so your feelings on a teen's baby shower?

[Burnedout]

Nothing good comes from snubbing people in need it in trouble. That is what it comes down to. I can't imagine feeling great about snubbing a girl in need of support.

 

[KatheeME]

No, because you choose not to be kind or understanding.

Not agreeing with an opinion is not being judgmental, not agreeing with a person's lot in life is. We are told by a very important book to NOT judge our people, not our people's opinions. Let's not get this confused. Remember who was the most accepting and most loving person ever written about and what we were told NOT to do.

You couldn not be further from the truth. Your "book" has nothing to do with my not condoning celebrating a child getting pregnant, nor does it have anything to do with me sending a gift only and not attending a shower. Wow.

 

[KatheeME]

You are determined to judge the teen parents. Does that somehow make you feel morally better than they are?

They are guilty of making a mistake and being the ones to pay the price. That is it.

Have you never made a mistake in your life? Oh, wait. . . forgot who I was taking to there for a minute; of course not. You are as pure as the driven snow, right?



Oh, did I miss something? Did I get honored with making the rules today?


Sorry, I don't make the rules so you are wasting your sarcasm on the wrong person.

So you say, lol

 

[KatheeME]

No, because you choose not to be kind or understanding.

Not agreeing with an opinion is not being judgmental, not agreeing with a person's lot in life is. We are told by a very important book to NOT judge our people, not our people's opinions. Let's not get this confused. Remember who was the most accepting and most loving person ever written about and what we were told NOT to do.

You are wrong, but that's okay, let your book guide you. Not being happy the child next door is pregnant, and being sad for her and not wanting to condone it, but sending a gift ... I guess that's against your book's rules ... not unkind or judgemental, only realistic and sad.

 

[luvsJack]

You couldn not be further from the truth. Your "book" has nothing to do with my not condoning celebrating a child getting pregnant, nor does it have anything to do with me sending a gift only and not attending a shower. Wow.

No one is "condoning" a 15 year getting pregnant. But we choose not to shun her, not to judge her, and not to make things harder on her than they already will be. Having a shower can be celebrating the new life without saying "its ok to be 15 and pregnant".

Exactly what do you think should happen to a teen mom?

So you say, lol

What does that even mean? I don't make the rules, never have.

 

[Hannathy]

Nothing good comes from snubbing people in need it in trouble. That is what it comes down to. I can't imagine feeling great about snubbing a girl in need of support.

Again there is a big difference in snubbing them and going all out celebrating the fact and giving the Mom a party. She can be supported in making good choices and with her choices without it being turned into something to celebrate and have fun with.

The baby can be given gifts without having a party that only benefits the mother. The Mother can be given support and help without having a party, they aren't exclusive of each other.

 

[Robinrs]

You couldn not be further from the truth. Your "book" has nothing to do with my not condoning celebrating a child getting pregnant, nor does it have anything to do with me sending a gift only and not attending a shower. Wow.

You are wrong, but that's okay, let your book guide you. Not being happy the child next door is pregnant, and being sad for her and not wanting to condone it, but sending a gift ... I guess that's against your book's rules ... not unkind or judgemental, only realistic and sad.

You responded twice, thanks.

Have a lovely day.

 

[luvsJack]

Again there is a big difference in snubbing them and going all out celebrating the fact and giving the Mom a party. She can be supported in making good choices and with her choices without it being turned into something to celebrate and have fun with.

The baby can be given gifts without having a party that only benefits the mother. The Mother can be given support and help without having a party, they aren't exclusive of each other.

Why should this mother have to miss something that is given to most first time mothers?

When she has her second child at a more "appropriate" age, are you one of the ones that will then look down your nose and say "oh, well you NEVER have showers for second children"?

It is not celebrating a teen mom, it is celebrating a new life.


I have thought about this from dd's perspective. If her bff was to get pregnant in the next couple of years, what would she do? She would give her friend a shower in a heartbeat. NOT because she thinks being a teen mom is the best thing, NOT because she thinks this huge hiccup in her friend's life is something to celebrate but because she would want to show her friend that no matter what she loves her and she will be there for her and for that child.

Its called unconditional love and support, something that is lacking in many relationships these days.

 

[pigletgirl]

Lol so you always want and give practical gifts. Christmas must suck at your place. Because I can't imagine your family really needing much. Socks and undies for all.

For an upcoming child? Heck yes! The more diapers the better! :thumbsup You could include, basic sleepers, onsies, bottles, and a car seat.

The thing is, teenagers need to understand what it's going to take if they choose to keep their child. That goes for themselves and the baby!

The other side is, teenagers need MORE support if they choose to place the child up for adoption. It is one of the most selfless things a parent could do.

 

[Hannathy]

For an upcoming child? Heck yes! The more diapers the better! :thumbsup You could include, basic sleepers, onsies, bottles, and a car seat.

The thing is, teenagers need to understand what it's going to take if they choose to keep their child. That goes for themselves and the baby!

The other side is, teenagers need MORE support if they choose to place the child up for adoption. It is one of the most selfless things a parent could do.

I agree.

 

[skylizard]

Why should this mother have to miss something that is given to most first time mothers?

When she has her second child at a more "appropriate" age, are you one of the ones that will then look down your nose and say "oh, well you NEVER have showers for second children"?

It is not celebrating a teen mom, it is celebrating a new life.


I have thought about this from dd's perspective. If her bff was to get pregnant in the next couple of years, what would she do? She would give her friend a shower in a heartbeat. NOT because she thinks being a teen mom is the best thing, NOT because she thinks this huge hiccup in her friend's life is something to celebrate but because she would want to show her friend that no matter what she loves her and she will be there for her and for that child.

Its called unconditional love and support, something that is lacking in many relationships these days.

