Should I Plan or Not

[LWatson]

DH and I were talking tonight to my parents and invited my parents (b4 we told them we invited his parents too) to join us on the cruise for R&R and basically said "HEY WE ARE RENEWING OUR VOWS" w/o actually saying it...we said things like "We want to get all the family on the cruise for something special." Well, my mom, dad, and sister are all like "No we arent going." Making up excuse after excuse...whatever.

So, here I am all ready to try to schedule a vow renewal after scheduling the cruise in a few months...DH is into it (actually he is turning into groomzilla and is all about it)...ITS GOING GREAT... and now my family wont join us.

Would you all go on as planned or not do it at all????

He said "Yes lets do it...its about us." I'm like "but I dont want everyone upset from my family because they missed it." UGH

They are even trying to talk us out of doing a Disney cruise saying that its too expensive to do (but its cool for my sister to go to Ireland w/ her husband...UGH) period.

 

[wesmom]

Sorry, but why didn't you actually say "we're renewing our vows"?

 

[PartofDisney'sWorld]

I agree with the above poster, if it's important to you for them to be there, I would think it's a good idea to tell them. If they still don't want to go, I would still go. HTH.

 

[tinkerbell 766]

I agree with the above posters. Go ahead and tell them why you are taking the cruise and if they still won't come, do it anyway - they can't then be upset if they missed it.

 

[Nikisha421]

since they may not realize that you are renewing your vows then it just might seem like a splurge but explain to them and see what they say....if they still don't want to come...just do it without them...

 

[LWatson]

The reason we haven't said it is because every time DH & I bring up a vow renewal they get upset about it. They are all like "What we didnt do a go job the first time w/ your wedding." I want to scream "This is what we want so just shut up and deal". DH knew that the wedding we had was my Mom's version of a wedding not mine (I have yet to have my day as a princess/center of attention...my mom went as far as to wear and elaborate WHITE MOTB dress to my wedding). This one he wants to be OURS and leave my mom (a Travel Agent) out of the planning, so it was supposed to be a surprise. DH and I will have to talk about telling everyone I guess because if we tell one it will get around I'm sure.

We didnt tell his mom or aunt and they are coming and are excited about just a big family vacation (and his mom and aunt arent on good terms the whole...ex inlaw thing) on my husbands R&R during deployment.

 

[Tinker Bell Fan]

I agree with your DH - your vow renewal is about you & your DH.

If I were in your shoes I'd tell your family about the vow renewal - when they start to say anything negative - stand your ground - tell them this is something you & your DH want and you would like them to be a part of the celebration. I would not argue with them - it's not worth it.

Then I would go ahead with your groomzilla and plan, plan, plan! Just my 2 cents!

Good luck!

 

[padisneyfour]

I would tell you family, the VR is about you and DH and if they choose to come fine if not then they can't say they didn't know.... when we started planning ours we told everyone not sure if they would come or not but basically everyone did ! its there choice to attend or not, I would plan what the two of you want....

 

[LWatson]

So, we did tell my Parents, showed them the dress, told them this is something we wanted to do because we know its a once in a lifetime thing for us (the Alaskan cruise) and we think it would be romantic. They responded "Well, that is just stupid." After they left DH goes "Plan away Princess" (he knew I was upset) "It will be OUR special day."

So, once we have the deposit for the cruise I'm going to start planning (if there is one avail for our cruise). The plan is this beautiful Champagne colored dress (since its a renewal) for me, his Military Blues for him, and something cute for our two boys (who we want to incorporated in the ceremony somehow). Then I'm going to talk w/ Disney to figure out the other stuff I guess.

 

[DisneyShamrock]

So, we did tell my Parents, showed them the dress, told them this is something we wanted to do because we know its a once in a lifetime thing for us (the Alaskan cruise) and we think it would be romantic. They responded "Well, that is just stupid." After they left DH goes "Plan away Princess" (he knew I was upset) "It will be OUR special day."

