Shopping for Wedding Gown

[IDoDis]

I recently ordered my DD's homecoming dress from China, but the company is more well known for selling wedding dresses. The dress is beautiful. I was worried that we might have a bad experience, but I ordered enough in advance that if there was a problem, I'd be able to find something else. I also paid with paypal, so I knew I had them as a back-up should there be a problem. There are mixed reviews on this company, but we had a good experience and my DD loves her dress (and I loved the price) and loves knowing no one else at homecoming will have the same dress.

http://www.tidebuy.com/Wholesale-Wedding-Dresses-75/

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Thank you all for the advice. We have given her a total wedding budget of what we gave our other daughter.

The dress she wants would come to about $1500 with accessories and alterations. I think she needs to live within her means. She is beautiful and will look great in whatever she chooses.

I think she has chosen a gown that is very reasonable in price. Hopefully she will be able to wear it - especially if it is her dream dress.

 

[maxiesmom]

The dress she wants would come to about $1500 with accessories and alterations. I think she needs to live within her means. She is beautiful and will look great in whatever she chooses.

I'm not sure if you are meaning that the $1500 dress is over the budget or not. I will say that that is not crazy expensive for a nice dress by any means, and is actually quite reasonable. My sister will have been married 25 years this coming spring, and back then spent $1000 for her dress.

 

[bpesch]

My wedding dress came from JCPenney's Bridal Catalog.

I did the same thing for my dress. Of course it was 30 years ago, but it worked for me.

 

[EMom]

I think she has chosen a gown that is very reasonable in price. Hopefully she will be able to wear it - especially if it is her dream dress.

"Reasonable" is subjective. The OP has pointed out that her DD is in school part time and works 30 hours per week, but has NO savings and lives paycheck to paycheck. This, even though she lives rent free with her parents, does not pay for utilities, food, car insurance, tuition, gas, or even the dreaded ETC. "She loves to shop and buys what she wants." Well, why wouldn't she?????? Mom and Dad are financing everything else.

My question is, what is the bride going to live on AFTER the wedding? Her new husband's money? I hope he's making a LOAD of cash.

The OP wants the DD to "live within her means" and has allowed her the same wedding budget as her sister. Seems fair to me. If DD wants to spend $1500 on the dress (and the stuff that goes with it) them that's $1500 that comes off the top of the budget. If the budget is $5000, that's a chunk of the total. If the budget is $25,000, then it's not as bad.

The key is, the OP needs to stand firm. Give her a total you will spend and don't go a cent over. Once that total is spent, she is SOL. I'd say it's time she quits spending her paycheck on fluff and starts saving it toward any wedding extras she wants. Maybe the OP is balking at $1500 for a dress because she knows that signals the beginning of a trail of expenses that will far exceed what she has budgeted for the wedding. Again, that's the bride's problem. Don't give her a cent over what you promised.

I want to give DD a beautiful wedding someday. But if she has something like Kim Kardashian's televised wedding as her standard of what is normal, she will be sorely disappointed. None of us owe our children the wedding of their dreams if their dreams are going to blow our budget to hell in a handbasket. The bride needs to get a dose of reality NOW or married life is going to TOUGH.

 

[JamesMom]

OT - but another show that makes me crazy is "Platinum Weddings' I watch an episode just this weekend where a girl paid more for her hair & makeup then I did for my entire wedding - I had a Disney wedding! LOL.

I got my gown pictured in my siggie off the rack at an Outlet store. It was an Alfred Angelo that probably retailed for about $800 - for $250 and my MIL did the alterations. Love that dress. I got the tiara for $75 at a bridal fair (had gold instead of the usual silver - worked better with my hair color) and a $30 viel at some other store along with the $30 slip. It is possible to look fabulous without spending a lot of money, but then again, I think spending more than $20 on jeans or a pair of shoes at Kohl's is highway robbery.

 

[SaraJayne]

I think she has chosen a gown that is very reasonable in price. Hopefully she will be able to wear it - especially if it is her dream dress.

