SIL bashing Disney and Disney princesses - what to do?

[tigger1972]

First some background. My family and SIL's family live 2 hrs away but are together for family functions once a month or so and we will be sharing a beach house for a week in July. SIL is DH's brothers wife. We both have 3yo DD's.

DH and I are huge Disney fans and we vacation at WDW with DS9 and DD3 2-4 times a year. DD loves the princesses!! For her 3rd bday, we took DD to MK, with a BBB appt in the castle to dress up as Belle followed by lunch at CRT and then dinner at Akershus! She was in heaven and still talks about it!

We feel fortunate to be able to vacation as we do and are sensitive never to "brag" or talk too much about how much fun we have. I only mention vacations when asked first, and actually try to downplay how much fun we have or how much we love Disney unless I am talking to someone else who shares my love.

This week, we have been faced with many many anti Disney Facebook posts by SIL. Apparently, there was a photographer who chose to dress her 5 yo DD as "real" female heroes rather than "shallow fake" Disney princesses for her bday. She took b&w pics of her dd dressed as Amelia Earhart, Helen Keller, etc. SIL used this article as a way to comment about how she will never dress her DD as a Disney princess and instead teach her to respect the "real" female heroes.

Then the next day she posted a link to princess Merida's new makeover and used it as a way to bash Disney for trying to sexualize our young girls. Again, she kept commenting how she will never dress her DD as a princess and will try to keep her away from Disney's influence as long as she can.

She knows how much our family loves Disney and saw DD's bday picture as Belle. We are Facebook friends and her tirades over the past week feel like an underhanded slap in the face of our family's values.

DD owns several princess nightgowns from the Disney store. They are beautifully styled to look just like costume ball gowns. She loves them and looks forward to napping and sleeping in them each day. DH is so upset he bought more so DD can wear a different one each day of our beach trip while we vacation with SIL and the rest of the extended family. He knows how much DD loves her princess gowns and wants to show SIL how much happiness this brings DD.

But I know this will probably prompt a conversation from her where I am left defending Disney princesses. I hate conflict.

Personally, I do not think that enjoying Disney fantasy and teaching your children about important historical figures are mutually exclusive. And I do not think my children are so stupid that by watching Disney movies or playing with Disney toys, they will somehow not learn the difference between fantasy and reality. DH and myself are both very intelligent and successful. We both hold doctorate degrees. I own my own small business (a multispecialty group practice) and support our family while DH works part time and is a stay at home dad. I cannot think of a better way to teach my DD that she can grow up to do anything she wants than by showing her the example of myself!

But again I hate conflict so I feel guilty now for sharing our family's interests and allowing DD to dress up in front of SIL and her 3yo cousin.

I would appreciate any advice or talking points to be prepared if this subject comes up at family gatherings.

Thanks!!!

 

[kymom99]

First of all, your SIL is entitled to her opinion. If her FB posts bother you, you can hide her so they don't come up on your newsfeed. that way you can remain her friend.

If she brings this subject up at family gatherings, very likely your daughter will be busy playing and won't be paying attention. You can simply ask her not to be judgemental in your child's presence as this will make her feel as if she is being personally judged.

 

[BuzzBelleMom]

Oh, I wish I had some advice for you. DD14 was a major Disney Princess addict. She even named her regular dresses for each of the princesses.

She is now a second degree black belt in Tae Kwon do and remembers the princesses fondly.

We go to WDW more often than we visit my family, mainly because people at Disney don't scream, swear and criticize every chance they get (well, not to my face); my sister told my nephew we loved Disney more than we loved them. I actually enjoyed my interaction with Lady Tremaine more than the last visit with my sister.

Being the coward that I am, I would decide that little Suzie does not feel well and keep her home, away from such a vitriolic influence - but that's me.

I wish you luck.

 

[stasijane]

Maybe its time to "unfriend" her. I realize she is family but if you feel she is being rude just to get under your skin why keep her around? I wouldnt try to hide something I love from anyone.