So, once we have the deposit for the cruise I'm going to start planning (if there is one avail for our cruise). The plan is this beautiful Champagne colored dress (since its a renewal) for me, his Military Blues for him, and something cute for our two boys (who we want to incorporated in the ceremony somehow). Then I'm going to talk w/ Disney to figure out the other stuff I guess.

Go you two!

I would still plan. It's about the two of you and what YOU want. Their loss if they miss out on such a beautiful thing. Plus, I think (thought you will wish they were there) you will have more fun and get more enjoyment out of it without their negativity. Plan away!

 

[ckpoodge]

I'm having the same issues as you are, except with mine, it's my actual wedding. My first wedding at that. My brother had a major meltdown, and I just found out it was because my mother is saying negative things to him while saying positive things to me. (But that's a whole different story.)

We went so far as to actually say "let's just elope, just me and you". And then I thought about it: If the people we invite love us, they will come. If they don't love us enough, they are not going to come. It sounds harsh, but it's true.

If my mother doesn't want to see her only daughter walk down the aisle, then it is her loss.

If your parents are too stubborn to see that this is what you want, then it is their loss. You should do what YOU and your husband want to do, and the rest of your people will either be there to celebrate your joy with you, or they will not. You will know who cares about your happiness, because they will be there.

I'm sorry for your anxiety, and wish you the best with your decision. You may end up needing to tell them, and tell them the reason you are having a vow renewal. If they don't understand, then they may end up causing more harm than good.

 

[PartofDisney'sWorld]

Good for you! If they think it's "stupid", it's their loss. You don't want negative people there anyway, putting their thoughts into your head on your special day. I'm in the middle of planning my wedding, and I'm already thinking about doing a Disney VR, and LOTS of people do it, so it is not "stupid" by any means. So don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

I have a similar problem. My dad thinks it's the worst idea in the world to be getting married at Disney, or have a big wedding at all (he thinks I should just elope) and he keeps saying mean things like "Nobody from my side of the family is going to come" or "Disney is just going to screw you out of all your money." He's made me cry a few times over it. But I know that if he loves me, he'll be there and at least pretend to enjoy himself. And frankly, if he doesn't want to be there and is going to be negative on my day, then I don't want him there, even if he is my dad (and he wasn't the greatest dad anyway).

Do what is going to make you happy.

 

[Tinker Bell Fan]

I'm sorry that you are going through that. Just remember you can pick your friends, can't pick your family.

I'm glad that you're going to go ahead with the VR - it is definitely about you & your DH.

When my DH & I were getting married (I'm an only child) my parents were not thrilled (to say the least). Mom told me once "well if things don't work out, don't come crying to me." She also threatened not to come to my wedding or my bridal shower. I got tired of fighting with her and said "fine - don't come. I'll just tell everyone that you just didn't want to come." She ended up coming anyway and smiled the entire time. The best one was my dad - he gave us a check for $400 as a wedding "gift" (we ended up paying for our entire wedding - no help from either set of parents). The day we got back from our honeymoon - dad calls us and said to come over because there were some presents at the house for us. So we go over and dad presents us with a bill for auto insurance (my car was still under his policy). The bill was for $450. I was shocked! He had NEVER asked me for money for car insurance before (even when I offered). So I went to my purse and pulled out the check he gave us and gave it to him. He then asks me for the $50! I was so angry and upset - I just said "I'm sure you can handle it. Thanks for a great wedding present!" And DH & I left.

We came to the conclusion that the only folks at our wedding that were actually happy for us were our friends - neither of our parents were happy. And here we are getting ready to do a vow renewal next year for our 20th anniversary!

 

[SamSam]

I'm sorry that you are going through that. Just remember you can pick your friends, can't pick your family.

I'm glad that you're going to go ahead with the VR - it is definitely about you & your DH.

