SAHM's, what do you do to get out?

[jenrose66]

sorry, double post

 

[jenrose66]

I wish I could help but I can just tell you that I sympathize with your situation.

I just had a baby. She's 5 weeks old and I have two boys. One is 4 and in preschool and the other will be 2 in January. The baby is already sick due to my 4 year old catching every germ in his class. I haven't slept in a week!

Dh says he can't handle all three kids by himself and he needs to "mentally prepare" so if I want to do anything by myself without at least one kid I need to give at least a days notice...seriously Me and DH just got into a fight about it the other day cause we finally had some downtime in the house so I said I wanted to go foodshopping. That's not fun for me, it's a chore for the family...we need food. He wanted me to take the two year old. I said no, it just takes longer. I told him he could go alone, but he didn't want to go. Needless to say I went alone at 8pm after my mom got off work and came to stay with the baby (the older kids were in bed). By the time I got home, unloaded the groceries, and settled the baby I was in bed at 11pm only to be up at 4am....

Sorry, I'm kind of getting off subject. Anyway I'm happy to be a SAHM because I'm raising my kids. I'm too anal to put them in daycare, I know I'm the best care giver for my children. Also when they get older, maybe once the baby is in pre k...I'm hoping to keep a nicer home. I'll have time to make better dinners, maybe do some painting and decluttering. I mean, I know 4 years is a long time off...but time goes by. I figure I'm putting in some really hard demanding work, both physically and emotionally...but it'll pay off with my job getting easier in the future.

My mantra lately has been...this won't be forever. I tell myself this when I'm exhausted...I tell myself this when I'm depressed, I tell myself this when I'm mad at my husband...

I should also add I have no friends...not one. I have my mom and that's it. I didn't nurture female friendships in highschool or college so I guess I'm just reaping what I sow.

 

[EeyoreEma]

I wish I could help but I can just tell you that I sympathize with your situation.

I just had a baby. She's 5 weeks old and I have two boys. One is 4 and in preschool and the other will be 2 in January. The baby is already sick due to my 4 year old catching every germ in his class. I haven't slept in a week!

Dh says he can't handle all three kids by himself and he needs to "mentally prepare" so if I want to do anything by myself without at least one kid I need to give at least a days notice...seriously Me and DH just got into a fight about it the other day cause we finally had some downtime in the house so I said I wanted to go foodshopping. That's not fun for me, it's a chore for the family...we need food. He wanted me to take the two year old. I said no, it just takes longer. I told him he could go alone, but he didn't want to go. Needless to say I went alone at 8pm after my mom got off work and came to stay with the baby (the older kids were in bed). By the time I got home, unloaded the groceries, and settled the baby I was in bed at 11pm only to be up at 4am....

Sorry, I'm kind of getting off subject. Anyway I'm happy to be a SAHM because I'm raising my kids. I'm too anal to put them in daycare, I know I'm the best care giver for my children. Also when they get older, maybe once the baby is in pre k...I'm hoping to keep a nicer home. I'll have time to make better dinners, maybe do some painting and decluttering. I mean, I know 4 years is a long time off...but time goes by. I figure I'm putting in some really hard demanding work, both physically and emotionally...but it'll pay off with my job getting easier in the future.

My mantra lately has been...this won't be forever. I tell myself this when I'm exhausted...I tell myself this when I'm depressed, I tell myself this when I'm mad at my husband...

I should also add I have no friends...not one. I have my mom and that's it. I didn't nurture female friendships in highschool or college so I guess I'm just reaping what I sow.

Bless your heart! PM me anytime you need to talk! I'm so glad for you that you have your Mom nearby, though - I'm sure that's a big help. It sounds like we're similar in that I didn't have friends really in high school or college. Wouldn't help me anyway since I'm no longer in my hometown, but still! Sometimes I feel like I've missed out on all the ways you're supposed to make friends!

I wouldn't trade my life with my kids for anything, so please no one think I'm complaining! I'm just feeling lonely, I guess! I will definitely look around for some ways to get involved.

 

[SAHDad]

The best advice I can give is hang in there and keep plugging away. Sooner or later, you find a group of friends.