 

[mikedoyleblogger]

Why do you think you have to defend yourself? Your SIL sounds like the one with the problem, not your family--especially if she's leaving gratuitously negative comments on your or your family's Facebook wall(s). She owes you and your family respect--doesn't everybody owe everybody that? And it is not her place or anyone else's place to tell you how to live your lives, or spend your money, or what to aim your hearts towards, Disney or otherwise.

There's only one way to stop a bully and that's to tell them no or else and then back up the "or else". I know you hate conflict but I'd bet SIL is banking on that. Sounds like you need to set a boundary with her when it comes to Disney. Why don't you just tell her in no uncertain terms to mind her own business--no more criticism or gratuitous comments in your/your family's presence or on your Facebook walls aimed at Disney?

And make sure you let her know what you will do if she continues--including potentially blocking her from commenting on your FB walls, or not inviting her to future events with your family? I know this is a very, very touchy subject, but if nothing else, just know you are not the one in the wrong in any way here. The issue is not Disney. It's being treated in an inappropriate manner.

I hope it works out!!!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

My very good friend made similar posts this week due to the Merida uproar. Her dd is not allowed Barbies, etc.. That is her belief, and she is of course entitled to it.

I would hide her posts if it bothers you, or do as I do and just skim past it to the next post. It's not against you personally, you just happen to like WDW and the Princesses (as do I).

If your girls like to dress up as Princesses, continue on, don't change just because your SIL doesn't care for it. I also don't see the need to discuss it, it is well known she has her feelings about it and you have yours.

 

[FortForever]

Personally, I do not think that enjoying disney fantasy and teaching your children about important historical figures are mutually exclusive. And I do not think my children are so stupid that by watching Disney movies or playing with Disney toys, they will somehow not learn the difference between fantasy and reality.

That is your best ammo.

It sounds like your SIL is jealous and trying to insult you in a roundabout way. I can't stand people like that. It may be her right to her opinion (which I doubt is true, her motivations sound much more personal) but to intentionally post things on fb that you know will offend or hurt your family/friends is just immature.

I would ignore her fb posts. If it comes up on vacation, I would use the statements that I quoted above and then tell her it's not a discussion you want to have as you obviously disagree and it will just lead to bad feelings.

 

[MDer2FL]

Sounds like some real passive-aggressive behavior on the part of your SIL. Does she hold actual conversations with you about this difference of opinion, or just the FB stuff?

I'd say the 4 of you need to sit down have a frank airing of grievances. You don't need to "defend" anything, and your DD certainly doesn't need to have her nightgowns become an issue, for goodness sake. Agree to disagree and move on. Otherwise, there's no way I'd waste my vacation time around them. Resentment will build and spill over and cause more problems down the road. IMHO

 

[sazzlynn]

First some background. My family and SIL's family live 2 hrs away but are together for family functions once a month or so and we will be sharing a beach house for a week in July. SIL is DH's brothers wife. We both have 3yo dd's.

Dh and I are huge Disney fans and we vacation at wdw with ds9 and dd3 2-4 times a year. Dd loves the princesses!! For her 3rd bday, we took dd to mk, with a bbb appt in the castle to dress up as Belle followed by lunch at CRT and then dinner at akershus! She was in heaven and still talks about it!

We feel fortunate to be able to vacation as we do and are sensitive never to "brag" or talk too much about how much fun we have. I only mention vacations when asked first, and actually try to downplay how much fun we have or how much we love Disney unless I am talking to someone else who shares my love.

This week, we have been faced with many many anti Disney Facebook posts by SIL. Apparently, there was a photographer who chose to dress her 5 yo dd as "real" female heroes rather than "shallow fake" Disney princesses for her bday. She took b&w pics of her dd dressed as Amelia Earhart, Helen Keller, etc. SIL used this article as a way to comment about how she will never dress her dd as a Disney princess and instead teach her to respect the "real" female heroes.

Then the next day she posted a link to princess Merida's new makeover and used it as a way to bash Disney for trying to sexualize our young girls. Again, she kept commenting how she will never dress her dd as a princess and will try to keep her away from disney's influence as long as she can.

