Sister issues-WWYD?

[C.Ann]

I say you are better off without the drama. We can't pick our family, but we can choose whether or not we want to associate with them.

I agree..

And I would also like to add that as long as you have a decent relationship with your dad, there's no reason in the world that you should have to tip toe around other people for fear of "accidentally" mentioning his name.. That is so childish.. I think there are several members of your family that really need to grow up..

We can't control the actions of others - only our own.. If this is not a lifestyle that you are willing to tolerate, then don't..

 

[bookgirl]

New standard answer to nutjob sister "my relationship with dad is my buisness not yours"

New standard answer to mom "nutjob sisters life is a result of her choices and I choose not to be involved with it"

New standard answer to non-nutjob sister "your relationship with nutjob and mom are your buisness but I'm done"

 

[surfergirl602]

Wow. Your sister sounds like a spoiled little brat and everyone else needs to stop coddling and enabling her. You have every right to have a relationship with your Dad, and to talk about it or whatever. You're not the one with the problem with him. And if she wants to make the choice to not talk about him, that is her problem, not yours. He seems to have really been there for her, and she just used and abused him. To me, that's the very sad part of this story.

You have nothing to apologize for, and need to stick up for your kids and your family. You were right, she is all wrong.

You love your sister, but she really needs to grow up. And that realization is probably going to be very hard. Hugs to you for standing your ground!

 

[bumbershoot]

New standard answer to nutjob sister "my relationship with dad is my buisness not yours"

New standard answer to mom "nutjob sisters life is a result of her choices and I choose not to be involved with it"

New standard answer to non-nutjob sister "your relationship with nutjob and mom are your buisness but I'm done"

I like it!


I have a relationship with my dad, but my brother doesn't. My dad comes up in conversation every so often, just because it does, and thankfully my brother just treats it like he would act if I brought up a stranger. Honestly most of the time it's DS saying something (though that hasn't happened recently as my dad hasn't been seen in a couple years and DS is forgetting him).

I used to try to bring htem together, but it was so unhealthy for me. So if I bring my up my dad around my brother, that's OK...and if my dad brings up my brother, that's OK, but I"m not going to be a middleman and try to explain things to the other any longer.

If you don't want a relationship with your mom, I'm sure you won't make Jen and Lisa not talk about them, and that's what Jen should be doing when you bring up your dad. You each have different memories and experiences, and sholdn't have a huge reaction to the parent being brought up.

It's funny, how different reactions to parental junk are, from the oldest to the youngest kid. My husband has been dealing with the inexplicable thoughts and opinions that his little sister has...and my brother sees the stuff between our parents through a tiny child filter while I have a few years more info/knowledge/understanding. The youngests, in our experience, really get set in what they believe happened, and won't listen! (even while the oldests/olders can understand where the youngers are coming from)

 

[horseshowmom]

Your sister is the one with the problem. I do agree with TMM that you know what's coming when she hears you mention your dad, so I would NOT discuss him in her presence. Yes, she's wrong, but there's no point in looking for trouble.

That said, I'm not one for drama. We have some major drama in my husband's extended family, and after too many years of dealing with it, our daughter and I now choose not to. We seldom see the individuals involved, and when we do, it's superficial at best. In our case, it's amazing how much better we feel. My husband does continue to deal with it more than we do but not to the extent he used to. He wishes things weren't this way but recognizes that they are (and there's nothing we can do about it).

I do agree that your mother probably favors her because she identifies with her.

 

[holycow]

Good heavens!!! You poor thing!

No I wouldn't apologize again. You shouldn't have to in the first place.

 

[Nancyg56]

Apologize for what?

If your sister doesn't want to hear about your dad, then that is her issue and it's up to her to remove herself from situations where he is mentioned. It's not your responsibility to not bring him up.

New standard answer to nutjob sister "my relationship with dad is my buisness not yours"

New standard answer to mom "nutjob sisters life is a result of her choices and I choose not to be involved with it"

New standard answer to non-nutjob sister "your relationship with nutjob and mom are your buisness but I'm done"

ITA with the above.

 

[shortbun]

Wow! You are a saint for not saying what you said before this. Your sister is pretty messed up; don't let her suck you into it. There is no reason you should avoid speaking of your father when it's appropriate.