So is it to crazy to think if we fly in on a Monday morning that we could enjoy Santa Barbara for one day/night, and then up to Monterey for two days and then Disneyland for two? Like usual I try to bite off more than I can chew I'm afraid.
Lol. To me that sounds a bit ambitious and rushed. Where would you be flying into? Are you coming into LAX or an airport near Anaheim then driving to Santa Barbara? So that would be at least an 1 and 45 minutes to 2 hours drive, more if there is any significant traffic, and there always seems to be. Santa Barbara to Monterey is almost 4 hours. Monterey to Anaheim is at least 5 1/2 hours of driving.
What is your goal in visiting Santa Barbara, just to have been there or do you have particular sites you want to see or restaurants you want to try? If you made it to Santa Barbara by lunch, then you could certainly manage to fit in a couple of attractions, a nice dinner somewhere, and maybe even a walk along a beach. Can you fly out, pick up a rental car, and make the drive to Santa Barbara by lunch? I don't have experience with all of those steps, so I don't know.
In the morning, you could head out toward Monterey. If you like pastries, then a stop in Solvang early along your route would be fun. While most of the stores don't open until 10 AM, the bakeries open early and parking was abundant when we were there early in the morning. There are some other restaurant choices as well if you need a full hot breakfast. Then you can complete the drive to the Monterey/Carmel area.
I know you want to see the Walt Disney Family Museum (and it is excellent, by the way), but that really would be too much. You keep wanting to head further away from Disneyland but still end with Disneyland.
I think the problem is that you need more time or less stuff to do.

Any chance, I can't believe I'm going to say this, you might want to, gasp, skip Disneyland this time? I think you could make a really lovely trip out of San Francisco to Santa Barbara. You could make time for the Walt Disney Family Museum, other San Francisco sights, Monterey, Carmel, and Santa Barbara. Missing out on Disneyland this time might also give you more motivation to make that Disneyland diamond anniversary trip work out.