Saving a drug addict's life, do everything possible?

[lovemygoofy]

Do you do everything possible to save a drug addict's life? Not a recovering addict but a current practicing drug person? What if it included putting your life at risk or alienating yourself from the family if you didn't? Would it be different if it was your close sibling or even a child?

My first cousin(his dad and my mom are twins) is going into liver failure as I type this and being rushed to a large hospital in Little Rock. I'm sure they are going to need to do a liver transplant. He and I are less than 3 months apart and used to be as close as any siblings. We even have rhyming names lol.

I'm sure they won't be him on a national data base as he is an active drug user. Do I endanger myself to give him some of my liver pretty much knowing he got himself into the situation and will more than likely do the same to a new one? I don't even know if I'm a match but I don't know if I even want to be tested.

How do I face our family though if I don't? His dad gave me away at my wedding. He is a recovering addict and wouldn't be eligible and neither would his mom. Most well okay all his friends are addicts.

I'm so conflicted about this. I know I"m going to be called upon soon and I'm going to need to have an answer. This has all happened in 24hrs and I haven't even talked to my husband about it, though I know he will give a resounding no. So what's the answer? Do you do everything possible to try to save someone's life when they are slowly killing themselves?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would weigh it carefully. First and foremost is YOU and your health.

You want a family someday so is this worth the risk? Getting pregnant and having kids is tough on the body. Are you at optimum health to handle the surgery, recovery, and possible complications that could happen. It is a real thing to consider. It could alter your life. Are you prepared to live with that?

Second, we look at the person needing the transplant. Is this person prepared to receive a part of your liver and take care of themselves?

Obviously the answer to the second issue has a high probability of being a "no".

At some point you have to let people go as painful as it is.

 

[DVCLiz]

Do you do everything possible to save a drug addict's life? Not a recovering addict but a current practicing drug person? What if it included putting your life at risk or alienating yourself from the family if you didn't? Would it be different if it was your close sibling or even a child?

My first cousin(his dad and my mom are twins) is going into liver failure as I type this and being rushed to a large hospital in Little Rock. I'm sure they are going to need to do a liver transplant. He and I are less than 3 months apart and used to be as close as any siblings. We even have rhyming names lol.

I'm sure they won't be him on a national data base as he is an active drug user. Do I endanger myself to give him some of my liver pretty much knowing he got himself into the situation and will more than likely do the same to a new one? I don't even know if I'm a match but I don't know if I even want to be tested.

How do I face our family though if I don't? His dad gave me away at my wedding. He is a recovering addict and wouldn't be eligible and neither would his mom. Most well okay all his friends are addicts.

I'm so conflicted about this. I know I"m going to be called upon soon and I'm going to need to have an answer. This has all happened in 24hrs and I haven't even talked to my husband about it, though I know he will give a resounding no. So what's the answer? Do you do everything possible to try to save someone's life when they are slowly killing themselves?

No, of course not. I wouldn't dream of putting myself at risk in the circumstance you describe. I would only do it if it were for one of my children - and then only if I were surer they were going to have a healthy chance to live a sober life afterward.

 

[kidzmom3]

also drug addiction does not automatically exclude you from the national registry. there are many factors involved and that option should be explored first.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and also sorry for your cousin.

There is a good reason why he would not be accepted on the national list. I'm sure if there was a good chance that you would be helping him the answer would be yes... but, IMO, you shouldn't.

Support him if you can, be there for him, grieve for him, but give up your liver? I wouldn't think so, and please don't beat yourself or let anyone else beat you up for it. This is a very personal decision.

I had a very close family member die of liver failure. I still grieve, but the doctors tried, and they couldn't save her.

 

[Disney Doll]

No Tina, I probably wouldn't.
I have seen too many drug addicts who are just not able to beat their disease. I wouldn't give them part of my perfectly good liver to ruin.

I'm sorry for this difficult situation.

 

[tazdev3225]

Sending hugs your way. That is a tough decision to make and I don't know that I have the answer for you. I would be a little hesitant if it were me only because I wouldn't want to put myself at risk for someone who was going to have the same lifestyle afterwards and possibly be in the same situation again. Ultimately you have to do what is best for you and your family. Best of luck and hope your cousin gets well.

 

[Abbie]

Wow, Tina, what a dilemma to find yourself in! While I understand the desire to help, you really need to put your own family first. Donating an organ, or part of one, is rife with risks and the liver is even more so. You only have one and I'm not sure if living with part missing is a huge health risk. I know you want to have children; would not having part of your liver pose a risk to a healthy pregnancy?

I know you will feel you are being selfish if you say no, but your cousin hasn't done anything to help himself. Why do you feel you should do more than he is doing? Especially if he has no desire to change. Is that worth it to put your own health at risk? I know you love him but you do not owe him this.

Good luck as you struggle with this decision. Don't agonize over it!

(And for the life of me, I can't figure out any guy's name that rhymes with Tina! )

 

[Rebelmom67]

My siblings and parents are perfectly healthy and I would never consider giving them my organs(even if they needed them). My children may need them someday and I don't think it makes me a bad person for thinking that way.

 

[minkydog]

Although I would like to be an organ donor eventually, I don't think anyone is obligated by blood to give any body parts to another person. And that includes after death!

Undergoing a transplant has a lot of ramifications for the living donor. I would not consider it until ALL other options were discussed, tried and discarded. And even then I might say no to someone with a proven track record of self-destruction. If they call, tell them you have to think about it and talk to your husband. That will buy you some time. You don't have to give them an instant answer. It's a lot to think about.

Personally? I would say no. For one of my children, I would probably do it. But not for a more distant family member.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

What a tough situation...

I think only you can make a decision like that. I would have a hard time giving that much to someone who couldn't take care of it. If it were a child, parent, or sibling, it would be different. But as you've stated, you were as close as siblings...

