SEGWAY STORE IN BAGHDAD REMAINS UNLOOTED
Rampaging Mob Shows Little Appetite for Scooters
One week after the fall of Saddam Husseins regime, the Segway store in central Baghdad still remains completely untouched by looters, Brigadier General Vincent Brooks of CENTCOM said today.
Speaking from Qatar, General Brooks acknowledged that military officials had been surprised by the looters refusal to steal even one Segway, especially since the manager of the store had not bothered to lock the front door when he abandoned it last week.
Perhaps, when order has been reestablished and food and water is restored to more neighborhoods, the Iraqi people will become more interested in Segways, General Brooks speculated.
Yesterday, several Iraqis did enter the Segway store to try out the revolutionary scooters, but there were no takers, with one looter telling reporters, They seem kind of dorky.
In other regional news, Syria announced today that it had decided to postpone the scheduled construction of fifty gigantic new statues of Syrian President Bashar Al Assad.
Upon reflection, Syria has determined that now is not the right time to build these big statues, an official statement said.
Instead of constructing the new statues, the statement said, Syria said it would work to reinforce the knees of existing statues of President Assad.
One day after the U.S. cut off the illegal oil pipeline from Iraq to Syria, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said that the U.S. was replacing the pipeline with a new self serve pipeline that would enable Syria to pay for all future oil shipments by Visa, Mastercard or American Express.
****BOROWITZ REPORT ****
Rampaging Mob Shows Little Appetite for Scooters
One week after the fall of Saddam Husseins regime, the Segway store in central Baghdad still remains completely untouched by looters, Brigadier General Vincent Brooks of CENTCOM said today.
Speaking from Qatar, General Brooks acknowledged that military officials had been surprised by the looters refusal to steal even one Segway, especially since the manager of the store had not bothered to lock the front door when he abandoned it last week.
Perhaps, when order has been reestablished and food and water is restored to more neighborhoods, the Iraqi people will become more interested in Segways, General Brooks speculated.
Yesterday, several Iraqis did enter the Segway store to try out the revolutionary scooters, but there were no takers, with one looter telling reporters, They seem kind of dorky.
In other regional news, Syria announced today that it had decided to postpone the scheduled construction of fifty gigantic new statues of Syrian President Bashar Al Assad.
Upon reflection, Syria has determined that now is not the right time to build these big statues, an official statement said.
Instead of constructing the new statues, the statement said, Syria said it would work to reinforce the knees of existing statues of President Assad.
One day after the U.S. cut off the illegal oil pipeline from Iraq to Syria, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said that the U.S. was replacing the pipeline with a new self serve pipeline that would enable Syria to pay for all future oil shipments by Visa, Mastercard or American Express.
****BOROWITZ REPORT ****
