services "drilling them" (the kids words) and uprooting their normal life.

When the ex fond out we were planning to get married, she became HIGHLY upset because she thought I was trying to replace her...not the case at all.

So fast forward to this past week. She has been threatening to "kick me a*$" and "recruiting" people to come and help her..IN FRONT OF THE KIDS! They have come home in tears telling me this (on their own...I never ask what happens over there) and fearing for my saftey. Tonight, she decides she is going to go file a FALSE police report saying that I commited assult and battery by threatening to KILL her and making lunges towards her. The only thing I said to her today was that one of the kids came home frm school early with the flu. But, she knows if she makes the claim-true or not- they will arrest first and ask questions of me later. We are also concerned that she will time this just right so that I am arrested on our wedding day. I am in tears and dont know what to do...I have talked to the magistrate, and he said if they believe her and file the warrent, I have to go and they will most likley dismiss it in court, but I will still have it on my record, it will just show dismissed. I think she is planning on using me having any kind of record to try and get the kids back.

If you have gotten this far, thank you SO much for listening and please....any spare prayers and pixie dust can only help, right?

OP, I am a little confused...you told this beast (sorry this EX) that one of the kids came home from school with the flu and you are now going to get arrested??? What did I miss in this story??? And why are you even calling HER??? She sounds like she has major issues. What does your BF think of all this??? Why does it seem you are the "bad" person in all this???

As others have said DOCUMENT everything. Record phone calls and save everything. And try not to get the kiddos too much involved!!!

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

 

[Planogirl]

Don't ever call her and tell her as little as possible about anything. Look into getting that restraining order as someone already suggested. And good luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

 

[holycow]

Why are you even contacting her? Your BF has custody right? Well she shouldn't even be in contact with them. It's not your job it's your BF job to be in comunication with her.



I'd get myself down and get a restraining order against her. NOW!


the document, document.

 

[miss missy]

Keep everything written down and NEVER be around her alone EVER! That way she can't accuse you.

I know people who have been where you are, Mother was bipolar. They did work it all out and its ok now. BUUUTTTTT the step mother now has the kids calling her MOM and I want to slap her!! How dare she do that! Their Mom lives in the same town and has them every other weekend and one weeknight too. She is very involved. I think the step needs a good slap in the head! I know the MOM doesn't know this is going on and I am sure if she finds out she will go over the edge. I would! Please don't do that to those kids. I know you won't!

 

[kristen821]

I would file a report against her and get a restraining order before she does it. Good luck

 

[DISUNC]

Don't ever call her and tell her as little as possible about anything. Look into getting that restraining order as someone already suggested. And good luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

Best advice!!!!

Restraining Order! NOW!!!!

& lots of

 

[Tinks_gang]

I agree with many others, record everything!!! Try not to interact with her - that is your DF's job. When your DF communicates with her, he should be recording his conversations and writing down time and dates. You should do the same if the kids tell you their mom was making threats toward you.

In regards to a Personal Protection Order, I think you will need to show 2 incidents where you have felt threatened...another reason to record everything. But I will tell you, I think you should call a lawyer first thing! I am not one who normally jumps and says 'lawyer up.' However, she sounds very unstable and if you fear for yourself, the kids, or that she is plotting to have you arrested, all of those are reasons to stop her BEFORE anything happens.

Best of luck...my prayers are with you. Please let us know how everything plays out.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

General rule of thumb....

DO NOT MARRY UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES....

Time to postpone the wedding until things are brought under control. When you look to your wedding do you want to have this clouding it? I sure wouldn't.

As an adult, you can have patience and wait until this all gets worked out, comes to a head, etc...wait, wait, wait. You may decide that even though this man is great, the kids are great, you do not want to live your life having some crazy women threaten to "kick your bum" for the rest of your life.
Frankly, that is where I would draw the line.

 

[Sherri]

I know that I have absolutley no posts, but please dont think Im a troll! I have been a long time lurker and I am an absolute certified disney nut!

I need some advice, good vibes, pixie dust, or something! I am hoping that I dont bore you, but I really cant talk to anyone involved with out getting tons of opinions and no support.

I am engaged to marry the most wonderful man and his amazing 3 kids. Long story short, their mother walked out on them and him for another man and was absent from the kids lives for 14 months. She did finally come around and decide to take part in their lives, but he has sole physical custody with her getting limited visitation. She has now decided she wants her kids back, and will stop at nothing to get them...the kids are so tired of social services "drilling them" (the kids words) and uprooting their normal life.

When the ex fond out we were planning to get married, she became HIGHLY upset because she thought I was trying to replace her...not the case at all.

So fast forward to this past week. She has been threatening to "kick me a*$" and "recruiting" people to come and help her..IN FRONT OF THE KIDS! They have come home in tears telling me this (on their own...I never ask what happens over there) and fearing for my saftey. Tonight, she decides she is going to go file a FALSE police report saying that I commited assult and battery by threatening to KILL her and making lunges towards her. The only thing I said to her today was that one of the kids came home frm school early with the flu. But, she knows if she makes the claim-true or not- they will arrest first and ask questions of me later. We are also concerned that she will time this just right so that I am arrested on our wedding day. I am in tears and dont know what to do...I have talked to the magistrate, and he said if they believe her and file the warrent, I have to go and they will most likley dismiss it in court, but I will still have it on my record, it will just show dismissed. I think she is planning on using me having any kind of record to try and get the kids back.

If you have gotten this far, thank you SO much for listening and please....any spare prayers and pixie dust can only help, right?

I think you have enough ground to file a restraining order against her. She has made threats to you and there are witnesses. You don't need much more then that for a restraining order.

 

[rabx5]

General rule of thumb....

DO NOT MARRY UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES....

Time to postpone the wedding until things are brought under control. When you look to your wedding do you want to have this clouding it? I sure wouldn't.

As an adult, you can have patience and wait until this all gets worked out, comes to a head, etc...wait, wait, wait. You may decide that even though this man is great, the kids are great, you do not want to live your life having some crazy women threaten to "kick your bum" for the rest of your life.
Frankly, that is where I would draw the line.

ITA with this. Get this mess cleared up first. A new marriage already has it strains, and this would really strain it more. You don't want that for your new marriage/family.

Good luck with all of this. Mean people suck I too would document everything, not EVER speak to her and if she makes another threat- get a restraining order on her butt!

 

[MELSMICE]

I agree with documenting everything & looking into getting a restraining order.

Good luck.