Simpsons Quotes

[joats]

My favorite:
Homer:
"I’m whizzing with the door open—and I love it!

DH's favorite quote is:
Homer:
"Here are your messages: you have 30 minutes to move your car, you have 10 minutes, your car has been inpounded, your car has been crushed into a cube, you have 30 minutes to move your cube."
- phone rings -
Homer:
"Yello, Mr. Burns' office"
Mr. Burns:
"Is it about my cube?"

 

[dmadman43]

"Less artsy, more fartsy!"
Homer Simpson

Homer speaking to God:
"I'm not a bad guy. "I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?"

In the Missionary Impossible episode wher Homer goes to Africa to escape paying a PBS pledge:

"Island Man- How many times do we go to church to not go to hell?
Island Man 2- Every Sunday morning.
1- No, really, how long?"

also:

"Lisa, Jr.: Amy said that there are lots of religions. Which is the right one?

Homer: Well, not the Unitarians. If that's the one true faith, I'll eat my hat.

Ak: If the Lord is all-powerful, why does He care whether we worship Him or not? Ak just saying.

Homer:Well, Ak, it's because God is powerful, but also insecure, like Barbara Streisand before James Brolin."

Homer: Donut?
Lisa: No, thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.


Homer on gays: They're embarrassing me. They're embarrassing America. They turned the Navy into a floating joke. They ruined all our best names like Bruce, and Lance, and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had! Now they're just, uh...
John: Queer?
Homer: Yeah, and that's another thing! I resent you people using that word. That's our word for making fun of you! We need it!!

"Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing." -Bart


"The fake Pope can be recognized by his high top sneakers and extremely foul mouth." -Kent Brockman

"Deep down inside, you secretly long for a cold hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!" -Sideshow Bob

and one of my all time favorites:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to prove to you not only that Freddy Quimby is guilty, but that he is also innocent of not being guilty." -Lionel Hutz

 

[dmadman43]

I also think some of the things they have Bart write on the chalkboard are hilarious:

Nobody likes sunburn slappers

I will not barf unless I'm sick

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty

A burp is not an answer

I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call

I do not have diplomatic immunity

I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers

There are plenty of businesses like show business

Five days is not too long to wait for a gun

The First Amendment does not cover burping

I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist

I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten

There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"

No one cares what my definition of "is" is

"The President did it" is not an excuse

Pork is not a verb

SpongeBob is not a contraceptive

This school does not need a "regime change"

 

[barbeml]

Ralph, looking at the video boxes in the "adult" section at the Android's Dungeon: "Everyone's hugging!"

Ralph, at the abandoned prison electric chair room: "It smells like hot dogs!"

Homer: "Oh no! I know where we're going--Efcot! It's even boring to fly over!"

 

[drclaws]

Grampa Simpson - "I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was, now what I'm with isn't it. And what's "it" seems weird and scary to me."

 

[Shugardrawers]

Bart: I didn't think it was physically possible but this both sucks and blows at the same time.

 

[Jimbo]

Originally posted by dmadman43
"Deep down inside, you secretly long for a cold hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!" -Sideshow Bob

That reminds me of one of my favorites. As Sideshow Bob is getting hauled off to prison, he says:

"I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I'm back on the streets with all my criminal buddies!"

 

[birdiesunshine]

This was when Burns couldn't remember Homer's name and Homer got frustrated reminding him so Homer was writing on the chalkboard in big letters........

"I AM HOMER SIMPSON"

Burns walks in and looks at Homer and says......

"Who the devil are you?"

Homer: Doh'

 

[nuke]

Ralph: What's a diarama...................I bent my wookie.

It tastes like burning!

 

[GlennandAnn]

Marge: "Homer, have you been up all night eating cheese?!"
Homer: "I think I'm blind"


Ralph Wiggum's valentine to Lisa, "I choo-choo-choose you"



Ann

 

[olena]

Homer from the Angry Dad episode: I'm a rage-aholic! I can't live without rage-ahol!



