Sleepovers- do you let your daughter go?

[barnaby1]

My mother always used to say "why do you want to sleep at someone else's house when you have a perfectly good bed at home!!!!"

 

[GothTink]

Also...as far as the goth kids...I was in with that group back in high school and I have to strongly disagree with one of the previous posters. I was not depressed, never got in trouble, didn't drink and have to this day never tried any drugs. I certainly never cut myself (although I had a non-goth friend, through our parents, who was a cheerleader/popular girl and she did cut herself). We just liked certain music and crazy clothes.

Well said.

And some of us never grew out of it. I'm still quite goth.

 

[mylilnikita]

I don't allow my DD9 to sleep over someone's house unless I really know them, but with that being said, I do believe in making sure I know who my childs' friends are and their parents.


ANd some kids must might not like going to sleepovers for whatever reason and that is fine too, but to not even allow them the opportunity, that is sad.

Just because someone is Way more allowing doesn't mean something bad hasn't happened to them as a child, but you give your child knowledge about what to do in situations. And I am for darn sure not going let what may have happened to me and still give that person control and fear in me to have it affect my kid.

Say if you just say no to sleepovers, who is to say later on your DD meets a boy who would beat or attack her let alone if she married someone like that.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

If you are sleeping then you are not missing anything and you can come home. There will be no sleepovers for my kids.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't allow my DD9 to sleep over someone's house unless I really know them, but with that being said, I do believe in making sure I know who my childs' friends are and their parents.


ANd some kids must might not like going to sleepovers for whatever reason and that is fine too, but to not even allow them the opportunity, that is sad.

Just because someone is Way more allowing doesn't mean something bad hasn't happened to them as a child, but you give your child knowledge about what to do in situations. And I am for darn sure not going let what may have happened to me and still give that person control and fear in me to have it affect my kid.

Say if you just say no to sleepovers, who is to say later on your DD meets a boy who would beat or attack her let alone if she married someone like that.[/QUOTE]


What does this have to do with allowing sleepovers?

 

[mylilnikita]

If your kid doesnt like sleepovers fine whatever.
But I am talking about the ones who are not even allowing their kids to have that experience because they don't believe in them or something happened to the parent as a child and they are trying to "protect" their kid like that, you cannot lock your kid away from everything. Sure you can try to do everything you think is going to protect your kid, but like i said a dd could grow up and something bad happen to her then. Sorry forgot to add that part in last thread.

You cannot protect your kid from everyone or everything even when they are older, but to not allow them even the opportunity or choice to go to a sleep over and have them decide for themselves if it is something they enjoy doing.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

If your kid doesnt like sleepovers fine whatever.
But I am talking about the ones who are not even allowing their kids to have that experience because they don't believe in them or something happened to the parent as a child and they are trying to "protect" their kid like that, you cannot lock your kid away from everything. Sure you can try to do everything you think is going to protect your kid, but like i said a dd could grow up and something bad happen to her then. Sorry forgot to add that part in last thread.

You cannot protect your kid from everyone or everything even when they are older, but to not allow them even the opportunity or choice to go to a sleep over and have them decide for themselves if it is something they enjoy doing.

Well see here's the thing. You think sleepovers are a part of being a kid. I don't. I don't see any need for them. They are not necessary. If you are sleeping you aren't missing anything and you can come home. Some of us think Disney is a part of childhood, or running through a sprinkler or going to pre-school etc. These are all choices that we must make as parents that support our belief system. What some may think is a rite of passage others may not. There are many things that I will not let my kids do. There are also many things I will let them do. (believe me they are far from sheltered) I am sure there are many things that you will and will not let your kids do. It doesn't make only your way the right way. It makes your way the right way for your family. Also you mentioned that you cannot protect your kids from everything and I agree with that to a degree. It is my job as a parent to decide what I deem a safe situation. Yes anything can happen at any time, but that doesn't mean I will let them go willy nilly and hope for the best. If you think it is okay to have sleepovers etc. then by all means go crazy and enjoy, but just because you think it is okay doesn't make it okay for everyone. I don't think a sleepover is some evil ceremony, but I like my kids home at night. Yes they are young now but I don't see that changing. I was rarely allowed to sleep out when I was a kid and if I did it was at a family's house that we used to all vacation with. I survived unscathed and don't feel that I missed out on anything.

