Serious Question - Please Help!

[AnnonyMOUSE]

So I am a teen (18).

Okay, so I have this thing where it is so completely personal that I haven't even told my closest friend about it but after 10-11 months, I need to talk to someone. That is where you guys come in.

I am an active member of the DIS and the DIS is actually where it starts. You see. I posted my picture once on a thread after another guy on that same thread. (I'm a girl, mind you). And in my post with the picture I explained how ugly it looked. He replied to my picture saying it wasn't ugly and that his was. I replied by assuring him also that his picture was very handsome. And heck, I meant it.

Since then, we talked more and more and really got to know each other. He told me one night that he thought he kind of liked me. He is 5-6 years older than me.

Now, before I continue, let me just say that I am the world's BIGGEST online safety freak...so this kind of shocked me at first, I must admit.

So anyway, you know, I kinda felt the same way about him and I told him that. So our friendship grew and then one day, after a few months, he tells me he loves me. I didn't know what to say. I mean, I didn't really know if I loved him yet...I am NOT someone to go throwing that word around.

I didn't respond "I love you" back until a few months after. However, I did say it to him because I meant it. I really, honest to God, meant it. And I was sure of it, that is why I said it. We talked more and I gave him my cell phone number and eventually where I lived. My town and state and that kind of location. Not my street address. I grew more and more nervous with everything I was saying realizing that I don't REALLY know this guy. However, I came to like him so much, that I acceptingly gave out this information.

I started to doubt who this person is. Knowing me and how freakish I am about online saftey, I really really started to worry. He was familiar with other members and actually went to a DISBoards meeting and there were pictures with him in some of them. This assured me a bit more that he was no online weirdo...however the doubt was still there. I didn't want the doubt there, but I couldn't help it.

Keep in mind also that I still really really liked this guy. I mean, to the point of love. I loved this guy. We talked more and more and I really LOVED talking to him, he made me laugh and that kind of thing.

Then I began to think about what my friends and family have told me over the years. That online dating is not good, that it is dangerous and that I should avoid that sort of thing at all costs. That is what my parents said indirectly. My friends, heh, they would laugh. We would get into conversations about the sort of thing and they would make fun of those who did. I casually brought up the "hypothetical" situation where I was. They laughed and said "that guy must be a weirdo and that girl must be stupid". I felt ashamed and upset because for one thing, I hated to hear them say this guy must be a weirdo, heck he occupied my thoughts everyday all day. Then it upset me knowing I could never tell them this...I couldn't ever let myself be the butt end of my own friend's jokes.

I started to worry what my parents would think if I had ever planned to meet this guy and I really REALLY wanted to meet this guy. He lives not *too* far from me (about 4 hours maybe? not sure) and it would be possible. However, my parent's respect means a HUGE deal to me and I would hate for them to think less of me. I began to worry about if things went horribly wrong. So you know what I did? I told this guy that it couldn't work out -- even though I still loved him. I did, I told him that. I was heartbroken.

Then we talked more, though as friends rather than girl/boyfriends. Then it happened. I started to love this guy too much and knowing that it couldn't work out and because I had no one to talk to, my emotions ran haywire and I blew up at this guy over the stupidest, dumbest thing in the world. I said words I didn't mean and things I didn't believe. I don't even know why I said it. After I did, I realized what I had done and cried. I cried because I now ruined a friendship with a guy I cared SOOOOO much about. He said he forgave me but neither us could forget what happened that night. I knew deep down inside that he must of still really held that against me.

I realized he had because then he stopped being on for a while, months actually. At first I REALLY missed him. But it started getting easier after some time of not talking to him. I was over him. I was really really over him.

Then he came back on. An online friend of mine told me he was on and I quickly went to talk to him. I was happy he was on and very happy he was on to talk to. Things are very mutual right now and I am only trying to just redeem our friendship.

However, I think I still love him. I can NEVER tell him that -- ever. I can't even itch on telling him. I know it's nothing and that I should get over it, but how can I just stop loving him when I have continued to love him since that very first time I told him?

He thinks what I told him that night (the night I blew up at him) is what I really thought. God how I wish I could make him believe it wasn't. I have told him a thousand and one times, but word is nothing and word is all I have considering it is online.

I SOOOOOO needed to tell someone that...and if anyone read this, could you please help me out a little too?

Am I wrong in going along with the online relationship to begin with? Should I have never let myself get so involved?

Should I continue to listen to friends and family and believe that online relationships are bad?

Should I tell this guy how I really feel or would that worsen things (it is very thin ice here)?

Should I just let things continue as they are (just friends) and hope it all goes away?

I really really need some advice...with anything in regards to this. Please help.

~AnnonyMOUSE

 

[iloveboardwalk]

As with all relationships in the early stages, you have to be careful. If you ever decide to meet him, meet in very public places for a while until you feel comfortable. But getting to know a person you meet over the internet, once you meet them in person, only requires the same level of care you would exercise with someone you meet at the mall or a bar.

Not to be harsh, but you are entirely too wrapped up in what your parents and friends might think of this one tiny aspect of the potential relationship. You might meet him and decide he's not the one for you. But, anyone who thinks people who meet over the internet are crazy and are to be made fun of are living in the 1980's. Thousands of people meet over the internet. You are an adult. You do not need permission or approval to live your life. Excercise caution, of course, but don't be so scared that you miss out.

If he's willing, give it another chance. You never know. What are my qualifications for my advice? I met my husband on the internet in May 1998. We've been happily married since June 1999 and have two great kids. You just never know where you will meet "the one." Why should the internet be any different? Everyone is online these days.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

Oh my gosh I know tons of people who have successful relationships that started online. I definitely think that if you decide to move forward with this, that you should meet him. In a public place, of course. But you never know.... you might not have the chemistry you expect in person. So meet him before you tell your family. And sweetie, it will not go away if you continue to talk to him. I'd say either move forward or let it go, hard as that is.

Whatever you do, good luck to you.

 

[azgal81]

First of all you are an adult your parents and friends can't tell you what to do! I understand there opinions mean something to you but you have to do what will eventually make you happy.

If you want to meet this guy then meet him. Tons of people meet people in person they meet online everyday. I know many people who are in relationships with people they met online. Use safety measures when meeting him you know public place and all that jazz just to be careful. Maybe you won't feel this connection to him when you meet him in person or maybe you will and it will be even stronger. But you won't know if you don't try.

If you really do have strong feelings for him you have to meet him becuase they won't fade away and you don't want to wonder what if for the rest of your life.

Meet him, see how you feel after meeting him and go from there.

 

[Sparx]

I've had a similar situation play out.

I've been dating a poster here for four months. We've met. He really is who he says he is, I really am who I said I was. I really do love him. Its hard. I've cried for hours and hours over him, and he's cried over me. Long distance is not fun, but I would never ever ever give up what we have. Its difficult. I wish I knew the magic words to not make it hurt so much, but I don't. I get up every monring because I'm one day closer to getting to see him again.



if you need to talk to me, I'm here.

 

[GIOny]

Are all online relationships bad - NO Are all online relationships good - NO and yes you do have to be careful, you really don't know who your dealing with. If you do decide to meet him, make it a public place (like a mall) and go with a family member or good friend. While I disagree with the poster who said meet him before you tell your family (I would not do that), I agree that the chemistry may not be what you think it is. I know a girl who just recently met the guy she had been talking to on the internet (and phone) for almost a year, she was so excited and was sure she was in love with this guy but it didn't take long after she met him in person to realize there was nothing there. They have decided to remain friends but that's it. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

No advice justlots of hugs!!!