 

[Burnedout]

Again there is a big difference in snubbing them and going all out celebrating the fact and giving the Mom a party. She can be supported in making good choices and with her choices without it being turned into something to celebrate and have fun with.

The baby can be given gifts without having a party that only benefits the mother. The Mother can be given support and help without having a party, they aren't exclusive of each other.

If someone had a party for you and your friend didn't come because beciae of a life choice you made you wouldn't feel snubbed. And you would still feel supported? I would be writing them off. Frankly I do t need that kind of support.

Don't see how this would be different.

 

[gwynne]

For an upcoming child? Heck yes! The more diapers the better! :thumbsup You could include, basic sleepers, onsies, bottles, and a car seat.

The thing is, teenagers need to understand what it's going to take if they choose to keep their child. That goes for themselves and the baby!

The other side is, teenagers need MORE support if they choose to place the child up for adoption. It is one of the most selfless things a parent could do.

She's a teenager and a mother-to-be. During pregnancy and after delivery kind, loving mentoring of both the mother and the baby is one of the kindest things someone can do for both of them. I think support is important, period. The goal is to have mom and baby both do well.

 

[pigletgirl]

Why should this mother have to miss something that is given to most first time mothers?

When she has her second child at a more "appropriate" age, are you one of the ones that will then look down your nose and say "oh, well you NEVER have showers for second children"?

It is not celebrating a teen mom, it is celebrating a new life.


I have thought about this from dd's perspective. If her bff was to get pregnant in the next couple of years, what would she do? She would give her friend a shower in a heartbeat. NOT because she thinks being a teen mom is the best thing, NOT because she thinks this huge hiccup in her friend's life is something to celebrate but because she would want to show her friend that no matter what she loves her and she will be there for her and for that child.

Its called unconditional love and support, something that is lacking in many relationships these days.

Sometimes the most loving thing is the hardest thing to do.

How would you be realistic with a girl who was expecting? Would you pretend its all going to be ok?

How would you encourage her to finish high school and maybe even college?

These girls face so many socioeconomic problems and is that really fair to an innocent child? The odds are stacked against them.

 

[Burnedout]

Sometimes the most loving thing is the hardest thing to do.

How would you be realistic with a girl who was expecting? Would you pretend its all going to be ok?

How would you encourage her to finish high school and maybe even college?

These girls face so many socioeconomic problems and is that really fair to an innocent child? The odds are stacked against them.

The odds are stacked against a lot of people. What would you have happen to those people for whom pregnancy and raising children would be difficult. Rigbt now that is the 15% below the poverty level and 24% of the single parents, and that doesn't touch the working poor and those with screwed up relationships.

Just ignore they are pregnant? Make sure they feel like they shouldn't have a child because it will be difficult? They can't have a happy thought even knowing there are rough times ahead?

The idea that people can't it shouldn't experience any happy even in sucky circumstances is beyond me.

We aren't talking about a druggie in need of intervention and tough love. We are talking about a young person who needs support.

 

[luvsJack]

Sometimes the most loving thing is the hardest thing to do.

How would you be realistic with a girl who was expecting? Would you pretend its all going to be ok?

How would you encourage her to finish high school and maybe even college?

These girls face so many socioeconomic problems and is that really fair to an innocent child? The odds are stacked against them.

How would I be realistic? By telling her exactly how its going to be. What she needs to do and how she needs to do it, what is out there to help her and what problems she is going to encounter on the way.

I would encourage her to finish high school, by taking advantage of either the relatives offering to keep the baby or by getting government assistance to pay child care while she finishes high school or while she attends the free GED program at our college. And my encouragement would not stop there, but I would encourage her to get an AAS degree in a tech program so that she can support her child. And would help her find where to get the help she needs to do just that.

There are things that are unfair at every choice this teen girl makes. Abortion? Is it fair that this new life doesn't get to even begin? Is it fair for the teen to feel the guilt over that for the rest of her life? Adoption? Some work out great, some don't. How do we know what is fair to the adopted child? Is it fair that this child will not know his/her bio parents? Is it fair that this girl may grieve for this child for the rest of her life? She has to make the choice as to which "unfair" she is willing to live with at this point.

No, it not all going to be ok. But its not the end of her life nor the end of her child's life either. And it can be made to be ok in the end.

Having or not having a shower isn't going to change any of that.

Having a shower isn't saying its going to be "ok", its saying "we are here for you even though it isn't ok".

 

[Hannathy]

Having a shower isn't saying its going to be "ok", its saying "we are here for you even though it isn't ok".

Which everyone could still be without having a party.

 

[pigletgirl]

Which everyone could still be without having a party.

Exactly!

And if a shower was a done deal, then perhaps only include family members and maybe 1 or 2 close friends. What message does it send to other girls about having babies if you had a house full of them? That it's ok?

 

[gwynne]

Exactly!

And if a shower was a done deal, then perhaps only include family members and maybe 1 or 2 close friends. What message does it send to other girls about having babies if you had a house full of them? That it's ok?

Gosh, I don't think so little of teens that they totally lack critical thinking skills.
They don't go to Disney and truly wish they were princesses, and they don't support a friend in need and wish they were going down the jolly ole road to labor, delivery and motherhood.

Is it a gentle teachable moment? Yes. And part of that teaching is leading by example and mentoring the mother. Teens realize their paths are going to be different, especially in the early years. But, a teen mom needs friends and kind adult mentors. And no referring to the baby as "innocent" while not so subtly implying that the mother is "guilty". I'm sure teen mothers get the point...it's (in my opinion) unnecessary and cruel.

 

[Maggie Lizer]

I don't think a baby shower is going to make other teens want to get pregnant. Heck, I went to an AMAZING Bat Mitzvah (sp?) when I was 12 and it didn't make me want to convert to Judiaism.