Captain McCallister: Homer's undone the top button on his pants.
Akira: He's been walking around like that since Thanksgiving.
Captain McCallister: I'm surprised he doesn't just switch to sweat pants.
Akira: He says the crotch wears out too fast.
Captain McCallister: [shudders] That'll replace the whale in my nightmares!


The Treehouse of Horror episode with Pierce Brosnen as the voice of the computer running the house. He's trying to kill Homer and lures him downstairs in the middle of the night to a trap by cooking bacon. Homer halfway wakes up and starts sleepwalking downstairs: Hmmmmmm.....unexplained bacon.


Patty and Selma talking about DMV jobs:
Patty: Some days we don't let the line move at all.
Selma: Yeah, we call those WEEKdays.

 

[dmadman43]

Homer: "Oh no! I know where we're going--Efcot! It's even boring to fly over!"

They often do a number on Disney...

In one Halloween episode there were two headstones in the opening credits, one said "Bambi's Mom", the other had ice on it and said "Walt Disney"

In one of the Herb Powell episodes (Homer's brother), one of the bums Herb hung out with was talking about how he lost it all. He owned "Mickey Mouse Massage Parlours" until the "Disney sleazeballs" shut him down, despite his offer to change the logo and put Mickey's pants back on.

Another one was where a lawyer and two hit men from Disney want to close down Springfield Elementary because their carnival used "the happiest place on earth"

And who can forget "Steamboat Itcy"

"Parent Island"

Euro Itchy & Scratchy Land - a deserted park in France

Mr. Burns draws the mouse ears logo while attempting to create a logo for his new religion.

"Enron Roller Coaster" at Efcot.

 

[EdiePA]

Homer --- "Donuts, what can't they do??"

 

[KingsFanInRI]

Sorry to bump this, but I tried to do it two days ago and my computer decided against it. That's why I am forever grateful for cut and paste

a couple of my faves...........

Homer is looking for peanuts and finds a can under the couch which contains not peanuts, but $20.

Homer: "Twenty dollars?! But I wanted a peanut."

Homer's inner voice: "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts."

Homer: "Explain how."

inner voice: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services."

Homer: "WOOHOOOO!"


another good one is when Homer gets thrown out of the house and moves in with Barney. Barney tells Homer "Make yourself comfortable. There's an open beer in the fridge if you get hungry."


Sideshow Bob (voice of Kelsey Grammer) is about to foil the plan of his brother Sideshow Mel (David Hyde Pierce) to destroy Springfield. Bob comes up behind Mel and puts his hands over Mel's eyes...
Bob: "Guess who."
Mel: "Maris?"

I also like the Flamong Moe episode where Homer falls out of the rafters and Barney yells "Holy Cow! You just fell on Aerosmith!"


and lastly, DW's fave......

The Simpsons go camping and Homer has a plan... he digs a hole and announces "I'm going to catch me a leprechaun and I'm going to use Lucky Charms as bait."
He pours a whole box of cereal into the hole, but into the hole goes not a leprechaun but several rabbits. He turns the box around to reveal that he had accidentally used Trix instead of Lucky Charms.
"D'OH!"

 

[stinkerbelle]

Homer - No beer and no TV make Homer something something.
Marge - Go crazy?
Homer - Don't mind if I do!! BLAHBLUBLAHBLUE BLAH BLU WOO WHOO HUBBANA.

heheheh

 

[edcrbnsoul]

Mrs Crabopple: Ralph, the other children are right to laugh at you.

Moe: Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes'


Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?

Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.

 

[drclaws]

Home Security Saleman: "You can't put a price on your family's safety."

Homer: "I would have thought not too, yet here we are."

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Sideshow Bob's Brother: "You went to Clown College!"

Sideshow Bob; "I'll thank you not to speak of Princeton that way."