She knows how much our family loves Disney and saw dd's bday picture as Belle. We are Facebook friends and her tirades over the past week feel like an underhanded slap in the face of our family's values.

Dd owns several princess nightgowns from the Disney store. They are beautifully styled to look just like costume ball gowns. She loves them and looks forward to napping and sleeping in them each day. Dh is so upset he bought more so dd can wear a different one each day of our beach trip while we vacation with SIL and the rest of the extended family. He knows how much dd loves her princess gowns and wants to show sil how much happiness this brings dd.

But I know this will probably prompt a conversation from her where I am left defending Disney princesses. I hate conflict.

Personally, I do not think that enjoying disney fantasy and teaching your children about important historical figures are mutually exclusive. And I do not think my children are so stupid that by watching Disney movies or playing with Disney toys, they will somehow not learn the difference between fantasy and reality. Dh and myself are both very intelligent and successful. We both hold doctorate degrees. I own my own small business (a multispecialty group practice) and support our family while Dh works part time and is a stay at home dad. I cannot think of a better way to teach my dd that she can grow up to do anything she wants than by showing her the example of myself!

But again I hate conflict so I feel guilty now for sharing our family's interests and allowing dd to dress up in front of SIL and her 3yo cousin.

I would appreciate any advice or talking points to be prepared if this subject comes up a family gatherings.

Thanks!!!

So sorry that you're dealing with this, but this SIL sounds like she's the type that always has any opinion about what others are doing. I just encourage you to try to never let someone else's opinions "about anything" stop or change the way you and your family enjoy life! Go on your vacation and let your daughter enjoy wearing her princess nightgowns and have a good time. If SIL says anything just simple say, "we think it's fine" and leave it at that b/c you don't have to and won't convince her that you're right. I personally agree with you BTW but have met plenty of people like your SIL. Good luck.

 

[The Hendies]

Sounds like you may need a truce, and agree to disagree. I am betting her child believes in Santa. Fantasy/pretend play is an important part of a health social/emotional development. It is normal, natural, and necessary. If SIL insists on pushing her point of view, wave your white flag and move on!

 

[Planogirl]

Is she posting these comments on your wall? Does she know how much you and your family like Disney?

My SIL went through a phase where she wanted nothing to do with Disney. She felt like it was a fake, money-grasping company and didn't want her kids to watch the movies or shows. Luckily, she didn't really say much about it but it did come up in conversation.

We just made it a point to never discuss Disney. She still isn't a fan however has lightened up considerably but either way we never let it become between us.

 

[FortForever]

Sounds like some real passive-aggressive behavior on the part of your SIL.

This is what I'm thinking too. I think it is a personal attack disguised as a general post. I'm guessing that she can't afford to go to Disney and is jealous. Just a guess, the OP will have to confirm or deny that.

I would never confront her about the posts because she will deny that it had anything to do with you. Probably even apologize for offending you. It will leave you feeling like the one with the problem. Best to ignore unless she brings it up to your face.

She sounds like the type that will make comments about it to her child, in your presence, that are really meant for you to hear.

 

[WDSearcher]

Maybe share this with your SIL:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUGnu0gXtn4

 

[RMulieri]

Unfortunately there are MANY people out there that feel that way about Barbie, Disney princesses etc.They are entitled to their opinion and there isn't much you can do about it. You CAN change the way you react to it.I would simply ignore it.Hide her posts .If they upset you that much, unfriend her but I warn you that can have its own set of issues.If she attempts to drag you into this discussion or make rude comments in person ,don't argue.Don't get into a debate .You can tell her that you get she has her own beliefs on it, but so do you and agree to disagree. tell her the conversation is over and walk away..I have a family member who is like this with just about everything and I spent many a night agonizing and stressing over it.I can't change her, but I can change how I react to her.Once I started to realize that things got better.

 

[ponyboy]

Who cares what she thinks? Big deal, she doesn't like princesses and hates Disney. So what? People like and dislike different things and some people like to gripe about stuff they don't like. You do your thing and she can do hers, let her act childish and you can be the adult in this situation.

