Slow down and enjoy the vacation ideas?

[momtosam]

Stroll World Showcase

 

[GatorMama]

What about looking for Hidden Mickeys?

 

[silverhaze269]

I think finding out likes and dislikes is a great idea before planning too much just yet. There's plenty to do seeing "the slower side of Disney", but it's all about things like, does he like any rides? Does he enjoy certain types of food? Does he like shopingat all? Would he be interested in a tour? Those kinds of things.

There have been plenty of awesome ideas, but see if you can find out if there's anything specific about wdw that makes him happy, and run with that. If he likes being outdoors, maybe explore the Fort Wilderness Resort? Maybe catch a movie in DtD if he's not feeling up for a park and needs a break from "Disney"?

At the same time though, you may need to ask yourself if you'll be okay going and catering the trip to his needs rather than your own, since it sounds like you may need to do that. How much would it bother you to take a day or two from the parks? To miss a fast pass for Seven Dwarves Mine Train because he needs a break? Or, to miss Wishes or Be Our Guest in favour of an early night?

Personally, I'm just happy standing or sitting in a park regardless of where it is or when, so that kind of stuff doesn't bother me, and I love to "wing it", but if you think you might have an issue with those things then maybe hold off on the trip for now. Otherwise, I say plan away and have an awesome vacation!

 

[Sashacrab]

We like to sit on Sunset Boulevard in DHS and watch the people and actors. We also like to sit on benches in Animal Kingdom on the trails and watch things go by. There are some peaceful places in AK.

 

[Happy_2_B]

Hi NeedMoreMickey.

First off, I am really hoping that the people asking you to reassess your vacation are in your situation. Depression is tough. You 'do' things- but never really 'enjoy' them. Tough to understand unless you have been there- floating through the day viewing and experiencing the world through a '3rd person' perspective... and being tired most of the time while doing almost nothing...

Disney is actually a really good choice for this circumstance- with a couple of caveats. Those are: 1) he wants to go on a vacation with you, 2) you are REALLY OK with keeping it low key, and 3) he is really OK with going to Disney. Having been in his situation, it doesn't matter where you go for vacation- the overall of experience will be the same- being 'there', but not being 'immersed'.

I do not agree with the posters that suggest splitting off and doing your own thing to take care of your personal Disney fix. IMHO that is selfish and defeats the purpose of going together. It sounds like you get to go regularly with other people and do what you want to do, and this is not the time to split off and do your own thing.

The only time I would agree that you could go off and do your own thing is if he sleeps really late. I used to sleep until almost noon most days, and if I was your DH- and I am not- I would be totally OK with you heading out and letting me sleep. If this is the case, then maybe you can work out being at rope drop, tour solo a couple of hours- then go back and see where he is at. The bigger picture here is that you have to live your lives together, and part of that is working through what you can and cannot do as a couple during this time period in your lives. The only way to figure that out is to spend your time together when you are on vacation together.

So, why is Disney a good choice- assuming you keep it low key? Quite simply, it takes the pressure off having to be the one to exert a bunch energy to make a vacation 'happen'. Once you are in the Disney 'bubble' as you call it, you are surrounded by a place that- no matter what you do- is 'vacationlike'- and you can just be there with no pressure to get to the next destination. In this state, you don't have the energy or the desire to 'make' things happen- being at Disney takes that pressure away. It is also an escape from 'real life'- and that is important (at least it was for me) when you are experiencing depression.

I was at WDW quite a long time ago when in the droves of depression, and found it to be manageable. I actually 'enjoyed' some of the trip- and found myself smiling now and again. My advice would be to have your DH read this post- it is from someone that has been in his shoes. Then sit down again and figure out if he really wants to go- it sounds like you have talked again and he does want to make the effort, but check in again with him. Make sure any plan you make doesn't include a lot of him 'sitting in the shade and holding your stuff while you ride'. There are times when rest will need to be built in and you can ride something then- but it will not be all that frequent (in my experience)- so don't go into this with the expectation that you will be able to go from ride to ride and have a 'pack mule' with you to hold your stuff.

