Shoplifting! A vent & need advice.

[ducklite]

This is all I gotta say on this subject...........

I am 49............during the summer between 8th grade and 9th grade, my friend and I went to mall. We stole something (cannot remember)......got caught.....
her dad picked us up..........I got home. (cannot remember if mom got me at her house or he took me home to my home). Mom was UPSET....cussing , yelling , etc..........I was upstairs waiting for dad to get home. I was sooooo upset. (Just like Christmas Story and he was on the bed waiting for his dad to come home).....................He came upstairs,,,,not sure what I said but he just took me in his arms and gave me the hug I will never forget. I am sure I was never allowed to associate with that friend.........I had to do some kind of volunteer work for the police ..............end of that moment in life. I will NEVER forget how calm he was and just gave me that hug.

Thanks for sharing that. It really is important to make sure they understand that no matter how upset you are, no matter how much you think they are just outside their mind, that you still love them unconditionally.

Anne

 

[MagicKingdom05]

ducklite,

Exactly. You can still punish the person, but at the same time make sure they know that you still love them and support them regardless of what they have done.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

My hairdresser and I were tlkaing about this yesterday. Boys check their brain at the door at puberty, and recover it when they get into their 20's.

Anne

Isn't that the truth!!! This morning the phone rang and it was the next door neighbor. Turns out my son was supposed to babysit, but he forgot, didn't tell me he was supposed to, and slept in. I woke him up (he was supposed to be there at 10AM) and told him to get dressed, brush his teeth (yes, I have to tell him these things ) and get going. His comment was, "I would of remembered if I had of been awake". That one struck me as funny! I really do hope he gets his brain back when he's older--that gives me hope.

 

[ducklite]

Isn't that the truth!!! This morning the phone rang and it was the next door neighbor. Turns out my son was supposed to babysit, but he forgot, didn't tell me he was supposed to, and slept in. I woke him up (he was supposed to be there at 10AM) and told him to get dressed, brush his teeth (yes, I have to tell him these things ) and get going. His comment was, "I would of remembered if I had of been awake". That one struck me as funny! I really do hope he gets his brain back when he's older--that gives me hope.

I've got tears running down my cheeks I'm laughing so hard it's taken me two minutes to write this LOLOL!!! OMG that was funny!!! (And exactly something my son would say!!!)

BTW--don't hold your breath--mine's almost 20 and well, he'd still say that, and the whole brush your teeth thing...

Anne

 

[WebmasterAlex]

In Pennsylvania a first incidence of shoplifting is a "summary offense" basically the police write out the equivelant of a traffic ticket. You do have the option to fight it in front of a magistrate but it takes no resources from the Courts or the District attorney unless it is appealed

 

[MagicKingdom05]

Alex,

Thanks for the info.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I've got tears running down my cheeks I'm laughing so hard it's taken me two minutes to write this LOLOL!!! OMG that was funny!!! (And exactly something my son would say!!!)

BTW--don't hold your breath--mine's almost 20 and well, he'd still say that, and the whole brush your teeth thing...

Anne

Glad I could give you a laugh! This is the kid who has said so many funny things in his life and I wonder if he will ever quit saying them. He's the one that inspired my first "homemade" tag. We were shopping when he was little and said, "Oh, God" and I told him to say gosh. He said, "Who's Gosh, God's Wife?" We call them "Benisms" since he's always saying something. And the funny thing is that he's not trying to be funny. I am holding out hope about him finding his brain--he's so scattered right now that it's hard to imagine him not being that way. He's had his struggles, though, and I'm glad that he also has the good times.

Linda

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

Apology letters
Work off the fine with chores and allowance
Community Service (whatever "term" you impose)
No more associating with that friend

 

[summerrluvv]

I was caught shoplifting with a couple of my friends when I was 16. The other girls were doing it so I just went with it. I won't tell you what I stole, but at Hudsons (now Marshall Fields), they watch you on a camera in the fitting rooms while you are changing so that is how we got caught. The police were called and I had to go to the station. My mom was MAD. Really MAD. I had to attend a youth counseling session or something like that and had to write an essay about how what I did was wrong. I was grounded for like a month, I had my car taken away and I wasn't allowed to hang out with those friends ever again. I learned my lesson that's for sure.

ETA after reading the other threads that my dad was not upset about it and was much more calm than my mother. I too had the money to pay for the items

 

[ducklite]

Glad I could give you a laugh! This is the kid who has said so many funny things in his life and I wonder if he will ever quit saying them. He's the one that inspired my first "homemade" tag. We were shopping when he was little and said, "Oh, God" and I told him to say gosh. He said, "Who's Gosh, God's Wife?" We call them "Benisms" since he's always saying something. And the funny thing is that he's not trying to be funny. I am holding out hope about him finding his brain--he's so scattered right now that it's hard to imagine him not being that way. He's had his struggles, though, and I'm glad that he also has the good times.

Linda

Must be the name. I know two guys named Ben who are both, well, scattered. (OK, one's a downright flake--but I still love him to death!)

Anne

 

[Rock'n Robin]

My sister was caught shoplifting earrings at Montgomery Ward when she was 14. Mom and I were not home and unfortunately Dad was. We got home and my dad was crying--I have only seen him cry once or twice in my whole 42 years and that was one time! She got in big trouble and could never hang out with that particular kid again. Believe me, after seeing how Dad was affected (I was 10 at the time) I never even considered it!
BTW much later when we were probably 24 and 28 we were shopping and I wanted to look for something at Wards and she said "I'm not allowed to go in there, remember?" I doubt they would have stopped her at the door 15 years and a namechange later, but we skipped Wards!
Two of my students got into trouble for shoplifting CDs at Meijer, and they weren't doing the actual stealing, another friend was. Even the kid just driving the car got into trouble. They all had to take an "achieve" class for first-time offenders.
Robin M.

