Semi non Disney related, advice on inlaws

[LilyWDW]

Wow some of you people are vicious, lol. I’m not saying OP shouldn’t be mad, more so about the BCP incident, which was costly and could have potentially caused an unplanned pregnancy, but all I’m trying to say that life is short, too short to hold grudges. OP felt she had a good relationship with MIL and I am not catholic so I don’t totally understand the holy salts but I feel she thought it would bring good things to her family. I try to use positive intent.

Life is too short true... it is too short to deal with people who show me, my family, and my home no respect. I have come to a point in my life where I know it is not worth the stress. Family isn't just about blood. A whole lot more goes into it, including respect.

 

[Allison]

You don't have good intent if you are sneaking around to do something. You know you are doing something wrong.

 

[rinnythepooh]

I would not leave her unattended in your home.

I say this not with anger or mistrust in mind. I say it because this woman seriously sounds like she has some kind of disorder or dementia and could be a danger to herself or others.

 

[gwynne]

It sounds like some mental illness combined with hyperreligiosity. Most people would know that sprinkling salt all over someone else's home is way, way out of normal boundaries.
Might be time for them to stay in a hotel next visit.

 

[katyjeka]

Unfortunately we can not hand pick our family. If I were in your shoes I would "let it go". The next time they are to visit tell them you've reserved a room at a local hotel as you don't have the time to clean up another stupid salt mess. I can remember my mother in law telling me to wipe a used diaper over my oldest babies face when she was a few weeks old. She claimed it would get rid of the little bumps that are very normal with newborns. I just laughed it off but you will never meet someone who is more an expert than her. I've come to love her over the years and we get along really well BUT she can be pretty strange at times. My dh and I have found the best way to handle her is with laughter. Good luck.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Are you sure she is 100% mentally competent?

Her behavior sounds like it falls into an OBC standard (at the minimum) with faith as the obsession. I don't know a Catholic who would ever do what she did...and the lying is actually the kicker. If she were just "faith-filled", she'd do this for you in the open, and never lie about it (b/c that's a 10th commandment issue, and if you were that serious about the salt and pills, you'd be even more serious about the lying)...

But odds she makes a trip to mental health are probably not high...so if it were me, I'd clean it, have my spouse discuss it with her (his mom, his problem to handle), and probably plan the next visit at a neutral site OR their home, so they know yours is off-limits for awhile.

 

[cinderaimee]

If my MIL came into my house and made a mess like that, I would not be the one cleaning up after her, that would be DH's job.

 

[KenHutch]

I do feel your pain because when you mix religion with anything there is the possibility of trouble. I am Jewish and practicing, my daughters mother is Catholic and every Easter and Thanksgiving I get that call about how mean I am because she will not ear pork at her maternal grandmothers (ham I think). If they are very much older you should take that into account. They will not be around forever. Maybe have your husband talk quietly with your dad to find out what was in her head?

 

[mjkacmom]

She sounds like DH’s sister’s husband’s mom, she used to even call us when the end of the world was coming, to warn us. She’s in a home now, but I strongly suspect a long term undiagnosed mental illness. She had a lot of kids, they just dealt with it.

 

[SteveH]

Wow just WOW. I am shocked anyone would pull a stunt like that, but even more dismayed that a family member that is on the receiving end of your generosity would do that.

You know they don't have money so hiring an outside service isn't the best course of action, as you said clean one room at a time, but you know what your time is worth money I'd keep track of it and if ever appropriate I'd let them know how long it took to clean up their fanatical mess and how upset it made you.

Here is what I would also do, cancel and plans or thought of hosting them again. They can stay at a hotel, but not my house. If it were a family member of mine they would never be welcome again without a massive apology and cash or a clinical diagnoses.

I've severed ties from my crazy brother years ago, I didn't want or need him putting some of his crazy ideas into my boys heads. The bottom line is it your home and your rules, as much a I love family I wouldn't put up with stuff like this. Oh, and yes my wife would be right beside me cleaning this mess up if it was her family member that did it, not just me.

Best of luck!

 

[QueenIsabella]

I do feel your pain because when you mix religion with anything there is the possibility of trouble. I am Jewish and practicing, my daughters mother is Catholic and every Easter and Thanksgiving I get that call about how mean I am because she will not ear pork at her maternal grandmothers (ham I think). If they are very much older you should take that into account. They will not be around forever. Maybe have your husband talk quietly with your dad to find out what was in her head?

And yet...they continue to try to serve her ham! God forbid that they have turkey or lamb or lasagna, or even offer both ham and a turkey breast, if ham is a tradition. Seems just a tad passive aggressive, not to mention disrespectful! Are they really serving ham (and only ham?) on Thanksgiving? You might want to remind them that Jesus was a good Jewish boy--especially if it would make their heads explode. But maybe I'm just mean.

 

[ElyseInWonderland]

OP, sounds like you've heard lots of good advice so far. You probably already know this, but it's totally reasonable to feel anger that your MIL violated your trust, but ALSO extend her some grace for the sake of your family harmony.

I would not invite MIL on the Disney trip. Disney is stressful and anxiety-inducing on a GOOD day; tackling it while also accommodating your quirky/cash-strapped in-laws seems like something only a Saint could accomplish (pun intended!)

I hope MIL calms down & you and your family have a great trip!

 

[stephk1981]

Thanks again to all for all of the helpful advice! MIL has apologised, DH and I decided together that taking them on a Disney holiday may not be the best idea. We now will have room in our vacation budget to finally venture to Aulani, so all has worked out. I appreciate everyone's comments and thoughts. House is now clean and back to normal Thanks again!

 

[arminnie]

I would clean it up myself if I were you. But I would rip her a new one about her atrocious behavior and lies. She is a hideous person. You and your children do not need to have to put up with her horrible behavior. Your DH can if that's what he wants.

Don't pretend that she should be excused and you should take the high road. No one should accept toxic horrible people in their lives "just because" they have a DNA connection to someone you love. So does their poop.