Scrooge.. A different sort of Christmas thread..

[C.Ann]

Seems we spend a lot of time here talking about the "rights" of people - crossing the line - personal space - feelings that people are entitled to (or not) - that sort of thing..

This is in no direct relation to any thread that has been posted - although there will come a time in this post that I will mention one in particular - because this poster and her DD have been on my mind a lot, since learning of what they have been going through..

Anyhow.. What "rights" do you think people have when it comes to being a "Scrooge" during the holiday season?

I'm not talking about being sad.. Perfectly understandable.. The poster I mentioned above is going through this herself.. Her child has been in the hospital since before Thanksgiving - no "discharge date" being seen in the immediate future - and they're sad, discouraged, and obviously not in the happy, jolly holiday spirit.. 100% understandable.. (And for anyone else in a similar situation - someone is seriously ill; someone has passed away; they may be financially strapped this year; etc..)

I'm not talking about being depressed either.. Depression is not something you can flip on and off with a switch.. There could be many reasons for someone being depressed: loss of a job; loss of a beloved family pet; marriage/relationship problems..

What I am talking about is the type of people who actually hate Christmas.. They despise it so much, they are constantly miserable - every minute of every day - from the day after Thanksgiving till the day after Christmas.. They may have a variety of reasons: too commercial; dislike being around certain family members; too much work; too much money being spent; higher electric bills - so they refuse to put up any lights; can't stand artificial and/or real Christmas trees; etc., etc.. Okay - I guess if that's the way they feel - and they choose to be a "Scrooge" they're "entitled" to their feelings as well..

But (isn't there always a "but" ) - do the "rights" of the third type (the "real" Scrooges) end when:

It has a significant impact on others living in the same household?

They intentionally go out of their way to make everyone else miserable, non-stop?

When they refuse to allow another (or others) in the household to do things they would normally enjoy doing during the holiday season - such as decorating the house; putting up the tree; playing Christmas music; baking Christmas cookies; etc.?

They bring this attitude into the homes of others - (even homes where there are children) - and continually make negative, nasty, critical remarks about Christmas - and those who choose to embrace the holiday and enjoy it - including the people whose home they are in?

Shouldn't the rights of the "Scrooge" end there - when it interferes so dramatically with the happiness and the enjoyment of others?

-------------------------
I'm curious to hear what your thoughts are on this.. (And no - I'm not talking about anyone in this household..)

 

[Jennasis]

Not sure I follow, BUT...my MIL was such a scrooge this year (refused to put up a tree, started compalining in October that she HATED the holidays and wasnt excited about themor looking forward to them). So DH and I said phooey on her and announced the Christmas Day festivites were being moved from her depressing hovel to our our house. MIL is really twisting in the wind now. At her house, SHE controls the misery. Here, she will have no power and it's killing her! She keeps trying to passive-aggressivly convince us to move it back to her house.

Not a chance Ebenezer.

 

[DVCLiz]

I feel very sorry for the poster you mentioned - I don't know the circumstances but it has to be awful to be worried about your child like that and I hope she has a full recovery. I did have to wonder why she popped in on several light-hearted threads with comments about her situation but maybe it made her feel better.

Someone asked me an innocent - or so I thought - Christmas question yesterday. "Do you wrap your Christmas presents?" Not hearing the edge in her voice, I answered innocently that I did. "Oh, I stopped doing that years ago - it's all gift bags for me now. Too much trouble for me" was her answer.

What she should have said was, "May I ask you a personal question about your holiday habit and then tell you why I think it is WRONG when you answer?" hahahaha because the impact on me was the same. I thought (and should have said!), "Why would you care whether I wrap my presents and what makes you think I care about your opinion?"

Everyone should be able to celebrate (or not) as they choose but Scrooges should stay home and out of the way of everyone else if they are going to be so nasty. Just my opinion...

 

[ChrizJen]

I whole-heartedly agree. I respect your right to celebrate (or not, as the case may be) the way you want to. But when your right tramples over my right to live (and celebrate) the way I want, then I have a problem!

Of course, I think this applies to MANY facets of life...not just Christmas. No one person's opinions or beliefs should interfere with another person's right to live a happy life.

 

[krcit]

Fortunately, I don't know anyone like that but I wouldn't let anyone ruin my or my family's holidays.

