should i be so offended by this?!?!?

[loriandmatt]

ok - i work in a med school. not a doc, a tech person, but anyway.....

med students are selling condoms for valentines day (that seems silly to me but whatever....)

well, as i walk past their display table to get to the lunch room, they ask if i want to buy one. i have my humor about me and their request, and say "no thanks" with a smile on my face. they ask "do you have a date tonight for valentiens day?" still with some humor, i reply "no date for me. married, two kids, we have boy scouts instead. no thanks."
the persistant little buggers fire off with "how old are your kids?" silly me, thinking they are making nice conversation i reply "2 and 12 - neither one condom ready"

this next part is where i lost my humor and got offended.

she then said in a very "i am going to be a doctor and they have taught me to question your childs sexual habbits and your knowledge of them" tone...."are you sure? you know your 12 year old could be doing lots of things that you don't know about." she didn't say this with one grain of humor, but a very superior tone.

Geeze - i just work here. all i wanted was a lousy turkey sandwich. i don't want or need "not quite" doctors practicing their clinical skills on me and questioning my parental ability.

i walked away at that point, but i was fuming. i didn't want to react on emotion and get myself fired. (i hate it by the way that students can say/do anything that a staff member might find offensive and get hammered for it, but a staff member can't even have an American flag in their office because it might be offensive to some of our foreign students.)
i did decide to pull a Dr. Phil on them. after calming down (and getting my turkey sandwich) i returned to their condom table and very quietly/calmly told her that she might not know it, but what she said and how she said it was quite offensive. she didn't get it. she said, "well, we have been taught that many times when dealing with parents of children to always bring up the possiblity of sex/drugs."
i was calm enough, but i lost it.
"Look, i don't want to debate you, i just didn't want you to walk away from today and our interaction thinking all was well. You crossed a line and offended me and instead of being a patsy, i wanted you to know that you had done so. And for the record, i am a staff member here, not one of your patients. you are not in clinic. you are not in a practice session with other students or faculty. this is not the appropriate forum for you to be practicing your clinical skills."

this is the kind of person that would, while standing in line for Splash Mountain, feel the need to butt into my conversation and tell me that my daughters skin is far to fair to be out in this florida sun with no hat. "Thanks babe. you try and keep a hat on her. short of a staple gun and a roll of duct tape - that ain't happening. it's called SPF 50. look it up and mind your own freaken business." (yes, someone did that to me. like i am an idiot or they are so much better of a parent than i am that they just needed to teach me a thing or two.)

- lori

 

[ChrisnSteph]

They were very out of line, and you're response was spot on. Good for you for being brave enough to call them out on their stupidity. You should follow it with a complaint to their superiors.

 

[gypsydoodlebug]

You took one for the team. I wouldn't have said anything and just kicked myself for not telling them off later. She didn't know you, or your child. She was out of line.

 

[MELSMICE]

They were very out of line, and you're response was spot on. Good for you for being brave enough to call them out on their stupidity. You should follow it with a complaint to their superiors.

ITA.

BTW - I find it tacky to be selling condoms for Valentine's Day. WTH? It's not like you can't get them at the local drug store if someone needs them.

I'm confused by who might of thought it was a good idea to do that?

 

[PghLybrt]

Well the tone and persistence may be wrong but the general message was a very good one. My friend in a social worker who just went to a huge conference on the sexuality of school age children. The stories she told me about what kids did on the buses !! And they were even younger than 12!!!!
Would I say something….probably not. I am sure it gets even worse what you hear working in the medical profession.

 

[meandtheguys2]

What a bunch of idiots. There is nothing like a little bit of information to turn a student into an expert...

 

[Pam]

A couple of days ago one of the DISers said that it was also National Condom Day today - that might be why the students were selling condoms.

I do think the med student was out of line. She should have just dropped it after you initially said no to the condom purchase.

 

[GDUL]

Ah ................. baby docs ............... you got to love them - LOL!!!

 

[loriandmatt]

Well the tone and persistence may be wrong but the general message was a very good one. My friend in a social worker who just went to a huge conference on the sexuality of school age children. The stories she told me about what kids did on the buses !! And they were even younger than 12!!!!

OP back here, i agree with your statement above (and with the general message of what the students are being taught to apply in practice) BUT.....she was not in a clinical setting. my husband can't go off questioning folks who say no thanks when he is selling popcorn with our son for scouts like he would question a prisioner/suspect on the job. ::cop: There is a time and place for everything and that was not the place (nor was a staff member the approriate person) for her to practice her clinical skills.

