SADDAM: FOR $30 BILLION, I WILL ATTACK MYSELF
Bush Calls Upon Coalition of the Willing to be Bought
In a stunning development, Iraqi President Saddam Hussein today offered to attack himself in exchange for $30 billion from the U.S. government.
The surprising offer came in a day when President George W. Bush exhorted Americas allies to join what he called a coalition of the willing to be bought.
Speaking to a group called the Veterans of Foreign Investments, the President said, It is time for each of our allies to look deep within and ask this question: Who wants to be a billionaire?
The President reminded the allies that since the Turkish legislature had turned down the U.S.s request to base troops there for an Iraq attack, Turkeys $30 billion in prize money remains unclaimed.
Moments after the Presidents speech, French President Jacques Chirac made a surprise announcement of his own, saying that France would be willing to attack Turkey for $30 billion.
France has no argument with the people of Turkey, Mr. Chirac said. But $30 billion is a lot of cake.
But Mr. Chirac was soon upstaged by Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein, appearing on Iraqi national television to say, For $30 billion, I will attack myself, and I will prevail.
While some in NATO expressed optimism that Saddams proposal could avert a war with Iraq, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer was openly dismissive of Saddams offer to attack himself, calling it a charade.
Hes telling the world that hell attack himself and hell prevail, but once he gets our money, hell attack himself and lose, Mr. Fleischer said. Its just more of his double-talk.
****BOROWITZ REPORT****
Bush Calls Upon Coalition of the Willing to be Bought
In a stunning development, Iraqi President Saddam Hussein today offered to attack himself in exchange for $30 billion from the U.S. government.
The surprising offer came in a day when President George W. Bush exhorted Americas allies to join what he called a coalition of the willing to be bought.
Speaking to a group called the Veterans of Foreign Investments, the President said, It is time for each of our allies to look deep within and ask this question: Who wants to be a billionaire?
The President reminded the allies that since the Turkish legislature had turned down the U.S.s request to base troops there for an Iraq attack, Turkeys $30 billion in prize money remains unclaimed.
Moments after the Presidents speech, French President Jacques Chirac made a surprise announcement of his own, saying that France would be willing to attack Turkey for $30 billion.
France has no argument with the people of Turkey, Mr. Chirac said. But $30 billion is a lot of cake.
But Mr. Chirac was soon upstaged by Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein, appearing on Iraqi national television to say, For $30 billion, I will attack myself, and I will prevail.
While some in NATO expressed optimism that Saddams proposal could avert a war with Iraq, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer was openly dismissive of Saddams offer to attack himself, calling it a charade.
Hes telling the world that hell attack himself and hell prevail, but once he gets our money, hell attack himself and lose, Mr. Fleischer said. Its just more of his double-talk.
****BOROWITZ REPORT****