I eventually gave up on trying to find playgroups for my kids, however - there are several local ones, all fairly active, with a decent base, and all deny me attendence based on fact that I have a Y chromosome. Fortunately, you should not have that problem.

 

[wdwiala]

You might enjoy Bible Study Fellowship. If your children are 2 and older they are also in a class where they learn the same Bible story you are studying while you are in class. The children portion is very organized and not at all the free for all a church nursery can be. I joined when my oldest was 2 and stayed until I finished all the classes! Loved the social interaction, the discipline, and how much I learned. It is a world wide organization. Just goggle BSF or Bible Study Fellowship to find a class near you. I should add it is completely non denominational - everyone is asked to not discuss their personal church affiliation. Fell free to pm me- I can give you more information.

Not sure what is available for you in a small town but...

Love BSF, especially the day programs for the younger children. From what I understand though this is a hard study year, Isaiah. (and I've heard that it has been difficult from long time bible studiers). Next fall, there will be a new focus, most likely much easier.

Ditto on the homeschool groups. We have some real strong ones around here. Also, would you be interested in MOPS? For the friends that I have with younger children, this is a huge part of their social lives.

And last but not least: make your own fun. Not a group that qualifies? Make the group and recruit. You might find that there are others around who share the same interests.

 

[s&k'smom]

For me I ended up going to the local mall and getting a pt job at the movie theatre, it was only like 10 hours a weekend but it was an out! I was home all week with the kids and just worked like a 10-3 shift so I guess technically I was working but for me it was just a chance to be out.

 

[mjkacmom]

I wish I could help but I can just tell you that I sympathize with your situation.

I just had a baby. She's 5 weeks old and I have two boys. One is 4 and in preschool and the other will be 2 in January. The baby is already sick due to my 4 year old catching every germ in his class. I haven't slept in a week!

Dh says he can't handle all three kids by himself and he needs to "mentally prepare" so if I want to do anything by myself without at least one kid I need to give at least a days notice...seriously Me and DH just got into a fight about it the other day cause we finally had some downtime in the house so I said I wanted to go foodshopping. That's not fun for me, it's a chore for the family...we need food. He wanted me to take the two year old. I said no, it just takes longer. I told him he could go alone, but he didn't want to go. Needless to say I went alone at 8pm after my mom got off work and came to stay with the baby (the older kids were in bed). By the time I got home, unloaded the groceries, and settled the baby I was in bed at 11pm only to be up at 4am....

Sorry, I'm kind of getting off subject. Anyway I'm happy to be a SAHM because I'm raising my kids. I'm too anal to put them in daycare, I know I'm the best care giver for my children. Also when they get older, maybe once the baby is in pre k...I'm hoping to keep a nicer home. I'll have time to make better dinners, maybe do some painting and decluttering. I mean, I know 4 years is a long time off...but time goes by. I figure I'm putting in some really hard demanding work, both physically and emotionally...but it'll pay off with my job getting easier in the future.

My mantra lately has been...this won't be forever. I tell myself this when I'm exhausted...I tell myself this when I'm depressed, I tell myself this when I'm mad at my husband...

I should also add I have no friends...not one. I have my mom and that's it. I didn't nurture female friendships in highschool or college so I guess I'm just reaping what I sow.

Do you want me to send DH over? When my twins were 5 weeks old, I had a 1 year old, a 3 year old, and a 6 year old, and when he came home from work, he'd tell me to get the heck out of the house - he'd take care of things. We'd take turns at dinner time, with one of us driving the twins around for about 45 minutes (they slept well in the van), while the other would eat with the other kids. He did half of the night feedings (because I couldn't nap when the babies napped, and they were still on different schedues anyway). I still remember how he was amazed when he would take the twins (as babies) to the grocery store to shop (we are in walking distance, and it was a way for him to get out of the house, and be productive), and people would praise him. Your DH needs to man-up.

 

[mjkacmom]

The best advice I can give is hang in there and keep plugging away. Sooner or later, you find a group of friends.

I eventually gave up on trying to find playgroups for my kids, however - there are several local ones, all fairly active, with a decent base, and all deny me attendence based on fact that I have a Y chromosome. Fortunately, you should not have that problem.