If it was me- and again, it isn't- the first thing on each days list would be to sleep in, and the second would be a nap in the afternoon while you swim or whatever at the resort. I slept a lot. Flow through your trip with how he manages 'getting through' his days, and stay on his time schedule as much as possible. Even people that don't 'do' Disney have things they really like about the place- and he has been there before, so find out what those are and include them in a loose 'to do' plan. Make LOTS of time for rest- sounds like he is a lot like I was- sleeping away most of the day. Speaking for myself, as long as I got to sleep in late and take a nap late afternoon every day- I was good to go the rest of the time- but with that said most of this trip isn't going to be a day-to-day plan that you can plan out ahead of time. You will have to go on the fly based on where things are that day. Forget ADRs and FPPs- it isn't realistically going to happen. Forget planning what park you are going to be at on what day. In short- forget everything you know about planning and maximizing a Disney vacation- none of it is realistic- and it just isn't going to happen. Just make a plan each day on that day and enjoy your time together in Disney. The bottom line here is that you need to think of this as a vacation similar to being at the beach- where nothing is planned and you go with the flow. It just happens to be taking place in Disneyworld.

This is my best, albeit frank, heartfelt advice having been in his place at one point in my life. I hope you find it helpful.

 

[eyehartdisney]

Hi NeedMoreMickey.

First off, I am really hoping that the people asking you to reassess your vacation are in your situation. Depression is tough. You 'do' things- but never really 'enjoy' them. Tough to understand unless you have been there- floating through the day viewing and experiencing the world through a '3rd person' perspective... and being tired most of the time while doing almost nothing...

Disney is actually a really good choice for this circumstance- with a couple of caveats. Those are: 1) he wants to go on a vacation with you, 2) you are REALLY OK with keeping it low key, and 3) he is really OK with going to Disney. Having been in his situation, it doesn't matter where you go for vacation- the overall of experience will be the same- being 'there', but not being 'immersed'.

I do not agree with the posters that suggest splitting off and doing your own thing to take care of your personal Disney fix. IMHO that is selfish and defeats the purpose of going together. It sounds like you get to go regularly with other people and do what you want to do, and this is not the time to split off and do your own thing.

The only time I would agree that you could go off and do your own thing is if he sleeps really late. I used to sleep until almost noon most days, and if I was your DH- and I am not- I would be totally OK with you heading out and letting me sleep. If this is the case, then maybe you can work out being at rope drop, tour solo a couple of hours- then go back and see where he is at. The bigger picture here is that you have to live your lives together, and part of that is working through what you can and cannot do as a couple during this time period in your lives. The only way to figure that out is to spend your time together when you are on vacation together.

So, why is Disney a good choice- assuming you keep it low key? Quite simply, it takes the pressure off having to be the one to exert a bunch energy to make a vacation 'happen'. Once you are in the Disney 'bubble' as you call it, you are surrounded by a place that- no matter what you do- is 'vacationlike'- and you can just be there with no pressure to get to the next destination. In this state, you don't have the energy or the desire to 'make' things happen- being at Disney takes that pressure away. It is also an escape from 'real life'- and that is important (at least it was for me) when you are experiencing depression.

I was at WDW quite a long time ago when in the droves of depression, and found it to be manageable. I actually 'enjoyed' some of the trip- and found myself smiling now and again. My advice would be to have your DH read this post- it is from someone that has been in his shoes. Then sit down again and figure out if he really wants to go- it sounds like you have talked again and he does want to make the effort, but check in again with him. Make sure any plan you make doesn't include a lot of him 'sitting in the shade and holding your stuff while you ride'. There are times when rest will need to be built in and you can ride something then- but it will not be all that frequent (in my experience)- so don't go into this with the expectation that you will be able to go from ride to ride and have a 'pack mule' with you to hold your stuff.

If it was me- and again, it isn't- the first thing on each days list would be to sleep in, and the second would be a nap in the afternoon while you swim or whatever at the resort. I slept a lot. Flow through your trip with how he manages 'getting through' his days, and stay on his time schedule as much as possible. Even people that don't 'do' Disney have things they really like about the place- and he has been there before, so find out what those are and include them in a loose 'to do' plan. Make LOTS of time for rest- sounds like he is a lot like I was- sleeping away most of the day. Speaking for myself, as long as I got to sleep in late and take a nap late afternoon every day- I was good to go the rest of the time- but with that said most of this trip isn't going to be a day-to-day plan that you can plan out ahead of time. You will have to go on the fly based on where things are that day. Forget ADRs and FPPs- it isn't realistically going to happen. Just make a plan each day on that day and enjoy your time together in Disney.

