Shared Parenting Plan (Long)

[aaarcher86]

After an ongoing battle this week I figured I'd ask for opinions since I know there are some divorced parents and maybe an attorney or two floating around the Disboards.

What do you think in regards to the vacation terms?

The schedule is as follows:

Week 1:

Mon - Mother
Tues - Mother
Wed - Mother
Thurs - Mother
Friday - Father
Saturday - Father
Sunday - Mother

Week 2:

Mon - Father
Tues - Father
Wed - Father
Thurs - Father
Friday - Mother
Sat - Mother
Sun - Mother

Week 3:

Mon - Mother
Tues - Mother
Wed - Father
Thurs - Father
Fri - Mother
Sat - Father
Sun - Father

The actual shared parenting plan begins the week on Monday is shown above.

So.... the vacation bit in the plan states that the parents are allotted two, one week long vacations per year. They are to be taken on 'a week when the parent has the children for an extended block of time.'

The father due to the way his schedule falls this year is taking his vacation during week 3. He has the children 4/7 days this week. The mother is stating he is breaking the SPP as he is only allowed to take week 2 for vacation. She feels extended block of time is in reference to his Mon - Thurs grouping with the kids, and he feels that he has them for an extended block of time during week three as he has them 4/7 days. Obviously, regardless of week, the mother will be losing 3 days with her children.

So... my question is... does the father have a valid argument or is the mother correct? Everything in the SPP is very specific and as it states specifically 'a week' rather than naming the particular week, the father feels validated that he is within his rights as she is not losing additional time and for the reasons already stated. I know it's splitting hairs and really shouldn't be an issue... but apparently it is. A BIG one!

Opinions?

 

[DVCLiz]

I would say the father should take vacation Week 2, when he has the children 4 days in a row. In other words, I believe the mother is correct.

During Week 3 he does not have them for an extended period of time. He has them twice for a shorter period of time.

Those poor kids...

 

[shirleyb]

I think it's pretty sad that two adults that had enough in common to make children can't agree on something like this. The mom will have the kids for 3 days before the vacation and for 4 days after the vacation.

Can't the dad give the mom an extra day each of those weeks to make peace?

I just can't wrap my head around why these things are so difficult.

 

[nuke]

I feel sad for the kids that the parents can't work this out without the courts. I'm going through a divorce now and it's so much better to be amicable and agreeable when it comes to the children.

 

[RadioNate]

I'm currently working on a SPP and this whole one seems ridiculous. But yeah, week 2 seems to make the most sense, however I would think that coinciding with school breaks etc should be more important than what week.

 

[allison443]

If it says "extended block of time" then four days in a row constitutes a block of time. Four days in groups of two days each is not a block.
So I guess the mother is "legally" correct.

I feel badly for those kids also.

 

[tlbwriter]

I agree with the father that four days is four days, so it shouldn't make a difference whether he takes week 2 or week 3. However, I think "an extended block of time" is too vague, and it needs to be specific, like "when the parent has X days in a row" or "when the parent has X days in a week." Would it be possible for the father to trade weeks 2 and 3 so the vacation would fall on a week 2 instead of a week 3?

 

[kt_mom]

Wow, how sad for those kids that its come to this. I can't imagine trying to keep a parenting plan like this straight in my head. I would be walking around confused all the time. What are the ages of these kids? I would think they would constantly feel like they were being tossed back and forth with this 3 days on 4 days off back and forth stuff. Too confusing for me.

I pray that my DH and I are never in this situation, but if we were to ever seperate, I hope that we could work together for the kids sake.

I know this is not always possible though and it sounds like in this case they need to go back to their lawyers and have things drawn up to be more specific.

 

[prncess674]

You have a long 16 years ahead if you are getting all bent out of shape about this. There is going to come a time when you are going to need to trade or extend days. Do what is best for the kids.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think both parents are petty nutjobs.

 

[aaarcher86]

I think it's pretty sad that two adults that had enough in common to make children can't agree on something like this. The mom will have the kids for 3 days before the vacation and for 4 days after the vacation.

Can't the dad give the mom an extra day each of those weeks to make peace?

I just can't wrap my head around why these things are so difficult.

The first week of vacation the father has given the mother his Sunday so she can begin her vacation early. The second week of vacation he is taking the kids to the beach, the only week another member of the family can have off (for 10 years... it's new to the mother) but from past years they don't return until Sunday.

