Siblings and Birthday Parties

[HLAuburn]

DD is having her 5th birthday party Saturday at a gymnastics place. The party cost covers up to 12 kids, and you pay more for any additional kids over that.

I have received "Yes" RSVPs from 3 kids who each have a younger sibling, and I'm wondering how people handle bringing younger siblings at older kid's parties. The invitations were addressed to the "older" children only, and of course, there was no mention on siblings, but my guess is the parents will bring them along and they will be counted as part of the 12, which is more than I had planned.

So now what?! Obviously there's nothing I can really do now, but how do you handle this type of thing anyway - when you're throwing the party or when you're invited to the party?

 

[pyrxtc]

I would talk to the moms of those children and make suer they understand that gymnastics place cannot have more children or children that young. Make sure that they know this is a drop-off party and they do not need to stay as there will be adequate supervision. let them know they can stay if they feel they need to but younger sibs or older sibs will not be able to particiapte in the events and may feel left out if they come.

There really is not way to say it wihtout being direct. I would not be offended if any of the above were said to me. I plan on letting my DS's friends parents know in October when I will be in the same boat.

 

[princess momma]

With that type of party parents usually do drop off & pick up, but don't normally stay for the party. At least that's how it's handled around here.

Myself, I would never bring an extra kid to a party, but I know how some people are and it's always a possibility. Casually call the parents and go over the logistics - drop off time, what to wear, whether there will be cake & ice cream, pick up time, etc. Hopefully they'll get it.

 

[mjkacmom]

I've had dozens of parties out (gymnastics, bowling, swimming, skating, soccer, dance, CEC, hair/nails, etc.) and not one person has brought a sibling, or asked if a sibling can attend. Parties here average $18 a head, and it would be very rude to bring a sibling along.

 

[Erin1700]

This happened to me at a gymnastics party. I had a parent ask if a younger kid could come and had a sibling that was 2 yrs older than my daughter and her friends try to join the party. I had made name tags, so we said "all the kids with a name tag, go with coach suzy" when the older kid tried to join, we said "oh, I am sorry, it is just for 2nd graders". The parents seemed a bit annoyed, but oh well. Once you let one, you have to let them all join.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Play it by ear the day of the event. I take it that none of the parents have RSVP'd mentioning the younger siblings so you might not need to say anything. I've had plenty of parties out (gymnastics, build-a-bear, etc.) and only once did a mother say she was bringing a younger sibling. I told her that while the younger sibling was welcome to stay for cake, and she could hang with the group at build-a-bear I would be unable to pay for her bear due to my budget constraints. She perfectly understood and said she hadn't planned on that. I don't know if that was true or not but I cleared it up immediately. I did make sure that I had a goody bag for the little girl.

So if no one has said anything I would wait until the day of the event. If they bring a younger sibling and don't make a move to leave, you can mention that it's only for invited guests due to the budget. But make a couple of extra goody bags and it will ease hurt feelings. Good luck!

 

[JoanGirardi]

I have three kids, but they each had times where only one was invited to the party, and no one had a hard time understanding. We had roller skating and laser tag parties, and never had a parent drop off more children than were on the invitation. It's not like a family party where everyone is invited. I think most people understand that with these type of parties a specific number is planned for and paid for. If anyone does not get that, they are the rude ones, not you. Good luck.

 

[Corryn]

Hello
I know this is a sticky situation - from both sides!

I am the mother of two girls who are 13 months apart. I didn't plan it that way, but it has worked out really well.

Being a Native New Yorker (Bronx born and raised) believe it or not, I would NEVER drop my 5 year old daughter off ANYWHERE. We're pretty liberal about life up here, but the life of our children is priority. I don't think I just dropped my girls off at a party until they were about 10. And I can tell you, 99% of moms up here thought the same way. It wasn't because we were bored and had nothing to do, either. I just didn't trust any other adult, especially ones with which I were only aquainted, with the life of my girls. Who knows if one of the employees is a pedophile (maybe someone who's a pedophile that's never been caught, therefore, no record)? Who knows if a cousin, an uncle or aunt, a brother, has a motive to hurt my child? I worked in the courts for the City of New York as a court stenographer and I've heard some pretty horrible stories first-hand at least once a week. Most involved cousins, brothers and uncles. Sorry, not being prejudicial, I'm just telling you what I've seen... tortured young children testifying about sleep-overs and parties they've attended and been abused at. Horrible. I wasn't ever going to let that happen to my girls.
Even house parties, the parents all knew if the kid was coming so was the parent. That's just the way we did it.

Now as far as siblings and parties. Everyone that knew me knew my girls come in a pair. While RSVP'g to a party, I would tell the mother that I have no family in the area to watch my other daughter, and if she didn't mind, I would be more than happy to pay for my other daughter to participate in the party. Both my girls would even bring separate gifts. Like I said before, my girls are only 1 year apart, and they were/are friends with each others friends.

Those were just my experiences and opinions. If someone wants to flame me, whatever. Not gonna change anything.

I don't think I've had a house party since they were babies, I've always had it out because it was much easier and I would let all my parents know if they wanted their other child to participate it would be say, $15.00. As the parent of multiple siblings, I offered that option to other parents with multiple siblings. There were a few times where I rented out a local movie theatre (not as expensive as you might think!) and I could invite up to 25 kids. That was perfect - no one was left out and even the parents enjoyed it. We saw two of the Harry Potter movies and two Disney movies. It was easy, everyone was involved, popcorn, candy & soda for all and no tears.

If the party is being held somewhere that can only accomodate a certain amount of children, I would let my other daughter know there is no room for her at the party, I'm sorry, that's the way it is, and I would have that daughter pick out small toys (polly pocket, barbie, etc) and coloring books/crayons, whatever, to keep them occupied while the party is in progress.

Even though I was straight-forward (which some people don't like, but that's who I am) I was always polite about it and if the parent made it clear that my other daughter couldn't participate, I respected their wishes, but me and other daughter were still in the building with my daughter. She never left my sight.

So maybe when these people call to RSVP, make it clear to them, I just want to let you know this place can only accomodate a certain amount of kids, and I know you have other kids and if I could accomodate them, I would.
Being straight-forward but polite is the way to be, black and white. Any shade of gray can be interpreted different ways by different people. When you are honest with people, no one can fault you.

Good Luck with the party and have fun

 

[mom2rb]

I work at a gymnastics place. Parties are staffed based on the number of children. Once you hit a certain number, you have to add another coach. The staff should help you prevent extra children from coming in. It is not safe to have more kids than they can handle.

 

[HLAuburn]

Thank you all for the replies!

This is definitely NOT a drop off party...the kids are too young for that. No one has mentioned bringing siblings (except one mom who will be out of town and the dad will have both kids) so I'm hoping people don't just assume they can bring siblings. We'll see...


Oh, and a side note...I am surprised how many people never RSVP! I even included my email address on the invitations if people felt weird about calling, and so far, the majority haven't responded. Do people interpret RSVP as "call if you can come" and just don't respond if you can't? Do I assume if I don't hear from them they aren't coming? I always call and let the parents know if we can come or not, but apparently, I'm the only one!

 

[Minnie_me]

I would call every parent whose child was invited and say, "I'm just firming things up for Saturday......I need to have an exact head count for the Gymnastics place. So, Janie is coming, right? Great! We'll see you there at 3:00." I might even add something like, "This will be a nice time for your husband to do something special with little Joey!"

I hate when parents bring the siblings to a party. And it's even worse when it's a place like this where you have to pay per child.

I once had a mother show up with all SIX of her children, and she actually got annoyed when I told her that I didn't have goodie bags for them.