should i make dd's new boyfriend

[FroggyinArk]

fill this out. she seems to think its not a good thing.


APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected
unless accompanied by a complete financial statement,
school history, job history, ancestral lineage, DMV printout,
and a current medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________
HEIGHT________ WEIGHT________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #_____________ DRIVERS LICENSE #____________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES______________________________________
HOME ADDRESS__________________________
CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____

Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? _________________

If NO, please explain ______________________________________

Number of years they have been married _____________________

If less than your age, explain _____________________________

Do you own a van? _____________
A truck with oversized tires?___________
A waterbed?_____________
A pickup with a mattress in the back?__________
A condom?_______________
Pornography?_______________
Do you have an earring,
nose ring, or a belly button ring? ______________
A tattoo?_____________
(IF YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE
APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_____________
_____________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER,
mean to you? ____________________________________________
_________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does
ABSTINENCE mean to you?_________________________________
_________________________________________________________

Church you attend ________________________________________

How often you attend _____________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________ priest? _______________
mother? _____________ parole officer? _______

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely,
all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

_____________________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

_____________________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
_____________________________________________________________________

E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:
_____________________________________________________________________

NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue.
Leave premises keeping your head low and running
in a serpentine fashion is advised.

What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________


How do you know?_____________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for
processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.
Please do not try to call or write (since you probably
can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is
rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing black
shirts and white ties carrying violin cases (you might,want to
watch your back).

Have a nice day.

 

[figment52]

I think it is perfect, but I am of parenting age.

 

[babytrees]

I do believe I am printing this out when I get home!!!

 

[MissMinnie]

Too funny! I know my mom would like to have made use of that form when I was in high school.

 

[hidmickey:myantidrug]

From the 16 year old girl standpoint, DON'T DO IT! I'd die of shame. I'd actually consider some of the questions very personal that people don't want many people to know and seem very judging. (Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? _________________

If NO, please explain ______________________________________

Number of years they have been married _____________________

If less than your age, explain _____________________________ )

I realize it's a joke so it's not like I'm taking it too seriously here!

 

[Hercules10]

I've got a resume all ready for that app.

First date I ever went one. Went inside and dad introduced me to "Betsy". His side-by-side 12 gauge. He got his point across pretty clear.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Yeesh, and I thought my dad was bad! I'm so glad I'm not your dd Froggy

 

[phorsenuf]

That's good. I don't know if my son (16) would pass though.....LOL

 

[FroggyinArk]

strike one,, she just said hey hes 16 too...lol

 

[FroggyinArk]

please realize i actually like this kid so far,,lol,, hes a boxer..( random drug tests)
he works every summer.
he has been very nice about calling her
went as far as walking in my living room, calling me sir, and shaking my hand, then asking for permision to take dd to his next boxing match in november.
hes very respectful of dd, dw and myself, and actually says please and thank you if we offer him somethingto drink/eat, always yes mam no mam yessir no sir


and i know his grandfather pretty well..lol, i'm doingthis as a joke, he knows its a joke, and yeah its also to embarrass dd.

 

[babytrees]

please realize i actually like this kid so far,,lol,, hes a boxer..( random drug tests)
he works every summer.
he has been very nice about calling her
went as far as walking in my living room, calling me sir, and shaking my hand, then asking for permision to take dd to his next boxing match in november.
hes very respectful of dd, dw and myself, and actually says please and thank you if we offer him somethingto drink/eat, always yes mam no mam yessir no sir


and i know his grandfather pretty well..lol, i'm doingthis as a joke, he knows its a joke, and yeah its also to embarrass dd.

My oldest just broke up with a boy like that, football player, polite, known him forever.
Now we've moved into the unknown, the new one didn't get why I called her and her sister Fred and Wilma....the boy doesn't even know The Flintstones...

The ammunition to embarrass said daughter is greatly appreciated!!

 

[snowwhitesmom]

poor, poor Secret

 

[Blueeyes101817]

my father would have loved to see this when i was in high school..he did put his arm around my boyfriend, take him to the window and say "you see that land out there, you hurt my little girl, ill bury you and no one will find you'

i was SO embarassed...he still talks about that today!

 

[wdwmom2]

OMG, I need to print this out and give it to DD's new boyfriend.

I want to make a good impression you know !

 

[Disney-For-Life]

"Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? _________________ "

I don't really get the significance of this, but anyway, whatever gives you the perception of "safe" right?

 

[FSUGrad97]

"Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? _________________ "

I don't really get the significance of this, but anyway, whatever gives you the perception of "safe" right?

Had you read the entire thread, you would have seen the OP's post that this was a JOKE.

 

[LiteBrite]

please realize i actually like this kid so far,,lol,, hes a boxer..( random drug tests)
he works every summer.
he has been very nice about calling her
went as far as walking in my living room, calling me sir, and shaking my hand, then asking for permision to take dd to his next boxing match in november.
hes very respectful of dd, dw and myself, and actually says please and thank you if we offer him somethingto drink/eat, always yes mam no mam yessir no sir


and i know his grandfather pretty well..lol, i'm doingthis as a joke, he knows its a joke, and yeah its also to embarrass dd.

Sounds like a big improvement over the last one, Froggy!

 

[debbiedoo]

and I thought my parents were strict

 

[Lanshark]

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

The Surgeon General has determined that violation of any of the above ten rules can be hazardous to your health and in laboratory test has resulted in DEATH

 

[Bending Branch]

please realize i actually like this kid so far,,lol,, hes a boxer..( random drug tests)
he works every summer.
he has been very nice about calling her
went as far as walking in my living room, calling me sir, and shaking my hand, then asking for permision to take dd to his next boxing match in november.
hes very respectful of dd, dw and myself, and actually says please and thank you if we offer him somethingto drink/eat, always yes mam no mam yessir no sir


and i know his grandfather pretty well..lol, i'm doingthis as a joke, he knows its a joke, and yeah its also to embarrass dd.

Does the name Eddie Haskell ring a bell with you