so depressed, DH won't agree! (short vent)

[Sonya]

We are trying to find childcare for DS and having a hard time. I wish I could stay home but that is not possible. My best friend finally said she could do it, if DH could drop DS off at her house at 9am. DH has flex hours. DH doesn't want to move his hours and work from 9-5! I told him it was for the good of his son and that he wouldn't be with some stranger with 5 other children to care for, my BF has 2 kids, one Sam's age, it would be great! I don't understand why DH is being so inflexible when it comes to his kid, I know he loves him so why not do this?

There is going to be a looooooong talk at our house tonight!

 

[FOJMO]

Are you able to drop him off? If not, and your DH has flex hours, I don't see why he can't/won't cooperate.

 

[holycow]

Sounds reasonable to me! Hopefully he will see that this would be
best for your little guy...Child care was always my biggest worry!
This sounds like it would be perfect! Good luck!

Lisa

 

[MICKEY88]

what hours does he work now..?/

 

[CamColt]

I agree with the others that it sounds like a reasonable solution.
Will you be picking him up in the afternoon? If so you could use that as ammo...split the duty. You guys are really lucky that your DH has that option, take advantage of it. He is just as much a parent as you are with just as much responsibility.
If it were me, I would tell him if he cant make this small sacrafice then I cant work.

 

[ez]

am I right? If so...your husband needs to do what he needs to do, and get used to the juggling act...it has only just begun!

 

[Serena]

This was one of the long standing arguments at my house. Everyone and anyone could be inconvenienced, but him. It was why I couldn't work for such a long time.

I would have a long talk and I hope you get things straightened out. He should do his share, especially since he can.

 

[zurgswife]

Good Luck Sonya.....

 

[WilmaBud]

I wouldn't be depressed - I'd be PO'd! I'd also tell him that either he does his part, or I won't go back to work. It's for the good of your son, AND for your piece of mind. He needs to do it for both of you. I know a lot of men have a hard time adjusting to the demands of fatherhood (mine never had trouble adjusting to the sacrifice, I'm happy to say), but he needs to suck it up. It is, indeed, only the beginning of the sacrifice and inconvenience.

 

[becka]

Well I am the one who changed hours to handle DS's daycare schedule but DH has had to make a few sacrifices in that area as well.

I decided to switch my hours to 6:30 - 3:00 so he is in daycare the minimum number of hours possible but that meant that DH would have to handle the morning routine including drop-off. He was not too thrilled that the best place was on the other end of town and thus meant a longer commute for him but it was a sacrifice he had to make for DS's sake.

Now I think that DH really enjoys "guy time" in the mornings and I think it is good for both of them. DH gets DS up, makes him breakfast, dresses him (well I pick out the clothes before I leave ), packs the bags (and bottles when he still needed those) and drops him off at daycare. I think at first he was afraid of all of that responsibility but he is now a pro...could that be the problem here as well?

I doubt that your DH doesn't want what is best for your DS but maybe there are some other issues at work here that you need to get out.

Good Luck!

 

[WebmasterAlex]

I think you need to ask him why it's a problem!
I've done the morning routine since forever (I do start at 9) and never thought it was a big deal

 

[Mishetta]

Hey Sonya, I know what will work....take your DH to see a daycare center & all the little rug rats with runny noses! That'll make him change his mind!

This is what worked for me! I wanted to continue working but my Mom, who was still healthy at the time, said that she'd care for baby until he started crawling around. So, I half heartedly agreed but then I thought, I want to continue working! So DH & I started checking out Daycare centers & most were very nice BUT everytime we walked into one, all these toddlers had runny noses! It was disgusting! I kept thinking that my little boy would probably have a perpetual cold, so that kinda changed my mind. (Of course, in the meantime, my Mom was diagnosed with Cancer so then I had to quit my job to take care of both my Mom & the little guy!) Now that my little guy is 21 months old, I am very happy that I stayed home to care for him myself. We made all sorts of sacrifices after having children. We moved out of heavenly Southern California & to (BLAH) Michigan just so we could make ends meet with one paycheck. It's just things you do when you have children!

As other posters mentioned, if this is your first child then DH needs to get used to making sacrifices as this one will be one of sooooooo many until little Samuel has a place of his own!!

Good luck & try touring the DayCare centers (& see their fees) & then your DH will probably offer to drop the little guy off & pick him up!

 

[jamsmom]

Mishetta said basically what I was going to say.

 

[marymrg]

Hi Sonya........good luck.......I hope it works out. One other thing to think about is having a back-up sitter in case your friend or one of her kids get sick. My neighbor watched my oldest (many years ago) but when I got the "dreaded sick call" at 10pm the night before or very early that day, I was the one who had to stay home. I didn't have back up. Luckily, it didn't happen much.........but 13+ years later, it still haunts me

Mary

 

[Sonya]

Thanks everyone, for listening to me vent. And you are right, he needs to make some sacrifices too. This one isn't very big, I think. He works from 7-3 and hates the fact that he will have to work 9-5. He has always avoided the rush hour traffic this way and has a long evening to relax. Now he won't get home intil 5:30 or 6. As a teacher I can't change my sched. and I have to be at work at 7am so DH would drop off DS at 8:30 and I would pick him up at 3:00. Not too bad.
So we had a nice talk after he came home and he agreed to do it but I can tell he's still not happy. It does cut down on his family time in the evening, but he has the morning now with DS. I told him the alternitive was a day care near his work and he could take AND pick up! I think it will be OK, though, DH has an aversion to change sometimes.
My only problem is that I don't have a back up, I have a friend who said she could but I don't know if she was serious. Guess I better call her and find out!

 

[Serena]

I am very happy for you.

 

[Michelle]

Glad it worked out Sonya...marriage and parenthood are all about compromise.

I swear if I lived there still I'd be your back-up!

 

[TIdoublegaER]

Hi Sonya! I know he may not be happy about it, but it will all workout for the best. Rush hour stinks, especially since every highway in the city under construction right now! At least he has the option to flex his hours. So many of us (as you know) don't have that luxury. Don't worry, it'll all work out fine.

 

[hentob]

I just don't understand how your dh can't be happy about being able to pick his son up from the sitter?!? I am going to be very honest (it is easy to do while hiding behind the keyboard, ya know) and say if this tiny sacrifice is putting your dh out, you are in for a long haul. You say this is going to cut into his evening "relaxation time" --Poor Guy <rolling eyes>.


You are a smart lady, though. You nipped it. I have seen many woman that pick up the slack and just go along with whatever makes life easier for their dh. With children come sacrifices. The sooner he learns this, the better.

Sorry if I am coming off rude. My blood is boiling right now. I think if my dh was "put out" by his responsibilities of being a father, I would lock myself in a room and cry.

Hentob1

 

[Serena]

hentob, I did cry, I couldn't be alone because he wouldn't watch the kids so I could be alone. It was the cause of many, many fights in my house.
Her husband did good. He saw reason and accepted it. He can grumble about it, I would to if a schedule I liked had to be disrupted for any reason. I'd still do it, but it's normal to be a little upset about it.

He'll be okay.