Skeptical Family?????

[DisneyBrideWannabe]

I'm new to the site, but have been planning my dream wedding since I was young. I got engaged on Christmas and I knew that Disney would be the perfect place to have my dream wedding. Even my DF is excited, but that's about where it ends. My family, and his, both whom have never been to Disney, think that it is childish and selfish that we expect everyone to take time off from work and pay their own way to attend a wedding (we are from NY). We are paying for the entire wedding, since we didn't think it was fair to ask for assistance with the wedding and have them pay their way. Even after explaining all the discounts they'd be entitled to (hotel, flight, tickets) they still think it is corny and his grandparents are refusing to come. Did anyone else encounter problems like this? My DF is bummed that his grandparents are so resistant. I think this is not only a chance for a wedding, but a vacation and reunion as well! Please help!

 

[hfehr1s]

I totally understand how you feel. My family has been going to Disney for the past 18 years, so they were more than thrilled with the idea. However, since we are having an intimate -- we had to limit the guest list significantly, so that has caused a few problems with DF family -- which is quite large. After much discussing they realize that this is what we really want and the people that are the most important to us will be there so they are totally okay with it now. Unfortunately one set of his grandparents will not be making the trip(mostly for health reasons), but I totally understand what you are feeling as far as resistance to Disney, some people just really see it as another ordinary child's amusement park and not as the wonderful place it is. I hope everything works our for you and your DF. BTW I was engaged on Christmas too (2004). Good Luck and remember this is YOUR wedding and you only get it once!! Sorry so long!

 

[Rustyflwr3]

Hello!
I have seen many cases on this board where families have not been the most supportive of a wedding at Disney! Although this would be difficult, you have to think that this is your dream wedding and what you want is all that matters. My mothers side of the family is "hardcore" catholic and as I thought having a Disney wedding would be a problem, since it's non-denominational, fortunately it has not been so far! Or at least that I know of! But, good luck and I am sure everything will work out!

Jessica

 

[princessshannie]

aww im so sorry, that really makes me want to cry. Im still young (high school) but i know since a few years ago, ever since i saw a couple getting married at disney ive always wanted to have my wedding there. Although i did not see the actual wedding i saw the photographer taking pictures of the bride in a cinderella carriage! It was wonderful! I think if that is what you want you should do it no matter what anyone else says. I saw that about yours or his family said you are being selfish Im sorry but that is crazy! this is your wedding and if they miss it wont that feel horrible for the rest of their life for missing one of the most important days of you life? I mean come on aren't they the one's being selfish for wanting you to move the wedding from your dream spot?

 

[disneyheaven]

We came across this problem. I think many of us had with one guest or another during this whole process! Most of my family is OBSESSED with Disney so the enthusiasm was incredible when we first began discussing it. But my nana (my dad's mom) dug her heels in the mud and has fought it the whole way. She does not like to fly, so we had many offer to drive her down there. She refused. She is a home body (we lost my papa, her husband, last christmas and she sort of has given up the will to live, even though she is healthy as a horse!) After all is said and done, we are still getting married at Disney, but she will not be attending. My nana and I had a long talk about it, and she understands my need to fullfill my lifelong dream of getting married in Disney, and I respect her needs of not wanting to attend the wedding due to travel worries,anxieties, etc. It does hurt that some people were negative when I was SOOOO excited, but at the end of the day sweetie, it is your day. It cant be anyone else's and you would never want to go to bed the night of your wedding, thinking, "Well, that was nice, but it wasnt what I wanted." This is ONE day where you can make all your dreams come true. Its one day where you have to be selfish and say, "No, this is what I realy want. Please support me in this" If I were you, just try to keep encouraging people about what a magical vacation it will be, how this is a "Once in a lifetime event" where so many people in the family and circle of friends can be together in such a magical spot. I wish you luck, I know how hard it is. And if you do end up having a Disney wedding, I know you wont regret a minute of it. But this is just the beginning as well. (Dont forget that). They will complain every step of the way, airfare too expensive, dont like the hotel choices, park tickets sooo expensive, blah, blah blah. I think the most important thing I have learned about planning a Disney wedding is to have THICK SKIN! You will learn to let it all roll off and think, "Oh well, let them complain. It willl all be worth it in the end". And it will! Keep smiling and follow YOUR dreams, no matter how many people don't believe in them (Isnt that was Disney is all about! Think of poor Cinderella who wanted to go to that ball so badly?!?!) If you want it hard enough, you too, will get your fairy godmother.