This is my best, albeit frank, heartfelt advice having been in his place at one point in my life. I hope you find it helpful.

This is one of the best thought out responses to this thread. Well done.

 

[mouseearstx]

When my DH and I went for our Honeymoon, we had all sorts of big plans. However, after dealing with a nightmare house closing 2 weeks prior followed by a large wedding, we were both exhausted! We may have done 6-8 rides the entire trip! Instead we wandered the World showcase at a leisurely pace, and only did a portion at a time. We spent a whole day at DTD (which was a nice break from the crowds), had a few nice meals at some resorts and spent time wandering at each one and spent time enjoying our resort. You might think of some ideas away from the crowds for at least a portion of the day to prevent your DH from getting too overwhelmed. We did a land and sea package, and the cruise portion of that trip finally gave us that opportunity to just relax!

 

[JimmyV]

Hi NeedMoreMickey.

First off, I am really hoping that the people asking you to reassess your vacation are in your situation. Depression is tough. You 'do' things- but never really 'enjoy' them. Tough to understand unless you have been there- floating through the day viewing and experiencing the world through a '3rd person' perspective... and being tired most of the time while doing almost nothing...

Disney is actually a really good choice for this circumstance- with a couple of caveats. Those are: 1) he wants to go on a vacation with you, 2) you are REALLY OK with keeping it low key, and 3) he is really OK with going to Disney. Having been in his situation, it doesn't matter where you go for vacation- the overall of experience will be the same- being 'there', but not being 'immersed'.

I understand what you are driving at, but the answers to your questions are already right in front of us. The first post says that the OP is "dragging" (her words, not mine) her husband to WDW; that it is not his favorite place; and that though suffering from depression to the point where he is medicated, he is willing to buck up and go as a favor to her. Now, I suppose that if all of that was a slight (or more than slight) exaggeration and that her husband is actually more excited to go than we have been led to believe, then the situation changes entirely. But all we have to go on is the OP's choice of words, and word choices such as "dragging" would seem to answer all of the caveats that you set out above. I know that this is a Disney World fan site, so the natural bias is to say that WDW is the perfect place to go. And if the OP had posted the exact same question on a Heavy Metal fan board and asked if she should take her husband to a three-day Heavy Metal Jamboree, but "keep it kind of mellow", the people there would react the same way as they have here. In the end, only the OP and her husband know what is best for them. It is possible that WDW is exactly what they need. But if that is the case, then the wording of the initial post seems way off to me. No one should be "dragged" to their "less than favorite place" as a "favor to someone else" if they are clinically depressed.

 

[Jennytoon]

I understand what you are driving at, but the answers to your questions are already right in front of us. The first post says that the OP is "dragging" (her words, not mine) her husband to WDW; that it is not his favorite place; and that though suffering from depression to the point where he is medicated, he is willing to buck up and go as a favor to her. Now, I suppose that if all of that was a slight (or more than slight) exaggeration and that her husband is actually more excited to go than we have been led to believe, then the situation changes entirely. But all we have to go on is the OP's choice of words, and word choices such as "dragging" would seem to answer all of the caveats that you set out above. I know that this is a Disney World fan site, so the natural bias is to say that WDW is the perfect place to go. And if the OP had posted the exact same question on a Heavy Metal fan board and asked if she should take her husband to a three-day Heavy Metal Jamboree, but "keep it kind of mellow", the people there would react the same way as they have here. In the end, only the OP and her husband know what is best for them. It is possible that WDW is exactly what they need. But if that is the case, then the wording of the initial post seems way off to me. No one should be "dragged" to their "less than favorite place" as a "favor to someone else" if they are clinically depressed.

