Should I be Angry at my 17- year old Daughter?

[StuartMI]

Um, I'd tell her that she should consider herself fortunate that you're willing to help her with it. Of course, it's all on her approach to you. Did she say, "I really appreciate that you're helping with this. Is there any way we could look for a car with xyz color?" or did she say "*whiiiiiiiiine* I don't want a white car!" and then proceed to stomp her feet?

I never had a car growing up and was forced to use my parents' cars when they were available. If she's not deserving, tell her what my parents told me: BUY YOUR OWN!

So now, after being out of the house for about 2.5 years I have two cars, an 02 VW Passat and an 04 VW Touareg and now my parents are jealous of our cars, and that I make more than them combined.

 

[holycow]

Yup I would be....I'd let her know that if she didn't like it she can wait until she can afford to buy whatever car she wants!


Good luck! (been through that and it is happening again (I have a 15 yr. old!)


Holycow

 

[Parrothead1964]

I would agree with most people here and say "it depends". Like lots of kids, I was given a car when I turned 16. It was a 1967 Chevy Impala 4-door, and I appreciated it. My brother ended up wrecking it, so my dad bought me a 1972 Cutlass Supreme.

If the son or daughter will pay some of the cost, then I think they should have a say so in the decision. That's a great way to learn that if you are responsible, work hard, and keep your payments on time, you will get good things in life. (Forget the fact that they will learn later on that isn't necessarily true).

However, if they're providing no financial input, getting them the best deal you can find without regard to their whims teaches them that if they want something else, they can always get a job and EARN it themselves.

 

[JayBee]

When we were car searching for our sons, there were definitely colors that they would not drive, white was one. They also thought certain light blue's and greens were waayyy too "girlie".

 

[canwegosoon]

I would be dissappointed. I would tell her , It's the white car (which she can pay to have repainted) or no car. I do agree with the poster that kids can be cruel towards other kids, but we have to raise children that won't fall into this peer pressure, and are thankful for what they have. Really hard job. Good luck.

 

[vernon]

If she's putting money into the project (as seems to be the case) I think she has a right to have a say in the process. Just as if she chooses a car that you think is a very bad choice ( but she likes the colour) you would be right to withdraw the financial aid.

If all parties are paying inot the process all parties have a right to have some say in the matter.

I get the feeling more of your anger is coming from the fact you've worked hard to find her a good car, and she doesn't like your choice. IMHO you're being a little naieve to expect her undying gratitude for finding her a (to you) perfect car, when to her it's far from perfect. If she doesn't appreciate the work you've done, don't do the work. Let her find her own car and make her own mistakes.

 

[WilmaBud]

How much is she paying towards the car? If she's paying for it, of course she should have a say in it.

My grandmother bought me my first car. I got to choose the color AND the type of car! I was delighted and grateful. I don't think it "ruins" a kid to give her a say in things, even if you're footing the entire bill. But if she's being ungracious and obnoxious, that's another story.