So what's the etiquette here?

[postage stamp]

Have your kids been baptized Catholic? Do you belong to a parish? Do your kids go to PSR/CCD and preparing for the sacraments?

Why does that matter? That, to me, also falls into the "none of anyone's business" category.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I would avoid any long explanations. You're already told her where you stand on the issue. When she brings it up at this point, use as few words as possible. Just say, "I'm not discussing that subject with you any further." If she persists, ignore her completely. Don't let her engage you in any form of conversation about it. It's the same strategy you have to use with little kids who whine and whine until they get their way. A few words, ignore her completely. Period. No further discussion. Even walk away if you have to. Good luck!

 

[Robinrs]

Somewhere on another board:

So what's the etiquette here?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Exactly how many times do I have to ask my DIL politely to listen to reason before I get to go off on her?

She is a not a very religious person and has chosen not to enroll all of her children in Catholic school. That's fine. That's her choice.

My husband and I are very religious and think it's the only way to live.

She doesn't realize, when I bring up to her innocently,that they will suffer both morally and educationally. Meanwhile my two youngest (in high school) are brilliant scholars and lights of our lives. Why can't she see that?

Normally my son with her because I AM HIS mother But as he's deployed I assume it is MY job to lead her .

She doesn't want to listen and asked her several times to stop. Told me that "I'm glad that you are concerned for Nora and Kate and all, but really this is Patrick's decision and my decision and it ends there."

So what's my next step before I start telling her how I REALLY feel about her lack of decision making?

Grandma thinks SHE'S right.

 

[Buckalew11]

I'm not really sure what she says to him when she brings it up, but I know he tells her (More firmly and a little more harshly than I do) to mind her own business. And I know she brings it up when he says "Baby, where are the heathens? It's time for another amoral math lesson!"



I think she really IS concerned about their spiritual selves, their souls, what have you, but I also think she thinks I'm a terrible parent because of other things not just this. Like my kids are in preK and Kindergarten and they have chores. Well she thinks they are too young. My best friend is gay and she thinks allowing him around my kids is going to get them molested, killed, or damned to hell. Things like that.

I KNOW that she loves my daughters and I've told her that if she wants to or needs to pray for them, by all means, go ahead, that doesn't bother me at all. But I NEVER say a word when she makes a decision with her children that I wouldn't make because I find it disrespectful and rude. I just expect the same common courtesy in return.

Just waittil the kids are older to hear more of what she thinks about your best friend being gay. Oh my! My MIL still doesn't know that we have a very close family who is gay and that our DD spent the night in her hotel room when we were all away once. Lord help us if she ever learns of that!!

 

[krcit]

Why does that matter? That, to me, also falls into the "none of anyone's business" category.

I agree. Noone's business but you and your husband. I'm waiting for it to hit the fan over here when my mom realizes I pulled my kids out of religious ed However, I will listen to her concerns and then tell her why I did it and that's it..end of discussion. I hope

 

[Buckalew11]

Why does that matter? That, to me, also falls into the "none of anyone's business" category.

I'm thinking she asked because if you do those things that maybe you are *supposed* to get a discount on tuition at a lot of Cathoic schools???

 

[Magic Mom]

MIL: Balh, blah, blah

You: Mom, we love you and respect your opinion, but we are not sending the kids to private school. Period. Please stop asking us about it. Trust us that we are making good informed decsions for our own children, just like you did for yours.

 

[postage stamp]

MIL: Balh, blah, blah

You: Mom, we love you and respect your opinion, but we are not sending the kids to private school. Period. Please stop asking us about it. Trust us that we are making good informed decsions for our own children, just like you did for yours.

OMG, that's so cute that you think I call her mom!

We've been married 8 years and I think I just stopped calling her Mrs. Z.

 

[bumbershoot]

I think she really IS concerned about their spiritual selves, their souls, what have you, but I also think she thinks I'm a terrible parent because of other things not just this. Like my kids are in preK and Kindergarten and they have chores. Well she thinks they are too young. My best friend is gay and she thinks allowing him around my kids is going to get them molested, killed, or damned to hell. Things like that.

I'm dying here that she thinks that your gay male friend is going to molest your daughters.... Not that I would worry about it if they were boys, either, but her logic is absolutely off the planet there.

Why does that matter? That, to me, also falls into the "none of anyone's business" category.

To me, it would be important b/c it would prove to her that they are getting a *religious* education (as in, education in the religion, not religion threaded through their overall education).


Wish I knew how to get a MIL to back off! My MIL has just realized, just now, despite having been told since DS was tiny, and at least every 6 months since then, that we're actually schooling DS at home. Yes, MIL, that's what homeschooling means. She's flipping out b/c of college thoughts. If she read English and was on the internet, I could show her that Duke, Harvard, all sorts of great schools have pages dedicated to homeschool applications...but she can't, and doesn't understand it when we explain it to her. I think she nearly fainted at Costco the other weekend, when we reminded her, again, that we're schooling him at home.

 

[design_mom]

Have your kids been baptized Catholic? Do you belong to a parish? Do your kids go to PSR/CCD and preparing for the sacraments?

Why does that matter? That, to me, also falls into the "none of anyone's business" category.