To be fair, the OP also said that

"he is coming because he thinks he’s doing me a favor because I would be bored by myself even though I’ve told him it’s my dream for a solo Disney vacation" (bolding is mine)

and that

"My job is to come up with a plan for four days that is a very calm, slow moving vacation that he will enjoy. I take a trip every March with my sister and now my niece where we hit 3 parks and the pool in one day so this trip I’m trying to think of things that just the opposite of go, go, go trip." (Again, bolding is mine)

It sounded to me much more like OP used some colorful phrasing that may have led people astray in their interpretation, but is actually someone who is well aware of the consequences of her DH's depression, has already had discussions with him, and is doing their best to respect that DH has said he prefers to vacation together with her at Disney instead of remaining at home while she vacations at Disney by asking for suggestions on how to take a trip of a type she is not in the habit of taking -- but will be a trip that will be as enjoyable for her husband as it possibly can be.

 

[JimmyV]

To be fair, the OP also said that...
"My job is to come up with a plan for four days that is a very calm, slow moving vacation that he will enjoy.

I get that. So the solution is to ask him where he wants to go. Again, it may have been poorly worded, but the original post reads as: "Disney World is my favorite place. It is not my husband's favorite place. In fact, to get him to go, I have to drag him there. But that is what I am going to do. So I'd like some ideas on what to do while I am there to help my husband relax in a place that is intrinsically not relaxing." If that is not at all what was intended, then we have a different discussion. But that is how it reads.

 

[PetePanMan]

at the risk of being banned from these boards forever, are there any other non WDW parks or attractions that might interest him. For example, Discovery Cove (although expensive) is an awesome relaxing day.

 

[Jennytoon]

I get that. So the solution is to ask him where he wants to go. Again, it may have been poorly worded, but the original post reads as: "Disney World is my favorite place. It is not my husband's favorite place. In fact, to get him to go, I have to drag him there. But that is what I am going to do. So I'd like some ideas on what to do while I am there to help my husband relax in a place that is intrinsically not relaxing." If that is not at all what was intended, then we have a different discussion. But that is how it reads.

It did not read that way to me.

Why are you (and others) assuming that she has not already asked him? For all we know, they did have a conversation and it went something like this:

"What do you think would make this a good trip for you?"
"I don't know. I'm finding it hard to really envision anything as being enjoyable right now. I don't want to be rushed or stressed, I just want to do things with you and have time to be together. I want to go to the parks, but I want to keep it low key"
"Do you want to go to Disney, or somewhere else together?"
"No, I think all places will be about as enjoyable for me right now. So we should go somewhere that will be the most enjoyable for you."
"OK, do you want me to try to figure out some ideas for our vacation at Disney and then run them by you to see if they sound good?"
"Sure, that would be great. I don't think I have the energy to do any research myself right now. In fact, maybe you should just make the whole plan."

So off she comes to the boards for advice on doing Disney in a way that is unfamiliar to her, and many people immediately assume that she is focusing on a Disney vacation because it is the best for her, even though it might not be what her husband needs. Everyone is so caught up that she says in the first line that she's dragging him to Disney that they overlook the part where she says that he is coming because he thinks he is doing her a favor even though she has told him that she's fine going solo, which sounds a lot to me like she offered him the option not to go and he didn't take it -- the opposite of dragging!

I'm not saying the people who posted asking her to consider whether Disney is truly the right path should not have raised those questions or written those posts. There's no question that her wording was misleading, especially to people who are skimming or reading on a small phone screen. But sometimes people word things in a way that doesn't come off well in an attempt to be humorous, especially in situations like this where you may feel that if you don't keep a light tone in your own mind you'll be depressed too. I prefer to read everything she wrote and assume that this is a thoughtful, caring woman who is smart enough to communicate with her husband, rather than do her the disservice of assuming that she hasn't really worked hard enough to get her husband's input because she's dragging him to Disney because it's her fave even though it won't be that good for him. Especially since she followed up her initial post after several of the "reconsider" posts had already been made:

Thanks for all the suggestions of things to do and the suggestion to rethink the trip. We've talked it over and we will be trying to make this a low stress trip, we'll be staying at his favorite resort Beach Club. We tried a trip to the ocean in July and he was miserable, too much driving and too much stress, of all the places we talked about Disney was the only place where he can be in a bubble and block out the rest of the world.

This does not sound to me like a person who is not communicating with her husband, or isn't willing to try other things that might be better for both of them together rather than making decisions to go to her favorite place without full consideration of his needs.

