Six months to live - should the person be told?

[princesspumpkin]

My uncle had six months to live - six months ago. The doctor told his wife and she decided not to tell him or anyone else. Now it seems that the end is near so everyone knows - except him. I remember thinking that if I had an illness that was terminal, would I want to know. On one hand, I may want to do some things that I would have otherwise put off. On the other hand, would I want to spend my final months possibly angry and depressed? I'm not sure which side I'm on. Fortunately, my family doesn't seem too upset that my uncle's wife didn't inform anyone. How would you feel?

 

[Mom2Ashli]

Personally I would want to know. I would like that time to right some wrongs or make some people happy. Or just to get things in order the way that I would want them. You know call people that I have not spoken with for whatever reason.

There was a story in the paper there about 3 months ago about a lady who knew she only had X number of months to live. She took that time to throw a party for everyone she had ever come in contact with. It was her way was saying goodbye and letting everyone know how they had touched her life in one way or another.

 

[jennyl772003]

I would want to know, and I would want my loved ones to know.

My grandma was given 6-18 months to live. All of her freinds and family made a point of visiting her to say what we all knew was our goodbyes. She also had the opportunity to make sure all of her final arrangements were made and that everyone knew her wishes.

She only made it for 4 months, and I am glad I had the opportunity to say goodbye.

 

[marybet]

I would want to know. There are so many things I would want to get done. How old is your uncle? If he has all his affairs in order than maybe it's okay, and perhaps your aunt knew that he would not want to know. I guess every case is different. I don't live close to my family and I would want to be able to visit with them.

 

[SC Minnie]

I would want to know, and I would want my loved ones to know.

My grandma was given 6-18 months to live. All of her freinds and family made a point of visiting her to say what we all knew was our goodbyes. She also had the opportunity to make sure all of her final arrangements were made and that everyone knew her wishes.

She only made it for 4 months, and I am glad I had the opportunity to say goodbye.

My Grandmother was given 3 months to live and they were right. She made all her final arrangements and everyone knew exactly what she wanted done.

If it were me I would want to know to eventhough we SHOULD all live our lives every day as if there is no tomorrow. But we forget sometimes.

 

[mom2boys]

I would definitely want to know. My priorities would definitely be different. I probably wouldn't invest time in picking out paint & wallpaper for the kitchen - as I am right now. I would choose much more meaningful gifts for Christmas - a keepsake/treasure instead of something that will be forgotten/trashed in 3 monthes. There are places I wasnt to see with my boys. And I would want to spend every second making sure my kids & family know how much I love them. A person has a right to know.

 

[safetymom]

When my father was very ill my mother and father decided they didn't want to know. I was the one elected to talk with the doctor. My sisters and I knew it would be Dad's last Christmas.

I respected my parents wishes and just keep showing them the love I felt for both of them.

 

[NMAmy]

I would want to know but that's just me. Perhaps your uncle's wife knows that he would NOT want to know.

 

[crz4mm2]

Wow. I can't imagine a care provider not telling the PATIENT. I conside that to be entirely unethical. If my care provider told my DH and NOT me I would be soooo beyond pissed.
And YES, I would want to know. There are things to be taken care of and things I would want to do.
I just can't imagine not being told FIRST.

 

[hockref]

My uncle had six months to live - six months ago. The doctor told his wife and she decided not to tell him or anyone else. Now it seems that the end is near so everyone knows - except him. I remember thinking that if I had an illness that was terminal, would I want to know. On one hand, I may want to do some things that I would have otherwise put off. On the other hand, would I want to spend my final months possibly angry and depressed? I'm not sure which side I'm on. Fortunately, my family doesn't seem too upset that my uncle's wife didn't inform anyone. How would you feel?

Yes, the person dying should know. I think it's cruel not to tell anyone that they are dying.

On another note, that doctor violated the Health in Privacy Act (HIPA) by telling the wife. Only the patient has the right to know their medical condition these days. If your Uncle finds out he could sue that doctor.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

My grandpa was told he had 6 months to live and he lived over 2 years after that. A good friend was just approached about hospice and she flat out told them she is not dying and doesn't need to go there (she is in denial). I think I would want to be told, just so that I could have a chance to say goodbye. My grandma recently passed away a few months ago suddenly and unexpected and I just wish I could have said good-bye and that I loved her.