BTW - I find it tacky to be selling condoms for Valentine's Day. WTH? It's not like you can't get them at the local drug store if someone needs them.

I'm confused by who might of thought it was a good idea to do that?

ya know.....i thought it was kind of tacky too, but these are more kids than they are adults. still in a college mindset. they are jumping on and off of each other like fleas at the pound over here. they see valentines day as a day for sex (as do they see MLK day, the 2nd tuesday of every month, the day before the big exam, the day of the big exam, the day after the big exam, St. Patties day, national blueberry day.....you get the picture) and are in the good habit of protecting themselves and trying to promote others (who they assume are doing it as much and with as many partners as they are) to use protection too. i don't knock them for that.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Well the tone and persistence may be wrong but the general message was a very good one. My friend in a social worker who just went to a huge conference on the sexuality of school age children. The stories she told me about what kids did on the buses !! And they were even younger than 12!!!! Would I say something….probably not. I am sure it gets even worse what you hear working in the medical profession.

I am social worker and I would never dream of spreading that message to poor unsuspecting parents just trying to buy lunch.

Sure, teen sexuality is an issue now a days that parent should be aware of. Do we need to bombard parents we don't know and try to sound like she knows more about your kids then you do? "My training... blah blah blah," talk to me when you have experience. Oh wait if you actually have experience you wouldn't be sitting here talking to me while peddling condoms.....

Besides just tossing condoms with out education doesn't actually help the issue either.

Med students are the bottom of the totem pole. I am guessing this chick wants to feel smarter then someone and picked the wrong person today.

There is a time and place to say things. This was not the time or place. You contributed to her education and helping her learn that lesson. I would of been mad too. I think you handled it well. Good for you.

 

[va32h]

I think you were absolutely right to be offended and to speak up about it.

My daughter is 11 and I am sick to death of people telling me that I don't know what kids these days are up to, etc. etc.

 

[MELSMICE]

ya know.....i thought it was kind of tacky too, but these are more kids than they are adults. still in a college mindset. they are jumping on and off of each other like fleas at the pound over here. they see valentines day as a day for sex (as do they see MLK day, the 2nd tuesday of every month, the day before the big exam, the day of the big exam, the day after the big exam, St. Patties day, national blueberry day.....you get the picture) and are in the good habit of protecting themselves and trying to promote others (who they assume are doing it as much and with as many partners as they are) to use protection too. i don't knock them for that.

Yeah - I see your point.

 

[arminnie]

I personally would file a written complaint that harrassing you with speculation on your 12 year old's sex life was unacceptable.

If someone walked up to a parent in a grocery store and started commenting on their young child's sexual activities, one might suspect that person of being a pedophile. I don't think a med student gets a pass to make inappropriate comments when neither you nor your child is one of their patients.

 

[loriandmatt]

ok arminnie, i am trying to take your post seriously and i do appriciate your feedback......

but.....



your pic of your two dogs has me peeing my pants....

thanks for unintentionally lightening my mood. cute cute doggies dressed so silly.

ya know....we just had to do our yearly review on the harrassment policy too, i bet it didn't cover students/staff interaction in quite this way. maybe they should revamp it before next year.

edited: can we please bring back the spell check feature on the boards?!?!? i have a wonderful vocabulary, i just type too darn fast and spell everything wrong. sorry for the mis-spells.

 

[OrlandoMike]

Quite frankly I would have been offended. But I doubt very much I would ever work at a place that would not let me put a small American Flag on my desk.

sorry!

 

[Cool-Beans]

They teach you to ask questions of the parents (and the kids) when they are your patients! Not when they happen to be walking by to get a sandwich!

Her comments were extraordinarily rude.

I understand college students thinking that it is "cool" to hand out condoms, but can't believe that when they were being raised nobody pointed out that it is not polite to question passers-by about their (and their children's!) sexual practices, much less to argue it.

While I wouldn't pursue it, I don't blame you one bit for being upset.

Every time I think I've heard it all, I hear something new.

 

[JR6ooo4]

Was this part of a regular store? Were they collecting tax? Or did they just buy a gross and are now selling individual or smaller boxes out of a basket on a folding table?

If they are not affiliated with a store then they are probably not a licensed reseller. Ask for their federal tax ID number.

Mikeeee

 

[arminnie]

your pic of your two dogs has me peeing my pants....

thanks for unintentionally lightening my mood. cute cute doggies dressed so silly.

That picture is from last year's Mardi Gras parade for the Krewe of Barkus in New Orleans. Bacchus is a big fancy Mardi Gras Krewe and Barkus is a take-off parade for pooches. Glad you enjoyed it!