I'm sorry - SAHM's are not very welcoming to SAHD's. Keep in mind, much of the conversation is very female based, and it's more of a female bonding time than a parent bonding time. We have no problem with SAHD's.

 

[npmommie]

It's never really bothered me as much to be alone, but lately I've just felt lonely and isolated. We don't have that many friends here, so it's hard to just call someone and get out with them. Most of the people that I'm friends with work, so it's not as if they have unlimited time to get together. I'm just starting to feel like I need to be involved with more people. We homeschool, so obviously I'm not going to be on the PTA. For personal reasons, I am not a fan of the church nursery, so we don't get to church very often. As well, my dh doesn't have much time off, so we try to spend the weekends together, and he's not as into church as I am (just because he can tend toward being a loner). We go to dd's gymnastics 2x a week, and that's always fun but I feel like I need to get out of myself a little more. Any great ideas?

your kids are still little, I would look for story time at your local library, ours has story time, the kids do crafts, and they always have monthly events going on.
also Moms groups, an indoor playspaces local, you will find moms there, I met most of my mom friends at the local playground and recreation field LOL. but right now with winter thats hard.
are there any local homeschool groups in your area? you can google your state for homeschooling and you may find something, I think HSLDA may have some resources listed on their site.

When we homeschooled our biggest problem was finding the time to actually stay home!

LOL, this is us too!

Do you want me to send DH over? When my twins were 5 weeks old, I had a 1 year old, a 3 year old, and a 6 year old, and when he came home from work, he'd tell me to get the heck out of the house - he'd take care of things. We'd take turns at dinner time, with one of us driving the twins around for about 45 minutes (they slept well in the van), while the other would eat with the other kids. He did half of the night feedings (because I couldn't nap when the babies napped, and they were still on different schedues anyway). I still remember how he was amazed when he would take the twins (as babies) to the grocery store to shop (we are in walking distance, and it was a way for him to get out of the house, and be productive), and people would praise him. Your DH needs to man-up.

LOL, I don't even think all mommies are quite as skilled with 5 wk old twins, a 1 yr 3 yr and 6 yr old.

 

[SAHDad]

I'm sorry - SAHM's are not very welcoming to SAHD's. Keep in mind, much of the conversation is very female based, and it's more of a female bonding time than a parent bonding time. We have no problem with SAHD's.

Yeah, I know. SAHDs are neither fish nor fowl nor good red herring - we don't fit in anywhere. There is a newish local group that supposedly welcomes SAHDs, but DD is hits school age fairly soon, and I've been burned enough times that I'm not sure it's worth going.

FWIW - I don't care if the playgroup met in a park and no one wanted to talk to me - I wanted my kids to be able to play with other kids. The neighborhood has a couple kids the same age as DS, so he was fine, but DD has been on her own a lot.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yeah, I know. SAHDs are neither fish nor fowl nor good red herring - we don't fit in anywhere. There is a newish local group that supposedly welcomes SAHDs, but DD is hits school age fairly soon, and I've been burned enough times that I'm not sure it's worth going.

FWIW - I don't care if the playgroup met in a park and no one wanted to talk to me - I wanted my kids to be able to play with other kids. The neighborhood has a couple kids the same age as DS, so he was fine, but DD has been on her own a lot.

It must be tough - just wanted to let you know why this is sometimes the situation. While you are looking for playmates for your kids (and who doesn't want that), a lot of women have playgroups for themselves, as well as the kids. I think women need more human interaction than men.

 

[golfgal]

I don't think a day went by when we didn't go somewhere when the kids were little and I was home with them. We went to the park, the zoo, met friends at Mc Donalds playlands, etc. We also have a program in MN called Early Childhood Family Education, ECFE, and we went to those-met all kinds of people that were home with kids the same ages. Our mall had a little playland so we went there sometimes too. When the kids were still napping we often met friends at the mall to walk in the winter at nap time-the kids would sleep in the stroller while we walked.

When the kids were all in school I did a lot of volunteer work at the school, church, community, etc. That kept me plenty busy.