 

[JandJ]

I'm sorry! My family knew I wanted a Disney wedding and they were, for the most part, very supportive. Like hfehr1s said, the problem for us was limiting the guest list for an Intimate wedding. None of the grandparents could attend (2 for health reasons, 2 for not having the space) and I couldn't invite friends, they were not happy, but that was the only friction we really got. Also, like Rustyflwr3 my mom's side is very Catholic and didn't appreciate the non-denominational ceremony but it was MY wedding, and DH and I did exactly what WE wanted. You only get one shot at your wedding and you'll regret it forever if you don't do what you want.

Good luck!

 

[groomtb]

what are the chances of having 2 weddings...NY for the family then DFTW with just you and DH...have it as wedding/honeymoon.

in a ideal situation....the families should honor your wishes and let you two get married at disney. but have a formal reception in NY with the families. tried to pitch that idea to them?

 

[hmgolden]

DH and I got married at WDW almost 2 years ago and we still deal with the fallout from the decision today. My grandparents haven't spoken to me since they sent back the RSVP that said they weren't coming to our wedding because it was a production and not a catholic wedding. DH's great aunts told us that we ruined Mickey Mouse for them, and actually refused the STD from Disney and had it sent back to my parents home. As a result of these, and other people, our wedding planning process was very difficult. We had people telling us (including my mother) our marriage was doomed to failure because we weren't getting married in a catholic church. But, we went ahead with our plan anyway. We wanted our wedding to be a reflection of us, and that's what it was. And the day of the wedding won over all the detractors that had still come (like my mom). Everyone was blown away by the Disney staff, the food, everything. I am so glad DH and I stuck to our guns and had the wedding day we wanted. I would be so sad if I looked back on our wedding day and it was the day that everyone else wanted for us. I would regret that more than anything that happened in the planning process.

 

[groomtb]

ruined mickey mouse for them, what?????

 

[Little_Miss_Lozz]

that is such a shame your having those problems. i thought my mum was being a bit pushy inviting a couple of people but she is tamer than i thought! we want to go a way because if we stay at home and have a big wedding it will be for everyone else and we dont want that (df quite shy and has very large family)
I would rather spend a few thousand on a wedding/holiday/honeymoon than about 10 grand on 150 people having dinner
like the other ladies have said it is you and your df's day and you want that to be the best day ever (which Im sure it will be!)

Loz

 

[DisneyDiva74]

I'm so sorry that you are getting a hard time from people, but I totally sympathize. DF's family has never been to Disney before either, and no one in my family understands why I love it so much. Luckily, DF has been very supportive and has helped me try to convince people that it is going to be wonderful. Most of our family has grudgingly agreed. We haven't sent our save the dates yet, though, and I'm sure that we are going to get flak from a lot of people. I agree, though, that you have to be thick-skinned and just push the idea that its going to be great on everyone. Be as positive as you can about the whole thing and hopefully it will start to rub off on other people. At least, that's what I'm hoping!
Good luck!
Amanda

 

[jlovesee]

I feel under the category of my family not being overly crazy about the idea, and that's a mild statement. My husband's immediate sister and mother loved the idea, but my family.... it was an uphill fight the entire way.

First Im catholic, Im sure many people here know what that means when it comes to Disney weddings, that was the biggest contention. Then came the fact of asking everyone to travel. We did pay for everything for the same reason, and a lot of people ended up turning the trip into a vacation. We where also "lucky" and I hasten to say that in how it will be taken that flights and hotels where incredibly cheap as our wedding was Jan 26, 2002.

I will say this above all else stick to your guns, don't give in to what others want, and the people that you want there... will usually be there, most just give a stink because they feel if they say they won't come you will change your mind.

As I said above it was a very hard decision for me, and I almost balked a few times and had it at home, BUT I am SO glad I didn't.