 

[Skywalker]

I remember when my former boss was dying in the hospital and I went to visit him. I was surprised when his wife told me to be careful in what I said because he did not know and they were not going to tell him! Everyone - family, friends, co-workers - knew but him. I was surprised at the time, but I guess it happens that way quite a bit.

In my father's case, he knew all along, the doctor sat down and told HIM first.

So who knows.

Personally, I would want to know. I think that time of reflection would be important.

 

[froglady]

Yes, the person dying should know. I think it's cruel not to tell anyone that they are dying.

On another note, that doctor violated the Health in Privacy Act (HIPA) by telling the wife. Only the patient has the right to know their medical condition these days. If your Uncle finds out he could sue that doctor.

Exactly what I was thinking. Did the husband sign off on his rights? I am with my mother on all of her doctor visits, but she had to sign a sheet saying that she allowed me full access to confidential information.

Don't assume that he doesn't know. When my 15 yo friend was dying of Hodgkins 40 years ago, her parents were keeping it from her. She knew she was dying (She said, "I think I'm dying" to me), and avoiding the subject was one of the hardest things I ever did. I finally had to tell her parents that she KNEW, and I couldn't keep visiting unless they would let her say her good-byes.

I've even had a patient tell me he was dying when there was no reason to think he was. He died of an unexpected, massive thoracic embolism a few hours later. He said he just didn't feel right.

 

[Disney Doll]

Yes, the person dying should know. I think it's cruel not to tell anyone that they are dying.

On another note, that doctor violated the Health in Privacy Act (HIPA) by telling the wife. Only the patient has the right to know their medical condition these days. If your Uncle finds out he could sue that doctor.

Actually, that's not necessarily true. If the patient has allowed his wife to be privy to his healthcare information...in other words, if he has allowed her to remain in the room when the MD or nurse discussed health information with him...he has, by allowing her presence, given her permission to have access to his PHI (Private Health Information). The fact that he allowed her to stay for any PHI discussions is his consent for her to be privy to PHI information. Unless he said prior to the MD discussing that issue with his wife that he did not want her to know any more PHI about him, then the MD did not violate HIPAA.

As far as would I want to know?? Absoultely. I'd have a lot to do and say before the end, I'd want to make my funeral arrangements, I'd want to start giving certain things to certain people...

However, I have been in situations where family has decided that the patient shouldn't know their diagnoses or prognosis. While it is difficult, it is do-able. It's really a judgement call, and there are some people who are better not knowing. Plus, I think everyone "knows" on some level, even iof it is never "said". My DFIL "knew", told me, and my DMIL had done her damndest to try and convince herself and everyone around her that he was going to live.

 

[mickeyfan2]

In some states it is manditory that the Dr. tell the patient. I would certainly want to be told and I would also tell DH. Those final 6 months could be the most precious you will every have.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

My MIL and SIL decided not to tell FIL. I think that was just a horrible decision. Turns out, FIL didn't have his affairs in order and they had a hell of a time trying to find documents and money. There is money missing and now they will never find it. I knew FIL, and he didn't trust banks (old old school) I just have a feeling that the money is somewhere in the house - but we will never know as SIL talked MIL into selling the house. Well, someday, someone will find it.

 

[4cruisin]

Personally, I would want to know. There are some things that I would want to do before I became to ill to do them. However, every case is different.
When the dr. gave my mother a year to live, we decided that it would be better if we just left that info out of our conversations with her. My mother was a very strong woman and we felt she would be more willing to live her life to the fullest if her prognosis was not so bleak. (I also think it was some denial on our part). She knew she had a disease that would eventually end her life but did not know that the 5 year survival rate was zero. She lived 36 months. Near the end, we told her what a great fight she had put up and what the dr had said 2 years earlier and that she had proved him very wrong. I really believe that people know when they are dying and don't always have to have it spelled out for them.

JMHO

 

[luvwinnie]

I would definitely want to know.

I do know someone who passed away from cancer who told her dr. to tell her sister everything, but not her.

 

[Serena]

I would want to know.

 

[rnd4life]

I would want to know.

My mom found out she had lung cancer and was told she had 6 months to a year to live and she lived exactly 3 weeks and 3 days. I know that she wanted to know what was going on and it was very important to her that the doctor's were honest with her, no matter what.