I have been 5 times. Getting there 20 minutes prior to the hour before the Wishes time is fine. Only once did the line move slowly for us. Never has there been a back-up in the line. There is usually 2 buffet lines, both with the same goodies. The drinks are on a totally separate table in the back. Food all 5 times were replenished up to around 10 minutes before Wishes. When we were there the only stollers even allowed inside were if the child was sleeping, so it looks as though they may have changed the rules.
Up against the wall you would not want a stroller or a wheelchair. It just isn't the best viewpoint for that situation, moving back one or two people would be more beneficial for the view. Those who can stand will begin around 15 minutes prior to the fireworks, but the fireworks are up so being back a bit will not ruin your view. The only time I would totally have someone get upfront is if they want to be right where Tinkerbelle comes down. If you plan to do this, check for the wire, and get up front a bit earlier.
You can tell the CM's not to take your plates during Wishes. This is a common problem. If your napkin is on or near your food (crumpled), they take the plate. We always make sure to tell the CM in our area to leave our plates. We have never had a problem.
They will keep out any desserts that were not taken even after Wishes. You may go and get anything that is left. You do not need to leave immediately and the drinks are still available. We always have a little plate and drink afterwards and wait for the crowds to leave. We chit-chat with the CM's. Never had a nasty one yet.
Photo-pass does get a bit congested. I would recommend getting your first plate, leaving it, then getting your photo's. I was there in February and we still had names on the tables and a friend was their more recently (April) and they did also. I think the OP really caught a bad day, maybe the printer was broke or someone printed the wrong days cards.
I admit this is expensive, but so is Disney. It is a special treat that our family finds to be the highlight of every trip. Even if we were only to get a small plate, it would still be okay with us. I guess it is how you look at it before you even enter that may help with your night. Not everything all the time is perfect. Mistakes may happen and maybe a plate of desserts may get spilled behind the scenes so you may not get that one. But if you just relax, the experience is really nice.
Some people say it is a must do "one" time, others don't want to pay the price for the service you get, and others like me who have a hard time with the crowds on Main Street wouldn't give it up for anything.
You can never please everyone. I really feel for the OP. I wish they could get a do-over to see what I enjoy.
Hope this helps someone who may be on the rope about the decision. If the price is going to upset you even before you walk in the door, it probably is not for you. Same thing if you expect perfection because you paid a certain amount. Lastly, we have never found the tables to be "extremely" close together, but just enough to have a conversation with your neighbors if you want. We always talk with people, but that is just how we are.