 

[ArwenMarie]

I get that. So the solution is to ask him where he wants to go. Again, it may have been poorly worded, but the original post reads as: "Disney World is my favorite place. It is not my husband's favorite place. In fact, to get him to go, I have to drag him there. But that is what I am going to do. So I'd like some ideas on what to do while I am there to help my husband relax in a place that is intrinsically not relaxing." If that is not at all what was intended, then we have a different discussion. But that is how it reads.

She did ask him, she said that out of their choice of destinations, WDW was actually the best choice from his perspective.

 

[JimmyV]

This does not sound to me like a person who is not communicating with her husband, or isn't willing to try other things that might be better for both of them together rather than making decisions to go to her favorite place without full consideration of his needs.

It also doesn't sound to me like a person who is dragging her husband to a place he does not like. So I remain utterly perplexed by the original post.

 

[bumbershoot]

OP, what about Universal Orlando? Is there anything there remotely interesting? It's VERY very easy to take it easy there, both at the resort and at the parks. Stay onsite-deluxe and that unlimited Express pass makes a day very easy. The resorts are gorgeous and amazing, the parks are beautiful, the people are kind, and did I mention the resorts are amazing?

Any ideas? Yes. Go back and re-read the portions that I have bolded and stop to seriously, (and I mean seriously) consider their import, and then ask yourself if planning a trip to WDW is really the best option right now. Maybe this is one time where you need to expand your horizons and look at someplace else to go. Disney will still be there when the both of your are ready for it.

You missed this. "I’ve told him it’s my dream for a solo Disney vacation"...

It doesn't sound like this is something she needs him to do, but he's "doing her a favor" by going.

We tried a trip to the ocean in July and he was miserable, too much driving and too much stress, of all the places we talked about Disney was the only place where he can be in a bubble and block out the rest of the world.

Might have missed that, too. They've talked about it.

he is willing to buck up and go as a favor to her

A favor she doesn't seem to really want or need. From what she says later, it sounds like WDW is the best possible for him, even though he isn't a fan.

It sounded to me much more like OP used some colorful phrasing that may have led people astray in their interpretation, but is actually someone who is well aware of the consequences of her DH's depression, has already had discussions with him, and is doing their best to respect that DH has said he prefers to vacation together with her at Disney instead of remaining at home while she vacations at Disney by asking for suggestions on how to take a trip of a type she is not in the habit of taking -- but will be a trip that will be as enjoyable for her husband as it possibly can be.

Yes, I agree.

Sometimes people use self-deprecating or ironic or sarcastic-ish phrasing for one reason or another, but a whole other reason is heard by others.

 

[JimmyV]

Sometimes people use self-deprecating or ironic or sarcastic-ish phrasing for one reason or another, but a whole other reason is heard by others.

I am perfectly willing to go with this one!

 

[NeedMoreMickey]

Hi NeedMoreMickey.

First off, I am really hoping that the people asking you to reassess your vacation are in your situation. Depression is tough. You 'do' things- but never really 'enjoy' them. Tough to understand unless you have been there- floating through the day viewing and experiencing the world through a '3rd person' perspective... and being tired most of the time while doing almost nothing...

Disney is actually a really good choice for this circumstance- with a couple of caveats. Those are: 1) he wants to go on a vacation with you, 2) you are REALLY OK with keeping it low key, and 3) he is really OK with going to Disney. Having been in his situation, it doesn't matter where you go for vacation- the overall of experience will be the same- being 'there', but not being 'immersed'.

I do not agree with the posters that suggest splitting off and doing your own thing to take care of your personal Disney fix. IMHO that is selfish and defeats the purpose of going together. It sounds like you get to go regularly with other people and do what you want to do, and this is not the time to split off and do your own thing.

The only time I would agree that you could go off and do your own thing is if he sleeps really late. I used to sleep until almost noon most days, and if I was your DH- and I am not- I would be totally OK with you heading out and letting me sleep. If this is the case, then maybe you can work out being at rope drop, tour solo a couple of hours- then go back and see where he is at. The bigger picture here is that you have to live your lives together, and part of that is working through what you can and cannot do as a couple during this time period in your lives. The only way to figure that out is to spend your time together when you are on vacation together.