 

[kathie859]

Today I had a test at the local hospital (nothing serious) and did some last minute shopping AND treated myself to lunch out at a very nice restaurant. Today was the day that I didn't take the "Have a nice day" or the ambiguous "Happy Holidays" route but wished each and every person that interacted with me a "Merry Christmas". It felt sooooo good to say it outloud and with conviction. Now lest I be flamed, I get that not everyone celebrates Christmas but I do. And no one looked offended when I wished them "Merry Christmas"---so I think I'll do the same thing tomorrow.

To address the OP's question: I do know a few people that do not enjoy the season for a variety of reasons--economic concerns, a personality quirk (people who just are NEVER happy) and those who have lost people close to them in the last year. My general policy to live my life as I see fit. I choose to decorate, I choose to celebrate Christmas--and no one, not even a close family member, could convince me to do otherwise. OP, I know that exposure to those negative Nellies can wear a person down. But truly, I think we need to learn to "tune them out".

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Oddly, it's probably anti-Christmas to be mad at people who are anti-Christmas.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Toxic people are toxic year round - remove them from your life.

 

[Polyluvr]

My brother is exactly the person you described above. I have no idea when this change happened in him! He always enjoyed it when we were kids.

We we were estranged for a few; maybe 5 years; in that time he had a child~ my only nephew~ and within the past 2 years his wife divorced him. He only lives 3 blocks away~ so I feeling badly for him in the summer of '09 I extended an olive branch.
The Holidays came around and he was happy to be spending Thanksgiving w us; when Christmas came he did get a tree for his home~ because he has a child~ but a few days BEFORE Christmas he took it down and threw it out on the curb
Christmas eve rolls around and since I have 3 kids I bought 3 presents for my nephew~ I wasn't expecting a present for myself~just the kids ~and he brought them nothing.
So fast forward to this summer and him continually bringing his son here for dinner a few nights a week and never reciprocating; the last straw was when 2 of my kids had Bdays in August and he promised them gifts and didn't deliver, sooo after that every time he called and wanted to come to dinner I would either ignore the calls or say we'd already eaten etc.
We finally had to have a big discussion this fall after my husband invited him and his new gfriend to my bday dinner @ an expensive restaurant; my husband was fully expecting to pick up the whole dinner tab~ as he invited everyones; thinking people will bring me gits;cards etc. Well not even a card w happy bday was handed to me
so it came to a blow around halloween~ I was sick and tired of being a door mat; and feeling used for meals on eves he had his son and for babysitting~
I didn't want to go thru another round of Christmas w the comments~ how much $ being wasted; the awful music for a whole month; how crazy our electric bill must be~ so I niiped it in the bud~ removed a toxic person from my life; and now it's my parents problem~ he even had the nerve to complain to them about having no family to spend the holiday w~ (they live in Fla now)~ so they bought last minute tickets for him and his son to go to Fla; and extra gifts etc ~ Burns me up~ but at least I won't have to deal w the misery here at my house Merry Christmas

 

[C.Ann]

Oddly, it's probably anti-Christmas to be mad at people who are anti-Christmas.

And oddly, I agree.. This isn't about being "mad" at anyone.. Just more of a pondering in terms of where the "Scrooge's" rights end - when they infringe on other people in a significant way..

Misery or not (and as I said in the OP - this is not anyone in our household), no one can take away your Christmas spirit unless you allow it to happen..

I do feel terribly sad when there are children involved though.. In no way, shape, or form, should anyone - friend, neighbor, or family member - heap that on children who are not able to just set the negativity and misery aside (or ignore it) like an adult can..That's just cruel..

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Toxic people are toxic year round - remove them from your life.

THIS!!!!!!


I always feel really sad for people when I read the threads about the Christmas drama, and why they don't want to spend time with s0-and-so.

For me, Christmas is the one time of year when I'm NOT stressed! It just makes me so happy. And yes, I have a slight Pollyanna complex. But I just will never understand the people who need to make everyone else miserable.

I can't control other people, but I can pick and choose which people I'm going to spend time with.

I would never walk around demanding that people be happy... so the ones who feel they can walk around demanding that we be miserable just makes me roll my eyes.

 

[Robinrs]

I'm one of the only people in my HUGE family that even celebrates Christmas, and no one gives me a hard time about it. Everyone is anti SOMETHING, that doesn't give them the right to make someone else's life miserable about it. It's a true sign of character when you can get to that point about anything.

 

[skater]

Toxic people are toxic year round - remove them from your life.

Yes. I have managed to minimize the toxic people in my life. There are some I have to occasionally be around, but if kept to a small amount of time and kept under our control (have our own car for example, so we can leave if we need to ), then its not too bad.

