Sad about IL's - update on DH pg 2

[SleepyMom]

My Dbrother just called again a little while ago, to confirm plans. I really am lucky to have him, and DD is thrilled they are coming!

We would just take DD to stay with relatives, or even take her with us, but she is in the last week of Driver's ED and cannot miss a session or she won't pass. After 3 1/2 weeks, I would hate her to miss the last 2 and then fail. She has passed the written part already and will finish the driving part of the test on Monday and Tuesday.

Depending on what happens with DH, I may drive home on Wednesday (his 1st appt. is on Monday) to pick her up and then take her back with me. His appointment is in Rochester, so it is about a 4 hour drive for us, one way.

OH, and just to add to everything, cause you know it can't rain unless it pours our fridge decided to bite the dust! DH and I ran out last night and found one, but it won't be delivered until Wednesday next week. Thankfully we have a dorm size fridge in the garage we keep for drinks, I warned DB he'll be making trips for milk each day!

 

[Disney Doll]

After the hurt is gone, be thankful that you know what kind of people you are dealing with. That knowledge will give you the freedom to say no, to not "be there" when they may need something because you have something else important going on.

These people have showed you their true colors....

 

[PaulaSue]

Sorry they are like that.

Maybe she could have a sleep over with a friend and you return the favor once Dh is better?

 

[ksjayhawks]

It is nice that your db is willing to come all that distance to stay with her. It is a long drive for him though. I thought you were talking about a younger child whose routine might be out of whack if she went somewhere else. However, if she is taking driver ed, she is a teen. Is there a reason she cannot stay with a friend for the days you are gone and save the long trip for your brother? Most teen girls love to stay at each other's homes.

Sorry about the IL problems. I have some with mine, too, and I have learned to let go. Time for you to say "no" --which is a complete sentence by the way--and take care of your family first. Do not answer their "but why" questions other than with "no" or "it isn't possible."

Hope your dh's appts go well.

 

[golfgal]

Where does your brother live? Is there a friend she could stay with for those 2 days and then fly over to Rochester?? Flights from SF to Roch used to be pretty inexpensive when we lived there, but it has been a while. I know exactly where you are coming from though, my in-laws are the same "it's so far, can't you come here?". When we asked them to watch the kids they were always busy but then would complain that they never got to watch the kids

It is very possible that you could end up spending a week or more at Mayo and it gets LONG. There are some nice day trips you could take from Mayo when your DH doesn't have appointments or if you just want to get out for a while. There is a mall connected to Mayo by skyway that has a movie theater (I think) too. Not that this is a vacation but I have spend time in the testing relm at Mayo and eventually you need to do SOMETHING other then sit in a waiting room.

 

[powellrj]

I am not longer speaking to my DBIL because of the way he behaved when my DFIL was dying. He didn't have time to be with his dad, but boy he had lots of time to be here to take things from his home.

Since your DD is an older teen, isn't there someone she could stay with for a few days to save your brother the drive? I know the last weekend my DFIL was alive, my DD stayed with a friend and then the friend stayed with us for several days during the summer to repay them.

 

[SleepyMom]

Thanks for the info golfgal, we've been to Rochester (for dance competitions) but never the Mayo Clinic so that is helpful to know. I know DH has been wanting to see a new movie coming out next week, so maybe that could be a way to do it.

Never thought about flying DD to Rochester, I will look into that. I had thought I would just drive home one day and pick her up and take her back with me (if needed), but DH is worrying about that now because I stupidly broke my knee cap 3 weeks ago and he thinks that will be too much sitting for me.

For this coming week, DD staying with a friend will not work, which was why we asked family. The following week, we would have not had any of these issues, but there is no way we want to delay the appointment.

DB driving here is no big deal to him, he was a truck driver for years, and he is pretty much insisting he wants to come be with DD (he has a DD the exact same age as our DD, so he will be bringing her too). He and his wife have been great, calling every other day or so and just checking in with us constantly the last 2 weeks while we've been waiting. That's what has made me sad, DH has only had 1 call from any of his siblings since this started, mine have been calling all the time, even though we didn't have any new news to report. That's what I found sad in all this, I would do anything for my brothers and I just don't understand someone not feeling that way. It's just different family dynamics I guess, but I still don't get it.

 

[SleepyMom]

This is a good news update!!!!