So, why is Disney a good choice- assuming you keep it low key? Quite simply, it takes the pressure off having to be the one to exert a bunch energy to make a vacation 'happen'. Once you are in the Disney 'bubble' as you call it, you are surrounded by a place that- no matter what you do- is 'vacationlike'- and you can just be there with no pressure to get to the next destination. In this state, you don't have the energy or the desire to 'make' things happen- being at Disney takes that pressure away. It is also an escape from 'real life'- and that is important (at least it was for me) when you are experiencing depression.

I was at WDW quite a long time ago when in the droves of depression, and found it to be manageable. I actually 'enjoyed' some of the trip- and found myself smiling now and again. My advice would be to have your DH read this post- it is from someone that has been in his shoes. Then sit down again and figure out if he really wants to go- it sounds like you have talked again and he does want to make the effort, but check in again with him. Make sure any plan you make doesn't include a lot of him 'sitting in the shade and holding your stuff while you ride'. There are times when rest will need to be built in and you can ride something then- but it will not be all that frequent (in my experience)- so don't go into this with the expectation that you will be able to go from ride to ride and have a 'pack mule' with you to hold your stuff.

If it was me- and again, it isn't- the first thing on each days list would be to sleep in, and the second would be a nap in the afternoon while you swim or whatever at the resort. I slept a lot. Flow through your trip with how he manages 'getting through' his days, and stay on his time schedule as much as possible. Even people that don't 'do' Disney have things they really like about the place- and he has been there before, so find out what those are and include them in a loose 'to do' plan. Make LOTS of time for rest- sounds like he is a lot like I was- sleeping away most of the day. Speaking for myself, as long as I got to sleep in late and take a nap late afternoon every day- I was good to go the rest of the time- but with that said most of this trip isn't going to be a day-to-day plan that you can plan out ahead of time. You will have to go on the fly based on where things are that day. Forget ADRs and FPPs- it isn't realistically going to happen. Forget planning what park you are going to be at on what day. In short- forget everything you know about planning and maximizing a Disney vacation- none of it is realistic- and it just isn't going to happen. Just make a plan each day on that day and enjoy your time together in Disney. The bottom line here is that you need to think of this as a vacation similar to being at the beach- where nothing is planned and you go with the flow. It just happens to be taking place in Disneyworld.

This is my best, albeit frank, heartfelt advice having been in his place at one point in my life. I hope you find it helpful.

Thank you so much for your response, wish I could "Like" it a hundred times. So many people don't understand depression or how it effects everyone in the family. We've talked about taking an afternoon breaks and even have ADRs scheduled for around 4:00 so he doesn't need to be out late. We are going during the Food & Wine so he is looking forward to that part and he also enjoys shopping. My plan is to spend as much time together as possible but since we are staying at BC he said he wouldn't mind if while he's sleeping if I run over to Epcot or HS, this is what happened on our last trip together in 2009.

 

[NeedMoreMickey]

at the risk of being banned from these boards forever, are there any other non WDW parks or attractions that might interest him. For example, Discovery Cove (although expensive) is an awesome relaxing day.

I thought about that but we are only going to be there 4night/5days and I didn't want to add the pressure of ok we have to rent a car and drive someplace or worry about getting a cab. We are staying at BC so not too far from the mini golf and people watching at Boardwalk if he doesn't want to go far.

 

[Happy_2_B]

Thank you so much for your response, wish I could "Like" it a hundred times. So many people don't understand depression or how it effects everyone in the family. We've talked about taking an afternoon breaks and even have ADRs scheduled for around 4:00 so he doesn't need to be out late. We are going during the Food & Wine so he is looking forward to that part and he also enjoys shopping. My plan is to spend as much time together as possible but since we are staying at BC he said he wouldn't mind if while he's sleeping if I run over to Epcot or HS, this is what happened on our last trip together in 2009.

Hi again. Glad you felt this was helpful- sounds like you are communicating and making decisions together. Wishing you a wonderful trip

 

[kelmcg]

On the Disney Food Blog they talk about a "Monorail Crawl"......you visit a bar or restaurant at a hotel on the monorail and then you take the monorail to the next resort for food and/or drinks, and then you head to the 3rd one. You can walk around the resorts and enjoy them while stopping and hanging out in the bar/restaurant.

They also talk about a "Cupcake crawl" where you go to different resorts and different parks, throughout your trip, and get all the popular specialty cupcakes. This could just be a way to get you to do different things in different areas and there is no timeline/schedule. You can go as slow or as fast as you want!