I agree with the father that four days is four days, so it shouldn't make a difference whether he takes week 2 or week 3. However, I think "an extended block of time" is too vague, and it needs to be specific, like "when the parent has X days in a row" or "when the parent has X days in a week." Would it be possible for the father to trade weeks 2 and 3 so the vacation would fall on a week 2 instead of a week 3?

The schedule can't be changed in that way. The father is a firefighter and works on a 3 week rotation. The schedule continues on this 3 week rotation so the weeks just fall when they fall.

I agree with you that the schedule needs to be more specific if this is really how they choose to conduct things. The only reason the stipulation was put into place in the beginning was to make sure that neither parent took the other parent's Mon - Thurs week as vacation thus giving them almost 2 weeks in a row with the kids.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I think the parents should look at what is better for the children instead of picking apart the exact dates. Later on down the line she might have an opportunity to take the kids on a vacation, and it would be sad if he didn't give her the flexibility because of these rules.

Schedules are great, but sometimes you should bend them in order to give the kids a better life/opportunities, etc.

 

[aaarcher86]

You have a long 16 years ahead if you are getting all bent out of shape about this. There is going to come a time when you are going to need to trade or extend days. Do what is best for the kids.

I don't have a long anything - these aren't my kids.

But thank you for the response that served no purpose.

 

[prncess674]

I don't have a long anything - these aren't my kids.

But thank you for the response that served no purpose.

Got it you are only looking for "pro Mom" responses. The Mom in this situation seems completely inflexible. I would just be happy that the Dad actually wants to spend time with the kids, is taking an interest in raising his kids and wants to take them on vacation.

The Mom needs to lighten up and realize that schedules are nice, but if she wants to hang Dad to the absolute letter of the SPP then she better be prepared to meet a wall of resistance when she asks Dad for a little flexibility.

 

[DVCLiz]

My opinion changes somewhat seeing that this schedule is based on the dad's firefighter rotation.

Both parents should be flexible when it comes to vacations, though. The minute you say no to your ex-spouse, something will come up that you need a yes for.

 

[aaarcher86]

Got it you are only looking for "pro Mom" responses. The Mom in this situation seems completely inflexible. I would just be happy that the Dad actually wants to spend time with the kids, is taking an interest in raising his kids and wants to take them on vacation.

The Mom needs to lighten up and realize that schedules are nice, but if she wants to hang Dad to the absolute letter of the SPP then she better be prepared to meet a wall of resistance when she asks Dad for a little flexibility.

I have no idea what made you think I'm pro mom in this situation. I haven't given an opinion and have attempted to depict the situation in an unbiased manner.

 

[DVCLiz]

Got it you are only looking for "pro Mom" responses. The Mom in this situation seems completely inflexible. I would just be happy that the Dad actually wants to spend time with the kids, is taking an interest in raising his kids and wants to take them on vacation.

The Mom needs to lighten up and realize that schedules are nice, but if she wants to hang Dad to the absolute letter of the SPP then she better be prepared to meet a wall of resistance when she asks Dad for a little flexibility.

I don't see that the OP is only looking for pro- Mom responses at all.

 

[tlbwriter]

I think the OP was pretty unbiased.

Now, given that we now know the father's schedule is inflexible, I would hope the mom would cut him some slack on vacation weeks, especially since he has done so for her. Or would that put her in a bind somehow?

 

[kt_mom]

My opinion changes somewhat seeing that this schedule is based on the dad's firefighter rotation.

Both parents should be flexible when it comes to vacations, though. The minute you say no to your ex-spouse, something will come up that you need a yes for.

I agree!

I think the mother needs to take into account not just what would be best for the kids, but what the kids would want.

Will they be upest that they don't get to go to the beach with dad? If this was me my DD would be devastated. And I can't see denying her happiness just because its my week.

I know its hard though when two people seperate and there can be a lot of resentment. They just need to remember that the kids love both parents and most likely want to enjoy vacations with both parents.

 

[aaarcher86]

I think the OP was pretty unbiased.

Now, given that we now know the father's schedule is inflexible, I would hope the mom would cut him some slack on vacation weeks, especially since he has done so for her. Or would that put her in a bind somehow?

No, no bind. It's strictly an issue because she feels he is breaking the SPP. These dates are not until June/July so there is plenty of advance notice.