Should we have a right to make passes at strangers?

[Thumper_Man]

Jealousy is a horrible attribute.

I check out guys all the time, as does my partner. I have no issues with my partner dancing with another guy at the club, he has no issues if I'm at the bar, semi-flirting with another guy, etc. At the end of the night, we're still together and we leave together.

Then again, I also believe people put too much emphasis on sex and associate sex with love.

Yes it is. Unfortunately we all have that jealousy trait. It's how we deal with that trait that's important. DW and I are like you and your partner. We also know that at the end of the day, we'll be sleeping in the same bed. Before DW though, I had gf's that were overly jealous. If I even so much looked or talked to another woman; I was already accused of having, or wanting to have, relations with her. They were even jealous of my lady friends. Friends I grew up with and went to school with. It was awful. I'm much happier now and glad when I found DW.

I just couldn't help but wonder if Dan's boyfriend gave him a piece of his mind or not. Especially since Dan caused a little trouble for them.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Most of my male friends are gay, I could see one saying something like that after a few drinks. I also have a few straight girlfriends who might do the same, I can guarantee he wouldn't attack them. Regardless of what was said, there is no reason for a violent reaction. I have been hit on by people of both genders, and so has my guy. He would never take that much offense, and would never react violently. He is not violent to begin with, but things like that don't upset him.

This man would not have reacted that way had it have been a woman who said it. It is homophobic to attack a gay person for hitting on you. I have heard about this happening to gay men and women. I was outside a gay club when a fight started because a gay woman approached a straight one, and the straight one was that angry at her (even outside a gay club).


Statements like this are made ALL the time, often they are far more crude. The only reason this man attacked Dan was because Dan is a gay man.

The article doesn't mention any physical altercation. And Dan kept up with the comments which only instigated the situation.

I think both parties acted like jerks. But no one was physically hurt and if Dan was so scared, why didn't he go into the other club instead of hanging around outside with his boyfriend and some other friends?

BTW, it doesn't surprise me that the guys on this thread take any remark as a compliment and that the women are more selective about what is considered a compliment.

 

[FireDancer]

Then again, I also believe people put too much emphasis on sex and associate sex with love.

 

[NikitaZee]

hey baby, wanna see my compliment

l m a o !!!

 

[Heidict]

You people are outta your ever lovin' minds.

I wanna tap that, I'm not angry at that, I'd hit that...NOT compliments. Don't people even know the difference between a complement and some creep making lewd remarks to them anymore?

You want to complement someone, it's suppose to make them feel good. I don't know how strung out some people are for a complement but the terms up top aren't words people use to make YOU feel good. They use them to put a lewd ownership on you.

Holy Crap, we are in trouble if people can't even ferret out a complement from some creep making a nasty, lewd, disgusting comment, .

Color me picky, but some pig randomly shouting he'd like to do me doesn't impress me.

Why does it not surprise me that the guys are the ones defending these remarks? Pretending that they are really compliments and that there is nothing wrong with them? Any surprise that it's the guys who are the ones that are always yelling crude, rude, insulting and sexually suggestive things at the women?

Has any women ever responded positively to this type of remark? Do men really think that a women is going to go "hey, that guy likes me and wants to do me, think I will go off with him and have sex"? Every women I have ever spoken to finds nothing but insult in these remarks and come-ons.

Thankfully, my self esteem isn't so low that I have to take lewd remarks as compliments to feed my ego and thankfully, my DH has more respect for me then to make sexually suggestive comments to me about other women.

 

[lillygator]

The only reason this man attacked Dan was because Dan is a gay man.

um, no, it's because he is an idiot and couldn't keep his mouth shut.

 

[Alyssa88]

um, no, it's because he is an idiot and couldn't keep his mouth shut.

I have a friend (girl) who has been known to be a little verbally aggressive after some drinks, I am sure he would not have threatened her. I hate cat calls as much as anyone, but my response is rarely aggressive. What Dan said I would have no issue ignoring, whether male or female.

He used gay slurs, it was obviously a homophobic reaction. He took a swing at him. Dan did run to the bar. I would have no issue with the verbal exchange (other than the gay slur), I'd say the same thing to guy "complimenting" me.

