Socks of the world I'm so on to you!!!

[Raulandpinboy]

Did you ever wonder how things happen and why… You see I’m on to the whole sock invasion plan thing.

Example did you ever take a shower, dry off, then as a man you of course put the towel back on the towel holder folding it neatly not clumping it like most women do, then go to get dressed.

As you look behind you on the floor you will spot a small water droplet about the size of the tip of a Q-tip. I’m talking its less then ½ a millimeter wide, this droplet on any given day can be wiped off with your hand and it would evaporate immediately, but today your running late soooooo….

You run into the bedroom and grab a pair of socks, from your very well organized sock drawer, you slip them on and get dressed, and then as you gather you items you run back into the bathroom for something anything at all.

Well no matter what you do since your not wearing shoes (they stay downstairs no shoes on the carpet rule) so no matter what you do, that droplet will find its way to you and you will eventually step on it. Now don’t argue with it, there is nothing you can do it’s the course of nature… Mark my words you will step on the drop of water in your stocking feet.

Now here is the part I don’t get. Is because socks are made of this super space age polymer material that absorbs moisture? Is that socks store water reserves to keep you feet moist until the next millennium? Or are socks just upset and pinning for there long lost brothers and sisters lost in the dryer and transported to that other sock dimension along with your keys that you lost the night before????

In any case I realize that the moment you step on that water droplet I mean the instant, that droplet is absorbed and spreads like wildfire throughout the bottom of your sock, and your sock is now soaked, I mean its totally soaked…

That small droplet of water that would evaporate if you blew on it has the power to expand to the point of totally soaking the bottom of your sock!!! Now if we could do this with food we could end world hunger. Also if you’re ever going into the dessert, just take a sock and a thimble full of water with an eye dropper, and you’ll have enough water for weeks. Just put a drop of water on the sock and it will expand, then you can just suck the sock until you’re full, then wrap to sock around your neck to keep it moist because the sock will never dry it will keep you moist for days.

Here is my theory socks are made from a material that will never dry, the only way to dry a sock is to threaten it and throw it in the dryer, this way the socks fears it too will be lost in the sock dimension and will dry itself thinking the sooner it dries the sooner it get out of the sock transporting device you threw it into, and the better its chances. Every now and then you run into a cocky sock, this is a sock that thinks its time in the sock transporter will never come so it defies you by staying soaked even after all the other fearful clothes, and other socks have dried themselves, that one rouge martyr sock stays damp.

So anyway back at the ranch, the main thing to now concern yourself with is do you change socks or sock since only one was affected? Or do you hope that the sock will come to reason and dry itself? Well I can tell you this, my droplet incident happened at 7:30am it now 10:00am and it still soaked, you see I was too tired and opted for the lets wait and see if it dried option… Bad call kids I have tried talking nice to it, threatening it, we even tried pointing a heat gun to it explaining to it that this was a portable sock transportation device… No go still soaked.

Remember kids’ socks and water droplets are in cahoots, its all part of a master plan to dominate the world… So let your socks know who in charge next time you do a load of laundry yell out load as you toss the socks into the dryer… “I’m setting the sock transportation device to the furthest point on the universe” then laugh hysterically like a mad scientist “bwaaaa ha ha” Now watch you’re clothe will dry in less than half the time it normally takes. Heck you may not even need to turn it on, just spin it once or twice and then proclaim “Oh no its broken! ohhhhhhhh drat well maybe next time bwaaaa ha ha”

Dry your clothes with fear, not natural resources, that’s my motto.

Disclaimer:

Socks of the world I’m on to you stay dry or I will reveal your wicked plan to the world, and we will all become sandal wearers. Bwahhahahahaha.

 

[Raulandpinboy]

This just in… its 11:00am and the sock still defies all logic so we tried one last ditch effort, the lets turn the heat gun on for a few seconds, this may shock it into dryness… Alas operation Sock shock an awe failed seems the heat gun was too powerful and the sock was too scared and over dried itself mixing this with the heat gun caused a powerful mixture and the sock singed itself so now I singed soaked sock that feels like I have old newspaper stuffed in my shoe.

Let this be a warning to you, use the approved sock transporter don’t try to fake your socks out.

 

[bsbkmacgowan]

Okay, once again, I'm simply transcribing the stuff that flows unimpeded from Brian's mouth as we drive all around Toronto, while he's up to all his Nerdly things...

1. Does Donna know you're wearing one of her dresses? Because otherwise, it's yours... (or are you wearing your Speedo?)

2. Ed, you have the whole sock transport thing wrong, buddy. In actuality, it's a sock-mulching dust-creating device that randomly selects socks (I figured this out one time when I was in the Canadian Army) mulches them to a fine particulate matter and then sends it forth through the dust-distribution system (a.k.a. "smoke detectors") where at night they rain down fine dust upon the unsuspecting personal affects lying nearby. The distribution system has its holding tanks located under the dishwasher, stove, fridge, and in particular, your beds (a.k.a. "dust bunnies.")

3. Isn't it embarassing when you wear your thong backwards?

4. Isn't it more embarassing when nobody notices?

5. Note to self from Sandy... okay, as tempting as it may be, I think it is in the best interest of the preservation of the known universe that these two guys never meet face-to-face... or else Donna and I will definitely have our hands full!

Sandy (and Brian, Bonnie & Kellie)

 

[bsbkmacgowan]

Ed, we are onto the socks devious plot, and the socks are obviously on to us and are blocking all others from posting to this topic.

We all must unite and fight the socks! Embarrass then by going out with mis-matched pairs, wear them inside out so that they can not see where they are going. Or even better yet, wear them with open-toed sandals -- the black socks really hate this.

Down with the socks! Until they are put in their place we must all refuse to play with them as hand puppets. No more Sock Monkeys!

Hold it...what's happening...my feet, they are...help they are pulling me away from the compu....