 

[mylilnikita]

To each their own. We'll agree to disagree.

I missed out on alot as a kid, except the sleepover part, but I make sure my DD doesn't miss out on things. I also make it my business to know my DD's friends and their parents. And sleepovers are more than just sleeping, you stay up late, watch movies, plus I got to see other familys interaction and wish mine could be like that.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

To each their own. We'll agree to disagree

Okay.

 

[jodifla]

If your kid doesnt like sleepovers fine whatever.
But I am talking about the ones who are not even allowing their kids to have that experience because they don't believe in them or something happened to the parent as a child and they are trying to "protect" their kid like that, you cannot lock your kid away from everything. Sure you can try to do everything you think is going to protect your kid, but like i said a dd could grow up and something bad happen to her then. Sorry forgot to add that part in last thread.

You cannot protect your kid from everyone or everything even when they are older, but to not allow them even the opportunity or choice to go to a sleep over and have them decide for themselves if it is something they enjoy doing.

I find a lot of the "rules" parents have on these boards completely arbitrary. So often, they are rules for rule's sake. It teaches a child nothing....other than authority is oftentimes ridiculous.

It reminds me of how glad I was when I turned 18 and went off to college,and started living my own life on a day to day basis, without a bunch of rules I didn't agree with.

 

[kpm76]

I don't see the no sleepover rule as a rule for rule's sake. Those of us that are opposed have expressed our reasons and I think they are valid. Sure, we can't protect our children from all of the evils in the world, but we have the obligation to make decisons that we think are in the best interest of our kids, even if they disagree at the time. This whole debate is rather silly actually. It's a sleepover....if you want to let your kids participate in them, fine, I respect your decison. I just ask for the same respect in return. Instead, some people act as though we are the worst parents in the world for not allowing our kids to sleep at other people's houses. How ridiculous.

 

[kt_mom]

I just find it very sad. We did sleepovers all the time. I remember them from a pretty young age. Sometimes just going over to a friend's house to spend the night and sometimes large groups. I had one friend in elementary school who's house I LOVED to go to. Her parents had quite a bit of money and a fairly large house and property. There as always so much to do. Of course, she loved coming to our house because we had a pool. But staying up late and our parents would usually fix us popcorn and let us watch movies. It was so much fun.

I only remember one or two kids who weren't allowed to spend the night, and I always remember feeling very sad for them. Especially when everyone would talk about stuff like that at school. We say as adults that we escaped unscathed from things as children, but sometimes maybe its difficult to look back and remember being the only child left out. Or one of the few that are left out. I'm sure glad I wasn't, it would have broken my heart.

Granted not all children will enjoy sleepovers. Mine does sometimes and sometimes not. She has a cousin she sleeps over with that is her age and a friend who's parents we are good friends with. Sometimes she wants to and sometimes she doesn't.

When she gets older we can expand to friends from school if she wants to, but right now I don't know any of the families that well, and I would be uncomfortable having a child who I don't know and don't really know their parents.

We can make decisions to protect our children. And each parent has to decide for themselves. But I wonder how many parents decide no sleepovers becasue their parents said no sleepovers. And down the line it goes with no REAL reasoning behind. I'm not saying anyone on here, just sort of a general thought.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't see the no sleepover rule as a rule for rule's sake. Those of us that are opposed have expressed our reasons and I think they are valid. Sure, we can't protect our children from all of the evils in the world, but we have the obligation to make decisons that we think are in the best interest of our kids, even if they disagree at the time. This whole debate is rather silly actually. It's a sleepover....if you want to let your kids participate in them, fine, I respect your decison. I just ask for the same respect in return. Instead, some people act as though we are the worst parents in the world for not allowing our kids to sleep at other people's houses. How ridiculous.

Exactly!