To me, it would be important b/c it would prove to her that they are getting a *religious* education (as in, education in the religion, not religion threaded through their overall education).

I agree with bumbershoot on this one. I assumed she was asking if your MIL was concerned that they weren't receiving "religious education." Of course, you are within your rights not to answer.

I went to Catholic school growing up. My DS is the oldest grandchild and my dad was very upset when he found out we were going to send him to our public school. (It's a very good school -- rated "Excellent with Distinction" by the state.)

We are not particularly religious either, but assuring my Dad that the kids would be exposed to the Church's teachings so they can make their "own decision" someday really helped get him to back off. (I am not so against church that I *didn't* want them exposed. It's just not super important to me, but it was to him.)

Now, all 4 grandchildren go to public school (and PSR) and my dad seems fine with it.

 

[ccgirl]

Oy vey!! I deal with obtrusive in laws constantly. I remind myself that they are my in laws and to be nice at all times. We have quite the opposite experience regarding parochial schools. My FiL (a Born Again Christian) told me I was going to hell for sending my DD to parochial school and he was going to tell her she was being taught a lie. I very nicely said to him, "that will be the last time you see your grandaughter then. It's your choice." Now that he sees the wonderful education she is getting he is very happy with it and, apparently, I am no longer going to hell.

Have you told her exactly what you told us? You are very fortunate to live in a good school district, etc? As another PP mentioned, she may never stop. Try not to take it too personal. She seem to just want what she thinks is best for her DGD; I know it's not the same as you want. Try to patient with her. If you have to; let it go in one ear and out the other. I do that all the time with my in laws now.

Good luck!

 

[tlbwriter]

I'm dying here that she thinks that your gay male friend is going to molest your daughters.... Not that I would worry about it if they were boys, either, but her logic is absolutely off the planet there.

No kidding!

 

[Sugardimples]

I'd be done talking about it. My response would be somewhere along the lines of "I'm not having this conversation again". And either walking away or hanging up. She can't keep talking to you if you won't listen.

 

[okeydokey]

I'd be done talking about it. My response would be somewhere along the lines of "I'm not having this conversation again". And either walking away or hanging up. She can't keep talking to you if you won't listen.

This is it exactly. Tell her you will not discuss it again and then end the conversation quickly.

 

[jfoofj]

Your kids. Your choice. Simple as that.

I went to a private, Catholic, all girls school and the INSTANT I left home and went to college I never went to church again, except for weddings and funerals. Same with my brothers. (Well, they went to the all boys school, not the all girls school ). SO, that plan kinda backfired on my family, huh?

I live in a town with an AWESOME school system, and my son is getting a great education. We don't go to church, but he knows about God and that different people choose to celebrate/worship in different ways at different churches. I don't celebrate any religious holidays, except Christmas, which we celebrate pretty much just commercially. My kid, my choice.

Oh, and for what its worth (I'm trying not to go into the whole religion thing too much because of the rules of the board) I do belive that there is something "bigger" than all of us out there and that we are all going "somewhere" after this life, I just don't really know who or where that it. And I'm ok with that.

 

[snykymom]

Oy vey!! I deal with obtrusive in laws constantly. I remind myself that they are my in laws and to be nice at all times. We have quite the opposite experience regarding parochial schools. My FiL (a Born Again Christian) told me I was going to hell for sending my DD to parochial school and he was going to tell her she was being taught a lie. I very nicely said to him, "that will be the last time you see your grandaughter then. It's your choice." Now that he sees the wonderful education she is getting he is very happy with it and, apparently, I am no longer going to hell.

Slightly , but I love the fact that you started your post about a born-again Christian and Catholic school with a Yiddish phrase!

Back on topic, I agree that the only response is, "I appreciate your concern. The topic is closed." Repeat as necessary.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I guess I truly am the DIL and daughter from hell. I would just as easily tell my MIL to mind her own damn business as I would my mother. I wouldn't hold back. Not after having the conversation constantly. She doesn't like the way you treat her, maybe she'll stop calling and having the same conversation over and over and over again. Unfortunately some people need that proverbial smack in the face before they finally get it.

 

[Bethenny]

Too bad you don't have my MIL. She just creates in her head what she wants to be true. I truly believe that she has just convinced herself that we go to church every week. She came to visit a few weeks ago to see our son's soccer game and brought church clothes with her. Then made a comment, "Oh I guess since we're going to a soccer game, we won't be going to church." Uh, yeah, that's it right.

 

[camlace]

Have your kids been baptized Catholic? Do you belong to a parish? Do your kids go to PSR/CCD and preparing for the sacraments?

Not sure what any of these factors have to do with the OPs choice to send/not send her kids to Catholic School and her MILs opinion about their choices? None of these conditions are required for a child to attend Catholic School in general, some schools may have these rules but not all. I went to a Catholic School with a Jewish classmate, they we definitely not part of the parish, not baptized, etc, etc.

To the OP, I just avoid my MIL when she starts going down the path of choices my husband and I have made when it comes to religion. After close to 8 years she doesn't bother bringing up religious topics in general.

 

[ols386]

I would try to let what your MIL says go in one ear, and right out the other ear. I don't think going off on her is going to help the situation, only make it worse. I'd just try to ignore it, at least until your dh returns, and then talk to him about it, and let him handle it.