I honestly can say that I don't think I could be selfless enough to do that for someone who is purposely destroying there body when so many people need transplants that they did nothing to hurt themselves. I would pray on it...it's the best way to receive an answer for something like this I believe.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Thank you all for your input. I feel so selfish thinking the way I do. I know some that would go to the mat for their loved ones and do anything to save a life but he had a shot at a great life and ruined it.

I do want children and I don't even know if Im a possible match but I don't think I even want to try. Why play with the what ifs but how can I face my aunt and uncle and tell them that I'm not going to help their child possibly live? Obviously this isn't a decision that can be made overnight or easily and I need to talk with everyone, especially my husband. I'm just pissed to even have to think about this position.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I told you how I felt earlier but I totally agree with the posters that you should put your own health above helping your cousin. If it were your child or even your Mom then that is a different situation.

I know you love your cousin but you shouldn't put yourself at risk to save someone who obviously by his actions doesn't want to be saved.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Personally, I think it's less about the drug addict than it is about you.

If you do it, you do it because it's the right thing to do - for you.

If you don't, that's ok too.

You're under no obligation to do it, regardless. Nobody would fault you for not doing it, especially given his history.

It's not a decison you can make overnight. It takes months, even years of introspection. Talking to a clergyperson can help, whatever decision you make.

Good luck with it. Hopefully you'll never have to make a decison. Sometimes these things have a way of working themselves out so you don't have to.

 

[Imzadi]

Do you do everything possible to try to save someone's life when they are slowly killing themselves?

I think you have your own answer right there. This isn't like he was in a car crash. His own actions got him to where he is. You would be risking your own life for someone who hasn't valued his.

As for your family, it is your own body. They do not own it. It is your own life to live, not risk for someone you don't want to. You don't have to exchange your life for his. Don't do this out of guilt or obligation. You have no obligation to anyone outside yourself, and whoever YOU feel you'd want to do this for.

Of what little I know of you, you WOULD go to the mat and do this for your DH without even thinking. The fact that you do have to think this over, again, tells you your answer.

Good luck with whatever you ultimately decide.

 

[Serena]

You have a soft heart.

Just make sure you don't let anyone, even family, guilt you into doing something you are not comfortable with.

And to me, I would have a hard time expecting someone to do this for anyone. If the very first thought in your head isn't, "I'll give him mine", then think carefully, but of course you already know that.

 

[bumbershoot]

also drug addiction does not automatically exclude you from the national registry. there are many factors involved and that option should be explored first.

My best friend is on the liver transplant list, though she's low on the list b/c she's very healthy right now. And when she was married, she couldn't even be around her husband if he was smoking pot (as he sometimes did), lest it show up in her blood tests, because she would be booted from the program faster than I typed that paragraph.


"Do I endanger myself to give him some of my liver".

First you need to see if this would even be possible. In my friend's case, she will have to receive a whole liver, should she get sick again (she had water-borne? hepatitis as a child, had severe problems with the treatment, her spleen stopped working so they removed it, and she's been dealing with this since she was something like 11 poor chica, but getting divorced helped her health like you wouldn't even believe, he was so toxic). Having a partial isn't possible for her. So it might not be possible for your cousin.


You know what you need to do? Make a knowledge-based decision. Contact the doctors and find out IF any of this is even worth talking about.

A transplant is a HUGE thing. It will require anti rejection drugs for his lifetime. It requires a HUGE cost from the patient both financially and emotionally. My friend has to have 3 separate people on her "caregiver's list" or she'll be booted from the list. She and her husband had to say that they were solid for her to go on the list (obviously that changed when he ended their marriage, but then she became so healthy she went off the list anyway).

I can't even imagine why it would be different for a person in your cousin's situation. With everyone in his family being recovering addicts, that sort of solid support group could either be really easy to find, or it might push them beyond their limits.


If I were in your shoes, I would either just lie and tell the family that I was not a match without checking, or have a long convo with the doctors and then maybe get tested depending on what the doctors said. I like information so I'd probably get the info, but honestly? I barely agree with my being a donor after death (this is a belief I have held for a LONG time, please don't bother yelping at me especially b/c of my friend...I have offered her a part of my liver and that's when I found out it won't work for her) and I definitely don't believe in being a donor for someone who very likely won't take care of themselves long enough to enjoy my sacrifice.

 

[sha_lyn]

If DH's brother does end up in a drug deal gone bad or OD'ing, I expect DH to face a similar decision one day. We've sacrificed money and almost divorced over trying to help BIL out in past. I would hope that DH wouldn't consider giving a kidney. part of a liver etc to BIL but IMHO I think he would. Deep down I think DH still hold out hope for his brother to clean up and straighten out his life. I just don't ever see it happening. BIL has been involved with drugs and in and out of jail for at least 25 yrs. It's probably closer to 30 now.

Anyway my point is that I know what it is like to see someone destroy themselves slowly and to hope beyond hope that they will stop.
I don't think that if I were in your position I could take the chance of endangering my health for someone who would most likely go back to abusing their body.

 

[nannerbadnanner]

This is a very risky surgery for the donor even more so than donating a kidney. For that reason alone, I would so no. This could kill you!

Will they even do a transplant for someone who is an active drug user?

 

[Shugardrawers]

What's involved in being tested for a match? Is it a simple blood test? Obviously, the results would be confidential to only you. Now, I could totally see the argument against this, but one option is getting tested and if it's negative, end of discussion.

Personally, I won't be having children and I don't think my medical history would allow me to qualify, but if it did, everything would turn on my relationship with the transplantee. But I'm a sucker for the underdog. But if your gut instinct is not to do this, then DON'T. There's a reason we have the gift of instinct.