"Reasonable" is subjective. Considering the OP's DD lives off of Mommy and Daddy and contributes nothing to the household, while blowing all her money on whatever she wants...she can't afford a $1500 dress.

OP, tell her you'll give her XX amount towards the wedding (or dress). Anything above and beyond that is her and her fiance's responsibility.

Then you stand firm and don't give them any more money.

 

[girli565]

I went to alfred Angelo while they were having a major sale and got my dress for about half off. My wedding dress was regularly $800 and I paid $450 after taxes.

I suggest set a limit as to what you feel is reasonable and she must either work with what she has or contribute her own money to make up the difference.

My husband and I paid for our wedding ourselves with no help from either side of the families. we knew what our budget was and what we felt comfortable spending on things like a wedding dress or a suit for him. Your daughter has to be made aware that you feel $1500 is excessive for a gown (I feel the same way, lol, I'd have an attack if I had to spend that much), and she has to be ok with that because you're footing the bill, not her.

 

[An_Island_Girl]

$1500 is a great price for nice wedding gown! If it is truly the one she has her heart set on, you can't go wrong.
Congratulations on finding an affordable gown!

 

[EMom]

$1500 is a great price for nice wedding gown! If it is truly the one she has her heart set on, you can't go wrong.
Congratulations on finding an affordable gown!

Seriously, how are people missing the details about this girl's finances and the fact that mommy & daddy are still supporting her while she blows her income from a part time job on goodies?

We don't know how much the OP and her DH make, how much they are forking over to support the Princess Bride (sounds like a lot) or what their other financial considerations might be. The sum of $1500 might be a steal or it might be enough to put them on the streets. Again, it is all relative and subjective.

I'll come out and say it. When your mommy & daddy are still supporting you and you choose to blow "your money" on fun items, then it is presumptuous to expect your parents to cheerfully fork over $1500 for a dress. It's a lot of take and not a lot of give. Unless the OP has a money tree hidden in her back yard, WHATEVER limit she sets is reasonable. You do not OWE your kids a wedding. It's nice, generous, etc. But it is NOT a duty. They should appreciate whatever you contribute.

I wonder if the bride had to come up with $1500 out of "her money" whether or not she'd find a less expensive dress........

 

[kkandaj]

As for David's Bridal--had a horrible experience and would never recommend them to anyone. Did not end up buying a dress there because of how disorganized their scheduling and attendant was. I even wrote a letter to their corporate headquarters.

I bought my dream dress at a small boutique, that had great prices. I paid under $600 for a satin, sweetheart dress with beading on the bodice and the front of the skirt. It also had buttons all the way down the back. I have been married 7 years and people still compliment me on my wedding dress and how gorgeous it was.

I personally think that $1500 is way too much to spend on a dress, especially since she doesn't manage her money well and has no savings. Unless her future hubby makes good money, marriage and being responsible for paying her own bills will be really shocking.

 

[Mama Who]

I had a $99 dress from a place similar to David's Bridal (it cost another $100 for alterations -- they took the skirt off and "raised it" to make it shorter while preserving the ruffles around the bottom). It was PERFECT. Admittedly, this was 22 years ago.

A non-financial lesson: Suggest to your daughter that she listen to other people's opinions. I went into the first dress shop knowing EXACTLY what I wanted. I wanted something very simple, white satin, cathedral train. I tried on this dress, and I was very happy with it -- ready to buy it. My mom pulled another dress off the rack and insisted that it was better. Just to make her happy, I tried it on . . . and, oh, was my mom right! It was NOTHING I said I wanted. Well, it started with white satin . . . but it was 100% lace over that white satin, and it was topped with pearls and sequins. The skirt was layers and layers of ruffles, and the train was short. But it suited me soooo much better than what I'd chosen based upon magazine pictures. Once I tried on the "right dress", I realized that "more was more" and the long-long train I'd wanted was too much for my short frame.

Back when I was buying my dress, people used to say that you should plan to spend the equivalent of one year's clothing expenses on your wedding dress. I thought that was crazy-high then, and I think it's crazy-high now. You have to find a balance between "this is the only wedding I'll ever have" and "I'm going to wear this dress once".