 

[tink20]

Thanksgiving and Easter are my favorite holidays. Our family gets together, shares a meal and has a good time. I use to LOVE Christmas, but the past two years it has felt like a stressful, financial burden. I don't ruin it for anyone else though. We have a tree up, lights on the house and santa has bought and wrapped all the presents (by herself). I don't make comments either, but I am not that excited about the actual day. I have enjoyed watching xmas movies with the kids, DS and I made gingerbread houses yesterday too. I just wish, we could do Christmas, differently. It has just seemed like a chore and not a joy.

 

[JessicaR]

Toxic people are toxic year round - remove them from your life.

So true. I especially agree with removing them from your life. Sometimes it takes a while to recognise that's what needs to be.

 

[C.Ann]

Thanksgiving and Easter are my favorite holidays. Our family gets together, shares a meal and has a good time. I use to LOVE Christmas, but the past two years it has felt like a stressful, financial burden. I don't ruin it for anyone else though. We have a tree up, lights on the house and santa has bought and wrapped all the presents (by herself). I don't make comments either, but I am not that excited about the actual day. I have enjoyed watching xmas movies with the kids, DS and I made gingerbread houses yesterday too. I just wish, we could do Christmas, differently. It has just seemed like a chore and not a joy.

But the difference between you - and the "Scrooge" - is that you are not inflicting that on others - nor are you letting your own personal feelings have a negative impact on your children..

I'm so sorry that things are tough for you right now - and you're feeling stressed - but you should be applauded for handling it in a mature and responsible way.. I'll be hoping that 2011 is much, much better for you..

 

[MiniGirl]

Well, I am probably the "Scroogiest" person I know, but I do not act like the Scrooge described in the op -- nor do I feel I am toxic and one to be avoided. I don't know how to explain why I feel the way I do.

I think mostly, though, it is that the traditional ways to celebrate are just not things that I naturally enjoy. Even as a kid, I didn't care for parties and gift exchanges. I have always preferred small gatherings with just a few people than big parties and having to make conversation. I have never liked small talk. Also, you read correctly. I don't even really like getting gifts. I always appreciate the thought behind a gift but have never really cared to have lots of things. Really. I'd rather we just go and grab a cup of hot chocolate and spend some time visiting. However, I find that during Christmas most people are just too busy for that, and that is fine. I really do understand. However, I also find that many people are extremely stressed out. They worry about who they need to get gifts for and how much they should spend. Too little and they worry about looking cheap. Too much and they worry about it being too much and making the other person feel bad. Did they make enough cookies? Did they leave anyone out? Whose house do they go to for Christmas dinner, etc, etc. It just was never fun when we were doing it, and I still do understand the appeal.

Like I said though, I'm not like the Scrooge described in the earlier post. I won't say anything to "ruin" your holiday. (Shoot. I wouldn't have even posted here if someone else hadn't brought it up.) I would never say the things some of you mentioned in your posts. If you invite me to a party and I go, I will be pleasant. If you ask me what I would like for Christmas, I would tell you that I don't want anything, and I will mean it. If you do give me a gift, however, chances are I will not have one for you. We just aren't a gift-giving family. We do not buy gifts for siblings, nieces, nephews, etc, and they don't buy for our kids. No biggie. It doesn't bother any of us in the least. We know any one of them would drop what they were doing to get here if we needed them, and they know we'd do the same for them. Really. There is no better gift than that. The rest is, well...., just stuff. That is not to say I never buy gifts. If I'm out and I see something I know a friend would enjoy, I will buy it and surprise her with it. I just don't feel the need to give a gift because of a date on a calendar.

Now, to answer the question... I don't know. Everyone has a right to feel as they do, and everyone has a right to speak their mind. In other words, if asked if I'm excited about Christmas, I think it is my right to say how I feel. However, I try to be respectful and will keep answers vague if I think it would upset others or ruin the atmosphere of the gathering.

 

[Planogirl]

I'm little Scrooghish this year but I'm doing my best not to affect anyone else with it. Due to a lot of things, it's been hard to get into the spirit for me. I'm trying but often I'm really just going through the motions.

I don't think that anyone should intentionally bring others down though. The key word is intention to me - those that don't join into some of the festivities are sometimes criticized too and they don't necessarily mean any harm by staying out of things.

 

[C.Ann]

I don't think that anyone should intentionally bring others down though. The key word is intention to me.

(Underlining above is mine..) This is exactly what I was getting at..

I hope that next year you feel better about the holidays..

 

[Genie 410]

I don't think I know anyone who actually hates Christmas - sometimes when I haven't felt in the Christmas Spirit I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" and felt better.