DH heard today from the Dr. (they must have rushed the lab to get the results, we were told it would take 2 to 3 days and it was barely 24 hours) and the mass is benign (Thank you God!) and the Dr. recommends waiting and watching it for 6 months to a year and seeing if it changes. If anything changes during that time, then we will talk again then about having surgery to remove it. I cannot even begin to express the relief we feel, it was the best news we could have heard!

We did change our plans for travel before we left on Sunday... we ended up leaving DD home with neighbors and friends checking in on her on Sunday. On Monday morning we found out they planned to do a needle biopsy by ultrasound and then we were free to come home, so I called my DB and told him to unpack his bags. If we had had to stay in Rochester, DB was going to drive down that day and stay with DD as long as needed. Thankfully that didn't have to happen.

DH and I were back home before DD got back from Driver's ED!!! Bonus good news, she passed and is an official driver now!

This has been a long hard couple of weeks and I am so glad to move past it, I am thankful for my family and know now what I can expect from the IL's in the future. It will make me see things differently when asked to drop everything to do something for them, but because of who I am I will likely continue to do parts of it. One little mean thought though, the SIL who wouldn't come stay with DD went fishing that day with her DH and ended up hurting her arm when the boat smashed into a wave. I didn't say it out loud, but I did think it was a little karma there.

 

[akhenaten]

How Wonderful!!! So happy to hear your good news!!

and congrats to your DD too....

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

That is wonderful, good things come to those who do good.

Karma's a witch isn't she, nice to know.

Congrat to your DD as well

Suzanne

 

[Diva of Dragons]

Wow! I'm so happy everything worked out for you, DH and DD!!!!!

Congrats on all the good news AND knowing who, in your life really cares and matters!

 

[C.Ann]

So glad it all turned out well! I can just hear the tremendous sigh of relief..

As others have said, these people have shown their true colors - and in the face of a crisis, no less.. If I were you I would have no qualms whatsoever about saying "No" to them from this point on..

Congrats to your DD too!

 

[Disney Doll]

See bolded below

This is a good news update!!!!

DH heard today from the Dr. (they must have rushed the lab to get the results, we were told it would take 2 to 3 days and it was barely 24 hours) and the mass is benign (Thank you God!) and the Dr. recommends waiting and watching it for 6 months to a year and seeing if it changes. If anything changes during that time, then we will talk again then about having surgery to remove it. I cannot even begin to express the relief we feel, it was the best news we could have heard! YAY!!!!!!!

We did change our plans for travel before we left on Sunday... we ended up leaving DD home with neighbors and friends checking in on her on Sunday. On Monday morning we found out they planned to do a needle biopsy by ultrasound and then we were free to come home, so I called my DB and told him to unpack his bags. If we had had to stay in Rochester, DB was going to drive down that day and stay with DD as long as needed. Thankfully that didn't have to happen.

DH and I were back home before DD got back from Driver's ED!!! Bonus good news, she passed and is an official driver now!

This has been a long hard couple of weeks and I am so glad to move past it, I am thankful for my family and know now what I can expect from the IL's in the future. It will make me see things differently when asked to drop everything to do something for them, but because of who I am I will likely continue to do parts of it. I always say that you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror, but I wouldn't be so quick to rush over there for every little thing. leave the "rushing to their side" for the bigger things. One little mean thought though, the SIL who wouldn't come stay with DD went fishing that day with her DH and ended up hurting her arm when the boat smashed into a wave. I didn't say it out loud, but I did think it was a little karma there. Dontcha just LOVE a little teeny bit of karma?

 

[Just Jan]

What wonderful news! Feels like a second lease on life doesn't it?

 

[PaulaSue]

Great News all away around!

 

[ksjayhawks]

Glad to hear the good news!

 

[SleepyMom]

What wonderful news! Feels like a second lease on life doesn't it?

It does, it really does! DH and I both said as we were driving home on Monday from Rochester that neither of us ever expected that we would be doing that, we really thought we were there for at least 3 or 4 days, probably a week. Then to get the call 24 hours later that it was benign, when we were told it would be 2 to 3 days before we heard anything

DH joked that we really overpacked for a one night stay

Thanks everyone!

 

[Metsfan520]

Good news all around! Congrats to DD.

And karma is wonderful!