And be willing to try on anything. I ended up in a gown I had completely ruled out because it looked awful on the model in pictures. I had to be coaxed and bullied into even putting it on... and it was the one. It was none of the things I thought I wanted. It was just perfect.

 

[mrsklamc]

Unless her future hubby makes good money, marriage and being responsible for paying her own bills will be really shocking.

Even if he does make good money, it probably will be. It's never hard to spend more than you make.

 

[eliza61]

I had a $99 dress from a place similar to David's Bridal (it cost another $100 for alterations -- they took the skirt off and "raised it" to make it shorter while preserving the ruffles around the bottom). It was PERFECT. Admittedly, this was 22 years ago.

A non-financial lesson: Suggest to your daughter that she listen to other people's opinions. I went into the first dress shop knowing EXACTLY what I wanted. I wanted something very simple, white satin, cathedral train. I tried on this dress, and I was very happy with it -- ready to buy it. My mom pulled another dress off the rack and insisted that it was better. Just to make her happy, I tried it on . . . and, oh, was my mom right! It was NOTHING I said I wanted. .

Back when I was buying my dress, people used to say that you should plan to spend the equivalent of one year's clothing expenses on your wedding dress. I thought that was crazy-high then, and I think it's crazy-high now. You have to find a balance between "this is the only wedding I'll ever have" and "I'm going to wear this dress once".

MrsPete is always a smart cookie. lol.

This year we're celebrating our 24th and I went shopping with 3 pictures of dresses I had found after reading bridal mag after bridal mag. I went with my mom and a favorite aunt and since we were having a big wedding they were in "mother of the bride" glory. Anyway my aunt found a dress that never in my wildest dreams would I have thought flattered me and it did.

Wedding dresses, designer bags, expensive cars all depend on one thing, how much can you afford.
I had one friend who dropped 7K on her dress, it was absolutely gorgeous and she could afford it, so no harm.

I had a budget for my dress of 2K that I could comfortable afford at the time. My dress fit that budget barely, lol. Would I spend that much now on a dress? probably not but when I got married I had no kids, no debt, no car payment and a decent paying job and I lived at home with my parents.

every situation, like every ones budget is different. set a realistic amount for the dress and no matter what that amount maybe stick to it.

OH, and stop watching "say yes to the dress". although I love that show!! did you see the episode where the bride dropped 50K on 2 separate dresses?

 

[eliza61]

"
My question is, what is the bride going to live on AFTER the wedding? Her new husband's money? I hope he's making a LOAD of cash.

The OP wants the DD to "live within her means" and has allowed her the same wedding budget as her sister. Seems fair to me. If DD wants to spend $1500 on the dress (and the stuff that goes with it) them that's $1500 that comes off the top of the budget. If the budget is $5000, that's a chunk of the total. If the budget is $25,000, then it's not as bad.

The key is, the OP needs to stand firm. Give her a total you will spend and don't go a cent over. Once that total is spent, she is SOL. I'd say it's time she quits spending her paycheck on fluff and starts saving it toward any wedding extras she wants. Maybe the OP is balking at $1500 for a dress because she knows that signals the beginning of a trail of expenses that will far exceed what she has budgeted for the wedding. Again, that's the bride's problem. Don't give her a cent over what you promised.

I want to give DD a beautiful wedding someday. But if she has something like Kim Kardashian's televised wedding as her standard of what is normal, she will be sorely disappointed. None of us owe our children the wedding of their dreams if their dreams are going to blow our budget to hell in a handbasket. The bride needs to get a dose of reality NOW or married life is going to TOUGH.

Emom,
Generally love your post but I think we are missing one vital point.

Op, has allowed her daughter to BECOME the problem. Did you ever see the movie "Ever after" with Drew Barrymore? She has a great line in it, she says: "first, we make thieves and then when they steal we punish them for being thieves". LOL.