 

[luckey-lasvegas]

My DD is an only child, and she sleeps over at her friends house and they sleep over here about everyother weekend. I do know all their parents, one was actually my OB so I feel really safe when DD is over there. I don't think she has been invited to a slumber party of a girl I didn't know, but if I didn't know the family I probably would not let her stay over night, that being said for my DD sake I would make an effort to get to know the family and even offer my help at the party. That way I could decide whether I felt comfortable enough for DD to stay or if she was going to leave the party with me. I do think for me it is a right of passage more so for girls than boys. I'm 42 years old and watching my DD and her friends making pancakes together the morning after campimg out on my living room florr brings back some very fond memories for me, and I hope that someday it will be a fond memory for her.

 

[Momvic5]

I think that this thread has shed new light on sleepovers for many of us. Even though my children do not sleepover, I understand how fun they can be. Movies, popcorn, late night talks, friends, games~all of which are very exciting for children. For that reason, we occassionally have them at our house. Our no sleepover rule means my children do not sleepover, but on occassion my children may have a friend/s sleepover. There is a reason why we all feel uncomfortable with sleepovers regardless of whether we allow them or not. Even those of you who feel strongly about permitting your children for sleepovers have mentioned how careful you have to be when permitting it. Why? ~ because though they can be loads of fun, they can also be scarring.

The question that my family and I had to answer was how to find balance between the two. I am all for fun for my children, but I also want to do it within boundaries that I am comfortable with. I do not know what goes on in private daily living for other families, but I do know what goes on in mine. So I find it in my children's best interest for them to be at home in the hours that find most families vulnerable for private living. My sleepover rule works well for my family. Having a friend/s sleepover rather than my children sleeping over insures to me that we are having pure sleepover fun and nothing more. For now, we will experience the fun without the risk ~ any risk ~ sick, bad dreams, scared, bathroom issues, sleep issues, unsupervised fun, etc.

My childen are 6 to 11 yrs old. There is absolutely no reason why they have to be at a sleepover to maintain a happy balanced childhood. I find it odd that some have equated sleepovers with life and its necessary risks. Sleepovers are meant to be a fun extra, not another lesson in life on risk taking. If sleepovers are something you and your childen enjoy and are comfortable with then by all means enjoy them. The OP just asked our opinion about letting her DD sleep over, and most of us were just stating what is done and comfortable in our own homes.

 

[luckey-lasvegas]

I guess there has to be a balance, but if everyone only let their DD have friends spend the night at their own house then nobody would be spending the night anywhere. It seems to me that if you are asking other parents to be trusting of you , then you owe them the same respect. IMHOP.

 

[jodifla]

I don't see the no sleepover rule as a rule for rule's sake. Those of us that are opposed have expressed our reasons and I think they are valid. Sure, we can't protect our children from all of the evils in the world, but we have the obligation to make decisons that we think are in the best interest of our kids, even if they disagree at the time. This whole debate is rather silly actually. It's a sleepover....if you want to let your kids participate in them, fine, I respect your decison. I just ask for the same respect in return. Instead, some people act as though we are the worst parents in the world for not allowing our kids to sleep at other people's houses. How ridiculous.

Hey, it's a discussion board. We're discussing.

And I can tell you how I felt as a kid...sleepovers were important to me. In fact, I had a couple of birthday slumber parties that ROCKED! We all still remember them, and this is more than 30 years later.

I'm just glad I came from a time when people weren't so paranoid about having their 13 and 14 year olds spend the night with a dozen other girls, making A LIFETIME MEMORY!

 

[jodifla]

I guess there has to be a balance, but if everyone only let their DD have friends spend the night at their own house then nobody would be spending the night anywhere. It seems to me that if you are asking other parents to be trusting of you , then you owe them the same respect. IMHOP.

Exactly!!!! Oh, I'M trustworthy enough to watch your kids, but you are so unworthy to watch mine. Geez!

 

[twooley2]

Amen LOL

 

[dbal]

...just stumbled onto this thread and WOW! I didn't realize it was such a hot topic. Actually it's nice to hear another side to this because according to my dd-9 EVERYONE sleeps over others houses every wkend.
Some background she has never slept out. She is high functioning autistic, has few friends, and has 1 friend in particular that she keeps asking to sleep over or even have a playdate over there.

I know the parents well enough to know that she will never set foot in her house. She has come over here for playdates. But my dd keeps pressing me to go over her house.

What reason do you give your kids when you don't trust the parents? I can't say anything bad about the girl. She is a friend to my dd and living in a sad situation.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.