 

[Nancy]

I just got the phone call every parent dreads! My son was caught shoplifting in our local grocery store.

I'm so angry right now, I'm still shaking.

Basically, the store called us about 45 minutes ago and wanted us to come get him. He stole a pint of milk valued at $1.49. Apparently, he was with a friend, and he said he was thirsty, and the friend prompted him to just take the drink, so he put it in his pocket and walked right out of the store. The undercover security officer was right there for the whole thing, so he heard what was said. They held my son until we could come get him. We have to pay for the milk, obviously, and then around $175 for a fine, which they'll make payment arrangements for. Oh, and he's never allowed back into that store.

What's worse, I'd just given my son $20 to go out with his friends last night.

Have any of you had to deal with this? DH and I haven't come up with many punishment options yet because we want to calm down and be rational when we set his punishment (he is in his room with no privileges right now). Obviously, he'll be paying us the money for the fine. Help me set some limits to this punishment -- I don't want to go so far overboard that he'll feel he has nothing left to lose, but I sure as hell don't want to go easy on him either, that's for sure. I want him to remember and feel ashamed, but not end up feeling like a victim, and therefore justified (if that makes any sense).

ARGH!!!

i think every kid tries to do it at least once in their lives. He got caught, he'll pay the price (or you will obviously) and hopefully lesson is learned.

Now I feel the stores punishment is pretty steep. We have people caught stealing more than that and if they pay for what they stole, they are free to go, (unless they are repeat offenders). We don't charge the fine unless they put up a huge stink and get all argumentative on us.

WE had an instance today where a woman had almost $60..00 in merchandise in her purse and pockets, security watched her do all of it, they have it on tape, when she gets hauled into security she is denying it...then when they say we saw you put the ornament in your pocket..she pulls that out. They ask numerous times if she has anything else, she is swearing...oh no, I have nothing else. So they play back the video and show her how she looks shoving things into her purse. She comes back with "I shop here all the time and this is how you treat me? You video tape me?"
So after all that, we make her pay for the items and she gets a fine. (because of the dollar amount) she pulls the cash from her wallet! For the whole amount too, fine and items! She will be served with a no-tresspass order for 2 years, after that she is free to come back in the store.

 

[Nancy]

My question was more about the DA and local courts. I wouldn't think they'd have the resources to prosecute.

I don't think it goes that far, it is just a fine, paid up front. There is paper work involved, but the police aren't even there.

 

[hockref]

My hairdresser and I were tlkaing about this yesterday. Boys check their brain at the door at puberty, and recover it when they get into their 20's.

Anne

That must go for teenage girls also...I read abou more girls arrested for shoplifting, in our local paper, than I do boys.

 

[laurie31]

That must go for teenage girls also...I read abou more girls arrested for shoplifting, in our local paper, than I do boys.

True, but you probably won't catch girls lighting their farts!

Laurie

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Must be the name. I know two guys named Ben who are both, well, scattered. (OK, one's a downright flake--but I still love him to death!)

Anne

Maybe so. My DD knows a Ben at college who she says is a lot like her brother.

Just like all Jakes I know are trouble (including/especially my youngest child...). I call him Jake the snake, for good reason. And I wish that he'd be a little scattered instead of always being so on the ball!

 

[ducklite]

True, but you probably won't catch girls lighting their farts!

Laurie

OMG!!

You guys are all just WAAAYYYYY too funny today!!

Anne

 

[zippeedee]

There is an article in today's Boston Globe about stores using a little-known MA law to fine shoplifters without involving the police. They impose their own fine and threaten prosecution if the fine isn't paid. Many people have refused to pay and just keep getting demands for payment. I think the stores know they have a better shot at getting paid by the parents than they do paying attorneys, etc to take it to court. I'm not saying any stealing is right, but what judge would make a kid who stole a $2 item give the store $175? They are making a killing if even part of those caught actually pay. A local consumer reporter said the amount is probably negotiable since it is just imposed by the store.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

True, but you probably won't catch girls lighting their farts!

Laurie

I hope to God, uh, I mean Gosh, that the tag fairy is not reading your post!

 

[Marseeya]

Thank you guys so much for making me laugh and sharing your stories with me!

I wanted to clarify that there were no police involved (thankfully). The store hires a contracted loss prevention company and they handle everything. The fine goes through them, but if we don't pay the fine, they will send us to the local magistrate and press charges.

I LOVE the idea of having him write a letter of apology! The store manager was so nice. The loss prevention officer did all the talking and the manager didn't say anything until the very end and he apologized to us. We told him he had nothing to apologize for and we told HIM how sorry we were.

We did call the other boy's mother to let her know. I hated doing it, but she needed to know. She was grateful for it, plus she was mad because her son wasn't even supposed to leave the house today.

So far the punishment is: 2 weeks grounding, pay off the fine out of his allowance, and/or work it off, and write a letter of apology. I like the community service ideas, but we don't have homeless shelters or anything like that. The only thing he'd really be eligible for in our town is the humane society. I tried calling around last summer to find him some volunteer opportunities and a lot of them were saying he had to be 16, which I don't understand. It's a small town, so who knows. Oh, and he has to clean the house! It might not sound like a big deal, but believe me it is. I've let the house go to pot for the past several weeks while I was working on my final projects for school. It's a pretty daunting task.