My sisters are both democrats and I'm off to the right of Dick Cheney. They griped about Bush and I gripe about Obama. When it comes time to vote me and my wife and my two sisters all cancel each others votes out. We still get along and would do anything for each other, but in our case none of us act childish about our differences.

So you can either retaliate and blow it up into a bigger deal than what it really is or you can be the grown up and ignore her hate of Disney.

 

[Wood Nymph]

Since you and your husband both agree about princesses, then I would let it go. You can"t change your SIL. She will probably make many comments during the beach vacation. You and your husband will just have to make it clear that you understand her viewpoint but disagree with it. You don't have to defend it or attempt to prove her wrong and you right.

Good Luck.

 

[capeseal]

I think I would let it go unless she made a direct comment. I know that I do not typically think about my SIL before posting on FB and your SIL is not necessarily considering you before making her posts. Sure, she may be behaving in a passive-agressive way, but she may also be voicing her opinions without thinking about your love for Disney and princesses. Now, if she commented on a picture of your DD in a princess dress with a link to the article, that would be offensive and obnoxious.

Also, consider that both of those links were super popular this week and I saw them pop up often in my newsfeed. I didn't really pay much attention to who was posting them but it wasn't just your SIL

I have several friends and family members who post things on Facebook that I don't agree with. I either laugh about the posts with DH later or chalk it up to differing opinions and skim over their future rants. I try not to take Facebook personally because, if I do, it is enough to drive me crazy over-analyzing and I choose not to waste my energy on that.

Let your DD have fun with princesses and let your SIL have her feelings and try to enjoy your vacation together on other common grounds. If she was being passive-agressive, it is definitely annoying but it is also her problem and I wouldn't stoop to her level. And if you want DD to wear princess nightgowns all week, then go for it. (Though I don't think I'd want to pack a new one for each night. Those things take up a lot of space in a suitcase. Maybe pack more princess swimsuits instead .)

 

[joxer1014]

IMHO I would tell her God doesn't like ugly.

She is a SIL not blood relative and I think she either has personal issues or is just plain old jealous. Don't fret over it. Walk away from her if she starts to rant.

All of the above I have done personally to my own mom and some of my sisters. They tend to become "ugly" on the outside because of simple jealousy. One sister actually told my DD who is 15 to start acting like a "real" teenager and give up this stupid Disney crap! BTW I told that sister it was not nice seeing her again!

Good luck!

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Personally, I do not think that enjoying Disney fantasy and teaching your children about important historical figures are mutually exclusive. And I do not think my children are so stupid that by watching Disney movies or playing with Disney toys, they will somehow not learn the difference between fantasy and reality.

I agree. If it were me, I'd wait until she brings it up. When/If she does, I would state exactly this. Then, if she continues to bash Disney, I would take the high road of sorts, not engage at all, smile sweetly, and just say, "That's nice." I'm sure her rant will get old to her if no one is agreeing or arguing with her. Let her rant on without saying anything, but make it clear that you are done with the argument (or lack thereof since you won't engage). Maybe have a book handy and start reading it when she starts going off. Rude, yes, but so is her behavior and if you have made it clear you don't want to discuss it, you aren't in the wrong for finding something else to entertain you while she rants.

 

[saylorbunch]

I'm sure her beef/jealousy is sparked by something else, and she's using Disney as a way to "get" you. Your daughter comes first here. I don't think you should stop her from wearing what she loves!! BUT - I do think you should tell her in a nice way how her aunt doesn't really like Disney. Just like how some people like pepperoni on their pizza, and some don't! If you have already explained to her how your SIL feels, if she hears something, she won't be confused and heartbroken. Who knows, maybe she'll make her own decision to keep the pj's at home! It may get uncomfortable for you with your SIL at some point, but hopefully you two can just agree to disagree. Next time you see one her FB posts, just give it one great big eye roll and move on!!!! Disney Rocks!!!!