Op, not bashing your parenting style but your daughter did not wake up one day with these expectations.
NOW, during the one time in lives where they may make an acception and spend beyond their means, you all of a sudden want her to act responsibly? Really? why would you think this transformation is going to happen?

Ladies and gentlemen, when we allow are kids to overspend and live without responsibility please don't act shock and shaken when they grow into adults that overspend and live without responsibility.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

Thank you all for the advice. We have given her a total wedding budget of what we gave our other daughter.

This one and her fiance are in college part time and work about 30 hours a week. She does not have any savings--living paycheck to paycheck. She lives with us and does not pay rent, food, utilities, car insurance, tuition, gas, etc. She loves to shop and buy whatever she wants.
Our other daughter will be out of the country for 2-3 years and this one wants to get married this spring so sister can attend rather than wait 2-3 years for her to get back.
We have suggested they cut costs on the wedding and we will give them cash for whatever amount they come under to have a little nest egg to pay rent or if cars should need work, etc.
The dress she wants would come to about $1500 with accessories and alterations. I think she needs to live within her means. She is beautiful and will look great in whatever she chooses.

OP do not take this as a flame as your parenting style is your own BUT if you want your daughter to "live within her means" then stop enabling her. If she is of age to be married she should have been paying expenses at home a long time ago. Mooching off your parents while blowing your own money on "goodies" is not okay and it was your job as a parent to teach her that. It is not for you to give them cash to pay rent or their cars. They need to learn about finances at some point, so why not from the beginning?Something tells me the newly married prince and princess will be knocking on your door before too long, and not to just say hello.
Offer the same amount as you did your other dd and be done with it. Do not involve yourself in their finances as newlyweds. Let them struggle and figure it out for themselves. THAT would be the best gift you could give them. Good Luck.

 

[EMom]

Emom,
Generally love your post but I think we are missing one vital point.

Op, has allowed her daughter to BECOME the problem. Did you ever see the movie "Ever after" with Drew Barrymore? She has a great line in it, she says: "first, we make thieves and then when they steal we punish them for being thieves". LOL.

Op, not bashing your parenting style but your daughter did not wake up one day with these expectations.
NOW, during the one time in lives where they may make an acception and spend beyond their means, you all of a sudden want her to act responsibly? Really? why would you think this transformation is going to happen?

Ladies and gentlemen, when we allow are kids to overspend and live without responsibility please don't act shock and shaken when they grow into adults that overspend and live without responsibility.

I agree with you and that's why I noted that giving the DD a budget was fine and dandy, but that the OP must be able to have a firm backbone, stick to that number and not waver. Otherwise, don't even bother setting a budget, because there will BE no budget.

Step 1---Set a dollar figure to allow for DD's wedding (same as her sister's)

Step 2---Stand firm. Stand firm. Stand firm. No matter how she begs, cries, cajoles, pouts, etc., stand firm.

You are right that the DD did not wake up with this sense of entitlement. If she is working 30 hours week and contributing NOT A RED CENT to her own support, it is no wonder she might believe her parents are easily able to afford a more elaborate wedding than they really are. They probably should have made her contribute some to household expenses, for her own good. But they didn't. They can't change history, but they can stop the pattern now. And it appears the OP is attempting to do just that.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Unless the OP has a money tree hidden in her back yard, WHATEVER limit she sets is reasonable. You do not OWE your kids a wedding. It's nice, generous, etc. But it is NOT a duty. They should appreciate whatever you contribute.

I completely agree. I would never expect my parents to pay for my wedding. Anything they contributed would be a bonus. That whole tradition of parents paying for the wedding was in place when weddings cost a fraction of what they do today.

I know weddings are special and some girls want them to live up to some wild expectations of weddings they've seen on TV or their friends have had (or a combination of both they've created in their minds), but at the end of the day the result is always the same: you're married to the man/woman you want to spend your life with. Yes, everyone wants it to be a beautiful, memorable moment with nice pictures, and it can be that but with more realistic expectations.

And there's always vow renewals where she can spend her/their money on a big blowout party .