Jennifer

 

[Laurafoster]

Im lucky in the fact that i have a small family and they have all been supportive and have done everything they can to be able to go. My Dfi family on the other hand have not been, his parents have now come round to the idea (only just!!) but most of his family have made so many excuses not to go and actually asked us to get married at Disneyland Paris (we are from the UK!) - then asked us to have a small wedding at home just for them and have a renewal at disney, they then asked us to have a blessing when we got home and once we said no to all of that, we told them this is what we want and they can either be there or not but we are going ahead. They have made things difficult for us ever since. And we're still months away from the wedding!

 

[DisneyBrideWannabe]

Wow, I'm so glad I found this site, everyone is sosupportive!!! I'm glad that I'm not the only one who is encountering difficulties. I talked with DF about the two reception idea (thanks for the idea Groomtb), and since our budget is tight (the only other obstacle to overcome with a Disney wedding) we are considering a BBQ/family picnic reception after, and we can show pics and video from the wedding . Also, if we do this, then could have an intimate wedding with our immediate family (this would help detour the cost of a custom, though that it ideal). Once again thanks, and I'll see what the family thinks and update!!
P.S.- Hmgolden, I'm so sorry! I thought I had it rough.

 

[groomtb]

you already have a budget for custom wedding ? wow

I too would suggest get the immediate families out to disney for a DFTW and be happily married there. buy the parents some spa treatments to make them feel special
budget wise it'll probably break even planning two receptions compared to one custom wedding. yet, it'll [hopefully] keep everyone happy still. That's what we're sort of doing with the extended family....

Good luck and congratulations!

 

[DisneyBrideWannabe]

Thanks! Yes, budgeting is a must since money is tight as I finish up grad school and family isn't helping out. That brings another questions, but I'm not sure if it's appropiate to ask; anyway, how is everyone financing their wedding? It seems like to have a custom wedding we'd be saving forever and I would like to get married before I'm eighty (I want to look like Cinderella, not her evil step-mother ) Maybe I'll set up a thread.

 

[groomtb]

how far out is the wedding?
we know our budget and savings before we planned the wedding itself..so we just trying to stay with in that budget.
financial question's always tough to answer as it depends on person to person.
if you know you'll be fairly financial staple once out of grad school. but simply don't have that much cash on hand, see about lowlowlow interest loans and/or 0% apr credit card offers.(we can just hear Suze yelling in background saying NO)

your personal finance should come before the wedding...as the old sayings goes, don't go broke after marriage. custom wedding is one heck of a bill to pay, so KNOW that you can pay it and not THINK you can pay it. the worst thing to happen is to be stressed out about repaying wedding expenses. by no means to sound harsh but just friendly advise

 

[Laurafoster]

groomtb is right if you can afford a custom wedding then thats great but a wedding is meant to be the happiest day of your life if you are stressing about paying for it then it may cast a shadow. You will have a great wedding at Disney no matter what you do!

 

[novajeanjellybean]

Im just now presenting the idea seriously to our families. They are very skeptical about the whole destination wedding thing. We aren't officially engaged yet but we know we are getting married. My thoughts were to make it a vacation for everyone. His family wants us to have it here in Houston, but my whole family lives in PA and NJ. That would be a problem because they would want to know why they had to travel and his family didnt. Then my family wants us to have it in PA. That would be a problem because his whole family lives here. Soooooo, we'll be making everyone travel because it is about making ourselves happy (I know it sounds selfish). Basically, stick to your guns and do what makes YOU happy.

 

[kidzmom3]

as someone who has been married a long time, and did not have a Disney wedding, I wanted to give you a counter perspective.

This is your day, and for you it is everything. For everyone else, its a great day but it is not the center of their life. Disney is expensive. There is no getting around that. Could I afford to spend even $2000 to go to a wedding? even for say my sister? Thats a lot of money. Plus you have to buy a gift, etc...

Then there is the vacation time. Using up your vacation time for the wedding. While a family reunion may sound nice to you, would it appeal to everyone? not usually. I get 2 weeks vacation a year, would I want to be told when and where I had to take it (even to WDW which I love)?

I don't think you need to be angry at your family if they do not agree with your plans. I think you should put it out there. I am getting married at WDW if you want to attend these are the details. If you do not, no hard feelings. I also think your family should make their decision (attend or not), then stay out of it. If they are not going, no negative comments etc.....

Good luck!