When my DH & I were getting married (I'm an only child) my parents were not thrilled (to say the least). Mom told me once "well if things don't work out, don't come crying to me." She also threatened not to come to my wedding or my bridal shower. I got tired of fighting with her and said "fine - don't come. I'll just tell everyone that you just didn't want to come." She ended up coming anyway and smiled the entire time. The best one was my dad - he gave us a check for $400 as a wedding "gift" (we ended up paying for our entire wedding - no help from either set of parents). The day we got back from our honeymoon - dad calls us and said to come over because there were some presents at the house for us. So we go over and dad presents us with a bill for auto insurance (my car was still under his policy). The bill was for $450. I was shocked! He had NEVER asked me for money for car insurance before (even when I offered). So I went to my purse and pulled out the check he gave us and gave it to him. He then asks me for the $50! I was so angry and upset - I just said "I'm sure you can handle it. Thanks for a great wedding present!" And DH & I left.

We came to the conclusion that the only folks at our wedding that were actually happy for us were our friends - neither of our parents were happy. And here we are getting ready to do a vow renewal next year for our 20th anniversary![/QU

Congratulations on 20 years! That rocks.

 

[Tinker Bell Fan]

Thank you SamSam!

 

[CityGirlLost]

I am fully expecting that kind of reaction from my family and from my FH's family when we tell them we're planning a Disney wedding. It's a second marriage for the both of us after a miserable first go round. We feel like this marriage deserves as much hoopla as the first and this is something we've both dreamed about.

So I know my family is going to tell us to save our money and his family is going to complain because some of them won't travel or can't afford to travel. We have our answer all planned out.

"This is our dream. We are very much in love and want to celebrate our marriage as if it's the first and last one that has ever happened. We would love to be see you celebrate with us but we understand that you may not be able to make the trip for whatever reason. We will think about you and miss your presence and we will celebrate with you when we get home.

 

[PurplePinkleEater]

So, we did tell my Parents, showed them the dress, told them this is something we wanted to do because we know its a once in a lifetime thing for us (the Alaskan cruise) and we think it would be romantic. They responded "Well, that is just stupid." After they left DH goes "Plan away Princess" (he knew I was upset) "It will be OUR special day."

So, once we have the deposit for the cruise I'm going to start planning (if there is one avail for our cruise). The plan is this beautiful Champagne colored dress (since its a renewal) for me, his Military Blues for him, and something cute for our two boys (who we want to incorporated in the ceremony somehow). Then I'm going to talk w/ Disney to figure out the other stuff I guess.

Can I ask...how long have you been married?

Not meaning to come across as, well, mean, but I can see it for 20 or more years, but your kids are pretty young, so I don't think it's anywhere near that. And to try to get a big family cruise together for you to have a second wedding (you may only call it a "vow renewal" but it IS a second wedding) seems a bit odd.

Over the years, many many brides, me included, start to feel we would have done some things differently, but you're asking family members to pay out thousands of dollars for you to satisfy your whim

You can do what you want, but you may need to see more of their side

 

[tinkerbell 766]

My VR is after 11 years of marriage and we have specific reasons for doing it now. Is this too short a time in your opinion? I didn't realise a VR is only acceptable after 20 years or so!!!

 

[2nd Time Bride]

I think, perhaps, the primary problem is with the negative comments and attitudes of her family members. Just because they may not agree with or feel a VR is "necessary" at this point does not give them the right to bash her plans or put her down. A simple, "I'm sorry, I cannot attend" would suffice.

Big hugs to all the gals (and guys) on this board who are not supported by their families and who have to deal with negative comments while planning such a happy event.

 

[tinkerbell 766]

I think, perhaps, the primary problem is with the negative comments and attitudes of her family members. Just because they may not agree with or feel a VR is "necessary" at this point does not give them the right to bash her plans or put her down. A simple, "I'm sorry, I cannot attend" would suffice.

Big hugs to all the gals (and guys) on this board who are not supported by their families and who have to deal with negative comments while planning such a happy event.

Here Here!!!!