So tell me...

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

How old were you when you knew you were gay/lesbian? Even if you didn't know the word for it.
How old were you when you came out? Did you tell family, friends, or someone else first?

I'm a straight girl so I don't have my own experience to contribute. Just gathering info for personal reasons.

Thanks!

 

[Tony-NJ]

I "knew" before I knew what it was....

I "came out to myself when I was 19 - I never officially came out to family but they all know

Now everyone knows.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Thanks for your reply.

 

[wallyb]

Like junior high - maybe earlier.
No official coming out - I just am what I am.
No drama.
No big family turmoil to report.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Thanks for your reply, Wally!

 

[Kevin&Randall]

I knew I was different by the age of 5. At that age you have no context in which to describe why you feel different, I just knew I did.

I dated girls (and I use that word purposely) all through high school. Finally in college, I took the first tentative steps at coming out.

In 1991 (just before my 22nd birthday) I started going to a Coming Out Support group at the University of Colorado. I came out to my family in October of that year.

I told friends first - I knew I'd need them when the time came to tell my family. I told my brother and his fiancee first. Then I told my parents. The reactions were not that great, but over the years things improved. We now have great relationships.

I hope that helps you out.

Randall

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Thanks, Randall!

Several of my friends have said they knew for sure by the time they were 9, but almost all of them dated girls through high school. Some of them were dating girls but were "secretly" in physical relationships with other boys.

I think the answers are going to be very individual depending on each person's circumstances, but I still like to hear about everyone's experiences.

 

[glenpreece]

I pretty much always knew as others have said. There was a thought that popped into my head while sitting listening to my grade 3 teacher that i guess would've been my first gay thought. My family wasn't cool at first but eventually we had the talk and cried etc. Most people always knew so i never really had to "come out" but some really dense people at work didn't clue in so I had to tell them. It's all cool now. I always say at work that I may not be the youngest manager anymore but I'm the only 'mo

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Thanks for your reply, Glen!

Do any of you wish you would have talked with your families at a younger age? Were you raised in liberal families where being gay was always presented as being totally fine? Did you have gay adult role models when you were growing up? (When I say "role models" I mean gay or lesbian adults that you spent time with, not just gay or lesbian adults you admired.)

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

I knew from the time of that "first crush." Summer camp. She was in charge of the horses. Her name was Mimi. I think I was 9? Maybe 11?

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Thanks for your reply! You are the first girl to weigh in on the question!

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

LOL! Haven't been a girl in awhile, honey. But I'll take the positive vibes.

 

[glenpreece]

Thanks for your reply, Glen!

Do any of you wish you would have talked with your families at a younger age? Were you raised in liberal families where being gay was always presented as being totally fine? Did you have gay adult role models when you were growing up? (When I say "role models" I mean gay or lesbian adults that you spent time with, not just gay or lesbian adults you admired.)

I am thankful that I have such a great family. There was a situation when i went away with my bro to WDW. He was going on about me meeting characters all the time and that they should have one called "Flamey Mc Flamer" for me. I was pissed and told him off etc. I mean I get it he didn't want to do the characters, but it was my vaca too. He's a mechanic who works with red neck str8 guys all day so I knew where it was coming from. So anyways after a call home to let mom know how things were going I told her how I was pissed about what he said, but i was actually more pissed about him spending so much time in the Team Mickey Store. Well apparently while we were gone my mom and dad were REALLY upset about his remarks and behaviour. When we got home they had a talk with him and it hit the fan (he even cried lol). He was told if you don't like it get out. So I'd say they are really good about me being gay. As for role models no, I didn't have any but thank God for Will and Grace.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Wow. What a beautiful story!

Role models? None.

Family. Let's not go there, ok?

It's taken some time, but all is right in my world, regardless of who shares it with me, or to what level they choose to share.

 

[NikkiPants]

Before my daddy died he and I had this ongoing joke that I was a lesbian since birth. I liked Ninja Turtles and told my daddy Judy Garland was beautiful and I would want to marry her when my sister had a crush on the Karate Kid and wanted to marry him. I had to be about 6.
I remember being in middle school and a boy named Mike who had a crush on me put his arm around my shoulders. I remember thinking "I don't want this done to me, I want to do that to a girl." I was probably 12.
When I was maybe 14 I started talking to my boyfriend at the time about how beautiful girls were and how I liked them. He liked that he could talk to me about that. I stayed with him until I was 17...it was weird.
Anyway, I guess I've always kind of known but had that realization at 12 and started actively persuing it and sort of started coming out to those closest to me at 14.
12 years later, here I am engaged to Lily!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Glen, good for your parents for telling your brother he was wrong to treat you that way!

Nikki, thanks for your reply! CONGRATS on your engagement!!

 

[NikkiPants]

Thank you!

 

[PghLybrt]

Oh the stories!!!

Mine- I really didn’t know. I say this yet I had girlfriends in high school (I also dated boys ) However no one knew about the girls. I didn’t even put a name to it or really give it any thought until college. Then I really did not come out until I was a junior. I just talked to my mom about it recently (I know she knew I have been with my girl 13 years) and I have never spoke about it with my Dad (and probably never will, that’s the type of family I have). Role models……. Not really any. My Uncle is gay but I didn’t know that until later. Ellen came out right in the middle of my senior thesis for college so maybe her in a way. Of course maybe it was the older lesbians that I was surrounded by when I was coming out and being called the little BD?


My Girl- She has always know. She just knew. ( a true gold star) She even told her parents in high school. They were not pleased but they did the whole praying crying thing…and now I AM THE FAVORITE!!!! So I guess they got over it.

Now we live very openly. All our nieces nephews and godchildren know and are free to ask any question they want and will receive an honest answer from us.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Thanks for your reply!

Hmm. So it seems that even those who knew at an early age didn't really chat about it at home until later, even if it your parents were OK with it. It also sounds like there weren't many who had a family where there were cherished gay friends/relatives around from the time you were babies who served as role models. (Not role models in the sense that they showed you how to be gay, role models in the sense that they showed you being gay was perfectly normal.)

Anyone else care to chime in?

 

[kingLouiethe1]

I had the biggest crush on Alex P. when I was in 4th grade, and that lasted all the way through sixth grade. He was the coolest kid in school. He had a flat-top and Air Jordans.

I told my best friend I was gay in senior year in high school, but I knew what I felt definitely in junior high, when I had a crush on my math teacher in 7th grade. I did not really come out on a large scale until my third year of college.

I told my mom I was gay in 2004 after things were getting really serious with my hubby and I was tired of leading two separate lives. She did the whole crying thing and wasn't too happy with me for a few weeks, but she started to come around. Now she makes Mike's favorite dishes when she knows he's coming over, and she even welcomed him into the family when we got married in June.