And these gender stereotypes are not true for all. Many women are able to seperate emotions from sex. I have known a few straight men who can not.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

I have a friend (girl) who has been known to be a little verbally aggressive after some drinks, I am sure he would not have threatened her. I hate cat calls as much as anyone, but my response is rarely aggressive. What Dan said I would have no issue ignoring, whether male or female.

If he used gay slurs, it was obviously a homophobic reaction.

And these gender stereotypes are not true for all. Many women are able to seperate emotions from sex. I have known a few straight men who can not.

Um...of course he'd use gay slurs, the guy hitting on him was gay. Just like if some toad jumped up and said "I'd hit that" I'd use "You couldn't hit it if you tried with that 2 inch bat". A straight slur. Why wouldn't some guy come back with a gay slur if it was obviously a gay harassment?

Just because you are gay doesn't automatically mean you can say whatever you want with abandon. You step over the line, you get slapped down. Just like anyone else. This wasn't a "gay" thing, this was a "pig" thing. Gay men with class aren't going around doing this crap.

 

[Alyssa88]

k

Um...of course he'd use gay slurs, the guy hitting on him was gay. Just like if some toad jumped up and said "I'd hit that" I'd use "You couldn't hit it if you tried with that 2 inch bat". A straight slur. Why wouldn't some guy come back with a gay slur if it was obviously a gay harassment?

Just because you are gay doesn't automatically mean you can say whatever you want with abandon. You step over the line, you get slapped down. Just like anyone else. This wasn't a "gay" thing, this was a "pig" thing. Gay men with class aren't going around doing this crap.

Why does there need to be a slur at all? I think F you was enough to get his point across. Dan came back at that, but that did not call for an almost physical altercation, or slurs.

Thats like saying the next time a black man yells something out to me, I am automatically allowed to use the N word when turning him down. Thats absurd. Or does this only apply to slurs regarding one's sexuality?

I don't think what Dan said was appropriate or classy, but in no way did it deserve that reaction.

 

[Keli]

I think Dan was an absolute creep. I would be very offended by a lewd comment like that because it's incredibly disrespectful. And quite frankly, my dh would strongly discourage (Dan would need his buddies for protection) anyone from speaking to me in that manner if he were around. My dh would be pretty offended by someone talking to him in that way also, quite possibly taking it to the next level if the guy did back off pretty quick (or "jog" to safety, lol!)

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

k

Why does there need to be a slur at all? I think F you was enough to get his point across. Dan came back at that, but that did not call for an almost physical altercation, or slurs.

Thats like saying the next time a black man yells something out to me, I am automatically allowed to use the N word when turning him down. Thats absurd. Or does this only apply to slurs regarding one's sexuality?

I don't think what Dan said was appropriate or classy, but in no way did it deserve that reaction.

Because when "Dan" went over the line, he knew darned well what he was doing. The guy sitting on the curb was minding his own business. Because "Dan" felt the other guy was hawt did NOT give "Dan" the right to be lewd and crude, so he get's what he gives. "Dan" isn't a child, he's a grown man. If he didn't want a reaction, by now in his life, he knows to keep his creepy mouth shut.

Does "Dan" deserve to get his butt beat? Of course not. But "Dan" is not a newbie and is well aware of what his big mouth might bring. He took a chance because he was drunk and feeling bullet proof. He deserves most of the blame for being fresh and having a big mouth.

If he hadn't have said anything, the guy on the curb would probably have had nothing to say as well.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

I'm sorry, is it me? Since when does being gay mean you get license to be a mouthy creep? I really don't think people as a whole, much less gay men, want to be seen this way. That's how Dan seems, a real creep with a big mouth. Now he wants to whine about it? How about shutting up Dan and treating people with respect?

What makes people think gay men in general think other people should be treated that way and like it?

That's insulting to me. I know gay men, and they don't think the world is there for them to crap on and treat like that. They are respectful, lovely people who treat others well. Just like any other normal people in the world. What in the world gives you the thought that, because they are gay, they don't know any better or the rules of consideration and respect wouldn't apply to them?

 

[YodaGirl]

This wasn't really "hitting on" that was lewd. If a guy said that to a female she would find it offensive, so I can see where the guy was offended. Add drunk and possibly slighting homophobic to that and I'm not surprised a fight broke out.

If the guy had said something more like simply "hitting on" it is more likely he would have just been told off by the drunk and slightly homophobic guy and everyone would have moved on with their day.